Rabbi Yakov Saacks, The Chai Center, Dix Hills, NY
It was a beautiful warm spring day, a picture-perfect one where the sun and breeze cooperated to the fullest extent. Not too hot, not too cold – just breathtakingly gorgeous. It was a perfect day for a wedding and a wedding we had.
Lag B’omer 2020.
I would have never dreamt that my wife Zoey and I would be standing under our son Mendy‘s wedding canopy all decked out in our wedding best. My wife looking beautiful in her long flowing gown and me well, a new hat, while both wearing bright sky-blue masks that covered our smiles.
Under the Chupah I held steadfastly onto two very precious items. The first being the wedding band that my son had entrusted to me to hold until the right moment. The second, just as precious, was a bottle of Purell – hand sanitizer.
You see, this private wedding took place during the Covid–19 pandemic. Only close family members were invited such as the bride and groom’s parents, siblings and one or two aunts and uncles. There was no dancing, not even a one-piece band, all because of social distancing.
Both the chazzan/cantor and the Rabbi stood from afar assuring that social distance was being kept and most of the guests (sadly, not all) wore masks or a bandana printed with the names of my son and his new wife as a wedding memento.
In past weddings for my other children, there was literally pandemonium. There were hundreds of guests cheering and celebrating, a rocking band (yes, very loud), gallons of alcoholic beverages consumed, and an event that lasted for hours upon hours.
Don’t get me wrong, this wedding was extremely festive, albeit without the racket. It was a very though, a very different experience. True, I was concerned whether I would feel that I lost out on an opportunity to celebrate and share my second son’s wedding. I was equally worried that my son and new daughter-in-law Mushkie would feel cheated out of a huge wedding and party.
Here is the fascinating thing to me. Not even for a millisecond have we looked back with regret. Not that we had much choice during a pandemic, but my wife and I felt that everything was perfect. Neither during or after the wedding did we feel badly. On the contrary, it was a Kiddush Hashem, a sanctification of Hashem’s name.
I learned quite a few things from this experience:
1. I learned to let go. Not everything will always go as planned. Sometimes you just need to simply let go. A true lesson in humility.
2. Larger is not always better. Aside from the Covid anxiety, there was much less stress. Our new daughter’s family prepared everything to the tee, from the spiritual preparations to the ice cream. Another silver lining, we did, in fact, save a few shekels which in turn we will give to the newlyweds.
3. Our community, friends, peers and family understood. This was a great concern. So many people knew my son from when he was literally a baby. I was initially upset, but the support I received from the community where I am the Rabbi and from family and friends was heartfelt and appreciated.
4. You can tell someone is smiling even though they wear a mask that covers the nose and mouth. The eyes change and get smaller and you feel the smile even though you don’t see it.
5. We received so many blessings from so many people. There were hundreds who watched the wedding live-streamed and the comments and well wishes were overwhelming. I realized that the blessings, like this dreaded Covid, came from all over the world and not just from where the Chupah was situated.
All those that bless shall be blessed – in double measure.
From the Kinn family
What a beautiful article putting things into perspective. Mazal Tov! Mazal Tov from your friends in Beautiful British Columbia. May the young couple be zoiche to all the Rebbe’s brochois and may their simcha hasten the geula!
There are a few good lessons to be learned from Covid19. Hopefully, they will remain with our community long after this is over. !) Extravagant l’chaims are a total waste of money and completely unnecessary. I’m married B”H over 30 years, and my “vort” was a beautiful, self-catered evening in my parent’s dining room. 2) Family and friends should wish well and understand, that weddings are more meaningful and enjoyable without the “gallons of alcoholic beverages” and everyone you are related to, live near, happen to know, work with, etc in physical attendance – even if “just” for the (costly… Read more »
As the author of the original post, I wish to clarify a couple of things. You seem to have seized on the negative rather the positive of what I wrote. 2. When there are 500 people at a wedding, there are copious amounts of alcohol. wine, mashke, etc. 3. The older I get, the louder the music seems to be. 4.Agreed 10000% 5 & 6. I could not disagree more. There is a pandemic and 300,000 lives have been lost. I personally know over 100 of them which is a nauseating number. Masks protect people from death. I hear the… Read more »
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May you have much mazel in all your endeavors
May the path be a good one for both of you with the shchuna of Hashem always be shining upon you
I’m glad that you married your kids and not delayed the wedding. I guess all our great bubby were doing only family members and then dancing or farbrengen with something small where all were around The newlyweds and not just a party …. I would love if all our community will go back to simple leibedik Simhas and not disco night clubs …. yes some families that struggle to come with all budget for fancy event will save the bill and help couple to start right – the new fashion of how Simha should be must come from the Heads… Read more »