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Sunday, 13 Sivan, 5779
  |  June 16, 2019

    No Winning With Attacking

    From the COLlive inbox: A principal publicly reprimanded a mother for not wearing a sheitel while visiting the school. Full Story

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    YUP
    Guest
    YUP

    That goes for principals to student and students to teachers …how you talk is how the person you are talking to will respond , disappointing and your student will be disappointed in you and have probably nothing good to say about you , angry your student will give you attitude….

    ch mom
    Guest
    ch mom

    so whats the point of this and yet another op- ed article. To get your point across. so excuse why you were not wearing a sheitel on such a hot day. Please………. i know many woman who wear wigs just to go to store or down the block. But at the same time, i guess i would excuse you. I have nothing against a principal who just says at is.
    Why do you need to put an article about this?

    resident
    Guest
    resident

    I am not sure what an uneasy life has to do with a way of dress? way of dress is from halacha but it seems to be the first thing people play around with when they have difficulty in their life. does it all of the sudden become harder to dress modestly .May we all know no more suffering and pain

    OH YA!!!
    Guest
    OH YA!!!

    and to add, think that any principal of any school with any policies should be able to tell a mother to where a sheitel, or anything else regarding her dress, her speech or her action. anything, basically unless it occurs often enough for the principal to see that this may be having an effect, directly, on the child.

    welcome to new york
    Guest
    welcome to new york

    ………!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #1stWorldProblem's
    Guest
    #1stWorldProblem's

    I can think of many worse things that the school’s are doing these day’s… Sorry but maybe the principal was also having a ruff day and already had to remind several other mothers that day?

    poor lady
    Guest
    poor lady

    With today’s sheitel prices, probably couldn’t afford one.

    Flimsy excuses!!
    Guest
    Flimsy excuses!!

    What if your only pair of shoes were at the shoe maker and you didn’t want to wear your Shabbos shoes would you go outside without shoes? C’mon! If you’re worried about your shaitel getting ruined in the heat, put on your old Shaitel from three years ago. If you have kids in school you must have been married for a couple of years! “Rebuking and adult is not the way to go about things” Really? If your friend had her zipper open in the back would you say something? 90 degrees??? Since when are Shaitels required only in mild… Read more »

    I agree and I don't agree
    Guest
    I agree and I don't agree

    Our way is asei tov and not sur mae ra. We concentrate on the positive. We should treat each other like we treat newly minted baalas tshuvahs. that said- I also have one wig. One time I HAD to go out and it was at the shaitelmachers. I did wear a tichel and no shoes. If I wasn’t dressed to go outside then I wasn’t dressed to go outside. We all have lines we won’t cross. We will not show up in swimwear when we pick up our kids- even if we have health conditions- even if our only dress… Read more »

    Perfect
    Guest
    Perfect

    well said, respectful and hopefully message clear

    mednel
    Guest
    mednel

    what is more important then hiddur, is ahavas yisroel,,,chas vsholem to hurt a yiddeshe mama….a yiddeshe mama is not a easy job….that princaple needs to do teshuva for hurting somones feelings……”whats the use of pneimias torah and nigleh torah if ones lacks the most important precept of ahvas yisroel” …..hayom yom

    Whats wrong with you
    Guest
    Whats wrong with you

    “As a grown, thinking woman I was deeply offended by the principal’s scolding. And I use that word deliberately because that is what it felt like. Not a gentle reminder or kind inquiry. It felt patronizing.”

    Even that 1 time is 1 time too many. Do you need a reminder to put on underwear everyday?

    Putting this on a public forum will not justify you. Trust me you will never forget that rule again

    A Boucher in yeshiva
    Guest
    A Boucher in yeshiva

    Dear mother: Imagine you had a million dollar gift waiting for you at the end of a street corner locally to your house. However this million dollar gift would be only if you would respect this million dollar gift and what would be the right and most suitable respect. Would be not embarrassing it. And how would you would embarrass it.? Through showing up in modest. Would you think twice um well you see but.. I’m on the top of a building… It’s to hot outside.. It may disturbs my health condition… However here we are dealing with a million… Read more »

    Sorry, its the only way that works around here
    Guest
    Sorry, its the only way that works around here

    Well it’s the only way that work around here, look at everything else that we are trying to be nice about and that it just failed…

    we believe in “Rigid Principals” if you don’t like it live somewhere else period.

    We have sacrificed too much on trying to be nice & understanding about and it all failed.

    Time to be honest & tough with the yetzer horah

    True
    Guest
    True

    Great point

    i agree
    Guest
    i agree

    totally agree with you. this principal (behavior) lacks basic mentchlichkeit

    Whittier
    Guest
    Whittier

    “…And even foster them upon the parents…”
    “Foster” is not the correct word to use. “Force” would make more sense in this sentence.

    I hear you
    Guest
    I hear you

    It did pain me to read about your rebuke. It sounds humiliating and I agree with you, I don’t believe the Rebbe would have taken such an approach. I started wearing my sheitel every single time I step out of my house out of my own free will. Actually, I began doing it as a zchus for my daughter with a medical condition. No one ever told me I had to, or made me feel bad about it. Had they, I believe it would have set me back, instead of propel me forward. Now I do it as habit, even… Read more »

    AGREE !
    Guest
    AGREE !

    Time to think about real midos &
    real ahavas yisroel. There is a way to
    do things ! ! ( & the road to Moshiach ….)
    Thank you for posting !

    lol
    Guest
    lol

    Principal must have been in a bad mood don’t take it personal

    Good point on how to approach
    Guest
    Good point on how to approach

    But don’t let your yidishkeit depend on this incident

    Humanity
    Guest
    Humanity

    I agree. (I know I’ll probably be one of the few that does) For some reason some people in CH in authoritative positions feel the need to treat others as their “subjects” and not as another human being. If someone is “breaking a rule” you don’t go around screaming at them in ways that no respectable human being would do to another. It’s not camp and they are not your counselor or your mother. Many people are very sensitive to tzniyus and other issues and especially when you’re on “their turf” and their rules. that doesn’t mean that they own… Read more »

    not so simple at all
    Guest
    not so simple at all

    every person who goes down in tznius will give some excuse

    finally
    Guest
    finally

    יישר כח!

     Unbelievable -Some Common Sense Please
    Guest
    Unbelievable -Some Common Sense Please

    Of course its preferable to wear shaitel. Yet its understandable that sometimes one has no choice but to wear a tichel. Principals should be thoughtful when making remarks. They have to realize that every person has their own situation and maybe סיג לחכמה שתיקה!

    Fair
    Guest
    Fair

    Rules are rules. And this is not a difficult or costly rule. Why flaunt the breaking of the rules? This is ok for a rebellious teen ager. Difficult life. Well life is difficult and not wearing a sheitel does not make life easier. And maybe this is not the first and only time that you flaunted school rules. Let us hear from the other side. Hatzlocha in raising frum kids

    why in public?
    Guest
    why in public?

    i agree with the content of this letter 100%. but why does this leter have to published in public , for everyone to know the shortcoming of a principal? this leter should be sent to the principal. plus maybe the principal has something to add to the picture which may change abit the story? but even not, i dont think this leter belongs on a public forum. we have enough negetive issues and problems etc. we should try to publisize more posotive/encouraging leters etc. and especialy in the “3 weeks”. again, i agree that a women should not be outside… Read more »

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    Thank you for writing this. I am a balas teshuva of over 20 years. I have a stack of dollars from the Rebbe’s hands and I went to Machon Chana. I spoke to the rebbe many times and received brochos from him. Yet there was a time in my life when I began to go the other way, and it was because of certain people. You see, I was living in another state in a chabad community where certain people behaved in a way that was hurtful and judgmental toward others. It ruined my yiddishkeit until Hashem Himself arranged things… Read more »

    JUDGES
    Guest
    JUDGES

    All those judges should stop judging others lives which they know nothing about. Rather seek to improve your own deeds!

    Ask ur child
    Guest
    Ask ur child

    Perhaps ask your child how they feel about you coming into school wearing a tichel. I bet they have an opinion.

    CH Mom - who is the judge?
    Guest
    CH Mom - who is the judge?

    I will not excuse the principal’s behavior, nor judge her as you felt you should not be judged either.
    But think about a point or two:
    1- the humiliation should have been the embarrassment of going out not dressed appropriately according with the Rebbe’s bakasha
    2-think of your child, and her reaction when she saw you in a tichel, knowing it was against the rules. It embarrassed her, and taught her that yea, sometimes we can bend the rules when we are uncomfortable
    3-love the analogy, #13, bochur

    "Everybody does it"
    Guest
    "Everybody does it"

    Every time a person comes to a school not Tznius, people think if she does, so can I. If you compromise so will the other mothers (and fathers). They don’t care about your excuses.

    At Least
    Guest
    At Least

    This person wore a tichel. What did this principal say
    to those who come lwith low cut collars, sleeves, etc. Obviously she wouldn’t dare …. . Or Crown Heights would look the way it should. So please understand rather than judge.

    Why write an op-ed?
    Guest
    Why write an op-ed?

    Seriously why did you feel the need to write this? Do you feel better that you “justified” yourself? Your excuses were flimsy. Just because someone spoke to you harshly, that shouldn’t bend you out of shape. Pull it together woman!

    TO # 18  I hear you too
    Guest
    TO # 18 I hear you too

    “I started wearing my sheitel..as a zchus for my daughter with a medical condition” Well than, thanks to this pricipal, THIS lady will start wearing her shaitel without her daughter getting sick ! just come to think of it! (may your daughter have a speedy recovery)

    Similar story happened to me
    Guest
    Similar story happened to me

    I went to pickup my son at a local school, the principal rebuked me and started calling the police because I was not wearing pants! What a chutzpah! Did he stop and think that perhaps on my way to the school I had an accident and soiled my pants?? Did he even offer to get me a clean pair of pants? No he did not! What does this mean if our own mechanchim do not take cues and instead rebuke us?

    How is a tichel not tznius?
    Guest
    How is a tichel not tznius?

    I just can’t understand how wearing a tichel is considered not tzinus. I know the Rebbe preferred for women to wear shaitels, but how is a tichel not tznius? For hundreds (maybe thousands) of years women covered their hair with some sort of shmate (tichel, babushka, snood, etc) From my understanding the Rebbe encouraged women to wear a shaitel, in order for a woman to feel more positive and beautiful about herself while having to cover her hair. But to me when a woman wears a tichel it is obvious for the world to see that her hair is actually… Read more »

    dont get it
    Guest
    dont get it

    what is the point of a shaitle if it make the woman look more pretty then the avrege looking woman without a shaitle ake no cents

    what did u try to accomplish with this?
    Guest
    what did u try to accomplish with this?

