ב"ה
Tuesday, 14 Heshvan, 5780
  |  November 12, 2019

Once Upon a Time…

Anonymous OP-ED: "I sit here on my balcony, peering out, wondering, how long will it take for a guy to saddle a white horse and find me here? Does anyone see how lonely it is to be one of the few unmarried girls on the block?" Full Article

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Wow
Guest
Wow

Wow what an article. Whoever you are tha6t wrote this i’ll never know. im also single and waitning im not worried. i dont want to hurry and im not young either. each thing will come at it’s right time and thats that. it’s just another test we must go through..just like others go through R”L not having kids, no money etc…
Besurot tovot

youre freakin me out
Guest
youre freakin me out

im trying to remain positive i dont want to hear your input

Married...
Guest
Married...

My heart goes out to those seeking their bashert.
May you all find happiness immediately, Amen.

Practical mother
Guest
Practical mother

Nobody sweeps anyone off their feet, we are not living in fantasy land. I don’t see the point of these op-eds, this one is a little weird, if you ask me.
There are plenty of guys waiting to get married that are older too. You have to keep busy and the time will come, iy”h. Not everyone has the same mazal and not everything happens at the same time.

there are no words...
Guest
there are no words...

The most difficult part of going through this struggle is the loneliness.
i always feel like – no matter how much those who are close to me express their sympathy, – they dont really “get me”.
i dont even try to talk about it to people, because i dont think that i am able to truly express how i feel for someone else to understand it.
for this reason it has been a great comfort to me to read this article, expressing exactly how i feel.
it has gone to the depths of my Neshama.
thank you

sorry
Guest
sorry

chabad match .com go there my son is on it ,,,find him

Well written piece
Guest
Well written piece

The author seems very smart and ambitious… I would encourage her to follow that drive and in response to the question “what can I do”– make sure to live in the times– make sure you are on the (kosher) internet dating sites, get your name out there, and when you actually meet the person give him a chance and be open. I think this article is a step in the right direction.– Purely an opinion, no ciritiscm intended

suggestion
Guest
suggestion

Single girls need to have something constructive to do while they’re waiting for their bashert. The education system needs to provide for those who aren’t getting married at 19. Everybody should feel like they’re working towards a goal, not just stuck in a holding pattern.

whats your email adress?
Guest
whats your email adress?

i have ashidduch for you

older
Guest
older

I don’t mean to offend anyone, but this article has the tone of someone who is still at the beginning of the “older girl” road. It would be interesting to see what her attitude would be in another five or six years.

t s
Guest
t s

so why do you want to get married? sure loneliness hurts. but what are your expectations? you know men? they too ache for love. they too have no clue what lies in stoire for them. two people with no clue about the other gender in general and the other person in particular get married… and before long have only reason to STAY married – commitment to the marriage. i’m not telling not to pine for a mate. just know that whatever you dream about, ain’t there.

to: married
Guest
to: married

PULLEASSEE!!! How many times have we said we don’t want your pity. Just UNDERSTAND and care enough to do something if you can. We’re not nebachniks!!!

to # 10
Guest
to # 10

I hope that you are not wishing that on anyone(else). May you all find your bashertes so soon.

Did any one say life is easy?!
Guest
Did any one say life is easy?!

I think that the OP-DES and articles on shiduchim are very important b/c not everyone is aware of the situation, some people are “too picky” and think they are going to find a prince or princess which doesn’t exist (so you are on a search to nowhere with out even realizing.) This is just an example. But If everyone would do their part during this hardworking process things wouldn’t be the way they are now. And I’m talking about boys, girls, parents and shadchanim. I see a lot of shiduchim gone wrong because one of the mention above “gave up”… Read more »

Shiduch crises
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Shiduch crises

