By Rabbi Sholom Avtzon
Last month I posted a story titled, “If the Rebbe said so, It is so.” A woman by the name of Malka (in order to protect her privacy I will keep other details unpublicized) noted that she was intrigued by the title, as she knows from personal experience how true that statement was, and therefore posed a question on what I wrote.
After answering the question, she then revealed to me her personal story and connection to the Rebbe. With her permission, in honor of the Rebbe’s 115th birthday, this upcoming Yud Aleph Nissan, I am sharing this most phenomenal story.
She related the following:
Unbeknown to me, I was adopted when I was an infant by religious Jews as their only child and was given a wonderful Jewish education. At that time, the records of adoption were sealed and my origin and birth parents were unknown and impossible to be discovered or revealed to anyone. When I was soon to be 12 years old (i.e. shortly before my bas mitzvah), my parents informed me for the first time that I am adopted. After much shock, we went to a great Rabbi (I don’t recall who it was) who explained that I needed to agree to become Jewish since my origin was unknown. I knew enough from my Jewish education that this was the completion of a conversion process.
I told the Rabbi that since it is my choice, I am not interested in being Jewish or going through the conversion ritual. My adopted parents, whom I still love greatly even after their passing, were visibly upset and told me that if I do not convert, I am assumed to be a non-Jew. I adamantly replied that it was fine with me, (after all that is how Hashem created me.) I stood firm in my decision, especially as I was extremely angry about not being told about my adoption until then, the possibility that I was not even Jewish, thus living a life that wasn’t meant to be which was false to my origins, and that my birth parents abandoned me. My adopted parents and the Rabbi tried hard to convince me, but I was not changing my mind. Finally, the Rabbi suggested to my parents that we go visit the Rebbe and ask his advice.
When we visited him, the Rebbe spoke to all of us and then asked if he can speak to me alone. I thought it was strange, but my parents agreed to step out of the room. The Rebbe then told me that I was born Jewish from Jewish parents who truly loved me and still love me from Heaven. He stated emphatically that they never abandoned me; rather they died in a car crash. He told me that it was G-d’s will (for whatever His reason was) that they died and I should be an orphan. He also told me G-d is the Father of all orphans and I am loved by Him.
The Rebbe told me that even if I don’t go through the conversion process and “convert” I am still 100% Jewish, since my birth mother was definitely Jewish. He then said that I should nevertheless convert, because that is what Jewish Law dictates that one should do in these circumstances, (as there are no two witnesses that can testify that my parents were indeed Jewish, since as noted in those years the adoption papers were completely sealed). However, it does not change the fact that I am Jewish, regardless.
This was news and somewhat of a shock to me, since the Rabbi, whom I met previously with my parents, stated unequivocally that if I did not convert, I would be regarded as a non-Jew. I guessed that is Jewish Law. But the Rebbe told me that I was still a Jewess. At that time I had no understanding of the Rebbe’s greatness, I just thought that he is following a lenient opinion. How was I supposed to know of his Divine ability of knowing my history in our first meeting, especially when absolutely no one else knew it?!
Then the Rebbe continued that he knows that I might not believe him and may think that it is a trick to get me to listen to my parents and remain Jewish, so he told me that if I ever go to a certain city (the Rebbe mentioned that city but once again for the sake of this woman’s privacy I am omitting it), I should visit the Jewish cemetery there and say a prayer for my parents that are buried there.
The Rebbe also asked me to promise three things: to always keep kosher, to keep Shabbos, as well as to try visiting him once a year. I left his room somewhat confused, yet less angry – after all maybe my parents did not abandon me as he stated. Thus, I finally agreed to “convert”, since according to the Rebbe I am Jewish anyways.