    BH
    BSD PEOPLE ARE HUMAN , MISTAKES ARE MADE
    HOW ONE DEALS WITH THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS
    IS A TELLING POINT OF THEIR MIDDOS , LETS ALL STRIVE TO MAINTAIN HIGH STANDARDS OF MIDDOS TOVOS

    my question
    Guest
    my question

    Was the tichel fully covering your hair? Or was it two inches behind the hairline? That makes a big difference.

    I am not judging
    Guest
    I am not judging

    And understand where this lady is coming from. Everyone deserves respect at the same time I agree with #7 and remember it was a fast, the principal prob is in a bad mood if didn’t eat breakfast…

    You get more flies with honey then with vinegar
    Guest
    You get more flies with honey then with vinegar

    Shaming someone publicly no matter what they are doing is not going to make your point. All they will feel is shame. From shame stems resentment. And from there hatred. Speaking on the side at another time in a more personal and friendly manner 9 out 10 may not endear you to the parent but if she sees that you went out of your way and put a special effort into approaching her she might be less resentful and more thankful and understanding. Yes there will be others that don’t care and will flaunt the rules but that too has… Read more »

    Grow up
    Guest
    Grow up

    Honestly this mother sounds like a teenage herself that never grew up. Teens try to give excuses for rules a d tznius .which part of ur article sounds like you grew up? What’s the message you are giving your child- I can break rules cause I’m the mother but you can’t? Seriously? And ur whole yiddishkiet is dependent on comments some people make? Your yiddishkiet foundation seems pretty weak if so I would suggest some learning Chassidishe for u to realize its your gift o be part of this and how sad if its all broken for a few people’s… Read more »

    Crazy comments
    Guest
    Crazy comments

    Where in Halacha does it say that a women must wear a SHAITEL outside her home?? I know the rebbe encouraged women to wear shiatels out, but it is NOT halacha. stop comparing it to underwear and shoes…nonsense. We are losing our kids one at a time, perhaps we should focus on the thousands of times that the rebbe spoke about aha vas Yisroel and middos.

    wrong
    Guest
    wrong

    Okay, i agree scolding or reprimanding will not change anything and i understand feeling indignant but on the other hand i guess we have to think that she at least made a show of covering her hair. as i am seeing more and more of with a lot of young, newly marrieds a lot are not covering their hair at all ! What gives with that?

    think about it
    Guest
    think about it

    Two of my older boys(21 and 19) are not happy in crown heights (to put it mildly) and it’s in large part due to politics and hypocrasy. that being said, tznius is a major issue with them. they recently spent a shabbos in kew garden hills in a non lubavitch community and were so excited because the men truly davened in shul and all the woman wore sheitles and were tznius. everyone they saw was neatly dressed and well kempt not shlumpy and grungy. they saw sincerity and honesty. they were happier about yiddishkeit than we’ve ever seen them. Enough… Read more »

    scolded you?
    Guest
    scolded you?

    Souund like you needed it – you went without a sheital, but today I saw a very overweight woman leave her house to move her car – it was alternate side parking – but is that a heter to go out in a bathrobe and snood! Gevalt. That’s all she was wearing! I guess her only dress WAS in the washing machine at the sheital macher home! It was only for a few minutes. But I saw her. And G-d did too. Enough excuses. Too bad principal didn’t give you detention!

    By the way
    Guest
    By the way

    Oh by the way in regards to my post about my boys and their shabbos out of crown heights, my husband learnsvregularly, davens in shul(doesnt talk) and makes an honest living and is honest and sincere in all that he does. i am always tznius and always wear my one and only sheitle whenever i go out. i also work full time. financially things are beyond rough even wth both of us working, so yes we do as we say and we do as we do. i admitvwe have areas to work on. we aren’t perfect by any means but… Read more »

    As a grown, thinking woman I was deeply offended ...
    Guest
    As a grown, thinking woman I was deeply offended ...

    … to read this. Do you need some sympathy?
    You write, “I know a rule is a rule. I am not by nature much of a rule breaker” but isn’t that exactly what you did? You broke the rule that you agreed to abide by when you registered your child in the school.
    Can you imagine telling a police officer, “It was too hot to buckle my baby in the car seat?”, or tell your boss “I just got a manicure so I can’t possibly do anything till my nails dry?
    Time to grow up and think a little.

    Give-a-Wig Gemach
    Guest
    Give-a-Wig Gemach

    Mail them a post card and ask how you can get a shaitel from the gmach. What do you do if it’s a 3-day yom tov (like this coming Rosh Hashana) and a bird make a deposit on your head? You NEED a spare shaitle.
    You can donate good-quality, excellent-condition wigs to Give-a-Wig Gemach, and bring joy to a fellow bas Yisrael who cannot afford to purchase her own.

    סיג לחכמה שתיקה 25#
    Guest
    סיג לחכמה שתיקה 25#

    if there was a poisonous snake behind you would you really want me to be slient? If there was a fire buring, wouldn’t you scream for help?
    You just read Parshas Pinchas. There is fire burning. Those who care have to cry out, before it’s too late.

    No Winning With YOUR PUBLIC NOTE
    Guest
    No Winning With YOUR PUBLIC NOTE

    Children need to know that something is wrong. When something is done wrong publicly it needs to be said publicly….we just read the story of Pinchos…He was called the grandson of Aaron not because of his actions but because of his motive. step back and think about your experience again and you will thank Hashem for a principle who stood up for you and your child. So that you and your child should know that there is no crossing the line with tznius. You’re in pain? true and I’m really sorry but think about the pain of the mother’s of… Read more »

    To 13
    Guest
    To 13

    Terrible comment no cause to be proud of yourself

    mother
    Guest
    mother

    I am sorry you had a hard day. I am not from Crown Heights and am shocked when I come there, how many ladies I see in public with tichels. Perhaps that is why my young married daughters do not feel a shaitel is important to always wear in public – they see not good examples when they come to Crown Heights. The Rebbe encouraged us to wear sheitels and the principal like others are shocked by the disregard to this request of the Rebbe, to the lack of understanding and to the damage it is doing to our daughters.It… Read more »

    dys
    Guest
    dys

    A true chassid isn’t phased by any heat in this world from doing what’s right. Gehenom is much hotter!

    Not Here to Argue
    Guest
    Not Here to Argue

    My father Sheyechye always taught me that if you attack someone then the other person always defends. It is human nature, When the principal (who should be a wise educator) decided to attack she lost any chance of a meaning outcome. I have tried to implement this in my daily life and it works wonders. If the principal would have said “excuse me, I understand it is hot however, we have a policy here that I need to enforce” the response would have been a lot more positive. teachers and parents we don’t own the world or our children we… Read more »

    timing is everything
    Guest
    timing is everything

    and the reprimand would have been more accepted had it come in the form of a phone call later that morning. To tell a person at the time, makes the person get defensive, and if anyone is in earshot (including the child), embarrassed. I realize that a phone call takes more effort and more time, but that comes with the job. BTW, you write “Not a gentle reminder or kind inquiry. It felt patronizing.” I think ‘patronizing’ is the wrong word. You are probably aiming for ‘insulting’ ‘offensive’ or demeaning’. And the way that i talk (particularly in correcting or… Read more »

    how could this have happened?
    Guest
    how could this have happened?

    By the way. Since when do our schools work on shiva oser btamuz? School for the year wss over by then!!!!!

    I know exactly how you feel...
    Guest
    I know exactly how you feel...

    Glad you vented! Not everything is black and white…not with the kids and not with the parents. If school principals would make the effort to get to know the kids and their parents there would be less judgments and more compassion. Plus development of positive relationships ..I know exactly how you feel…

    The  Rebbe "Preferred???:"
    Guest
    The Rebbe "Preferred???:"

    The Rebbe “asked” not “preferred” that we, the Noshim Tzidkonios, wear a shaitel in public b/c it is a bracha on one’s family. and who would not want to bentch one’s family with this one act? Rishe Deitch has a shaitel gemach. You can pick out a very nice shaitel for free. She lives at 667 Crown St. I wore my Paula Young wig yesterday ($60) if you can afford to purchase one of hers. While I would never subscribe to insulting anyone in public I do applaud the principal for sticking to the principles as laid down by the… Read more »

    OP Here
    Guest
    OP Here

    I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by the wild assumptions here and even chinuch lessons. I clearly stated in my letter that this was a one time thing. Wearing a tichel one time on a 90+ degrees fast day is not going to ’embarrass’ my young daughters and cause them to leave the fold. I would also like to expound on the point about focusing on externalities. When a school admin or teacher is familiar with a specific family situation, be it a recent tragedy or particular hardship, they might want to stop and weigh whether rebuke is the way… Read more »

    totaly shocked
    Guest
    totaly shocked

    As a parent who lives in CH I am shocked at these comments. Concidering how anash dresses these it is a breath of fresh air to see that there are still SOME parents that still care about the Rebbe’s request to wear a shaitel outside. If you are a true chosid of the Rebbe you look beyond black and white halacha and follow the Rebbe PERIOD. I agree 100% with the schiol policy however the principle should be a bit more conciderate next time. To the bachur from Detroit kudos to you.

    the visionary
    Guest
    the visionary

    you were picked on because you are one of the weak ones,
    not rich ,not gesha, etc i would like to see if this principal would have the nerve to speak to a rich gesha like that, i doubt it highly.

    Confused
    Guest
    Confused

    I totally don’t understand why wearing a tichel is untsnius! It covers our hair and shows others we are married! I totally get not going to pick up your hold from school with it because it is a rule but other than that I don’t get why everyone here is comparing it to being naked! Weird!

    focus people
    Guest
    focus people

    Number 44 has her shaitel on straight.
    You all need to go back to school and learn about simple ahavas yisroel if you think you can go and justify bad middos.
    She wasn’t saying that the pricipal shouldn’t say anything just the way she was saying it…
    Lets not loose focus on what’s right

    watch what you say
    Guest
    watch what you say

    i am a person who always wears a shaitel outside.
    However, the closed-mind-edness of a lot of these comments is baffling. We need to be a little less judgemental and more soft spoken. One of the Rabbeim talks about the importance of saying rebuke in the right way, one has to disinfect the area etc etc and be very careful
    No excuse for poor rebuke

    chossid
    Guest
    chossid

    like most of the principals in this neighborhood they are not professionals, lack education,lack sensitivity, and have no business being in the position in the first place.

    you have no shame
    Guest
    you have no shame

    you don’t have the decency to rebuke the principal to her face so you post online…

    Publicly reprimanding is ALSO WRONG
    Guest
    Publicly reprimanding is ALSO WRONG

    Just as lax Tznius chases away hashem’s bracha
    And protection from our community (says chazal)

    We are not to judge another’s challenge be it Tznius or public rebuke

    whoa
    Guest
    whoa

    13- awesome!
    53- are u alright?
    8- right on!
    36- laughing as i read ure comment- if ure picking up ure son- ure a father- a father who doesnt wear pants!!!!!!!!!!