Not to offend anyone chas vesholem I think the problem is that most of the SHADCHANIM in CH are lazy

get a shadchan that actually gets back to you
Guest
get a shadchan that actually gets back to you

and realize that mr perfect does not exist. any guy you meet will have wonderful maalos, and he will also have chisronos. decide what area are most important to you – chassidishkeit, frumkeit, yichus, knowledge (Jewish or general)looks, money, brains, sense of humor, height, weight, staight teeth, ability to earn a good living, etc.,and concentrate on someone with the particular maalos most important to you. I guarantee you that in other areas HE WILL BE LACKING. If those areas are important to you, you should have mentioned it. Be honest with yourself, and who you are, not who your mother… Read more »

mashpia
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mashpia

This is a beautifully written piece. However, I would like to make the following comment. You mention you’ve been through a lot of “duds” in your shidduch career. Tell me, how do you know that they were “duds”? I know from my own personal experience that it wasn’t until I took seriously the notion that I should discuss my shidduchim situation with my mashpia that my bashert materialized. If not for those discussions I almost certainly would have allowed doubts and uncertainty at the stage of having been through two or three dates with the one who did eventually become… Read more »

To #5
Guest
To #5

Obviously those close to you don’t really get you because the only people who can totally get you are those whose situation is similar to yours. When a person is seriously ill R’L or doesn’t yet have children, again the only people who can really relate are those going through a similar situation. Most people mean well when they sympathize and would help if they could. Not everyone is acquainted with many single boys/girls. All that being said, I feel very strongly that the Rebbe would not approve of this medium for his Chasidim. If you disagree speak to your… Read more »

tehilim
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tehilim

40 days of the whole sefer tehilim you could divide it among a few poeple
may hashem send each one their bashert soon

the other side
Guest
the other side

…it is better to wait for the right one then marry too soon to the wrong one.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Guest
AHHHHHHHHHHH!

STOP! LIFE STINKS. WE GET IT!

older bocher
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older bocher

Hi im an older bocher 31 years of age and i know exactly what she is saying and how she feels lonlienes in communities like ours where most people marry young we are looked on as something is wrong our opinion is not accepted because what to you know you are single people look down at us older singles like i say dont just look at us and say oy vay do something daven for us try to help us instead of just looking at us like we are unweel people thank you may hashem help that all us older… Read more »

nechama zweibel
Guest
nechama zweibel

she does classes to help make yourself a keil
also for the mothers
can only gain…..

right on #18
Guest
right on #18

and to add, if the girls and boys that are going out on dates would keep thier opinions to themselves after they “regect” someone things might be a liitle easier. If my husband would of known EVERYTHING about me, we would of not even gone out on a date. No one is perfect!

From the guy's perspective.
Guest
From the guy's perspective.

I’d like to first express the utmost appreciation for the heartfelt and honest articles that have been posted. They require courage, and most of all a true desire to make a very valid point, if not many. To address number 21 quickly, as a side note, I want so badly to be like you, a negative downer, but I suppose I am busy realizing the blessings in life and simply can’t hear or bear to acknowledge your pessimism, sarcasm, crassness, and ability to minimize someone’s pain. I just can’t seem to find it in me to get on board with… Read more »

I don't get it
Guest
I don't get it

Please,you need someone to feel bad for you?that’s childish you have to grow up,and then everything will bee batter.

Very nice
Guest
Very nice

It’s nice to read someone who’s going through the same things I’m going through, but who can write about it in a humorous, practical and uplifting way.
May you find your other half soon, B”H.

I feel your pain
Guest
I feel your pain

Even more so as a divorcee, while singles are given the time of day, we are given the same five names that circulate between Twenty divorced woman.

The only answer is to daven, Daven to Hashem, beg and plead with him to hear your prayers and at the same time remember: Hashem helps those that help themselves – Go out there and get yourself known!!!

Good Luck!!!

no 21, its that particular perspective of life stinks.
Guest
no 21, its that particular perspective of life stinks.

and to this anonymous who wrote this letter, i feel so helpless, i so much would like to help you! but now my advice is, dont continue writing depressing op-eds, go out contact mrs. rapp, mrs. greenberg and all the shadchanim out there. hamaase hu haikker!

weight watchers
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weight watchers

there is usually a reason behind not finding a match

ahavas yisroel
Guest
ahavas yisroel

Your letters express Ahavas Yisroel. In seeking a shidduch one must focus on YISROEL, the essence of the neshama. In other words no one individual has everything (aleh maalos)all the time and living life is not about quantity (items, details) but quality, the bigger picture. Therefore, try and see the beauty in every person, the neshama. I guarantee that if you pay attention you will see some beautiful people out there. And all of you singles please remember that you are beautiful people and lift your spirits because “mi kamcha YISROEL”. Much Blessing for finding your bashert NOW. It is… Read more »