The fact that I lost my birth parents as a newborn was hard and I was struggling with it. And then just a few years after first meeting the Rebbe, tragedy struck again. In my mid-teens I lost my beloved adopted parents; it was unbearable. I became an orphan for the second time! That’s when I became real angry. I moved as far away from any Jewish life as possible – I lived in a small village that had no Jews. [see next weeks story]. However, I was still able to keep my promise of keeping kosher, because that can be achieved even in a gentile village by becoming vegetarian. I did not need to obtain meat or sea food, and in regard to fruits, vegetables, milk, and eggs, they are all kosher, as well as most packaged foods, breads, baked goods and many cheeses which come with some kosher symbols. On Shabbos, I don’t cook, use electricity, nor drive. I use the Shabbos for resting, exercising, reading, and meditating. That is the extent of my commitment to the Rebbe: basic kosher and basic Shabbos.
One year, during my annual visit, I was standing on the sidewalk in front of 770 in my usual spot. Some years as he would walk by, he would give me additional guidance concerning kashrus and Shabbos (or perhaps enhancing my observance of it, and demonstrating how one mitzvah is connected to all mitzvos.) while other years he would just acknowledge me. That year, when he was quickly walking to his car carrying a brown paper bag, he stepped down the two stairs to the sidewalk to pass by when I simply cried the word “Why?”
He recognized me right away, turned towards me, and immediately answered. (I am not sure of the exact wording or if this is exactly what he meant – but this is what I understood), “Your birth parents were good people but through no fault of their own, they were totally secular and unobservant. Hashem is also a partner in your creation; He is also your parent. He loves you and knew your soul needed to have kosher food and Shabbos during your formative years. You were entrusted to adoptive parents who gave you only kosher food and Shabbos to nurture your soul. That is why you must keep your promise to eat only kosher and keep the Shabbos.”
He then entered into the rear seat of his car and the car drove off. This entire interaction took perhaps 10-15 seconds but to me it felt like an hour.
Fast-forward many years later. I was able to get the records of my birth origin. NO ONE KNEW THIS INFORMATION BEFOREHAND. My parents were Jewish and indeed both were buried in the —— Jewish cemetery. It seems that they died on the same day in an accident when I was just a newborn. I kept my promise to the Rebbe. I still keep basic kosher, basic Shabbos, and had visited the Rebbe annually during his lifetime. I continue once a year to visit his grave in Queens and also my birth parents’ graves in —–.
I visited him every year then and once a year now. I visit his grave where I cry the whole time until there are no more tears. I then leave behind the pain as a comfort settles on me with a feeling of being connected to something greater than me. I am uplifted from despair as I internalize the message that the Rebbe told me so long ago. Hashem is my parent, and even this “rebellious” daughter, is Hashem’s daughter who is loved by Him and coming closer to Him by fulfilling my promise for decades.
In a follow up email Malka noted, “There is another side or different dimension to what we think we see and understand” – how did the Rebbe know? He knows all that is in this world AND the next world! To him it is so simple and as clear as reading a road sign. He simply identified who I am and my origin. He knew it with certainty. He knew that I was not abandoned by irresponsible parents (which is what I believed). He even knew how my parents died, where they were buried and the status of their non-observance. He also knew why G-d made me an orphan, why I was adopted by religious parents, and why it needed to be that way and no other way! He knows why G-d does what He does, and he explains it when it needs to be explained. This is not human logic nor human intelligence, but “another side or different dimension to what we think we see and understand.” I don’t think anyone can fully grasp the implications of the story I shared with you. It isn’t a story of a “miracle”. In my story the Rebbe preformed no miracles! It isn’t a story of getting a blessing and it was fulfilled. It is simply a story of a human being who has unrestricted access to the divine.