    WE NEED YOU !!!
    Guest
    WE NEED YOU !!!

    There is a real problem in the NON- tznios way on the streets of Crown Heights. Since every thing is by Hashgach Pratis, on that day, you were out with no sheytel. simple, There for ,you got a comment. simple. PLEASE,make sure to stay an example and not to get your ego on the way. Just look around: No sheytels, too fancy sheytels, no socks, no stockings, little knit hats with lots of hair showing, MINI skirts, too short skirts, open sandals, wide neck lines, very tight shirts. And ,B”H, some women that DO remember that it is a Chabad… Read more »

    Former CHer
    Guest
    Former CHer

    Ever wonder why CH is plagued with tzinous issues while other communities don’t have it that bad? After years of teachers obsessing over it and instilling this love/hate/obsession with their mushpim, it just completely backfired. The ones who are to blame for it are those who 20-30 years ago ran around with rulers and measured hemlines by the centimeter. I was raised in Kan Tzivah, valgered by the Rebbe’s holy feet. I have since moved my family to a more chasidisher community after watching with pain the situation in the Rebbe’s community. Where I live now, tzinous is so much… Read more »

    Respect to everyone?
    Guest
    Respect to everyone?

    A women walks into a Chabad house with out a head covering. Would any one throw them out? what if there was a sign on the door asking married women to cover their hairs? Why can’t people show the same respect to people in our own community?

    A better way
    Guest
    A better way

    Dear writer, why didnt you explain? Is your ego so big that you think you are above normal conversation? Or did you want the chance to slam her publicly? You don’t say if you were reprimanded quietly, alone or in front of others in a loud voice. Either way, you are offended. I get that, but you chose not to explain and my guess is, you have justified yourself and then magnified it all to feel righteous indignation. I never go out without a shaitel. Well, actually, that’s not strictly true. Sometimes I run to move the car. Sometimes I… Read more »

    73 comments and counting?
    Guest
    73 comments and counting?

    BH,BSD. WE ALL COULD HAVE DONE BETTER THINGS
    LETS ALL REALIZE ALL IS FROM HASHEM INITIATED ,INSTIGATED BY OUR OWN ACTIONS…AS WE SEE FROM WHAT OUR BROTHERS SAID AFTER THEIR FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE VICEROY OF EGYPT, JOSEF.DO GOOD WE HAVE GOOD ITS THAT SIMPLE…BESOROS TOVOS TO ONE AND ALL

    Bottom line is!
    Guest
    Bottom line is!

    Sorry, but it seems to me, that the rule in CH is: if you are wealthy, you can wear whatever you want to anywhere you want and nobody peeps a word. This poor woman obviously didn’t fall into the tax bracket that keeps people off her back. I’ve seen women AND men coming to schools wearing ALOT worse than a tichel and still get the red carpet treatment.

    obsession  with tznius
    Guest
    obsession with tznius

    And that is why the lack of it here in crown heights! The younger generation know what riles up the older generation and they are fighting back for all the hypocrisy they see here ! Explain why it’s ok for Jewish landlords to have the entrance of their building painted on shabbos morning ( as i saw this week)and then go and preach tznius issues!!
    This place needs to get back to the basics of yiddishkiet and AHAVAS yisroel and we will see less anger/ tznius!!

    Historical Perspective
    Guest
    Historical Perspective

    I’m going to let ya’ll in on a little secret: for most of Jewish history, women did not wear wigs. The wearing of a wig is a historically recent phenomenon, playing no role and given no mention in textual Jewish history. But hey, why bother following the traditions of our forefathers when we can constantly reinvent ourselves with newer and increasingly outlandish costumes.

    anon
    Guest
    anon

    also goes for young adult women speaking to older adult women and making them feel “scolded”. Very very disrespectful no matter how you feel about them. Happens quite often in my community.

    To # 3
    Guest
    To # 3

    A Shaitel is not stated anywhere in Sulhan Aruch, so according to the Torah she did nothing wrong. However if the policy of the school is wear a shaitel so that’s what you must do of find a school that fits your needs and wants.

    71 Thank you!
    Guest
    71 Thank you!

    i needed that chizuk! i think people are forgetting that this is not about tznius, its about STOPPING A PLAGUE untznius is not private personal buisness according to many Torah sources! it chas veshalom removes Hashem’s protection from our kehila, PLEEEEES do it for the sake of stopping the tears and suffering that soo many families have already suffered from untimely tragedies i dont know forsure if the spike in tragedy came from the spike of untznius (ONLY HASHEM KNOWS FORSURE) but just in case the Rebbe was right that extra care in Tznius brings extra protection against harmsway (and… Read more »

    To Dictator Comments
    Guest
    To Dictator Comments

    She is shaming no one. She didn’t mention the school or the principal’s name. It’s very vague. And if you don’t like that it’s posted email collive or start your own website.

    There is too much dictators in these comments when you don’t even know this mother.

    The Rebbe predicted,
    Guest
    The Rebbe predicted,

    No wig, will lead to a slipping back wig R”L and worse, i will not go into to detail of the kind of “worse” associated with those who keep cutting corners in tznius VDAL

    its best to be on the safe side,
    by following the Rebbe, re Tznius and re Rebuking in a Mannar of AHAVAS YISROEL with utmost sensitivity and care

    give you credit principal
    Guest
    give you credit principal

    for standing up for what’s right. I think every school should make sure the moms dress appropriatley when dropping or picking up the child.

    Tznius = Community Safety!
    Guest
    Tznius = Community Safety!

    if it werent for the serious dangers untznius bring to a community, then i would not be so careful my self!

    ITS CHAZAL (not just the Rebbe) who singled out tznius as directly correlating with safety/Tragedy in a community

    Lets use this as a wake up call, to take the Rebbe’s words seriously, and trust him, re Tznius bringing Brochos to everyone!

    the Rebbe did not spend much time emphasizing the Chazals which predict untimely tragedy R”L to a community who chases away Hashem’s protection

    Bochur
    Guest
    Bochur

    I know it’s not the same topic at all, and I wouldn’t necessarily even call it tznius per se, but since so many people here are bringing up the issue of negative pressure to adhere to standards; even though the standards are in and of themselves positive- because of the way and the attitude in which they are implemented, this causes feelings of negativity and in turn, passively rebelling by not dressing tzniusdik or even merely ignoring the call. I would just like to bring up something that bothers me as an extension of this idea of being coerced into… Read more »

    to#78
    Guest
    to#78

    Great history lesson to which most don’t know about.

    G-d is obsessed with tznius
    Guest
    G-d is obsessed with tznius

    he link a communities safety to it!

    Lets remember the Halacha
    Guest
    Lets remember the Halacha

    The halacha is that a married women must cover her hair outside the home. This has been extended into the home as well, based on the blessings mentioned in the gemara for a women that does this. The Rebbe in the letters I recall reading favored a sheital over a teichel because he felt there was a danger that the women could too easily take a teichel off and hide it. With a Sheitel that is almost impossible. Therefore, the women will resist the temptation to uncover her hair in public due to social pressure. Now, in general, following what… Read more »

    To 78
    Guest
    To 78

    You are right. However, the Rebbe advocating and encouraging women to wear shaitels was for other reasons, namely, being proud to be a bas Yisroel and married lady and to project the message that we can be the epitome of tznius and simultaneously feel good as Jewish women. So, it’s not a bad thing to be staunch in ones position of wearing a shaitel; it should be very positive! The problem we are seeing is how it is implemented, and that it’s done without Ahavas Yisroel and sensitivity, which is everything the Rebbe epitomized in everything, to everyone and anyone,… Read more »

    Sorry
    Guest
    Sorry

    I feel bad about what happened to you. It would have been nice if she would have spoken gently. Would you be able to afford one of those cheepy sheitels that would do for those humid not wanting to ruin sheitle time

    Everyone's missing the point
    Guest
    Everyone's missing the point

    The article is not about this lady’s rule breaking, or her going against what the Rebbe said. The author is trying to point out that the principal’s actions could and should have been handled differently. The author did not explicitly mention where the event occurred, but from inference it seems like it was at least in a semi public-place. The author’s main intent (IMHO) is to say that the principal should not have embarrassed her in public. Maybe the principal could have taken her aside and said something in a polite and nice manner. Considering its the three weeks, it… Read more »

    Rules!
    Guest
    Rules!

    All these opinions about shaitels are irrelevant. It was a school rule- which she knowingly broke – period.
    There was obviously no exception to the rule like ” this applies to below 90 degree weather.”
    So why’s she venting on collive?

    It's just like getting a parking ticket
    Guest
    It's just like getting a parking ticket

    Say you are a super responsible driver and never break the rules, but one time right before Shabbos you needed something from a store and you had to park by the pump for “just 2 minutes”. If you get a ticket, you have no right to complain, you broke the rules. I don’t see how this is different here.