Congratulations
Guest
Congratulations

BE they chasidish, yeshivish or whatever lies between, the rabbis or asknaim of our generation have been very successful in transforming the most beautiful & exciting time of young persons life into one of fear, apprehension and tears

to #13
Guest
to #13

Ch”v am i wishing this on anyone. I was extremely grateful as all of my friends got married and even when my younger sister and former students got married and started families, as i know the pain and am glad that others should not have to go through it. Would a sick person ch”v want others to be sick as well just for company? The company would not be very enjoyable, to say the least. I was simply commenting on the air of self pity, helplessness, and “prince on a white horse” attitude that seems to appear in this article.… Read more »

to whoever didn't understand
Guest
to whoever didn't understand

she wrote the part about the ” prince on a white horse” sarcastically. Take it easy.

idea
Guest
idea

we should have a fund(or private peole to give or rabonim or …)
but there should be a bonus for shdchanim like lets say you make a shiduch for a 23YO you should get a $3,000 bonus

for a 25YO a $5,000 bonus and so on

that would be incentive for shadchanim to work seriously on these girls

i heard it is done in baltiomre by rabonim

Dear princess
Guest
Dear princess

From your article I can see you are smart, romantic, chassidish , have strong Hishkashrus to the Rebbe, trying not to be negative and proactive. Come on guys and Shadchanim out there ! Come forward!!! A word about the horse. Please get off your high horse and don’t call young men you dated duds.That is not respectful or nice. Focus on being sweet, lovable attractive and finding the good in others and surely others will find the goodness in you! Even though you may have been very hurt by a young man you need to understand there is loftier reasons… Read more »

I know the situation
Guest
I know the situation

Any girl who describes a Jewish man as a ‘dud’, desrves what she gets. Every man has a holy neshama within him, and the fact that he was suggested to you, reflects some part of you.. By showing such disdain about other people in a public forum is sad. If you told the shadchanim after every date, he was a ‘dud’, how much more effort do you think the shadchan would want to put forward for you?

mentshlichkeit first
Guest
mentshlichkeit first

I can hear the pain and the longing, the metaphors are not relevant ( or may be they are in some other context ), just the same, I think it took courage to write this article and risk.I believe that a large part of real relationships is how much we are prepared to risk and to reveal to the other about our self . I also believe ( along with a previous comment) that as we go through the motions we have to narrow down our 3 non-negotiable criteria. A good friend or a mashpia can help with that. I… Read more »

People, take a chill pill
Guest
People, take a chill pill

Definition of “DUD”:
a thing that fails to work properly or is otherwise unsatisfactory (Oxford English Dictionary)

Hey Guys, Wake up it's YOUR Mitzvah!
Guest
Hey Guys, Wake up it's YOUR Mitzvah!

The mitzvah to “be fruitful and multiply” is incumbent upon the MALES. Girls are just hardwired to be with a guy, it’s the boys who are COMMANDED to marry. I know alot of great guys, all waiting around for a girl as beautiful as a model, father like Donald Trump (just Jewish and not in trouble with the law) and a family they will feel proud to join (either yechus, shlichus, just all around ego enhancer). This is part of the problem, why girls sit waiting on the balcony or in school or teaching or whatever. Very few girls are… Read more »

The Zevug of every Bachur and Bachura
Guest
The Zevug of every Bachur and Bachura

In the last paragraph it says quote “He will certainly find your mate for you at the appropriate time”, how can we say Hashem will find the right 1 for us, when it was already decided who will be our zevug 40 before the formation of the child. So it is not that Hashem has to look to find ur Zevug the Bat Kol announced already a while before each 1 was born. The thing is we have to do our part and look for that Match that HaKadosh Baruch decided for us before we were born. He already knows… Read more »

To #30
Guest
To #30

Does a woman/girl have to be a size 000 to find a partner?
Does she have to degrade her body and mind to that level?

forgotten!!
Guest
forgotten!!

