Create Account
ב"ה
Thursday, 17 Sivan, 5779
  |  June 20, 2019

    Rabbis Urge to Marry Young

    An unprecedented call uniting Chabad rabbonim and mashpi'im from around the world is calling on Lubavitch bochurim not to delay marriage. Full Story

    Mendel Oberlander, 20, OBM

    Next Story »

    Bomb Scare at Oholei Torah

    132
    Opinions and Comments

    To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
    avatar
      Subscribe  
    newest oldest most voted
    Notify of
    amen!
    Guest
    amen!

    may Hashem help our generation

    not for everyone
    Guest
    not for everyone

    and start without any source of income or anything?

    No World Bais Din
    Guest
    No World Bais Din

    The Rebbe DID NOT AUTHORIZE A GENERAL RABBINIC ORGANIZATION TO GIVE P’SOKIM or hatzois for all anash and tmimim.
    The Rebbe authorized 3 Chassidishe Rabbonim in each individual place naharah u’naharah u’pashta.
    Therefore 3 chassidishe Rabbonim in each and every place should be dan on individual places and each place should follow the words of their individual 3 Rabbonim
    AND THE REBBE’S WORDS WILL BE BEHATZLACHA RABA UMUFLAGA

    to 2
    Guest
    to 2

    yeps, that u should leave to G-d!

    bochur (want to get thoughts)
    Guest
    bochur (want to get thoughts)

    Im 20 yrs old frum chassdish i have a job and would like to get married but my surrounding tell me its to young and i have a mental and financial setup

    .#2
    Guest
    .#2

    Becuase if ur 24 you have a source of income? ( not necessarily)

    Cause for bochurim "Dropping Out"??!?
    Guest
    Cause for bochurim "Dropping Out"??!?

    The booklet lists the “later age” of marriage as a cause for ‘dropping out’. In reality, some students and children are already thinking this way already at age 14-16!

    Therefore, it is obvious that positive, Chassidishe parental role modeling, less hypocracy in our communities, TOP priority with Ruchnius, pnimius/internal focus (instead of external details), greater investment and priorities in Chinuch, better consistency in the schools, and MANY other factors are more of a source for ‘dropping out’.

    Let’s focus on those — We’ll get much better results!

    great idea
    Guest
    great idea

    Great idea! I think the whole system needs to be moved earlier. My father went on shlichus when he was 18 and was back already when he was 20. Nowadays, we only get back from Shlichus at 22! (and thats before semicha)

    I totally agree with this
    Guest
    I totally agree with this

    So many bochurim who are innocent when they are young and fresh out of yeshiva/smicha are turned into cynical guys who are looking for who knows what kind of wife, based on what they see in the non jewish media – all this can be prevented if they get married while they are still young and innocent and have the proper ideals.

    I also believe the same goes for the girls, the younger the better…

    to #2
    Guest
    to #2

    getting married later doesnt necessarily mean you have a more stable source of income
    i think the whole thing matters on the bochur and what he wants to do in his life (go on shlichus or get a job somewhere, etc.)

    yukel
    Guest
    yukel

    Some background should be given to this, over the past few years in Israel they instituted that instead of kvutze Israeli bochurim can stay in yeshiva another year since 770 becam overrun by the taliban. Some bochurim went on shlichus some smicha but generally it failed and it stopped this coming year. The biggest problem with this was that it was found that the bochurim who chose this path tend to get married at a much later age and it has major repercussions.

    THER IS NO STRUCTURE
    Guest
    THER IS NO STRUCTURE

    “Unfortunately, a situation has been created in recent years that Talmidei hatmimim, who are in the later phase of Yeshiva, don’t return to an appropriate structure in a Yeshiva. thats because thier is no

    put in perspective
    Guest
    put in perspective

    Our hashkofos of what marriage is all about have been messed up.
    A bochur should first and formost look for Yiras Shomayim not for Physical appearence. Of course a gilr should look attractive and decent but the most important ingrediant is her COMMITMENT TO TORAH. THE BOCERS FIRST COMMITMENT MUST ALSO BE HIS ADHERANCE TO MITZVOS.

    read the Rebbes words
    Guest
    read the Rebbes words

    Was always a necessary idea but especially now. The Rebbe has given answers to many parents that its important to do as in other groups and marry young.

    lost control?
    Guest
    lost control?

    We know that rabbonim only issue these things when they are loosing control.

    Listen to the rabbonim
    Guest
    Listen to the rabbonim

    You dont have to agree!!!! There should not be any discussion!!!If so many rabbonim signed its in your benefit to listen !!!!!

    What if...
    Guest
    What if...

    girls don’t want guys who are too young? What if I want a MAN not a boy? What then? Wait till there’s no one good left? And isn’t it a known fact majority of boys mature later than girls? How will a girl who doesn’t feel ready to have babies at 19 (and im not even saying married- cuz lots of girls say they want to get married at 19, but when they think of having to care for a child… they change their minds) manage to find guys that are still considerably older than her if that’s what she… Read more »

    This can begin the ending of the shidduch crisis
    Guest
    This can begin the ending of the shidduch crisis

    Just think about it. With each passing year our population increases. basically it is almost exactly half male and half female. So, let us suppose that all the boys age 23 marry all girls age 20, since there are less boys age 23, than there are girls age 20 who are not married; all the 23 year olds are taken, you have by default assured a self-imposed shidduch crisis. Now, let us bring down the age of the boys to basically the same as the girls, and we no longer have that gap in years, and there are more shidduchim… Read more »

     to #2
    Guest
    to #2

    When doing a Mitzvah don’t think about anything except the Mitzvah. Just DO IT and let the Hashem take care of the rest.

