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Wednesday, 26 Adar I, 5784
  |  March 6, 2024

Should Engagement Announcements Include the Shadchan?

Question of the week: Journalist Yedidya Meir saw a newsletter in Monroe where the shadchan's name is mentioned on each announcement of an engagement. Could this help solve the shidduch crisis? Full Story

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Def!
August 16, 2022 5:32 pm

Please also add the most recommended dating spots

Not so great
Reply to  Def!
August 16, 2022 6:05 pm

So that everyone ends up at the same spot because it was the latest thing posted?

Dating spot
Reply to  Def!
August 17, 2022 7:18 am

There is already frum dating spots sites

Shadchan
August 16, 2022 5:34 pm

I think it’s a great point, it could encourage people to contact that shadchan and it’s a display of hakoras hatov which is a duty by Torah.

Interesting idea
August 16, 2022 5:38 pm

Sometimes there are 2 shadchanim, the one who came up with the idea and the one who dealt with the technical…

Good point
Reply to  Interesting idea
August 16, 2022 5:49 pm

I think it should include both – if the idea came from someone else, it should say “Suggested by XXXXX, facilitated by YYYYYY.”

Doubtful
Reply to  Good point
August 18, 2022 10:13 am

Maybe we could also share the entire story so everyone can have great hakaras hatov for the aibishter’s wonderful hashgachah pratis

Yes!!
August 16, 2022 5:38 pm

Let’s give credit to those who work hard!

Problem:
August 16, 2022 5:47 pm

What if someone didn’t have a shadchan…?
Vd”l

You can write
Reply to  Problem:
August 16, 2022 6:42 pm

N/A or have an anonymous option.
In general I like the idea. You can tell people are hesitant to a new idea but if it’s for the right intentions its bound to be very helpful to so many….

Sort of
Reply to  You can write
August 16, 2022 11:27 pm

This happens to be a good idea. But not always are “the right intentions” helpful in any way. Something to consider.

bad idea
August 16, 2022 5:49 pm

i heard of a shidduch that 4 shadconim were taking credit for and the family was worried about ayin hara paid them all
one first mentioned the name from the list and thats it
the second recommend it and didnt follow up
the third was a friend who knew both and told the parents
the fourth dealt with the details

Lol
August 16, 2022 5:50 pm

That’s the most yentish way to out the yentes among us

Esther Michael
August 16, 2022 5:59 pm

I personally am think it is a horrible idea!!

Why ??
Reply to  Esther Michael
August 16, 2022 11:20 pm

Do you feel this way ?

resident
August 16, 2022 5:59 pm

IT will lead to more machloikes and loshon hara, My name was published, hers was but i did the work etc etc etc. Please lets not do this. Not a good idea. Or ask DAAS TORAH.

Not for us to decide
August 16, 2022 6:04 pm

Its a question for a Rav?

Dass Toirah
Reply to  Not for us to decide
August 17, 2022 10:04 am

Certainly.

Thank you!
August 16, 2022 6:07 pm

Great idea. Get them to be more motivated

Great idea!
August 16, 2022 6:15 pm

If one wishes to keep it private or there was none can simply not include in the announcement

a shadchan
August 16, 2022 6:24 pm

obviusly its only right that the shadchan be posted, it is specificly through recegniton that others can reach out to us. in general in chabad there is a lack of recognition for shadchanim, no charidys for our families, retreats for networking etc.

You must be kidding
Reply to  a shadchan
August 16, 2022 7:28 pm

Have you seen a charidy for the local real estate broker?! Some shidduchim require a lot of input, others take the suggestion and run with it, involving the shadchan only for the first few dates and as little as necessary. A flat “expected” fee is still [usually] paid, sometimes resulting in a quite high hourly rate for the effort put in for that particular shidduch. B”H – the eibishter looks out for you and your family. Why would you even want to have a tzedaka campaign on behalf of your family???

Full-time working woman
Reply to  a shadchan
August 17, 2022 12:14 am

My understanding is that shadchanim receive “shadchanus gelt” as compensation for their hard work. Isn’t that enough? I also work hard as a clinical therapist at a Jewish non-profit, make my salary and don’t get public recognition (nor do I need it!).

well...
Reply to  Full-time working woman
August 17, 2022 10:06 am

Sounds like you should get it……

Considerate
August 16, 2022 7:18 pm

Only with the written approval of both sides and the shadchan

Highly impractical
Reply to  Considerate
August 16, 2022 10:45 pm

Would take so much effort to do that for every single shidduch announcement

Do we even have shadchanim?
August 16, 2022 8:01 pm

Might work if we had shadchanim.
At the moment we have FACILITATORS not shadchanim.