At least this young lady who wrote the article has been out with young men! I am 25 and do not live in CH, infact not even in NY and have not been offered a shiddiuch. A couple of years ago I was offered Shidduchim, but I was busy studying and not interested. For me I think it is ” out of sight, out of mind”. as I am not on the circuit. I know i have tried chabadmatch, but after asking Shadchanim about certain profiles I find interesting, they do not even e mail me back!!……Am I meant to… Read more »

to the ppl who wrote negatives
Guest
to the ppl who wrote negatives

shame on you

options
Guest
options

I definitely feel for anyone who is older and not married yet. However, this situation is not one that was chosen. Therefore, being in this situation gives one a chance to do many things not really possible when married. There is no reason why you cannot be a contributing member of the community, travel, study, write, etc., etc Cook, bake,valunteer, even make a Shabbos tish !!! But at the same time, “Yeshuas Hashem K’Hareff Eyim” Never give up. May you and others in your shoes tell us good news BKarov !! p.s. Many Tzaddikim and Rebittzens married late — it… Read more »

to 43
Guest
to 43

yes of course you have to email again or better yet can you get their # and call them, or how about trying another shaddchan, yes keep going till you get a response. Also maybe its time to move and be in sight, sorry but that the reality. Hatzlacha.
A Mother

many older boys are looking for something not yet created
Guest
many older boys are looking for something not yet created

I agree with #40. Older Boys: There are so many great older girls out there, wanting so much to start a family, and they are quality girls, ready to offer so much. But many of you decide to sit and wait for the ‘princess’, and don’t realize there are girls ready to get married. YOU NEED TO BE READY TO GET MARRIED TOO! Try, try, and put into your dates- don’t just knock off a name b/c you heard a thing or 2 without looking into it properly. Don’t just put her name on the bottom of your ‘wish’ list.… Read more »

my turn
Guest
my turn

to say something: author dear, you’re not alone. I’m in the same boat, maybe even older than you, maybe even more lonely and more fed up. if it helps you to write, go ahead and write. but…don’t read all the negative comments of people who right away assume you’re either nuts or too fat to be able to get married. they should add a smiley- face to all positive comments and a pouty-face (I just made that up) to all the negative ones, so you’ll know which ones to skip. take care! one of your fellow chassidishe, single, sisters. (slim,… Read more »

---FROM THE AUTHORESS---
Guest
---FROM THE AUTHORESS---

Thank you for all the kind and comforting words- especially to #5, #25, #27 and #44

I’m out there on chabadmatch too- so don’t stop looking!;)

Spouse of Shadchan at Chabadmatch
Guest
Spouse of Shadchan at Chabadmatch

Advice: 1) Do not sit back and wait there are alot more girls than boys 2) keep calling the shatchonim or have your parents or older maried sibilings do so. The squeeky wheel gets the greese. 3) If your not sure: Go Out. There is a picky problem with, self proclaimed, “top” girls and boys who look until they find a chasoron. 4) Offer more money than the going rate and watch the shatchanim work (or at least call you back). You could spend less on the chasana later. 5) If there is a weight problem or something you can… Read more »

Sorry (21)
Guest
Sorry (21)

I take back my comment (21).I realize it was insensitive and rude. Sorry.
Best of luck!

To 48: slim good looking and smart, yet 32 just the same
Guest
To 48: slim good looking and smart, yet 32 just the same

how ye doin?

chabadmatch.com
Guest
chabadmatch.com

fathers should also get involved encouraging boys to get married and speak with young man register on chabadmatch this situation affects all of us and solution has to come from both sides

To #50!!!!!
Guest
To #50!!!!!

Disgraceful!!!
You make yourself sound so helpful when all you’re suggesting is to bribe your wife, agree to any shmo she offers and lose weight!
It b/c of ppl like you and your wife that there is a shidduch problem today!!!

Happy not to be married at 19!
Guest
Happy not to be married at 19!