    THIS IS SMART!
    Guest
    THIS IS SMART!

    YOUNGER IS BETTER!- IN SOOO MANY WAYS!

    Not a bad idea
    Guest
    Not a bad idea

    I agree..for girls too. the longer they wait around the more likely the harder it is to stay focused on frumkeit (obviuously there are exceptions!)
    Young doesn’t mean at 17. But if a guy is finished with the “system” let him get married and settled down.

    How can they just Sign something like that
    Guest
    How can they just Sign something like that

    If the guy wants to go on shlichus then they should get married right away like all the rabbis have wrote. However, if the guy wants to start college, and go for a degree, it will be very hard working, doing school, and being married all at the same time. If you need proof, I have many guys with me in school who are married, and many of them drop out because they can’t handle the pressure. There is no, “one size fits all’ in this situation. If you are going to tell the working class of lubavich how they… Read more »

    People who will fry out, will fry out.
    Guest
    People who will fry out, will fry out.

    If they have a spouse and children it will make it that much more horrible for all involved. Yes, some people will feel “stuck” and that will hold them back, not from going fry, but from openly going fry. So all this will do is make some men wear their hats in public while their wives are miserable. Or it will make some women do whatever they do to pass for frum while their husbands rip their hair out. If people follow this, it is setting up huge misery for five years down the road. Also, the new trend is… Read more »

    To #17
    Guest
    To #17

    You make a good point and I thought the same as you when I was looking for a shidduch. I wanted someone “older” and more “experienced” in life!
    Well guess what, I married someone older but immature like crazy! I realized that age means NOTHING!! I see boys who are 20 and are VERY mature and I see men who are 30 who act like they’re 20 (and that’s if you’re lucky)
    So please don’t take age that seriously when you are looking for a shidduch!! Good luck!!

    What price victory?
    Guest
    What price victory?

    Who will support the young married couple? Is a fund being created with this ruling? Or are we suppose to go into crushing debt just like other chassidim? Mind you they don’t push parents into poverty with tuition.

    Shidduch group meeting's shadchan
    Guest
    Shidduch group meeting's shadchan

    B’H, finally the Rabbanim are standing up and TOGETHER lets brake this crisis. Please parents, mashpiim and melamdim encourage and prepare bochurim, yr kids to get marry early, as Rabbi Manis Friedman also recalled a year ago in his speech in Crown Heights.

    yes and no
    Guest
    yes and no

    Good idea for those who have rich supportive inlaws and parents, but not the case for those buchrim whose family dont have good money to be able to support them. Let a guy or girl decide that they want to set themselves a career or stable job that they can save money for themselves, future wife and IYH children. This is wrong to make it a halacha like this when most of the lubavitch population in this world has financial crisis. I urge those that can make a difference and change this to do so.

    ...
    Guest
    ...

    The Shadchan system was VERY different when these Rabbis were dating…

    Is this a psak or a suggestion?
    Guest
    Is this a psak or a suggestion?

    Does this mean that if a bochur or a girl doesn’t marry young for whatever reason, which could be a valid one, they are going agains a psak? That would be pretty harsh. don’t you think? I note that the rabbis “urge”. That doesn’t constitute a psak.

    Who am I?
    Guest
    Who am I?

    who am I to mix in when such a ddiverse group of Rabbanim and mashpiyim have agreed on a statement? but…. 1This can only work if boys are willing to marry older girls, 2 Attention should be put on PREPERATION for marriage 3 An alternative should be available for those who don’t or can’t find a shidduch at a young age, if allof the better boys are married, the rest of that age group loses out. 4 attention should be put on how to make the right choices when the yetzer horo strikes. We can’t only work on keeping the… Read more »

    I DO NOT AGREE
    Guest
    I DO NOT AGREE

    whos right was it to genralize and say that a bochur shall marry young thats why a lot of devorces happen and broken marridge because the child is not yet ready to deal with the responsibilty of takig charge of his and his familys life . i wouldnever take a paper and just sighn its not so easy to say 2 get married young this is SO unfair to singles it making them feel guilty for no reason some people who feel they can handle geting married young [gei gezunta hait] to them but you shouldnt genralize that you shall… Read more »

    To #3 #22 #23
    Guest
    To #3 #22 #23

    That is so thoughtful and insightful. As bright people with intelligent opinions, I have no doubt you are eager to bring your opinions the attention and deliberation they deserve. Well, today is your lucky day; the statement is signed by actual humans, with names and telephone numbers, and better yet, from multiple geographical locations! All you need do is determine the signatory closest to you, and for five minutes of your time and the price of a local phone call, you can have your concerns heard and addressed by the decision makers themselves! I assume the reason you haven’t done… Read more »