————
Rabbi Avtzon’s note: After I offered Malka some Shmura Matza for this year’s seder, she replied: It’s interesting that you suggested and I am adding shmura matza to my kosher food commitment. You might wonder why I agreed so easily:
That’s what the Rebbe would often do. He told me one year that to make the food “fully kosher” I must make a proper blessing before eating it….another year he said that to make the blessing properly I should be washing my hands negel vasser…another year he said it is improper to eat a meal before first praying (I believe he was implying that snacks and drinks are okay but not a meal)…my main food was cooked rice which I hadn’t divulged to him, but nevertheless he knew, and one year he asked which blessing I make on the cooked rice? I told him the Guide to Blessings says to make “mezonos” and he gave a VERY HUGE smile and then suggested it would be better if I made a “shehakol”…one year he said that to be fully kosher, the dishes and utensils I use need to be immersed in the river near my house… another year he noted that all food and drink on Yom Kippur are not kosher…. And another time he informed me that it is not proper to eat a meal before the Chanukah candles are lit….almost every year he kept perfecting the commitment to shabbos and kosher eating, while connecting me to additional mitzvos though them. These exchanges took no more than 5 seconds, no more than a pause while he nodded in passing.
ANYWAY, THAT IS WHY I AM ADDING SHMURA MATZA – it’s part of my commitment to kosher food!
Part Two: The Time the Rebbe sent me a parcel – will be posted next week.
Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech in the United Lubavitch Yeshiva of Ocean Parkway and the author of numerous books. He is available to farbreng in your community and can be reached at [email protected] Additionally if anyone else experienced a situation with the Rebbe, or has an insightful story to share with the numerous readers of this column, please forward it to him to be publicized in due time.
#52, true, but as Malka wrote, we are no longer able to see him as before.
WE STILL HAVE A REBBE EVEN STRONGER THAN BEFORE
The 5th son/daughter not at the family seder table.
The 6th son also not at the family seder table who went looking for the 5th son and arranged a seder in some far-off location.
Where is Malka doing the sedars? Is she invited to Crown Heights or….? Who will have the honor of Malka’s company?
Simply saying that you are a princess – a bas melech, and keep your head up with jewish pride – gaon yaakov, and the tiara on our heads are the two crowns of naaseh vanishes – which you preserve. It is complimentary to you. Keep on.
#46 – Based on your logic, it follows that the day we “pass away” is the day Hashem decided the world can exist perfectly well without us?! Your logic is flawed.
#47 – I really don’t understand what you are saying!
Keep your head up Princess, don’t let your tiara fall.
The day you were born is the day Hashem decided that the world could not exist without you.
I love it & I’m sad hope to be able to understand it better I guess it will only be posible by getting closer to Hashemite & been more observant 👍
And suddenly I came across a NON-CHABAD website quoting the Rebbe that one can/should give a piece of cake and soda water for shlach monos here:
judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/35521/bottle-of-water-for-shaloch-manos
“Likutei Sichos – Lubavitcher Rabbi Zatzal says that one is Yotzei Mishloach Manos with a piece of cake and soda”
Likutei Sichos vol 2, pg. 537
I was being told how to do the shlach monos.
I did it EXACTLY as the Rebbe wrote: a piece of cake and soda water.
I found Rabbi Yair Hoffman’s article that water or seltzer is NOT acceptable for shlach monos here: 5tjt.com/a-primer-on-shalach-manos/ A Primer on Shalach Manos By Rabbi Yair Hoffman “The poskim have ruled that a lollipop is not considered chashuv for an adult, nor is a bottle of Poland Spring water or seltzer.” “Most authorities hold that one of the foods may certainly be a liquid (except for water), and this is the authoritative view.” More so, I saw further “Rabbi Shmuel Felder said that he personally asked Rav Elyashiv zatzal about this matter, and Rav Elyashiv answered that water and seltzer… Read more »
Copying email exchanges –
Rabbi Avtzon suggested:
Concerning motzei Shabbos I was advised to inform you that the proper thing would be to read it in your house even from a chumash or on the computer.
I responded:
Great advice: on the computer!
I found a video of the reading of megilah which I can follow along on-line in Hebrew (and English translation). This is perfect! Now I am READY for purim! I am o excited. I have a rattle for making noise when the video gets to Haman!!!
/www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJFBP6buK-E
Thanks for the brilliant idea!!!
You were never abandoned. You will never be abandoned. Thank you for haring with all of us. Now you are part of our one family of chassidim.