    A little clarity
    Guest
    A little clarity

    1. You can cover your hair with a potato sack if you want to. Covered is covered and al pi halacha it’s fine. 2. This is not about covering hair. It’s about a community standard, and therefore a school standard, based on something that our Rebbe asked of us. Our Rebbe. 3. A school has a right to make rules for the students, teachers and parents to keep. If the school wants all parents to wear a purple poncho to pick up their children, it has the right to demand it. And you have the right to send your child… Read more »

    The
    Guest
    The

    Problem is you and you know it. The school has rules, You disobeyed What do you want?? Big comforting hug? I’m happy that the principle showed zero-tolerance !! She has a job to do -education, Our girls are getting contradicting messages from the streets So please help make “School” safe /kosher place. You can’t complain if you are guilty, Next time -if you want to be respected ,first you should respect others, in this specific issue it’s yourself! I think that a lady that goes out without a shaitel is not respecting herself, And of course denying the blessings That… Read more »

    Tznius
    Guest
    Tznius

    Note that most pple that go off the derech in general and with tznius too, are more often from highly farfrumte homes, where the parents made them insane about tznius their entire lives. I am talking from experience, where this happened to many of my friends growing up I hectic too frum houses. They were so brainwashed , they took everything that was ever taught to them, and threw it all out the window. ..what I’m trying to say is, if a mother walks out with a tichel, I don’t think it will harm her irreparably . So many homes… Read more »

    reminds me of Oholei Torah
    Guest
    reminds me of Oholei Torah

    this womans kvetching reminds me of parents complaining that their children don’t learn to read in Oholei Torah. Oholei Torah, and the Mosad where the principal “yelled” at you, are very clear about their hashkafa, and their policy. If you don’t like it, or don’t plan to adhere to it, find somewhere else to send your children. Must there always be someone else to blame?? If you have an issue with a core fundamental of a moised, then you should not be sending your children there and kvetching. find somewhere else. It has nothing to do with whether you are… Read more »

    Even the Rebbe
    Guest
    Even the Rebbe

    told people to wear sheitels because tichels were not socailly acceptable at the time, and a sheitel is easier to remove. Because some people won’t cover all their hair with a tichel but with a sheitel you have to. Because some people aren’t willing to give up their hair, and a sheitel allows them to “keep” the hair. It was making a l’chatchila out of a b’dieved situation. But I don’t think that the Rebbe ever said sheitels were more tznanua. On the contrary, they are a lot less. I wear a sheitel because I am Chabad. I hate it.… Read more »

    Lets be real
    Guest
    Lets be real

    We go back and forth constantly but the problem lies in the people that just don’t care.They are just as self riteous as the people that shove tznius down everyone’s throats.they have a million reasons why they can dress the way they do w
    How dare you judge them!If I were stopped by the principle one morning for a tichel I would pull her aside quietly and say “let’s get this straight.you know I’m not the problem”.and she would know I was right.

    Rules an dregulations
    Guest
    Rules an dregulations

    Tznius is not only between man and G-d it is also ben odom lachaveiro. Women have to have consideration on the impact their behavior causes to men. This is not any different then the rules we have for transit or similar. You can’t speed or ignore signs not being considered by saying let others be careful. Women may not understand or feel what they cause to others by dressing untznius and may look at men that get influenced by it as perverts or so. This is nature and it was done this way just to control ourselves and do the… Read more »

    for the record
    Guest
    for the record

    I once had neurosurgery and it got infected and I had to have second neurosurgery as a result. The doctor told me after 2nd surgery (and 3 months on IV antibiotics) that I shouldn’t wear a sheitel for a few months to prevent infection. I was embarrassed to go out without a sheitel but it was Tishrei time and I really wanted to daven in shul for the yomim tovim. My mahpia told me I shouldn’t worry about it, I should just go out with a tiechel.
    In conclusion, you never know.

    @89
    Guest
    @89

    There is no social pressure. People are not that gullible and impressionable. You make a decision to do what you do. Read comment #86. I’m starting to believe just from observation that people can’t think think for themselves.

    Am I missing the point
    Guest
    Am I missing the point

    Moshe Rabbenu rebuked am yisroel, right before his histalkus. Why? People do not respond well to criticism. There are guidelines how to provide criticism. Hochayach Tochiach Amisecha has to be done with Ahavas Yisrael. That is the only way it will be received and respected. You want the person hearing the criticism to act on it and improve their actions. If the person listening to the rebuke feels it is from the heart and said out of love, they will react and behave more positively. Everyone has areas that they need to improve. Do we like everyone attacking us and… Read more »

    Hurt??
    Guest
    Hurt??

    You were hurt for one reason since you KNOW well that you were wrong and came to school in a way which is against the school rule, whatever it may be. Would you have beeen insulted had they told you that you have ketchup spilled on your back or that you are wearing 2 different shoes? No, you would have said “thanks for letting me know, now what can I do about it?” The Rebbe said Shaitlach; so it’s not just a school rule but a desire of the Rebbe and He knew why he demanded us to wear one.… Read more »

    to #102
    Guest
    to #102

    I hope you are doing fine, and even more I hope there are no others suffering from this unfortunate diagnosis. Are you trying to imply that every person walking around with a tichel has a medical issue? Hashem Yerachem!!!!

    Good job princble
    Guest
    Good job princble

    A minumum of chabad mother is to be a role model for her children and wearing a sheitle is the basic principle of the chinuch for her children . The director of the schopl has the right to keep the ruchnous standard of his school . Bravo to this director

    bad policy
    Guest
    bad policy

    This school policy is very wrong and is not based on anything the rebbe said. There are many people in crown heights that if you forced them to be 100% tzniusdig would leave crown heights & much of yidishkeit . Most shluchim tolerate far worse in their shul & schools. These same schools from crown heights tolerate far worse when they make a big fundraising dinner. The rebbe never spoke about enforcing tznius in this manner. Eventually someone will open a very modern orthodox school in crown heights and all you commenters will be complaining about how dare they etc.

    81, 83, 85, Ouch!!
    Guest
    81, 83, 85, Ouch!!

    You can say the same (true) message, but w/I the sting!

    Here we go again
    Guest
    Here we go again

    Just bec someone somewhere throws rocks on Shabbis, doesn’t change the reality, that (according to chazal) Tznius has a direct impact on preventing Tragedies in our “machaneh”

    Let’s all show compassion and consideration for our fellow neighbors and make this community a Bevin of blessing and light (not a endless stream of tragedies! HY”R!!!)

    I know the Rebbe highlighted the blessings of wearing a sheitul etc

    But sometimes for the sake of public safety we need to remind people what chazal said re a community that disregards Tznius r”l

     ch resident
    Guest
    ch resident

    Barouch Hashem we have caring principals. There will be time when everyone will follow what our Rebbe asked for.However until then we need enforcement just like the security in the airports. You choose the yeshiva where to send your child not to school. you choose to live in the Rebbes shchuna. Please be respectful to yourself.

    In my humble opinion
    Guest
    In my humble opinion

    The right question to ask is “what does the Rebbe say”
    Re.
    How to rebuke effectively?
    How to dress for maximum bracha?
    How to enforce school policy when disrespected?
    How to stand up for the right values w/o compromising Ahavas Yisroel?

    Food for thaught! Moshich now!

    To #110
    Guest
    To #110

    Chazal could not possibly have been referring to wearing a wig or lack thereof, as women didn’t wear wigs back then. This women who wrote this article was covering her hair according t

    Get a life
    Guest
    Get a life

    What is the point of this article?
    Should we all start writting opeds every time we are offended.

    111 said it well: (everyone suspend your defensiveness for one minute and listen with an open mind pls)
    Guest
    111 said it well: (everyone suspend your defensiveness for one minute and listen with an open mind pls)

    as chasidim we ought to frame all issues through the prism of Torah and Chasidus

    When our reality is filtered through the right lens, then it will manifest in the way we speak, and behave!

    we will then be far more effective on having a positive impact on others
    Be it, Tznius, Yiras Shomayim or anything else

    TZNIUS AND AHAVAS YISROEL ARE NO CONTRADICTION
    let not this op-ed make it seem that the two values are mutually exclussive

    Please please try your best to respect Tznius for the sake of all the good the Rebbe promised for mesiras nefesh for tznius

    true chasidishkeit never turns off anyone!
    Guest
    true chasidishkeit never turns off anyone!

    those rebelling by dressing (dangerously) untzniusdig, are like tinok shenishba, even if they heard all the sichos (i doubt it) and know all the warnings from chazal, and all the blessings from the Rebbe, it still doesn’t address the underlying cause, our school system does not imbue a deep sense of jewish pride and grace where we feel lke the leaders, like the trend setters, like bnos milochim, we have a collective inferiority complex, about our value as a person, we NEED the attention bec we’r desperate and thirsty for emes and dont have it from our schools who are… Read more »

    Slippery slope
    Guest
    Slippery slope

    The Rebbe said (we can trust him) for our women its not ok to wear tichul outdoors, bec it’ll inevtibaly lead to worse R”L
    The YH works in clever (baby steps) ways

    The moment i give my self permission to defy that horaa
    Theres no telling R”L where the YH may take me next (ever so slowly and gradually)

    Vdal

    Listening to the Rebbe has never messed anyone over
    Being smarter than the Rebbe did : (

    Lets trust the Rebbe

    The Rebbe says, Tichul = not Tznius, today we see he was right.

    Appreciate our freedom
    Guest
    Appreciate our freedom

    As we approach Independence Day it is appropriate to note how lucky we are to live in a country where we can choose where to send our children to school and how we choose to cover our hair.

    to#101
    Guest
    to#101

    that is impossible. men are going to look even if you are wearing a burka. Putting responsibility on any random women’s shoulder because men need self-control is ridiculous. Key-word in self-control is “self.”

    hahah
    Guest
    hahah

    i love how everyone thinks this woman is poor…she cud be the richest person in the world who doesnt like sheitels!

    leave ch!!

    let's get the facts straight
    Guest
    let's get the facts straight

    there are only several comments here that truly get it #37, 44, 64 and a few others. to equate wearing a tichel outside, to going out without underwear or shoes etc. is completely ridiculous and close minded. wearing a tichel outside is not against halacha! one could be wearing a shaitel, but has a very low neckline, no socks etc. – that is against halacha. true, the Rebbe asked it of us & said it will bring brachos. but I think the Rebbe meant something you should be in the habbit of doing – always wearing a shaitel outside, but… Read more »

    to#114
    Guest
    to#114

    wow. you have a point. Everyone writing write an op-ed about something trivial. The last trivial one was about a parking spot. And the next one I guarantee is going to be about tznuis like so many others. sheesh.

    117 sadly true!
    Guest
    117 sadly true!

    The Rebbe did warn us that Tichul is a slippery slope
    And it’s obvious today!

    Ahavas Yisroel is still the best way to share the importance of Tznius to health, nachas, safety,

    To all pro Tznius advocates
    Guest
    To all pro Tznius advocates

    Why are you so pro Tznius?
    If its out of love, then you have nothing to worry about, bec devorim hayoitzim min halev, nichnosim!!!

    If it bounces back or turns into an oped, (as hayom yom puts it) consider that you need to be more sensitive and cut your nails first!

    Tznius is too critical to our community’s safety and well being to have it promoted in a sloppy way!

    Lives are on the line please be extra careful in how you bring it up to someone who is struggling

    Chazal alert!!!!
    Guest
    Chazal alert!!!!

    The Rebbe’s way was never to dwell on the curses untznius is predicted to attract!

    Please please keep it positive!!!!!!

    The Rebbe always Encouraged Encouraged Encouraged!
    Better mention all the Brachos Tznius and Shaitul brings in Nachas, Health, Harchava!