    Get Married This Year
    Guest
    Get Married This Year

    B”H
    Thank you Hashem for instilling this idea in the minds of our Rabbonim. I am a shaddchan and there are so many Chabad men and women who are waiting to get married, but they cannot find their bashert because the bashert is not yet willing to get married. Please, Chabad men and women, do your part and start your shidduch search. Certainly Hashem will help you if you exert enough effort. Register at [email protected]

    A E ANDERSON | Auckland, New Zealand
    Guest
    A E ANDERSON | Auckland, New Zealand

    With all due respect to the esteemed rabbis and roshei yeshiva, the mere provision of פת בסלו will not solve the complex social and economic problems occasioned by an exponentially-expanding אנ”ש population as it confronts the harsh realities of the economic marketplace. The yeshivos should offer expanded and extended zal programmes aimed at keeping the young men in a productive educational framework that concludes with a meaningful, useful (and accredited) credential that will allow them, together with their increasingly Touro-qualified spouses, to enter and succeed in the contemporary work environment. Marrying off young men (and women) before they are mature… Read more »

    #24
    Guest
    #24

    Do you even think before you put ink to the paper? You had a bad experience so you write off age as more less irrelevant. You can say that for you the focus on age did not work out as planned, but to say that age does not make a difference is ludacris.

    hear hear
    Guest
    hear hear

    finally rabbonim are actually taking a stand one something that is not politically motivated

    hahah hhahahah
    Guest
    hahah hhahahah

    hahahah ah ahhahahaha

    That’s so funny!

    Like us older singles CHOOSE to delay marriage…

    What silliness…!

    Um what about the girls?
    Guest
    Um what about the girls?

    ??

    Yes! This should really work!
    Guest
    Yes! This should really work!

    Well not everyone has to get married at this age (if its for money purposes or anything else) but at least for those that could, it shouldnt feel weird for them to get married at 20 (which is the reason men are not doing it now), but the opposite, it should be considerd the right thing.

    THE LETZER DOR SAYS...TELL IT THE WAY IT IS
    Guest
    THE LETZER DOR SAYS...TELL IT THE WAY IT IS

    WELL IF ALL THE SO CALLED GEZHER/SHPITZ LUBAVITCH WOULD NOT HOLD THEMSELVES HOLIER THAN THOUGH AS IF THEIR KIDS ARE BEYOND REPROACH AND NOONE ELSE IS GOOD FOR THEM….MAYBE…JUST MAYBE…MORE KIDS WOULDN’T BE HANGING AROUND WAITING FOR THAT SPECIAL SHIDDUCH!!!

    Utter stupidity
    Guest
    Utter stupidity

    The answer to having nothing to do is to get married? Really? That’s the basis on which to build a relationship and a marriage? How about addressing the real problem, and give boys something to do, something that will actually help them in their future lives. I am appalled, disgusted!

    To #5
    Guest
    To #5

    As written in the booklet:
    The Mishnah (Avos 5:22) clearly states: “One should marry at the age of eighteen.” The Gemora (Kiddushin 29b) states: “Until the age of twenty, G-d sits and eagerly awaits the time the person will marry a wife. From that time on, if he has yet to marry, G-d says, ‘tipach atzmosav,’ [i.e., ‘Let him fend for himself’.”]

    Hatzlacha Raba.

    financial burden
    Guest
    financial burden

    to those who are mentioning the financial burdens families face in these times, think of the yeshiva and seminary tuition this will save as this money will be used for weddings instead 🙂
    may we all celebrate many simchos bekarov mamesh!

    Happy mother
    Guest
    Happy mother

    The older they get, definitely the more complicated they get. The girls and boys. Getting married younger will surely help.

    Happy daughter
    Guest
    Happy daughter

    Agreed.

    My Rov did not sign
    Guest
    My Rov did not sign

    “mima nafshach” (either way):

    My Rov did not sign for one of two reasons:

    Either my Rov does not hold of this, and therefore I shouldn’t either;

    Or these signatories don’t hold of my Rov, and therefore I wouldn’t hold of their opinions either.

    As earlier as better !
    Guest
    As earlier as better !

    I complitly agree with no #44 !!!

    my biggest issue
    Guest
    my biggest issue

    My biggest issue in the pamphlet was their observation that “a bochur who can’t learn in yeshiva will stick it out for a few years since he knows it will all be over soon when he’s 20” Whaaaaat?!!! Did you say that you acknowlege

    my idea
    Guest
    my idea

    Maybe they should teach smicha in yeshiva, that would eliminate the years that that lead to this issue.

    (I personally believe a guy should be stable before marriage but that’s just me)

    Stupid, ignorant and evil
    Guest
    Stupid, ignorant and evil

    Dear Rabbis, before I say my piece I ask Mechila for insulting you, but guys you really hurt me. I wonder how did you come to such a conclusion? Did some stupid board guy harass you to sign on to this? Had you told us that after many sleepless nights of conferencing Roshei Yeshiva, girls school Principals, Rabbis, Shadchonim (good & bad), parents (broken hearted and not so broken hearted), and some of the victimized boys and girls along with some professional psychologists, etc., and then you came to some conclusion (good or bad), at least I would commend you… Read more »

    SOLID IDEA!
    Guest
    SOLID IDEA!