JUST NO WORDS
Seems Malka was only able to confirm her origin many years later. Even then, depending on the strength of the evidence discovered, some might not accept the proof as fully conclusive to allow marriage to a Kohen.
Why couldn’t Malka marry a kohen if it was later confirmed that Malka was Jewish from birth and the conversion which was done out of precaution was retroactively shown to have been unnecessary?
Malka (a queen),
I’m at loss of words about your story. I can’t remove it from my mind. My heart goes out for you to wish you the very best.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Malka,
What inspired me: the Rebbe telling you that Hashem is your father. I was orphaned also, B”H not as young as you. It comforts me that Hashem is my father and He loves me.
The other , that the Rebbe didn’t criticize you for not doing more religiously, and just gave you one new thing to take on each year; he was so kind and gentle .
I wish much Hatzlacha and healing.
Malka, you inspired me and then I saw the details you added, and I am beyond inspired. I am making a hachlata to add more hiddur to my mitzvos. You are my hero. Rivka N.
Mar Shmuel was an astronomer that said: I am as familiar with the paths of heaven as with the streets of Nehardea, with the exception of the comet, about which I am ignorant.
Talmud, Berachot 58b
He knew the PHYSICAL “paths of heaven” – not “Heaven” (the ways of Hashem), it was said regarding a heavenly comet!!
Years ago when the Rebbe would sometimes give me instructions on enhancing my commitment to kosher and shabbos he once cryptically mentioned to one day make an eruv around my property under the guidance of a rov. There are no jews in my village, much less a rov. It didn’t make any sense to me. This year, as the weather is getting warmer, I decided it’s time to enjoy on shabbos my yard, water front and dock. Reading and snacking outdoors would enhance my enjoyment of shabbos. I started learning all the rules of an eruv… Figuring out the rules… Read more »
Sharing details: Rabbi Avtzon suggested that I should hear the Megillah. After arguing with him that Purim is actually a sad and tragic day for Esther, who like me was an orphan and then further lost her adopted father and husband Mordechai when forced to live with a gentile and bear him a child…how can we be joyous at the expense of another’s pain and suffering? ! Besides, the closest shul is 1 1/2 hour drive and I would need to leave after shabbos, and miss it…Rabbi Avtzon suggested I read the Megillah myself for Saturday night and indeed I… Read more »
The gemarah says that “it is clear to me the paths of Heaven like the streets of Nehardea (where he lived)”.
This was the most inspirational and emtional evoking article that I ever saw. As others already asked the author for further details of things mentioned, I hope Part 2 includes them and is as riveting as Part 1. I pray for a happy ending to her dramatic life story. I join others in wishing Malka – chazak, be strong, be stronger and strengthen others. Amen.
Don’t be bittered by hashems ways…he loves you more then you’ll ever know. We do not understand he ways all the time. The rebbe told you why your parents and adopted had to go. That already was hashems way to comfort you. Nothing that he does it without a reason and it’s all for our best. Even when we humanly can’t comprehend. I can personally relate a little bit to you, asmy father was homicide when i was only 10 months old.Yet i thank hashem for he knows what’s best. It was tought yet it was from hashem!
You are a malka – a queen. Royalty. Majesty. Come back home to your people.You will be welcomed with open arms. My child, I have children and grandchildren. I would ne happy to include you as one of my own. And if you are too old to be my child, then be my sister. You belong here.
We all miss the Rebbe.
Oh Rebbe, Oh Rebbe we miss you
How long can this golus continue…
Ad mosai!!!
Daloy golus!
Enough is enough!
We want Moshiach NOW!!
Auto correct: I miss the Rebbe so much. Hashem, enough already.
My life is like Iyov’s and I ran away like Yonah. Enough. Father, the Rebbe told me you love me. If you live me so much, you sure have a strange way of showing it.
About Purim and the eruv. Does Malka live in England or did Rabbi Raskin visit her gentile town to build her eruv? How did the Rebbe guide her shlach monos? We need to know.