    Wow! Tznius hits such a raw nerve! Why??
    Guest
    Wow! Tznius hits such a raw nerve! Why??

    Judging from the number of empassioned comments, clearly there’s allot at steak!

    Please someone help me understand,
    I get it why the pro types are worked up, they believe that Lives and Safety are at steak when “g-d’s protection” is chased away”
    I get that!!
    Could someone please explain the other-side of the argument for me please??

    Thank you!

    Oh and is it true that the Rebbe equated starting to wear a Tichul instead of a Shaitul (outside the home) as a step down in Tznius?

    Someone pls clarify, Ty!

    Cher
    Guest
    Cher

    What is your problem? You broke the rules, the principal rightfully so, made you aware of it. She did it to your face. She did not talk behind your back, she did not post it on col and if she is aware of your hard life, she is just as aware of many more hardships in school families. Now you will feel even worse as most comments are against you and not with you
    Do the right thing for the welfare of your children

    I grew up in CH and never heard of any link between Tznius and Community Tragedies?
    Guest
    I grew up in CH and never heard of any link between Tznius and Community Tragedies?

    I find it hard to believe! If such a connection is really true and not propaganda, then why is this not taught to young girls in school? Oh I forgot its mussar, so lets keep everyone in the dark bec we dare not mention the dangers caused by certain sins!! I don’t get it! If its really that dangerous literally, than it does no one any good to tell them they just have to do it just bec! Just like its ok to warn children of the dangers of smoking, it’s just as apropos to teach them the dangers of… Read more »

    I support assertive enforcement of school policies
    Guest
    I support assertive enforcement of school policies

    But, it must be done with the utmost sensitivity and respect!! I think I know who this mother is, and she was struggling internally whether to wear a Shaitul that day or not! Just imagine how you’d be hurt if your struggling with a guilty conscience and I top of that the principal approaches you the one time you slipped up!! I totally understand her hurt!! There’s little the principal can do in such a case to not offend someone who is already very self conscious… Bottom line: Lets not judge! Either principal or Mother Let’s just view this story… Read more »

    127 (most comments are not against HER"
    Guest
    127 (most comments are not against HER"

    It’s the ISSUE not the person being discussed! Most comments are pro the principal’s right to enforce school decorum That not the same as saying most comments are against HER (the person) I for one disagree with what she did, but I’m NOT against HER! The Rebbe said its ok to be vocally against wrong ideologies, but never against the person with the wrong ideology/decision The feeling I get is that the author is actually pro Tznius and that’s why she got so hurt, bec she really cares about Tznius and struggles everyday! As others have said it best! I’m… Read more »

    Lol to #36
    Guest
    Lol to #36

    Nice to bring some humor while everyone is getting a little too carried away

    to #37
    Guest
    to #37

    The Rebbe said a sheitel is required in public because a tichel never covers everything and even if it would be covering everything when the woman puts it on it can slip back later on.

    @126
    Guest
    @126

    Tznius hits such a raw nerve! Why??

    The lack of choice maybe.

    Honestly I think G-d’s protection disappears when he sees what goes on with child abuse, and other stuff he sees,etc He sees more than me obviously. And I think G-d can change his protection detail if he wants. no?

    just reading
    Guest
    just reading

    was her hair covered with a snoot or a scarf or not covered at all?

    inexpensive synthetic sheitels
    Guest
    inexpensive synthetic sheitels

    Human hair sheitlakh are very expensive, I can definitely understand how a person on a limited income only has one. But synthetic ones can be bought (for example from Paula Young) for $50 or less — perhaps the OP would consider purchasing one of these to have as a backup.

    anonymous
    Guest
    anonymous

    completely agree. well said.

     It happened here
    Guest
    It happened here

    I live in a certain large Anash community ,quite a distance from NY. Unfortunately we are dealing with a segment of Anash that has broken off from the main Anash shul ,and have opened up their own shul ,with their own Rov,and their own standards.The Rebbe knows well how the Yetzer Hora works .Something has happened lately as a result of the breakdown of Tznius.Those who live here know what I refer too.Its time for us to recognize that all we have are the words of “Ben Amrom”.When we ignore him and go with our own vices Ruchman Litzlon ,tragedy… Read more »

    Uneducated
    Guest
    Uneducated

    Just a note that it’s hard to take a commenter seriously when they have such obvious spelling and grammatical errors!

    Re-action
    Guest
    Re-action

    It was 17 Tamuz and while you were off from work due to the fast, the pricipal was at work. She spoke to you, and you interpreted that in a negative way. You don’t mention that she raised her voice or used negative language or even embarrassed you in public. The message she felt she had to give you was you going to be taken in a negative way by you anyway. Now you will say. It is the way she said it that did the damage. I am telling you that anyway she would have said it would be… Read more »

    Brochos
    Guest
    Brochos

    I know when you are hurt it is hard to say Thank you to the messenger- however the Rebbe gave us such Brochos when we wear a sheitel. Maybe bec its not such an easy mitzvah (hot- no Ac…) maybe thats why so many Brochos are waiting for us.
    If you are able to shift your focus and say this is an opportunity for you to decide to always wear a sheitel.
    May Hashem Bentch you to see nachas from your kids, and which mother would not sweat and be uncomfortable in exchange for all the Brochos that are waiting for you!
    Hatzlocha

    SHAME
    Guest
    SHAME

    Shame on whichever principle did that! Embarrassing someone in public is the same as killing someone….

    great new school rule
    Guest
    great new school rule

    let all the schools make a new rule, that you are not allowed to talk loshon hara or bad to another. thats for sure way worse than not wearing a sheitel or not even covering your hair.

    #51
    Guest
    #51

    You dont get the point. If you want to scream, do so on
    Kingston Avenue where plenty…. cause a chilul Lubavitch . Dont judge an individual who was in a situation you know nothing
    about. After all she WORE a tichel. As far as the REBBE’s
    directives, I’m sure you TOO can improve in things which
    the REBBE said .

    i think it is ok
    Guest
    i think it is ok

    to wear a tichel once in a while if she is fasting and hot as long as the tichel covered every thing that has to be covered. she didn’t break the rules if her hair was completely covered the Rebbe didn’t want any tichlech bec. he knows his schoira – that not everyone will be careful to cover it all.

    You're both have a point..
    Guest
    You're both have a point..

    Seems to me that both Ahavas Yisroel and the aspect of tznius that is a personal bakasha nafshis of the Rebbe (sheitel) are of utmost importance. Wish I could give this woman a hug and a hand with her life, especially on a hot, miserable day. Also wish I could help the principals and other concerned community members figure out how to do something to foster (!) a sense of old fashioned tznius around here. Somehow, as a community, we have failed to impart a love of tznius. Anyone who cares is made to feel nitpicky, severe, and harsh. Frankly,… Read more »

    Inshdh
    Guest
    Inshdh

    I think the principle should have gone quietl

    Finally
    Guest
    Finally

    Every day I see women dressed inapprpriatly while picking my children up from school. My biggest complaint is why doesn’t anyone tell them it’s against the rules? In a respectful place people would never dare to disobey school rules. When a principal finally says something it’s as if the principal did the wrong thing. Where is our basic respect? How can we expect children to follow our rules? How can we expect children to do what’s right if we don’t . If you don’t like the school policy send your children elsewhere instead of having the audacity to show up… Read more »

    tichlich
    Guest
    tichlich

    I can’t believe how many people are really making such nutty comments about this. A woman is supposed to cover her hair. Our Bubbes wore tichlich all the time. Yes, we were told by the Rebbe that it is best to wear a shaitel but if a woman has a special situation no one has the right to judge or embarrass her. This is not the Torah way and certainly not the Rebbes way. Maybe its time for the “holier than thou” people to start having real Ahavas Yisroel and stop playing G-d.

    to 142
    Guest
    to 142

    yeah right.
    make such a rule , and you have to kick out 90%

    ...."TZINIUS"....
    Guest
    ...."TZINIUS"....

    After reading only 10 opinions, my frustration and irritation set in! As Rabbi Shalom Arush puts it: “EVERYONE (and I repeat EVERYONE) needs to do personal Teshuva. Be this for personal reasons, Loshem Hora, raising our offspring in the correct derech, having Derech Eretz, etc.” Being the FRUM POLICE, whether in CH or elsewhere, is NOT what Hashem wants from/for anyone. Each and every single yid should do their daily personal Teshuva, and Daven to the Aibishte as one awakens, that we should ONLY open our mouths to speak if the words that come out from our lips are WORDS… Read more »

    Kvetch
    Guest
    Kvetch

    I don’t understand. Where not talking here about someone criticizing your frumkeit. You may be right about who and where people have the right to do that. This is about school policy. The policy is there because the school wants to teach its students what the proper, halachic, chassidish, tznius way to act is. You were not acting that way. You got called on the carpet for that. Period.

    I read through every comment
    Guest
    I read through every comment

    Here’s my conclusion 1. School has right to set and enforce its on campus policies 2. The principal must be as sensitive and gentle as possible when asserting any of the schools policies 3. The schools should educate their children the full picture about how Tznius is disproportionately relevant to a community’s safety and prosperity 4. It’s wrong and inappropriate for anyone to try belittle the importance if Tznius just because they themselves have a weakness in that department 5. Shaitul is part of Tznius according to the Rebbe’s shita 6. Sacrifice for Tznius does bring many brochos from Hashem… Read more »

    Cold-hearted
    Guest
    Cold-hearted

    Ya’ know, I understand the rule. I understand the reason for it. I understand its importance for many of us, What I do not understand is that a principal had the lack of kindness and tact to handle this in a better way. Maybe she had a hard day, maybe she was fasting, maybe, maybe! And maybe she got carried away with her sense of authority and thought it was appropriate to address this parent in such a rude way! For me, it depends a lot upon whether this principal addresses parents in this manner often, or whether this was… Read more »

    It's wrong and insensitive to label fellow Lubavitchers as "inconsiderate" to the public well being!!!!
    Guest
    It's wrong and insensitive to label fellow Lubavitchers as "inconsiderate" to the public well being!!!!

    It’s nice and all to quote chazal and sichas about the public danger etc resulting from a community’s immodesty!!
    The question is why aren’t these Tichul ladies not showing respect to the school’s decorum policies??
    The school has the right to enforce whatever it’s policies are, granted! But if its a non legit policy, then let parents get together and change the school policy to what they like

    Ahavas Yisroel-
    Guest
    Ahavas Yisroel-

    I appreciate your comment, #148! I think the principal’s condescending attitude was rude and uncalled for. Is there some kind of absolute rule about a tichel? If so, has that parent worn one before? I obviously don’t know the situation, but it would seem to me that if the principal had spoken to the parent privately and firmly explained any fast rule being broken, the same message would have been delivered. In that scenario, both principal and parent could have maintained their dignity. But principals are people too, so just apologize, explain, and redeem yourself. Same for the parent. All… Read more »

    128
    Guest
    128

    Ur right!