    My numbers tell me that would mean the need for another 1000 apartments in CH over the next 36 months, in the event we move the age lower. I see 2 major issues:
    1) How are the couples going to afford the 1,500 a month rent the avrege apartments are costing 2) the demand will create the rent to go even higher being that the most frum chassdish landlords are the ones that are demanding the highest rents. The only solution and I will not post it.

    Adamantly agree with 41
    Guest
    Adamantly agree with 41

    The answer to youth who are bored and have no direction in life is not to marry them off. There is absolutely NOTHING in this article that talks about preparing our young men for the responsibility of getting married. Let them spend the years from 20-24 or whatever the appropriate age for marriage is, preparing for some kind of career or trade. I’m not saying everyone needs to go to college. Go to a training program. Apprentice to an electrician, plumber or exterminator. I don’t care what you do, but make sure you have your parnassah situation figured out before… Read more »

    Problems and solutions!!??
    Guest
    Problems and solutions!!??

    I have personally been trying for years to help the system. 1. I have asked hanhala to address the needs of boys in the later years to discuss and prepare boys for marriage b’ruchnyius and emotionally. I was told clearly- NO- it will lead to yetzar harah thoughts. 2. I have personally tried to convince yeshlivos to make a 2 track program in yeshiva for those who learn a whole day and those who could use a 1/2 day of yeshiva and a 1/2 day of vocational or job training either because of learning difficulties or emotional difficulties or by… Read more »

    Also the girls
    Guest
    Also the girls

    At Bais Chana in Tsfat, the hashkofa is for girls to leave Seminary, preferably after year Beis, and then go and find a shidduch. No running all over doing shlichus work, but spending the energy in building their own homes, not the various shluchims’. Girls can get off track, too, if they don’t marry young.

    what im getting out of this...
    Guest
    what im getting out of this...

    We can make all of these statements, but at the end of the day… if majority of the girls and guys don’t want it, it’s not going to happen. The kids are not interested in it, because kids are more conscious about needing a way to support themselves first. Trying to marry kids off at a younger age won’t work, because the kids themselves don’t want to. The immature ones are dying to get married(or a girlfriend), but can’t hold down the responsibility. The mature ones are wise enough to realize what a massive responsibility and don’t think they are… Read more »

    Where Are The Shadchonim???
    Guest
    Where Are The Shadchonim???

    I agree with the statements made by the booklet, but NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, is in place to even begin to implement it. Let me explain: 1. When my daughters finished seminary, they were all excited and inspired to begin their lives building a Jewish family. However, no seminary I know of, begins to assist ALL the girls (regardless of their looks or their family’s money situation) with preparing for entry into the Shidduch scene. 2. The same holds true for the boys. Nothing is done (at least in the yeshivos my sons attended) to prepare the boys for entry into… Read more »

    Utter stupidity
    Guest
    Utter stupidity

    The answer to having nothing to do is to get married? Really? That’s the basis on which to build a relationship and a marriage? How about addressing the real problem, and give boys something to do, something that will actually help them in their future lives. I am appalled, disgusted!

    Chutzpah!!
    Guest
    Chutzpah!!

    The Rabbonim happen to have their position for a reason- perhaps they know a little bit more than you, have a bit more experience than you!! What happened to respect? You have the right to disagree, but to publicly mock the Rabbonim’s words?! Not ok.

    Stupid.
    Guest
    Stupid.

    Another asinine proposal that’s not worth the paper its written on. The system is useless, it doesn’t vest its students with any practical or usable skills. It produces mindless clones that have zero understanding of life’s challenges and sets the majority of its attendees up for a life of food stamps and medicaid. Let this “Baand” of “Moishiv Leitzim” come up with a real proposal, that will bring about real change.

    I understand...
    Guest
    I understand...

    Why today’s generation (I’m 31) believes that a nice size family is 4-5 kids. No more 8-10 kids family. Who can afford it with tuition the way it is— and then marrying them off…

    100 % Correct.
    Guest
    100 % Correct.

    thank you Rabbinim.

    boruch hashem
    Guest
    boruch hashem

    what has come to this generation that people think they have to get mnarried t 24. i got married at 18 and boruch hashem had time to have 20 kids knh kein yirbu if u get mnarried later u wont be able to fulfill the mitzva of pru urvu to its fullest.

    UMMMMMM
    Guest
    UMMMMMM

    I dont think this will end the crisis. Picky people will still be picky and quick to say no for no reason and then a 22 yr old girl will feel like an old maid………………

    to #46
    Guest
    to #46

    you’re so cute!!!!!!

    #29, they are ALREADY going against a psak
    Guest
    #29, they are ALREADY going against a psak

    It’s an explicit psak in Shulchon Oruch. Nothing these rabbonim could possibly write would be stronger than what the gemoro already says about any man who is not married by 20. Elo mai? We don’t always have a choice.

    But the halocho remains that a man’s CHIYUV to get married starts at 17 and he has 3 years in which to do so before he is transgressing. No rov can change that.

    what?
    Guest
    what?

    pure dumb!!!

