By a father
On a recent vacation upstate, twelve-year-old Shalom stood outside on a large rock, with a small parcel in his hands. From inside the house, my wife watched as he gazed out into the mountains, calmly, sweetly, looking down every few seconds at what he held.
His brand-new Tefillin.
A year ago, I wrote about our decision to put Shalom in the care of a private Melamed. Despite our son’s struggles in a larger school, it was not an easy decision. His learning challenges, while very real, are not immediately obvious or overly severe, and he was doing okay socially, Boruch Hashem.
But the tension this little boy carried with him every morning onto the bus! The weight that came tumbling home with him at the end of the day!
We’d watch Shalom spend every ounce of energy trying to learn faster and digest more. But every win in “keeping up,” came with a desire to be done with it all. It became a heartbreaking cycle: he didn’t want to give up, cried that he is stupid, barely managed to achieve, wanted to give up.
“Zu Torah v’zu schorah?” Could treading water like this at 10 years old set him up to live and love Yiddishkeit as an adult?
We took a step back to consider what “a chassidishe chinuch” meant in generations past. Was it an endless race to become an “ilui”? Was it a focus on covering more ground, regardless of each student’s strength in the foundations?
With the guidance of top-tier mechanchim, we hired a Melamed to teach Shalom and one friend, creating our “micro-Cheder.”
Our focus is on depth and connection over speed and quantity, with the conviction that טוב מעט בכוונה מהרבות בהם שלא בכוונה—better a little bit directed carefully than an overwhelming amount with no destination.
Today, we are blessed to have four superb mechanchim guiding our boys in Limudei Kodesh and in life-skill general studies.
Boruch Hashem, Shalom and his friends (now there are a few boys) are each excelling beautifully at their individual paces and quantities. For example, while “grade-level” in mainstream schools may cover 7 or 8 blatt this year, our boys each deeply acquired about a blatt, gaining lifelong appreciation for the structure, style and centrality of Gemoro in the life of Yid.
Most remarkably, the “micro” setting leads our boys to have meaningful and mature hashkafa conversations with their Melamdim—something almost unimaginable in a class of 25-30 boys. In the mold our Rebbeim describe of the Melamdim in Russia, our boys are absorbing Yiddishkeit as a relevant, essential and personal source of life.
The image of Shalom cherishing his Tefillin reinforced to us we made the right choice. The tension and fear is gone. In its place, the look of a pure, joyful and devoted Yid blossoms.
We owe so much gratitude to a host of top-tier educators and therapists who relate to our mission and guide us in both academics and child development with absolute dedication.
We’re particularly grateful to Rabbi Yehoshua Lustig, menahel of Oholei Torah, whose steadfast support is a treasured gift.
Now starting our third year, we’d love to answer questions from parents whose son fits our son’s profile. And we are open to accepting a few more boys in the pre-Bar Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah stage.
To honor “Shalom’s” privacy, we remain anonymous. To contact us privately, please WhatsApp (201) 389-8614.
What’s the cost
Priceless
It’s all about the money ,if people had money they would open up more schools.
All these parents either have a lot of money to afford it or they only have 2/3 kids.
Kol hakavod to these parents for doing exactly what their son needed!!!
This is what the new generation of parents is all about, not being passive, thinking out of the box.. better put in the effort in your child now then wait till there is a problem down the line. A change for the positive when your child is young has tremendous benefit in their later teen years and well beyond. Will save you plenty of agmas negesh.
This is a brilliant concept.
“Shalom” is lucky to have such dedicated parents.
Much Hatzlacha!
in our current frum society of worrying about what others will think and say etc etc its so refreshing to see brave parents making individual decisions based on what there kids needs rather that what the ‘system’ says. i am so in awe of rabbi lustig who is the head of a big system .. but recognizes that not all systems are good for all people .. another brave pioneer. i feel our new generations will be in good hands with these leaders. thx
My heart is overflowing at such a pure love of a father and mother whose only concern is that of the spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental health of their child, and nothing of their own reputations and keeping up with the Joneses. So beautiful!
As a teacher concerned about the ill-fated philosophy that one way fits all learners, I am very impressed with the way these parents dealt with a difficult situation. I only wish that quality training were provided for teachers IN school to understand what accomodations and differentiated instruction mean. They can offer students who may not learn best within a traditional teaching model with its limitations. Just as we have advanced with technology, we need to advance with knowledge in learning differences and the strategies to address them.
I am so impressed with you and your wife for truly listening to and addressing your son’s needs in such a creative way! May you have much Yiddishe, Chassidishe Nachas from him ❤️
A Mechaneches
Don’t be afraid of others, do what is good for your child in every situation.
Unbelievable! Extremely impressive initiativeby these parents. Kol hakavaod
It’s too costly for most parents. You are, in effect, supporting one or maybe even two mechanchim who need to raise their own families on what you are paying them.. Unless you’re employing a retired melamed with a pension of his own, or an inexperienced bochur, who is willing to do this for what amounts to pocket money, I don’t understand how the average Totty and/or Mommy can sustain such an ongoing expense. That being said, the idea is certainly a great one.