This story took place before the days of :”therapy”. Parents shared veey little with their children. I was shocked and hurt and questioned everything including being Jewish. Yet Hashem wasn’t done with me. He took away my birth parents and then my adoptive parents. He also took away my shidduch and soul mate who couldn’t marry me because he is a Cohen. And like the story of Iyov, Hashem kept going at me. He even took away my Rebbe, the only anchor I had left. I was no longerable to see him. I became so angry at Hashem. I rebelled.… Read more »
Malka, i’m just wondering if you would advise adoptive parents to inform the child that s/he is adopted right from the start. So s/he never doesn’t know. to avoid that awful shock.
Thank you for sharing ! Super inspiring and looking forward to part 2 !!!!
You certainly can!
Basic emmunas tzaddikim: Hashem reveals His plans to tzaddikim.
A Rebbe is more than just a tzaddik: Atzmus melubash b’guf.
Whatever Atzmus knows, he also knows.
Goosebumps. I am so inspired. I have shared story with all my contacts.
Thank you for sharing.
“He knows all that is in this world AND the next world! ”
You cannot say such a thing! There have been great tzaddikim with ruach hakodesh in Klal Yisrael, but the ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ALL is Hakadosh Baruch Hu!
Thank You Malka for sharing your story.
I will share it with others, the lessons are many.
May Hashem bless you to find real happiness.
waiting to hear the second half.
A Kosher and freilichen Pesach!
Baila
I first went to speak to the rebbe at womans convention in june 1967. I was 18 living in a non observant home and struggling to be frum. As the rebbe was answering my letter i was thinking i will lie to my mother about lubavitch. The rebbe looked right at me and said “dont lie to her. Everything will be ok after rosh hashana.” He was correct as my mother wsd niftar suddenly a few weeks after i was by the rebbe and after rosh hashana i was part of the lubavitcher community
Thank you for sharing
Sydney Australia
Finally a story with no negative comments ..
It is beautiful and enlightened my heart.
Powerful
Hashem guided your footsteps to our rebbe a few years just before you lost your adopted parents. The REBBE knew you needed someone and he was there….
Dear Malka,
Thank you for the courage to bravely share your painful yet uplifting story.
This story moved me to my core.. unbelievable.. I look forward for the follow up segment iyh.. and please add the part about the Eruv in England..
We love you <3
Thank you for sharing this wonderful, touching story. Its beauty lies partly in the fact that it is not a regular ‘miracle’ story, but a story of depth, constancy, caring, and human growth. Makes me love my Rebbe even more (if that is even possible). I am saddened by the terrible loss you have suffered in life, but you are part of our ‘family’!
All too many of us have the question from the depths of our heart of “WHY?” But for most of us, we simply have to rely on the knowledge that HaShem runs the world – which is the true answer, but doesn’t give us the comfort that we little human beings need. Yet the Rebbe directly shared with Malka the Divine understanding that he had of her particular situation ! Quite amazing and though the words aren’t “right” – I am jealous !! May we have the Geula Shlema now so that all of our questions will be answered and… Read more »
This story is amazing on so many levels. What moved me most was the love and care the rebbe has for this incredible women.
Rabbi S. Avtzon is the best. We should have more of his stories published every week. They are authentic, inspiring, and they keep us more connect. Thank you.
Please in the future post a printing link or PDf as JEM does very helpful for the shabbos table.
Thank you,
YY
tears to my eyes, the rebbe says many times that the hard times l suffered will be revealed in time, thank you
What is so great about my story?! As I wrote you and you quoted me, there were no miracles preformed in my story (like in many other stories), rather it is merely a small appreciation of who the Rebbe was. I knew others would not fully appreciate my story. It is a simple story that shares how the Rebbe knows far more than what any normal person is able to know. It simply demonstrate that he had unrestricted access to divine knowledge. On a basic level, it is something like a person blessed with ESP. But that is NOT the… Read more »
Thanks very much, very clear and meangingful