    20 year old bochur
    Guest
    20 year old bochur

    i just got out of yeshivah (Finally!!) and i plan on staying single till i am ready financially and mentally i will not give into pressure from my parents shadchonim or any other old fool, just because they got married early and didn’t enjoy single life doesn’t mean i have to there are different stages in life and all stages need to be enjoyed i do not think its normal for a 20 year old KID to be responsible for a wife a kid and bills to all you haters of life i say to you mind your own business… Read more »

    To #42
    Guest
    To #42

    Never have I seen a more egregious mistranslation than yours!

    “Teiphach Atzmoisov” means “let his bones rot!”

    Delaying marriage past 20 is a serious matter, according to that Medrash, Hashem says, “let his bones rot!” (Kiddushin 29B.) I don’t know where you got the notion that “Teiphach Atzmoisov means, “Let him fend for himself.”

    Ridiculous
    Guest
    Ridiculous

    This is utterly ridiculous! Getting married at a young age will solve no problems, but rather create new ones. Some of these boys and girls are no where near the maturity level needed for a successful marriage. This idea is completely unrealistic, and I only hope no bad will come from this ignorant idea.

    to 51
    Guest
    to 51

    why should everyone need to live in ch?

    one learns by example
    Guest
    one learns by example

    why is everyone blaming schools for all their childrens problems?
    preparation for marriage is the example they see at home.
    preparation for handling money is the example they see at home. and may i say respect for rabanim may be the example they see at home?!

    your child

    This is a great idea
    Guest
    This is a great idea

    However will crown heights arrange for kollel housing, kollel
    paying normal salaries and on time, female teachers to be paid,
    vouchers for babysitting etc. Are we just going to throw our
    kids into marriage or are we going to do something to help
    them deal with the stresses that come with marriage

    to 68
    Guest
    to 68

    hey i was just copying my english translation of the booklet…

    25 year old bochur
    Guest
    25 year old bochur

    shucks, what do i do now?!? any ideas?

    concerned who will help financially?
    Guest
    concerned who will help financially?

    are you concerned who will help them financially?
    Perfect! Just get another psak from all these same rabonim that yeshivos and seminaries cant charge more than a X amount for toution and let the yeshivos fund raise themself and then parents should use that money to support their children for the 1st year or 2.

    deeper into the sand
    Guest
    deeper into the sand

    yeh. poeple are delaying marriage because there are too amny unknow.s

    sure – it’s better for judaism if poeple get married with less thinking, have kids, and due to inherent sense of commitment stay stuck for life. and so the older married rabbis who want to make sure their judaism remains, pull the younger ones off the cliif into their abyss.

    from a very Not Chasidishe Bachur.
    Guest
    from a very Not Chasidishe Bachur.

    #22 You are concerned for college, but in college you need the extra amount of protection from “Guard your eyes”.
    Thats even if you do not care about the Rebbes veiw point.

    not a new psak from the rabonim its 3324 year old
    Guest
    not a new psak from the rabonim its 3324 year old

    no need to scream at the rabonim, they didnt come up with this idea it starts in mishna gemoro and shulchan aruch to get married by 20, and you cant say the torah changes and halchas change, the rabam writes that every day after you turn 20, and not married you are being iover on a mitzvah!!!
    The rabonim are just reminding everyone.

    what about the year of Shlichus after zal?
    Guest
    what about the year of Shlichus after zal?

    is that supposed to be done away with?

    to 73
    Guest
    to 73

    nu fe…. english translation …..

    don't run away from the problem
    Guest
    don't run away from the problem

    marriage is not a bandaid
    fix what is wrong
    marriage is not a first aid kit

    The Divorce rate in W'Burg & B.Park
    Guest
    The Divorce rate in W'Burg & B.Park

    I’m in a profession that sees countless (frequently disenfranchised) “Chaseedishe” Williamsburgers and Borough Parkers who are divorced and depleted from having married so young – under communal and familial pressure. They often vow that they will not allow their own children to marry so young and/or without really liking the person they marry. And no, they do NOT all have axes to grind. They just learned from their own mistakes and want better the next time around and for the next generation. While marrying very young is not advisable, neither is waiting until your 30’s when you become for self-directing… Read more »

    rabbis
    Guest
    rabbis

    rabbi shwei osdobo and braun did not sighn on the psak

    Start Shlechus early
    Guest
    Start Shlechus early

    ATTN Rabonon: Start Shlichus and/or smicha 2 years earlier. Oh that will cut rebbe jobs and ruin parnosa? I thought that is from hashem. Oh you just tell that to the boys you don’t give a proper education/skills to.

