To Pesha Leah
Tell me, did it hurt? Was it painful? Was there really a bright light at the end of the tunnel, like they describe in the books? Was your relatives who have passed away waiting for you? What was it like?
Were you afraid? Or scared, or even sad? Did you regret not getting the chance to say goodbye? Do you even now long to be back here?
One day. One night. That’s all. Now everything changed.
I don’t know you, but I saw your picture. I recognize you, we were in the same ‘system,’ and I’ve seen you around before. You were in my sister’s class.
It is weird to look at a picture of you and think that you are no longer here. Somehow I don’t understand. Where did you go? Is there really a place called heaven? Did you see any angels? Are you ever gonna come back to tell us how it was?
I was driving on the highway Thursday and I was nervous, because I’m not used to it. And there were drivers beeping at me when I swerved out of my lane. I wanted to cry. And I thought, what’s your problem? Don’t you see how nervous I am? Cut me some slack, I’m a new driver. And I was stressed, and I came home upset.
And then I found out. I don’t know you, but my tears won’t stop. And I don’t know why you had to go. And I feel selfish for living, when you no longer can. Somehow it seems like your life was more important than mine. I don’t know you, but in my mind you were a better person then me, and you deserved to live, because you were doing such a great job so far.
I know what they will say. You were a special soul, you completed your mission here, it was time for you to go. Now you are sitting by G-d’s throne, you are surrounded by angels, it is good up there. Yes, I know all that, and more.
But there is now a husband without a wife, and the world is missing someone.
I don’t understand it. Maybe I’ll never understand it.
I just discovered your blog. Your poetry is beautiful. It was a sad feeling though. Like, now it is too late. I can go through the archives and read all your old stuff, but your bog will now sit there, drying up, frozen in time, last post dated Tuesday, January 5 2010, just one short day before you were taken. And it baffles me. It makes no sense.
First you were here, and now you’re not, and you’re never coming back? I never had a chance to meet you, or befriend you on facebook. I just found you, your pictures are beautiful. And now that too will lay untouched, cuz no one will update your statuses now.
Please relay this message to G-d: We have suffered enough. We have cried too many tears. It is time to end this golus and send us Moshiach. Now!
Be safe, Pesha Leah. May all the angels be with you, and may you be granted a place right by G-d’s throne, center stage.
And we will see you again very soon, very very soon.