    The truth is the best lie!!
    Ignorance is bliss until it leads to consequences
    It’s true I think many ppl are just unaware of the connection between their families brochos, community protection etc and hidur in Tznius

    Lets not judge
    Lets educate!
    With utmost sensitivity and love!

    S0....
    Guest
    S0....

    Does that school have a steadfast rule about a tichel or a sheitel? If so, is it written, spoken, explained, etc.? Where? Who? And I’d like to know if any other women have ever worn a tichel to that school. If so, was anything said about it? To whom? In what way? There might be more than meets the eye in this situation. I’d like to know….

    To #86 - Bochur w/o hat
    Guest
    To #86 - Bochur w/o hat

    Relax. You sound like you have your head on straight. Yes, its part of the uniform of a soldier to always go out in hat and jacket, but so long as you know you are doing things right, you’re okay. Discuss this with your mashpia and figure out how to not let the negative comments and looks of others affect you. People must remember that Ahavas Yisrael is the “klal gadol baTorah” – not tznius or hats/jackets. In terms of our school principals – unfortunately, most have enough to worry about internally within their own families than to go rebuking… Read more »

    we desperately need Hashem's protection!!!!
    Guest
    we desperately need Hashem's protection!!!!

    Please oeople, everyone ! Do all you can to increase in Ahavas yisroel and Tznius, together both are more such a force to attract hashems brochos to the whole community!

    Even if not for your self, please make the effort for the benefit of
    Your neighbors and their children! Gd knows we’ve certainly seen our plague of tragedies many times over, ad mosai!! Lets pass this last test!!

    lower the tone of your voice
    Guest
    lower the tone of your voice

    In NYC, it’s survival of the fittest!!!
    You become rude, aggresive, selfish, defensive etc.etc.
    People don’t talk to each other like MENTCHEN in NYC!!!
    From the Mechanchim, to the little children. The norm over
    here, especially in Crown Heights.”Kan Tsiva Hashem Es HaBracha”. is rudeness that is so beyond, that it’s utterly pathetic..
    that there isn’t words to describe this .

    where thenkedusha is greatest the counter forces fight back the hardest
    Guest
    where thenkedusha is greatest the counter forces fight back the hardest

    Its no surprise that in Kan Tziva the YH is so relentless!
    Be it Tznius, Ahavas yisroel or Condecending attitudes by naysayers (160) yes condecending shouldent happen even if the target of your bullying lives in ch. I know how I raise my children, with derech eretz and middos tovos yiras shomayim as number one!
    Torah knowlege is a lower priority, pls (160) dont mock an entire community, yes there are many who disrespect the Rebbe’s teachings, be it Tznius or Ahavas yisroel, but lets not judge them, we dont knoe their struggle

    Tznius IS the opitome of Ahavas Yisroel!!!!
    Guest
    Tznius IS the opitome of Ahavas Yisroel!!!!

    If you believe literally everything chazal and the Rebbe linked to Tznius! Its has a sygnificant impact on the wellbeing of your own family and neighborhood!

    When I see a fellow jewish mother walking down the street tzniusdig, I feel like thanking her on behalf of everyone she is blessing by her courage and sacrafice!

    this is much bigger than our petty egos!!
    Guest
    this is much bigger than our petty egos!!

    This involves the very safety of everyone in our machaneh! My kids your kids,

    To those who wish to promote and strengthen ppls awareness as to the centrality of Tznius, you must do so with the utmost love and sensitivity! Many ppl have very sensitive self esteems especially re their decissions to lower their dress standards, its like a landmine, only experts should approach something so sensitive! No one wants to be seen as “inconsiderate” or “disrespectful” to the public

    Here is why I came naked to school
    Guest
    Here is why I came naked to school

    My one set of clothes were at the dry cleaners, and it was 90 degrees – I didn’t want them all sweaty, besides, I might have a medical condition making me allergic to clothes, so why did the principal get angry at me for coming to school naked? I am a sensitive person who is sensitive only to myself! She could have spoken nicely to me…NOT! If you don’t get it, you never will!

    ???
    Guest
    ???

    Still confused…..what’s wrong with a thichel????

    Wow -- what's happened to Ahavas Yisroel in CH????
    Guest
    Wow -- what's happened to Ahavas Yisroel in CH????

    Wow. I am reading the comments and just STUNNED. I cannot believe the utter lack of compassion I am seeing. Not to mention the amnesia about the basic halacha that likens the public humiliation of a fellow Jew (read: “scolding”) to murder. I too have seen what a person in authority can do when being disrespectful to another, be that person a parent or a child. In the case of students, we have only to look around us on the streets to see the hundreds we have lost, many directly to the insensitivity encountered in the classroom or from their… Read more »

    yossi A
    Guest
    yossi A

    To 126 There is NO other side period. Whoever iw writing to make another side is just trying to legitimize there not wearing a shaitel and dressing tziniusdik.
    As chasidim we MUST follow the Rebbe directions & sichos.
    152 great bottom line

    Ahavas Yisroel + Tznius = Way to go
    Guest
    Ahavas Yisroel + Tznius = Way to go

    agree with159

    Davening
    Guest
    Davening

    I believe it is important to remind the public of the expected standards of tznius, but not in a manner which embarrases them. “Hocheiach tochiach es amisecho” by all means, but remember “v’lo siso olov cheit”. All the good efforts of rebuke vanish when they generate the sin of embarrasing another yid. That being said, I think we should start respectfully reprimanding all of those people who daven at 770 throughout the week well after zman tefillah, at times well into the afternoon. Besides for it being just plain wrong and an utter enbarrasment, I cannot think of anything better… Read more »

    to #141 & 160
    Guest
    to #141 & 160

    wearing a shaitel, because let’s face it, it is the only way that the hair is totally covered is a DIN from HASHEM’S Torah and NOT the rules of the school! And the Torah does not make exceptions for weather or what floor you live on or how difficult your life is! and if you start making little allowances they grow to bigger ones. and if not by you then definitely by your children. Yes, I know of too many girls who turned away from a frum chasidishe way of life because of being embarrassed and shamed – most of… Read more »

    stop the extremism
    Guest
    stop the extremism

    137 can teach us all alot. Keep up the criticism and over the top demands while overlooking outright halachah like loshon harah, genaiveh, etc. and see where that gets you. Is it any wonder why these people left your shul and your krum hashkafah? And no, I don’t live in CA but I do see the writing on the wall. If you can’t keep your extremists in check, those that are offended by it will open new shuls, schools etc. we are already seeing the birth of this movement. Seeing some of the over the top comments here makes me… Read more »

    Out of towner
    Guest
    Out of towner

    I arrived in CH last week for two days. I thought I was “seeing things” when twice, I saw a woman approaching me wearing a tichel and a mini skirt!! I could not believe my eyes!! Wow. OK, the exact definition of mini skirt might not apply, but the skirts were at least 8 inches above the knee, and mini skirt was the only way I could adequately describe it. I can better understand why one of MY daughters, that I taught to dress tzniusly, who now lives in CH, has, to my utmost sadness, has gravitated to tighter, shorter… Read more »

    Blessings?
    Guest
    Blessings?

    To the many commenters saying that tznius brings blessings, does that mean all those women who have been dressing tznius all their lives but have difficult lives are doing something wrong? Should they perhaps thank Hashem that they are not homeless or severely ill? I don’t get the logic and you are helping nothing.

    attitude
    Guest
    attitude

    The Bais Hamikdash was destroyed because the Rabbis thought more about whether an animal with a blemish could be offered than about a Jew feeling humiliated. At the same time, the woman wearing a tichel should not be a hot head but realize the principal may also has rules she has to uphold and also has nisyanos.True, the Rebbe said that women should cover their hair with a shaitel but we also have to know how and when to reprimand someone.without the person feeling humiliated. Also, when a school tells a person that a matter that the Rebbe wanted is… Read more »

    to#171
    Guest
    to#171

    Stop extremism. Really?

    @159
    Guest
    @159

    Read comment #93 on Life is Like Second-Hand Smoking.
    It was right to the point.

    idgi!
    Guest
    idgi!

    Whats the argument against wearing shaituls?
    Seems that everyone here agrees that a chossid follows his/her Rebbe, right?
    I dont see two sides to that argument, am I missing something?
    Seems the Only question is whether the school may enforce “religious” policies on its teritory
    I say Yes, but in a sensitive and ahavas yisroel-dige manner!
    We dont know the facts, in this case whether it was delivered inmussardige way or a gentle chasidusdige way!
    Either way
    There is no conflict between Tznius advocacy and Ahavas chinum!

    the chabad way
    Guest
    the chabad way

    Is to not cave on principles
    And at the same time manifest maximum ahavat yisrael

    If the goal of tzniut is to help the piblic have more prosperity and less tragedy, then that is ahavat yisrael too
    But only if done the right way ie in a tone of ahavat yisroel

    lets stooooop all the petty shtick!!!! cmon!!
    Guest
    lets stooooop all the petty shtick!!!! cmon!!

    we desperately need Hashem’s protection!!!!Please oeople, everyone ! Do all you can to increase in Ahavas yisroel and Tznius, together both are more such a force to attract hashems brochos to the whole community! Even if not for your self, please make the effort for the benefit of Your neighbors and their children! Gd knows we’ve certainly seen our plague of tragedies many times over, ad mosai!! Lets pass this last test!!

    Fact
    Guest
    Fact

    The fact is that in CH people allow themselves a bit too much. Teichels, skirts, shirts, transparents, no tights…………
    In williamsburg people wouldn’t even think not to dress al pi halacha, here in CH it’s efker…….. very sad.

    amazed and shocked!
    Guest
    amazed and shocked!