    What a horrible idea
    Guest
    What a horrible idea

    While the Rebbe expressed a lament on the change in Ashkenazi marriage practices, he made no effort to implement changes. What He said in a private letter is different than a public instruction. True, The Gemara says that, but times have changed. The world we live in doesn’t allow for people to making decent livelihoods without education or training. There will never be enough jobs in Shlichus or Chinuch for everybody, and Kolel is NOT for everybody. (The Rebbe said that, not me. Also, there are far too many unqualified people in our untrained chinuch system vein kan mekomo leharich)… Read more »

    married young n' am happy b"h
    Guest
    married young n' am happy b"h

    sorry to break it to all of you who are worried about “first maturing”…. 1. most men never mature (married or not doesn’t make such a diff.) 2.if anything can mature someone then it’d probably be marriage. I think that with this psak there should also be classes for young men and women on what and how to approach marriage. I dont understand why they wait till ppl get married first b4 going to these classes. Once s.ones married, they feel like such an expert that they usually attend these classes only when problems start to arise. 3.Make a kli… Read more »

    To#2 and #18
    Guest
    To#2 and #18

    What are you talking about didn’t you read the article?! Of course the rabbanim have a plan on ending the crisis and that begins with having proper structure. True we have an issue at hand but that is no reason to get upset. I feel that if we all follow the leadership of the rabbanim especially the esteemed words of rabbi Dovvi Gopin we will swiftly and assuredly reach or ultimate goal of a shidduch crisis free society.

    Brilliant
    Guest
    Brilliant

    Now for all those buchrim who don’t like the system already another reason to leave Chabad. Who exactly is this psak for, who will it help? Why will a buchur who anyways isn’t listening to the rabbis (including alter rebbe ie shulchan aruch) why would they listen to these ones?

    The Rabbonim have spoken!
    Guest
    The Rabbonim have spoken!

    I’m assuming this is meant to exclude young bochurim with any real emotional or spiritual issues that need therapy before marriage.(obviously the same goes for the girls)

    chinuch system
    Guest
    chinuch system

    Maybe its time to look at our failing chinuch system. Age is not the source of the issue its chinuch!

    To #50
    Guest
    To #50

    Maybe if you got off your Gezhe high horse & considered making shidduchim with those “below” you on the gezhe scale you would have married your kids off in 3-4 mnths!
    Parents are the cause of the so called “shidduch crises” so stop complaining when you’re turning away great suggestion because your family “deserves” better .

    A E ANDERSON | Auckland, New Zealand
    Guest
    A E ANDERSON | Auckland, New Zealand

    I want to focus my earlier comments to stress that the yeshivos themselves have significantly failed older (post-20) bachurim by failing to provide (and create, if necessary) meaningful and useful lomdus programmes that engage the older bachur who has already passed through the standard zal-level shuirum. The older, advanced bachur is typically left to learn on his own with chavrusa and a weekly pilpul shiur. The engagement between talmid and Ram that characterised the earlier years, and provided a forum for continued hadracha gives way, all too often, to the problems that the Roshei yeshiva cite in their missive. Calling… Read more »

    How about stopping the resume /photo stupidity ??
    Guest
    How about stopping the resume /photo stupidity ??

    Maybe Rabbonim can come out against the resume & needing to see photos?
    And maybe both boys & girls should be educated in not koching in looks so much.
    And why are 22/23 yo girls still being picky about age, looks, height or is it their mothers?
    Isn’t a good caring husband or wife more important than the externals?

    Here is what I get from most of these comments
    Guest
    Here is what I get from most of these comments

    Ok. So, the Mishna in Pierkei Ovos is not practical. The Shulchan Aruch is not practical. The Rabbonim are not practical. Hmmm. Does this website have a readership that believes in Torah? Lets look at practical. There are tens of thousands that make up the Poilisher communities and they do get into shidduchim at age 18. What happened to all the impracticality of the Mishna, Halacha and Rabbonim of those communities? But of course, we need to re-invent the wheel. And with righteous indignation to boot. So, what do those people do for rent, parnassah and maturity? I’ll let you… Read more »

    What experience do Rabbonim have?
    Guest
    What experience do Rabbonim have?

    They have a whole lot of experience. Many, many people have shared their life’s woes with these rabbonim. I know that does not make them divine, but it is surely ridiculous to comment on rabbonim as if they live in another world. They simply ARE confronted with today’s realities. Also, don’t be more disrespectful to rabbonim with your words than you would disrespect your mother. It is shocking to read the tone of so many of the comments. And did you notice Rabbi Mannis Freidman’s signature. Do you think you have more life experience in this field than he? Few… Read more »

    Employing sechel
    Guest
    Employing sechel

    Number 22 hits the nail on the head. The Rebbe gave many Teshuvas to questions in relation to shidduchim which allude to it being necessary to consider the individual circumstances in each case. There is no one size fits all. Whilst it is easy to say that a person’s parnasa is up to Hashem, there are those who have been raised in families who have little or no parnasa and this has had a damaging effect beruchnius and begashmius.

    To # 22
    Guest
    To # 22

    If only there would be more people like you.

    solution to problem?
    Guest
    solution to problem?

    It seems to me, that the solution would be to fill the years of 20-23,24,etc.,with serious roshei yeshiva, mashpiimwho are willindg to lead and inspire the young men.this letter seems to be a letter of resignation on all their parts,they give up

    SHLICHUS solution
    Guest
    SHLICHUS solution

    hey if everyone skips shlichus year and gets married younger, shluchim will NEED to bring out COUPLES instead of singles. so this may be a solution to shidduchim and shlichus finding “crisis”

    Sad, so very sad
    Guest
    Sad, so very sad

    … to see so many choshiver rabbonim so out of sync with reality, so out of touch with today’s kids, and so willing to go along with simplistic solutions to complex problems. I guess this is further proof that being a lamdan, and maybe even a chassid, does not automatically mean you have the yecholos to be a rav.