A shadchan is someone who invests time and effort trying to create shiduchim.

A facilitator is someone who is ready to call the other side if you bring them a name. And for that they ask for a boatload of money.

Currently, 99% of all shiduchim are by friends and family.

Good point
Reply to  Do we even have shadchanim?
August 16, 2022 9:22 pm

All the more reason why it should be published… both the one with the idea and the facilitator. It might motivate shadchonim to make more valuable suggestions!

True!
Reply to  Do we even have shadchanim?
August 16, 2022 10:15 pm

shadchanim today hardly put effort in to the finding of a match. they answer a few questions on a website and just hand over whatever suggestion comes up, without actually taking the time to think whether it truly is compatible. computer algorithms are no match for a human brain

so often i get a text from a complete stranger saying “im a shadchan, here’s a suggestion” without even asking me what i am looking for.

Wow that’s so true
Reply to  True!
August 17, 2022 8:46 am

I don’t even listen to their rec unless I met with them in person and they know me/what I’m looking for

not a good idea!
August 16, 2022 8:42 pm

Besides the official shadchan or shadchanim, there is usually another person, helping both sides, if necessary, or one side, that more times then not, the shadchan doesn’t even know about. Usually that person has a big part in the shidduch happening, albeit with zero credit already.This will only cause instigate more negative feelings. To be more precise today, when a shadchan makes a suggestion, for e.g., if there is a friend in the equation, we will ask them to get involved, and try to help out. Many times, they are the one, who actually is responsible, for making the shidduch… Read more »

How about,
August 16, 2022 8:51 pm

…No?

Mr M
August 16, 2022 8:51 pm

I believe its the worst idea … Firstly we payoff the Shadchan right away as it brings down to get them out of the way — you where paid and that’s all we got it from here….I think once its about getting mentioned and the Ego gets involved its a recipe for disaster.

So many questions
August 16, 2022 8:58 pm
  1. What if I didn’t use a shadchan?
  2. What if multiple sources contributed to the shidduch?
Recognition!
August 16, 2022 9:43 pm

One commentator mentioned a lack of recognition in CHABAD community toward shadchanim only to be followed by some nasty comments…not only is there lack of recognition, but there is the opposite. People are constantly bashing and bad mouthing shadchanim. As a shadchanit who works 20 hours a day trying to help our community-literally eating and sleeping with shidduchim, I find this very offensive. I understand people are desperate and frustrated, but please understand that we are human and doing our best to help. It is not humanly possible for one Shadchan to help thousands of people so some people will… Read more »

This is the problem
Reply to  Recognition!
August 17, 2022 11:39 am

All due respect you sound like ur amazing at what u do but shadchanim with attitude like yours don’t make it easy for singles.

You sound passionate but from reading ur comment I would not use you. 🤷‍♂️

Good idea
Reply to  Recognition!
August 17, 2022 5:44 pm

And while we’re at it, a little PSA to Shadchanim to be nice back.
שלום על ישראל

not appropriate, who said chosson kalla even want
August 16, 2022 10:49 pm

many nowadays have forgotten what privacy means
and thrive on knowing all about everyone else

Many skeptics w all sorts of reasons
August 16, 2022 11:18 pm

One this is done in BP and willy and monsey for a year now
The Simcha are called in by the families themselves
Not all write the shad hand but most shadchanim are thrilled when they walk down the street and get the thumbs up…

just because something is done
Reply to  Many skeptics w all sorts of reasons
August 17, 2022 11:20 am

just because it’s done, doesn’t mean its the right thing to do

If we want shadchanus to become corrupted
August 17, 2022 7:31 am

Then sure why not

mazal tov to all the chassanim and kallos
August 17, 2022 11:39 am

mazal tov to all the chassanim and kallos listed in the newspaper

binyan bayis adei ad

Hmmm
August 18, 2022 1:08 am

Do Shadchanim really do it for recognition? The whole think seems a little strange/ tacky to me…

Doubtful
August 18, 2022 10:12 am

Contemporary shidduchim are often complex processes facilitated by numerous people, often including friends, family, community, the bochur and girl’s mashpiim, and many others. Very often a shadchan will play just a facilitator’s role. Additionally, encouraging the commercialization and commodification of shidduchim may not have the desired results. Instead of commercialization, the route should be encouraging everyone in the community to be on the look out for potential matches among their single friends who are of age, and to work on strategies to deal with the communal, cultural, and psychological that often serve as a deeper impediment to shidduchim.

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