Rocha’s Worthy Bridal Suite

Told at the shloshim of Rochel Pinson obm by her neice

When I think of Rocha, I think of her strong connection to the Rebbe. Rocha had dreams of the Rebbe, and dreams of Zeide. Why was she zocheh to such special dreams? Maybe it’s an indication of what was on her mind during the day.

Dreams stimulate the largest and most creative part of the mind. Using that part of the brain at night keeps it active and accessible during the day. Suddenly the person will pop up with an idea or solution. Anyone who knew Rocha, knew that she had the benefits of someone who dreams. She had a creative instinct that gave her deep insights which she shared with all of us. She was not limited by just the here and now.

The power of a dream, though, is all in the interpretation. This is where Rocha was an excellent dreamer. Not just that she had
excellent dreams, about the Rebbe and Zeide, but that she interpreted her dreams, and other people’s dreams, as excellent. If we perceive a dream as good, then it leads to good results. She had that same effect on people. When you sat with her you got the feeling that she was giving the positive interpretation of who you are, and it changed you for the better.

When I think of Rocha I think of love. Her siblings, children, grandchildren, children-in-law, nieces, nephews, friends all saw themselves through her loving eyes and it changed them. So many people felt this way. She found something in you that she saw as amazing. I have never seen her compliment someone untruthfully, but she always complimented. If she thought you were beautiful, she told you so. If it wasn’t your face, then it was your clothes, or your bracelet, or your nail polish.

It didn’t matter. She saw what was beautiful and told you about it. She would discover an aspect of your personality that was admirable and was quick to point it out to you. She had no inhibitions in telling you how much she admired you.

Interestingly, when you praised her in return she would always respond with delighted shock and humility, truly surprised that something so nice is said about her.

When I think of Rocha I think of her home. When I imagine her, it is hard to recall her in any other setting except her home. I think of her dining room table, with Nochum, tzu lange Yohren, at the helm, which is populated with all sorts of people: frum, not frum, baalei tshuvah on all levels, quiet, drunk, old, young, Sephardi, Ashkenazi – there was no barrier. Rabbonim, oligarts, pilots, dentists, palm readers, actresses, athletes, all find a place for themselves at the dining room table. I think of the Succah where Zeide farbrenged all night.

I think of Rocha’s kitchen table and I remember women sitting and learning together. When the Rebbe said it’s up to us to bring Moshiach, I remember the women sitting around the table and plotting and scheming on how we are going to do this. It was thrilling.

When I think of Rocha I think of rachmanus. If she would be in conflict with someone or if you told her about some challenge you were having with someone, she would ultimately employ her rachmanus to dispel any feelings of anger. She did this skillfully. Instead of saying “look how terrible he is”, she would say, “look how broken he is.” When you have rachmanus on another, there is no room for sinah. You would actually find yourself wishing that person well.

When I think of Rocha I think of inspiration. There were many baalei tshuvah who came through her doors. Once I asked her, where do you find these women? How do they find you? She answered that every Sunday morning she would go to Machon Chana, sit on the couch and talk to the girls. She did this routinely for many years, visiting these girls who lived in the dorm and were mostly surrounded by others like themselves or teachers. Rocha brought something precious to them. Besides showing them an attractive image of what a frum woman can be, she showed them love, the love that Rocha is so famous for, interested in who you are as a person, really caring for your wellbeing. She would ask the questions not everyone asked: “How do you like it here, but really? What do you miss? What’s good? What’s exciting for you? She would talk to them about the Aibershter, and they would listen to her and become more and more enthusiastic about Yiddishkeit.

I think that something else drew Rocha to Machon Chana all those years. She wanted to hear their stories, about how they got to Yiddishkeit, because it amazed her. She loved to hear about their spiritual journey. So, while she inspired them to keep on growing, they inspired her and she loved to be inspired. This she did not hide from them, and that is the biggest gift she gave. That someone new to Judaism can inspire someone who lived it their whole life, was a tremendous boost for them. They couldn’t get enough of it and followed her home to make her part of their lives.

I think of Rocha davening. Not only did she know she must pray, to me it seemed like she also knew how. She once shared with me a little prayer that she said (I’m not sure on what occasion). It was a short one-liner: for all the cholim there should be a cure, all the ravakim and ravakot should have their shidduch, and anyone who has any needs should have them fulfilled.

Once, maybe fifteen years ago, we were sitting together at one of the Bais Rivkah productions and she asks me, “What are your favorite words in tehillim?” I have never given this any thought and had no answer. She said, “Do you know what mine are?- Va’ani evtach boch”. And she quietly started singing it there, in the dark, with a gleam in her eye, like she knows something.

We know her as a daughter, honoring her parents, Bubbe and Zaide, bringing to her home with Nochum, tzu lange Yorhen, for Yomim Tovim. We know her as a wife, mother and grandmother. We know her as a baby sister, always beloved, always young. As for me, I knew her as an aunt of so many adoring nieces and nephews. I will always miss her, I will never forget her, and I will continue to learn from her throughout my whole life.