    THE LETZER DOR SAYS.....
    Guest
    THE LETZER DOR SAYS.....

    ITS REALLY QUITE SIMPLE FOLKS…..
    WE NEED TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM!!!

    SEMICHAH SHOULD BE AT 21 NOT 23 AND MERKOS SHLICHUS ACHIEVES NOTHING FOR ANY BOCHUR UNLESS HE IS PROMISED OR GUARANTEED A PERMANENT SHLICHUS, (UNHINDERED BY ESTABLISHED SHLUCHIM FROM ZIKNEI ANASH) UPON WHICH HIS OR HERS MERKOS SHLICHUS CAN BE UTILISED AS A LIFE DEFINING MOMENT….

    THAT WAY THE BOCHURIM ARE NOT JUST HANGING AROUND UNTIL 24/25/26 AD INFINITUM WAITING FOR THAT “SPECIAL SHIDDUCH” FROM THESE PRIMADONNAS WE CALL SHADCHANIM.

    To #91
    Guest
    To #91

    I am #50, what your saying is ignorant and absolute nonsense, I haven’t rejected a single shiduch, gezhe or not, the shadchonim are simply incapable of moving things, unlike the old when a shadchan would just go on pushing each side together (and I don’t mean after they meet, I’m talking about just getting them to meet for the first time). I hardly got ANY suggestions. All the shadchan can tell me is, here’s the shopping list tell me who you want and I’ll broker it for you!!!! The problem with that is, 1) I don’t know the boy or… Read more »

    um...
    Guest
    um...

    while this is an interesting point of view i dont see the point of getting piles of poskim to sign it. it’s one way to look at a soluion- to blow it out of proportion and have many rabbis sign it puts pressure on ppl who it mite not be the rite solution for to do it anyway which is detrimental…

    to #99
    Guest
    to #99

    this is a brilliant idea!
    im tired of not getting a shlichus because its way cheaper to bring a bochur or 2.

    Watch your mouth!!
    Guest
    Watch your mouth!!

    Watch the way you talk about rabbanim!!! Didn’t younlearn that if the rabbanim say left is right and right is left you have to listen?? If you wont listen than at least dont make it so blatant!! If your teaching your children to have no respect for rabbanim your basically telling them not to respect the Torah. Go tell them your problem with this respecfuly! I don’t see a reson for this blatant chutzpah! Please try to be more careful next time. Thank you!

    Los Angeles
    Guest
    Los Angeles

    Y didn’t Rav E. Schochet R”Y of Lubavitch Yeshiva Los Angeles sign as well as Rav Shimon Raichik Rabbanei Los Angeles where r u ? Also 2 b specific Rav Shusterman is the Rav in Beverly Hills if any1 knows where that is from around the world.

    the most important thing
    Guest
    the most important thing

    The most important thing is finding the zivugim (soul mates) 4 the bachurim & bachurot 28 29 31 etc this is the most important of all bec the 23 24 will beh find even, however 4 a bachur 31 a young lady 29 1/2 this is the hardest thing they could go in2 a deep depression & what not. They come 1st & they should b delt with right away & we should set up a vaad 4 this right away. They could 1st. The young still have time. Yes every1 should stay frum however the 29 30 + r… Read more »

    Yentel
    Guest
    Yentel

    a bochur that is 20 years old will need a maidel that is 18 to be on the same maturity level of machshocah dibur and maaseh and this is putting alot of stress upon maidelach that want to go do shlichus after seminary and by the time that meidel is 20 and is interested in going into the shidduch market all the choshuv and gut chassidishe bochurim will be ‘taken’. as a young teen maidel my self, at age 17, i can not put myself into the machshova of ich koo’k far a shiduch (looking for a shiduch) i wish… Read more »

    Pyramid Thinking
    Guest
    Pyramid Thinking

    The system is designed to protect itself. Visually it looks like a pyramid with haves, have the right last name, have a family member in the outreach business, have a rich family, etc and the have nots on the bottom. How do you make the pyramid higher making the people on the top even more special, the system makes sue too keep filling up the bottom.

    To those who oppose these letters
    Guest
    To those who oppose these letters

    Get a life. Nobody is telling you WHAT to do. The Rabbis, as community leaders, are doing their job and stating what they believe to be generally best for the community. Try to stop pretending that you don’t have have free choice and that you are being physically compelled to do what you don’t want to do. You all sound very much like the anti-religious crowds who try to compare the frum world to the ‘taliban’. Ludicrous.

    Frustrated with Not getting Names
    Guest
    Frustrated with Not getting Names

    B”H We have three lovely young women of marriagable age. They are pretty, intelligent, and want to start a family. Why can’t my wife get names of boys from Shadchonim? Why don’t the shadchonim call back? Why were we told that a Shadchan needs $10,000 to pay attention to your daughter? (they claim they are swamped with girls and don’t have enough boys) With all due respect to the Rabbonim, I can’t marry my children off unless I get names of young men!!!!!

    To #102
    Guest
    To #102

    You said it right. Kol HaKovod. Despite what others have said, we DO need the help of the Mashpiim, Yeshiva/Seminary staff, community leaders, and shachonim. Don’t put the whole thing on parents who don’t have the experience, the contacts, or even the power, to arrange/broker Shidduchim!