I have friends who were married at 19 and i was far from envious of them. While i had opportunities to travel, help Shluchim, study etc my young friends were burdened with responsibilities of husband, kids and home, some barely managing… I used my single years , struggling too through the rotten dates but trying to enjoy the freedom i had. Now married with 2 kids, i would not want to go back there now, but being a busy wife and Mum doesn’t leave much time for yourself and the burdens of parnassah add a lot of stress to daily… Read more »

 TO : #50
Guest
TO : #50

Get another vocation- you people don’t know what you are
doing!!!

to # 28
Guest
to # 28

what do you mean the same five names keep on coming up for the twenty divorced women in lubavitch?u mean all the guys that come up for you are divorced?
so what is wrong with a divorced guy?

DON'T SHY AWAY
Guest
DON'T SHY AWAY

DON’T SHY AWAY BE BOLD
SHADCHANIM SUCK
TELL YOUR MARRIED FRIENDS WHAT U ARE LOOKING FOR AND HAVE THEM SET YOU UP

To #51
Guest
To #51

Thank you! 🙂 I admire how you rethought what you said instead of being stubborn about it. (Just in case it seems like it, I’m not being sarcastic.) We need more people like you in the world!!

Yuuu
Guest
Yuuu

Get a life girl, so you won’t need a prince inorder to b happy- he should share a life with a happy good spirited girl .

women in crown heights
Guest
women in crown heights

I am a man who went to lubavitch yeshiva my entire life, I have dated and tried to date religious women in order to have a religious future home. Usually, i cant even get the time of day. On the rare occasion that a girl agrees to answer my phone call, they usually search for reasons to disqualify me. I am too tall, I am too short, My beard is not long enough,my family is not religious enough, my family is too religious, I am too old, i am too young, I live on president st (no joke, once I… Read more »

IT STILL HURTS
Guest
IT STILL HURTS

These days i’m considered one of the OLDER girls but i was considered one of the younger girls 4 years ago. I can’t stop time and theres no pause button so now when a 24 year old guy comes up for me and we are 1 year apart, in these guys minds 25 seems like 55. To them it’s scary. Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka was a year older than the rebbe so i don’t get it, if u follow everything the rebbe does why can’t you follow in the Rebbe’s ways of how he chose his beautiful QUEEN,PRINCESS,WIFE,DIAMOND, The rebbe didn’t… Read more »

to number 60
Guest
to number 60

too much to say. Ya must be a hypocrite. Have a great day!

BEST SOLUTION: (from someone who was there)
Guest
BEST SOLUTION: (from someone who was there)

#17(mashpia)!!

my advice
Guest
my advice

you should date orphans.

because this way if you like eachother the shidduch cant be ruined by arrogant parents.

to 11
Guest
to 11

ooh thats harsh!!! you sound bitter… r u married?
dont scare us… we want to stay excited to get married

I agree with comment 65
Guest
I agree with comment 65

He is right. How many times have arrogant snobbish parents blocked a shidduch.

Dating orphans seems like a good idea.Its one less pitfall.

Now all you have to worry about is your height, age,level of learning, bank account, car, beard length, hat style, mishichist/anti mishichist nonsense,

what about us divorced women....
Guest
what about us divorced women....

i am divorced and despite wanting to get married and approaching shadchanim, websites…..nothing i am so lonely my kids have grown up….i am so depressed and think if this is all i have i may as well give up….

i was one of the lucky ones....
Guest
i was one of the lucky ones....

Many years ago, i was 23..and getting sad looks….when girls were getting married at 19 . Datng many people was unheard of ….but I was like the girls today…..I finally got married at 25 to someone I probably would not have appreciated at 20. He was too short for my standards and younger than me…. He was a bit of a nerd….but he was crazy about me…. and somehow convinced me…. Many years later…he’s alot cooler than me….and the best person that I could have married…. he put up with all my complications…. we raised a wonderful family…..and we’re very… Read more »

Wishes
Guest
Wishes

I hope you find your prince soon!
Great article!
Im kol ha berajot!!!

2 years ago?
Guest
2 years ago?

I just stumbled onto this article now, which was written 2 years ago. Hopefully the author (if real, and not herself a fairy-tale), is married by now. I myself am a pretty old BT, never married, and I am really at wits-end with shidduchim. For whatever it is worth, it was a fun article to read, or perhaps it made me feel like there is “hope” still, it seemed a well written article, even if a little “fairy-tale” like.

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