    To hope a principal would speak in gentle tones…. agreed. To a woman who gets offended when a broken rule is pointed out… in education, we try to put the onus on the kids, you broke a rule deal with it… how much more so on a mother, you’re offended? It’s because you were caught. All the excuses in the world don’t change the fact that a misdeed was done and needs to be corrected. The onus is on you. To not understand how the Rebbe felt about sheitels, history, etc…. shocked and saddened!! There is no way to keep… Read more »

    horrified by comments
    Guest
    horrified by comments

    Kol haKavod to the woman who wrote this article. I am ashamed, humiliated by so many of the responses, among them 8, 12, 13, 31, 34, 43, 49, 54 . . . and I stopped reading, recoiling in horror by the smugness, the judgmental attitude, the nastiness of so many of these responses. The writer makes a wonderful point. Readers have no right to judge her. Wearing a tichel is kosher al pi shulchan aruch. You have higher standards, good for you. How dare you judge and criticize. I am appalled to think that the Rebbe’s chinuch has now been… Read more »

    You never know...
    Guest
    You never know...

    It is quite possible to wear a tichel without showing any hair (I manage), while I have seen a style of sheitel worn with the hair teased back into the hairline of the sheitel. Yet around here it’s assumed that tznius=sheitel. So many of our chassidishe veiber have such mesirus nefesh to wear only a sheitel, that nebech they can’t afford socks! Anyone who wants to take on the role of sheitel police should do one thing first. Establish a sheitel gemach, so that when you accost someone, you are able to give her a card that is good for… Read more »

    Wow
    Guest
    Wow

    I’m a shaitel macher and one of my customers brought this article to my attention cause of all the comments. Crazy ammt of opinions. Mine is, I didn’t hear you say you had any problem wearing a shaitel to pick up your kid. I heard you say you felt hurt by the way you were treated For a parent who 99% follows this rule, I believe the principal needs to apologize for her bad middos. We do things with love. Period remember where we come from ‘lubavitch’ city of love

    Bochur again
    Guest
    Bochur again

    Thanks number 158, I’ll take you’re advice. Started speaking to mashpia already.

    from an out of town principal
    Guest
    from an out of town principal

    If you are looking to improve the bein Adam lchaveroy relationships there is a time and place for it and not in association with being reprimanded for not wearing a sheitel. In Crown Heights, tznius has reached an unprecedented low with shocking consequenses. So called chassidic women are dress like good old fashioned zones. It is embarrassing to walk the streets of CH. Mini dresses and skirts as well as 5 inches below the neck dresses are common place. The biggest disgrace for Lubavitch is CH. We are scared to have our children visit. The nerve of a CH mother… Read more »

    to #99
    Guest
    to #99

    in what community do your friends reside? Not Flatbush, not Boro Park, Not Williamsburg. And you don’t have to wear a $2,000 shaitel than reaches your waist. In order for a tichel or snood to cover all your hair, it would have to also cover your ears and most of your forehead – otherwise the “peyos” would show, and according to the Tzemach Tzedek, allowing ANY hair to protrude from the tichel is pritzus, as it is ervah, and those who say it’s a minchag to expose these hairs shoud know that MINCHAG has the same letters as GEHINOM!!!!! THE… Read more »

    Is it just me
    Guest
    Is it just me

    Or does the article give the initial impression that the writer was wearing nothing on her head?

    to 165
    Guest
    to 165

    It is the Rebbes request for all woman to wear a shaitel. Are you are a true chosid of the Rebbe!!?? Please read comment #181.
    To 182 I believe that most comment are the idea a tichel verses wearing a shaitel, not against the writer per se. If we are chasidim of the Rebbe we listen PERIOD. Aa was done by matan Torah naase v’nishma.

    Hayom Yom
    Guest
    Hayom Yom

    This just about sums it up
    Hayom Yom Ches Tammuz, it says what good is chassidus
    If one is lacking in ahavas Yisroel…

    empathy and advice
    Guest
    empathy and advice

    You must have been so embarrassed when she mentioned to you about a sheitel.! It must have really felt like she was judging you and that does not make you feel any better. But the problem here is YOU NEED A MASHPIA! THE PEOPLE WHO PUT COMMENTS ON COLlive.com ARE NOT YOUR MASHPIAS> You can find a mashpia on findamashpia.info. YOU ASLO NEED TO FIND A SHAITEL GEMACH. YOU ALSO FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO FIND A NEW PRINCIPAL _ THAT YOU CAN NOT BUT YOU CAN GO TO THE OHEL AND POUR OUT YOUR HEART THAT PEOPLE SHOULD BE… Read more »

    "Luba" vitch = Love (town of LOVE!)
    Guest
    "Luba" vitch = Love (town of LOVE!)

    In my humble opinion, everything we do as chasidm, -followers of our beloved Rebbe, ouhgt to be saturated with LOVE!
    Parenting, Shalom Bayis, Outreach, Constructive rebuke, even Tznius, DO IT WITH LOVE! and OUT OF LOVE!
    to bring prosperity and goodness to all!

    You never know... (2)
    Guest
    You never know... (2)

    Chabad schools used to take in students from all different backgrounds. I can understand encouraging a non-frum mother to keep tznius, but what would happen if the family is from another branch of chassidus, where they are mehader to use a different headcovering? Or are today’s Chabad schools for Lubavitchers only? Just wondering.

    to all the commenters
    Guest
    to all the commenters

    Ur all cloae minded. Lubavitch preaches open mindedness and warmth and for all you people saying that this is what the rebbe wanted. I promise you that the shame of what this women felt when she was publicly humiliated in front of her children was NOT what the rebbe wanted. And the way everyone is speaking and treating this women I hope your all ashamed of your selves for being so cold harded because I promise you the rebbe has no pride in the way your acting.

    yes and no
    Guest
    yes and no

    it wasn’t respectful to aproach that woman that way. I am sure there are at least 100 more ways to say it more nicely.
    And for the author, I can understand what you mean. It is extremely uncomfortable to wear a tichel on such a day. However, it is one of the rebbe’s inyonim to wear a sheitel. if it is not possible, then prepare yourself for people who follow the ways of the rebbe who may rebuke you. That is just the way it is

    TO #7
    Guest
    TO #7

    That’s full of Balloney! If someone wants to be properly tzniusdik by ALWAYS keeping her hair covered, which is only possible with a shaitel, she will buy a cheap $50 – $70 shaitel from Paula Young etc. and be tzniusdik. and, by the way she will look JUST AS GOOD as the next person with the $2000 shaitel. I CONSTANTLY but CONSTANTLY am complimented on my shaitlach, how good they look etc. and dare I say they are ALL from this cheap company Paula Young. Where there is a will, there is absolutely a way!!!! and yes, it has an… Read more »

    To yossi A
    Guest
    To yossi A

    Um……rigid much? All is not black and white in human communication, and a principal would do well to communicate with a more mature attitude. Yes, this woman was presenting with a lesser standard than expected, apparently, assuming that the school has voiced a steadfast rule. (If not, then we can’t “talk”.) But I would want a leader to communicate at a higher level, a professional level. Clear, focused, firm but not rude or condescending, respectful in the face of what she perceived as disrespectful, a positive role model who doesn’t stoop to levels unbecoming of the role she maintains…. are… Read more »

    What did she mean?
    Guest
    What did she mean?

    When she says she is USUALLY dressed modestly? Now that I re-read this more closely, did I pick up on this.
    Her newly washed could have been washed again, so it could have been worn. Just like- did she wear clean clothes that would have to get washed again from shvitzing that day.
    I can’t defend the principal because I do not know how she approached this mother, we can only think of the words that the writer used about herself, and her choice to go public with this.

    Can't relate
    Guest
    Can't relate

    This is so weird because I can’t relate to this issue at all! ( And ppl will prolly not understand me) I live in a neighborhood where ppl would never go on the street with a turban/bandana etc. (except to grocery) but even if they would it wouldn’t be a problem because THERE IS NO HAIR UNDERNEATH THE COVERING!!

    TO #56 AND ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!
    Guest
    TO #56 AND ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!

    Let’s us all get ONE thing straight! The Rebbe’s Bakasha for women to wear a shaitel only stemmed from the fact that the tichel or snood did NOT cover ALL the hair. But the fact of the matter is that covering the hair is NOT a wish of the Rebbe’s but a COMMAND OF HASHEMS!!. Yes, our mothers or grandmothers may have only worn a tichel but they made sure it covered every single hair which in most cases was kept very short and less. and ONCE AND FOR ALL this principal did not tell this woman off in public.… Read more »

    POOR POOR PRINCIPAL
    Guest
    POOR POOR PRINCIPAL

    I FEEL SO SORRY FOR T HE PRINCIPAL IN THIS SITUATION. ACCORDING TO THIS IMMATURE WOMANS ARTICLE, THE PRINCIPAL SPOKE TO HER OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL WITH NO ONE ELSE AROUND, BUT BECAUSE MISS IMATURITY KNEW SHE WAS WRONG BUT WAS OFFENDED AT BEING CAUGHT UP, INTERPRETED THE PRINCIPAL’S COMMENT AS “BEING YELLED AT, ETC. ETC. ETC. SHE SOUNDS LIKE A PERSON WHO HAS TO BE CORRECT IN HER JUSTIFICATION OF DOING THE WRONG THING! AND ALL THOSE WHO PICK ON THE LAME EXCUSE OF AHAVAS YISROEL COMES FIRST BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO JUSTIFY THE TOTAL LACK… Read more »

    To Number 163
    Guest
    To Number 163

    Did you say “no one wants to be disrespectful or inconsiderate to the public?” Are you kidding??? I find it totally inconsiderate and totally disrespecful of all these women and girls who walk the neighborhood in the most indecent, repulsive, immodest form of undress! I as a woman and not a fanatical one, just a somewhat frum woman am absolutely embarrassed and repulsed at the lack of tzniut displayed by the women here. and, they dress their little ones the same way. what chance do these children have if this is how they are being raised and that is all… Read more »

    TO #78 I HAVE A SECRET TOO
    Guest
    TO #78 I HAVE A SECRET TOO

    GUESS WHAT? I’LL LET YOU IN ON ANOTHER SECRET. MY VERY OWN DEAR MOTHER DID NOT WEAR A SHAITEL FOR MANY YEARS AFTER SHE WAS FIRST MARRIED. BUT NONE OF HER HAIR SHOWED FROM UNDER HER TICHEL BECAUSE LIKE MANY OTHER WOMEN AT THE TIME, WHO WANTED TO ASSURE THAT THEIR HAIR IS NOT SEEN S H A V E D THEIR HEADS!! YOU ARE CONTRADICTING THE REBBE WHO FELT THAT A SHAITEL WOULD INSURE PROPER HAIR COVERING. AFTER SEEING HOW THE TICHEL OR SNOOD OR WHAT HAVE YOU DID NOT.