    Yaffa Brown South Africa
    Guest
    Yaffa Brown South Africa

    Would it be possible to get the pdf in English as not all of us speak Hebrew or read Hebrew fluently and understand it.

    Register on Chabadmatch
    Guest
    Register on Chabadmatch

    All those looking for their kids, register on Chabadmatch.com
    If everyone registers you will IY”H be able to find shayich suggestions.

    To #111
    Guest
    To #111

    Stop waiting on shadchonim. We’ve married off several children, the shadchonim we talked to were useless (either making no recommendations, or ridiculous and arbitrary ones). The successful matches were made by friends (ours and the children’s), people who know us, people with more of an interest in us than in $s. If you are waiting for shadchonim to pay attention, you’re going to be frustrated and disappointed. The shadchan system is broken, fundamentally flawed, and should be dismantled. Take control yourself, don’t be dependent on others.

    To #105
    Guest
    To #105

    Wrong! It’s lemming like thinking like that that gets us all in trouble. We are not talking about neviim, gaonim, or rishonim here. Nor are we talking about Rabbeeim. Like it or not, Rabbonim are not infallible, they are not always right, they are also human, they can be pressured and swayed, and for the most part they are self-appointed. It is their right to make statements and declarations as they see fit, and it is our right to accept or not, to agree or disagree, and to do what we think is right for our children proudly and loudly,… Read more »

    to #74
    Guest
    to #74

    quickly book OT or razag and that will put pressure on you (and your parents) to get married asap!! 🙂

    IF ALREADY HATZAHA FROM RABONIM....
    Guest
    IF ALREADY HATZAHA FROM RABONIM....

    WHY NOT ALSO THAT THOSE NOT INTO LEARNING OR SHLICHUS SHOULD THINK SEROUSLY ABOUT HOW TO EARN A PARNOSO………..

    relevant post
    Guest
    relevant post
    I Agree with #114 and #115!
    Guest
    I Agree with #114 and #115!

    I agree that posting your son’s or daughter’s profile on chabadmatch.com will give everyone the option of searching for appropriate possible shidduchim for your children. There are many wonderful, sincere potential matches to be made if parents (or older singles) get over the prejudice that looking online is somehow tainted. I do think it takes more work, but “waiting” for a shadchan to call with suggestions is sometimes less effective than doing the looking and research ourselves.

    get a life
    Guest
    get a life

    I hope we all get a life and stop using col as a place to dispel our woes, and say disrespectful things that we know we shouldn’t. Remember all these rabbis have a telephone number and most of them are great to talk to.

    What if???
    Guest
    What if???

    What if you can’t find anyone you like??

    i agree with #58 and #94 and the 1st 2 paragraphs of #32
    Guest
    i agree with #58 and #94 and the 1st 2 paragraphs of #32

    i personally believe what the rabbonim say should be followed, bec they have koach hatorah etc. yes i do believe that this wasnt written for each and every bochur, but rather to set a general tone, i do think that each of these rabbonim would tell you to ask your specific rov/mashpia about you or your son. why other rabbonim aren’t signed here, i would say im kein ein ladovor soif, and if your rov isn’t here, then call your rov and ask him why he didn’t sign, is it because he disagrees or maybe someother reason it is a… Read more »

    to 117
    Guest
    to 117

    that will surely solve this shidduch “situation”

    to # 111
    Guest
    to # 111

    Be honest with your self and with your 3 daughters. There were any number of shidduchim suggested, which you rejected. This one is to short, this one has a bad name, this one has a brother/cousin/next-door-neighbor with what i heard may be a medical situation, this other one is just flat-out ugly, and this one is a nerd. Well guess what; that is what others are saying about your wonderful daughters. i don’t mean to be mean, but i am tired of people saying “we hear no names.” What you are really saying is that “we hear no names that… Read more »

    to 125
    Guest
    to 125

    assumptions assumptions, how do you know if or what was suggested, & for what reason if any it was they were turned down?

    to 126
    Guest
    to 126

    bc everyone gets suggestions just most ppl turn them down bc of stupid reasons like they are not gezhe so theyr not good enough for my son or daughter

    WHAT ABOUT PARNOSE?
    Guest
    WHAT ABOUT PARNOSE?

    WHAT ABOUT A BOCHUR THAT START DOING BUSSINES IN ORDER TO SUPPORT THIS BAIS BE ISROEL?

    who started this campaign
    Guest
    who started this campaign

    there are many names signing this letters but who is the originator

    hashem!!!!!!
    Guest
    hashem!!!!!!

    hashem should help!!!!

    How dare they!
    Guest
    How dare they!

    There is no room here for individuality. The rabbis are advocating total uniformity and conformity–one derech for all with no account for individuality and diversity in personality, maturity, and interests. What is wrong with having some “older” available for girls who desire more mature men or who are “older” themselves? In these harsh economic times, we should not be relying on parents to support their teenage married children. It is one thing to advocate for a certain hashkafa and another to make it a Call to Arms!

    ummm...
    Guest
    ummm...

    Kudos to #38, how old do you want the boys to be and then the girls? do you want them to be younger than the boys?

    X