Once upon a time, in a far away Holy Land…
I sit here on my balcony, peering out, wondering, how long will it take for a guy to saddle a white horse and find me here?
Yes, this is yet another article filled with complaint, blame and self-pity…you’ve guessed it—it’s about Shidduchim!
We’re told that each date only brings us closer to our bashert…well, I hope I’m really close after the amount of duds I’ve gone through!
The religious population has become aware of how difficult it’s become.
Women who were married at nineteen pretend to sympathize, the Bubbies at shul shake their heads, and our parents are in a constant state of panic.
But does anyone see how lonely it is to be one of the few unmarried girls on the block? We’re reminded every time we walk out of the house, bump into our friends with their husbands and kids, go to shul, socialize at work, etc…it’s a state of being we’re constantly made aware of.
I feel comforted by the Rebbe’s letters filled with hope and love. They remind me to stay strong and faithful because “finding a match is as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea, and the magnitude of the miracle of the splitting of the Red Sea is well known.” (Igros Kodesh, Vol. IV, p.300) The Rebbe understands and he’s the only one I allow to sympathize with me.
The Rebbe repeatedly mentions how one must seek a match as one seeks after a lost object. But it’s at this point that my Mashpia reminds me that these letters must have been aimed at men. They must seek as we must…hide?…wait?…what am I suppose to be doing, again?
For girls who are motivated and driven it becomes a test of faith to sit back and rely in the fact that Hashem has left your prince a trail of bread crumbs leading back to your castle. But it’s a lesson learned in time.
We’re supposed to do our hishtadlut. But taking everything into consideration, I’ve found it difficult to figure out what my hishtadlut really is.
So, here is mine…I think…:
Princes of Israel your queens await you!
Remember what our Rebbe has said to you:
“You must divert your attention from the difficulties and make the following firm resolve: Marriage is one of the mitzvos of the Torah, and “the Holy One, blessed be He, does not make impossible demands of his created beings.”(Avodah Zarah 3a) Since G-d requires that you fulfill that mitzvah, He will certainly find your mate for you at the appropriate time. Nevertheless, since everything must be anchored in the natural order, [and] it is the manner of man to seek wife, [you should actively seek a shidduch as well].”
Please don’t give up.
We’re out there waiting for you to sweep us off our feet.
Come find your missing piece, your other half….come find… me.