    ATTENTION #171
    Guest
    ATTENTION #171

    Please explain to me the meaning of “over the top” a relative of mine was a male counsellor last summer in a Lubavitcher colony where the families belong to a “breakaway shul” in crown Heights. As an innocent single young man he was shocked out of his mind by the lack of tznius and WORSE that went on there! If people are adult enough and mature enough to get married, have children, drive cars and hold jobs etc. they should be intelligent enough to know the difference between right from wrong, morally as well as spiritually, and follow the rules… Read more »

    Devorim Hayoitzim min halev...
    Guest
    Devorim Hayoitzim min halev...

    We who appreciate the vital positive consequences of obeying the Rebbe’s Bakasha Nafshis re “Shaitul”
    must be extremely conscientious ans sensitive about HOW we go about encouraging others to embrace it!!!
    ONLY ONLY via AHAVAS YISROEL!!
    Thats the Chabad way!

    We cant judge!!! (neither party)
    Guest
    We cant judge!!! (neither party)

    WE WEREN’T THERE!!
    WE DONT KNOW WHAT THE PRINCIPAL SAID!!
    NOR DO WE KNOW HOW SHE SAID IT!!
    ALL WE CAN ALL AGREE ON (i hope) IS
    TZNIUS IS GOOD
    AHAVAS YISROEL IS GOOD
    REBUKING IN A RUDE WAY IS BAD
    SHAITUL ATTRACTS BIRCHAS HASHEM AND NACHAS
    WE MAY NOT JUDGE ANOTHER (principal or mother) UNFAVORABLY
    WE ARE REQUIRED TO GIVE EACH THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT (they did the best they knew how under the circumstances)
    WE MUST ASSUME THE BEST OF INTENTIONS (even if, even if, the behavior was misguided/wrong/less than ideal)

    to 194 and all others along those lines
    Guest
    to 194 and all others along those lines

    You make a very valid point, however, this mother CHOSE to put this in the open. Are you making the point about the principal who is being maligned in public by you and others. Did you hear her side of the story? Do you know if this principal has gently discussed what may be a repeated issue (what does 99% of the time she wears a shaitel mean- that twice a year every year she does this? Or she is usually modestly dressed….does that 4 out of 5 days?), and the mother continues to disrespect the hanhala? I am not… Read more »

    My thoughts
    Guest
    My thoughts

    To#199
    So you prefer women to get spit on?
    To#200
    “What chance do these children have if this is how they are being raised and that is all they see?” What does that mean? Clarification please.

    I seriously believe why we play the tznuis blame game is because deep down we think everybody is the same (herd mentality).

    The Talmud, the basis for Jewish law, places the responsibility for controlling men’s licentious thoughts about women squarely on the men. Put more plainly, the Talmud says: It’s your problem, sir; not hers.

    Rebbe We Need You
    Guest
    Rebbe We Need You

    Stop stealong the Rebbe and Lubavitch. At least take off your hat and jacket or sheitel if you.must disgrace the Rebbe in this way. I grew up with the Rebbe and he had so many chasidim that did not follow his bakashoh nafshis until they were ready (and some never did). The Rebbe never shamed or gave them this type of toichochoh. Why must you shame the Rebbe in this evel way?! Please talk to your mashpiim and ask them whether this should be your focus or should you be rather working on yourself. When we treat each other with… Read more »

    Most pro Tznius comments here seem to be sensitive and sensible
    Guest
    Most pro Tznius comments here seem to be sensitive and sensible

    I just got through reading all the comments through 207

    Most pro Tznius commenters seem to also be promoting the importance of Ahavas Yisroel, and the importance of being extra sensitive in the way the message should be delivered!

    Also I haven’t seen even one single comment pro-Shaitul, justifying or defending any rebuke done in a hostile, rude or publicly visible way! (Regardless of the fact we really don’t know how the principal approached her)

    unfortunatly 202 makes a valid point
    Guest
    unfortunatly 202 makes a valid point

    When kids will sooner or later findout what Torah says re A COMUNITY’S MODESTY (or lack there of) How can they then continue to look up to their mother, aunt, etc, who show blatant inconsideration to their fellow neighbors wellbeing, by so casually disrespecting such a central, historic and definning value, tradition of jewish women throughout melenia! Even the tichuls from yesteryear our bubies were, were not at all similar to what is today passes for the lable “tichul” Our bubies wore tichlach that covered their ears, most of their forhead, and often tied under their chin! Claiming that jewish… Read more »

    to #34
    Guest
    to #34

    I can relate

    Good Advice
    Guest
    Good Advice

    My wife just went to the Shaitel Gemach and got a 2nd Shaitel there for free. This way she could wear one while having the other one washed or just because…Why not stop there and pick one up? If you cannot afford to buy a 2nd one get another one at the Gemach. As you know yourself, wearing a Shaitel for hair covering is very important…

    agree w 211
    Guest
    agree w 211

    Kids learn from what we do!
    From what we sacrafice for!

    Crown Heights Resident
    Guest
    Crown Heights Resident

    We didn’t have to witness the conversation between the principal and the OP Ed writer because:
    This lady is a member of the Lubavitcher community. As a chassidister of the Rebbe she should be expected to fulfill the ONE request that the Rebbe ASKED/BEGGED us to do.
    Shaitel gemachs, Paula Young are inexpensive or free options for her. No one needs to wear a $2000 shaitel..Hopefully, she can avail herself of these suggestions.

    215 ur right! But...
    Guest
    215 ur right! But...

    Is there a way the same valid point you made can be rephrased in a more delicate and sensitive style?

    Just a though!
    (Just as Tznius-Shaitul attracts blessings for your neighborhood, and is this Ahavas Yisroel, we must also preach it in a manner of maximum Ahavas!)

    Respect rules and respect your community
    Guest
    Respect rules and respect your community

    Would you say the same to your boss if those were the rules of your work place? Stop excusing your wrongdoings!

    Tzniut is Ahavat israel!
    Guest
    Tzniut is Ahavat israel!

    Bec it draws down the schina to the neighborhood, which brings along with it extra divine protection against harm, and increased prosperity for ones family and fellow neighbors!

    I have so much respect and awe for a mother dressed tzniuslt on the street! Especially Especially when the whether is nasty like today!!!

    I admire and deeply appreciate these women’s tenacity and commitment to do what’s best for their children and community! Despite the gross whether!! It’s truly one of the highest forms of selfless generosity for the sake of the greater good

    Friends Please Don't Miss Her Point !?!
    Guest
    Friends Please Don't Miss Her Point !?!

    I’m going to risk being guilty of the very point I’m here to challenge, however since it appears that so many respondents misunderstood the writer’s point I feel that I should write with less diplomacy and more clarity. THE WRITER HAS NO ISSUE WITH THE HALACHIC OR SCHOOL’S RULES CONCERNING A SHEITEL, IN-FACT SHE SORT OF APOLOGIZES FOR ARRIVING AT THE SCHOOL AS SHE DID! THERE IS NO REASON TO LECTURE HER ABOUT SOMETHING SHE ISN’T CHALLENGING. Her issue concerns the attitude of the Principal, to which I say she is completely correct. Not because the Principal shouldn’t have made… Read more »

    respect the rules
    Guest
    respect the rules

    the way everyone dresses is disgusting.they are making a big chillul lubavitch and giving a bad name to crown heights.The principle was right to yell at her.If people want to dress like goyim from the street they should move out of CH.If she was wearing a tichel that covers all her hair it is perfectly fine according to halacha

    to#220
    Guest
    to#220

    I have to disagree with you there. Modesty is not defined by, or even primarily about, how much of one’s body is covered. It is about comportment and behavior.

    ???
    Guest
    ???

    The laws of modesty are not man-made,
    their not a matter of popular vote (221)
    their from g-d,
    Hashem empowered Poskim, to correctly interprete and apply it to every time, in Chumash, Hashem tells us, “Do not deviate from the way, they “the Rov” will teach you!

    Since Tznius Kehalacha affects far more than the “Pride” of our community and what we stand for
    the issue is FAR FAR GREATER THAN “REPUTATION” or KIDDUSH HASHEM
    it literally SAVES LIVES according to the Rebbe and many other sages

    i dont judge,
    Guest
    i dont judge,

    IF ALL THE HAIR IS PROPERLY COVERED, THAN THERE WAS NO HALACHIC VIOLATION

    I’m melamed zechus, that there are many ladies, who simply are unaware of the fact that the Rebbe said its inevitable that tichuls will “malfunction” even if worn by someone who really meant for it o fully comply with halacha

    Today we all see the (unfortunate truth in the) Rebbe’s foresight

    For the sake of our children, l;ets all unite, together and take this vital hachlata, there are soo many blessings to get, and too many tzaros, we need hashem’s protection!!

    SERIOUSLY MIXED PRIORITIES!
    Guest
    SERIOUSLY MIXED PRIORITIES!

    You know what people?? Sure, the Rebbe said sheitels are preferable, but do you know what else he urged us to do?? Have ahavas yisroel! It’s a mitzvah! There is nothing wrong with wearing a tichel halachically, but it is 100% an aveirah to embarrass a person in public! Good for you that you wear sheitels, but there is no need for you to force your standards upon others who are keeping halacha. I am positive that speaking to the woman kindly and with consideration would have had a much more positive effect than yelling at her. It’s such a… Read more »

    Tanya
    Guest
    Tanya

    ״הוכח תוכיח את אמיתך״ the Alter Rebbe teaches that that only applies to ״מי שאתך בתורה ומצוות״ (someone who is on your level in Torah and Mitzvos). However it has to be done out of love. The first qualification she definitely met tho I doubt she met the second.

    To #37
    Guest
    To #37

    The true reason the Rebbe discouraged wearing a tichel is due to the possibility that your hair would show and also since some people might end up removing it if they are not comfortable wearing a hair covering in the company of certain people. But, sof kol sof this is what He urged us to do so if you are a Chossid then what is the question?

    To 226 and all  of these other ridiculous and confused  people
    Guest
    To 226 and all of these other ridiculous and confused people

    I dont understand why your directing your comment at 37. Wearing a tichel is tznius and your comment just proves that. Wearing a sheitel is more CHASSIDUSH. Do we yell at every man in the street for not wearing a hat and jacket at every moment of every day? Whether you like it or not there are varying degresees of chassidushkeit, and tichel v. sheitel is one of those things. Especially when considering all of the people who don’t wear sheitels for tznius reasons. And looking at the 28 inch sheitels I see everwhere… they seem to have the better… Read more »

    True Tzniut
    Guest
    True Tzniut

    There are many Gedolim particularly in the Sefardic community who feel that sheitels are not tznius and forbid them in their community.
    Follow your minhag, but rmember it is a minhag.
    Do not judge others.

    X