By Sarah Junik for COLlive
Welcome to the all new blog “Shidduchim SOS.”
You know, many people have this moment in their life which they can describe as a defining moment. An enlightening moment that showed them the light or the reality.
My own came when I started looking for a shidduch for my third daughter. Suddenly, all the familiar signposts I was familiar with, changed. It was not so long since the last shidduch and yet I felt as if I was starting from scratch.
When acquaintances would ask me for help with their shidduch questions, I felt at times as if the blind were leading the blind. I was a bit pessimistic about my ability to help them, or myself.
Yet, the skills you acquire with experience are very valuable and priceless (and even funny).
After the first moments of “panic” they come to the fore. With a bit more research and listening to many lectures on the subject, plus advice from mashpiim and ‘shidduch veterans,’ I began writing for the cause.
Here is the first results I discovered:
1. There is really no guide for the beginning stages of a shidduch process.
2. Unless you have family to network and scrutinize, you are on your own. Scouting around in the dark.
Although everyone said such a guide was needed, I did not think to do this on my own. I started with the idea of writing a sample and leaving it for some lucky person to elaborate and write. Strangely enough once I started writing, the summary grew and grew.
For my third daughter’s marriage I put it all in book form and I published it. It was distributed at the wedding and I still get requests for it. That incarnation is not available anymore but I am expanding it and will IY”H publish it again.
I will be contributing the material weekly, with some modification by the COLlive editorial staff, to allow you to benefit and hold a constructive conversation.
May you find the bashert.
here a nice webstie for date locations:
http://www.shidduchdateguide.com
enjoy
With all due respect, if you are such a well known great shadchan, why aren’t you putting your name on everything you write or provide your contact information so people can talk to you?
“WHAT EVERY GIRL AND BOY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEETING THEIR ZIVUG” AND “WHAT EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW, ABOUT PREPARING THEIR CHILD’S SHIDDUCH” (Written by a well known Shadchan) Come follow me on a journey that will hopefully inspire you, to think and feel a bit more confidently, clearly, and comfortably, when embarking on the ‘shidduch’ scene. Generations ago, the shidduch scene was totally different then it is today. Women looked for a talmid chochom, a good provider, a strong man. Men looked for a warm and nurturing woman, a real aishes chayil that would raise their kids with the warmth… Read more »
I am sure, Mrs. Junik, you are a wonderful person and you have accomplished a lot throughout your life. I am sure you will be offer insight and tips to many of us. Yet, I can’t help but wonder, since it is the girls and guys stuck in this situation, would it not be productive to have an input from a guy and a girl who have been in the dating scene for a while and picked up a few things. Granted we are not as experienced, but we are dating now and we know what is it like first-hand.… Read more »
#9 asks, “why is asking for the height diffrent than asking for the waist size?”
So you think a couple would be comfortable if they met and discovered that she is 5’9” and he is 5’5”?
And although I don’t think waist size or dress size should be asked, a simple, “What do they look like – thin? heavy?” is reasonable.
And it would be useful to think of a person they know in common for comparison – he is built like so-and-so or she is thin like so-and-so.
Mrs Junik was the keynote speaker at a meeting in Chicago for parents from around the world as well as shadchanim. She was excellent and right on target. Whether or not you agree with everything she says, at least she steps up to the plate and offers some advice. Remember that she has married off several children so she also has life experience. Remember that there are also people who have no clue what to do and need advice such as hers. If people want to make a difference in shidduchim, attend a networking session. Most communities now have them,… Read more »
Let us not forget – we are not alone in this world. Nobody is alone. we BH have a Rebbe, whether you go to the Ohel,write in to the Igrois Koidesh, talk to your Mashpia or all of the above. You are not alone. There are books and publications with answers and advice from The Rebbe on ALL matters of Shiduchim. we have just got to believe and do the right things, similarly as we did 18 years ago. its time to get ourselves out of the fog that has been created around us and realize that nothing has changed… Read more »
You write “My question here (I do not know Mrs. Junik [Yunik] at all; nor her work) is as follows:
If there is a shidduch problem (crisis?) that exists, why take someone who has been a major contributor to the current “system” to lead a way out?
Since you didn’t hear about Mrs. Junik that shows that she is a new voice and not part of the current “system”
Please aquaint yourself with her work or wait until you see.
some of her work before writing such a negative comment especially in the nine days..
If you are looking for yourself or helping a relative or friend, it’s a segula to do this for 40 consecutive days.
Say…..Yihee Rutzon Milfanecha, Shetimtza Zeevug Ra-uy vehagon, bechal echad mebnei ubnos Yisroel,
Ubefrat NAME BEN/BAS MOTHERS NAME
These are the Kapitlach:
32 38 70 71 72 121 124
Give 18 cents to Tzedaka-daily
I would like to make a suggestion. I think, in general, mothers should be the ones looking into the shidducim for their children,because women are good for the details. The women are better shoppers, and find better metzius and schoirah then the men do. But as far as shadchanim goes. It definitly has to be the men. The women get too personel and too emotional about it. Second of all, as soon as you assume the responsibility on yourself, I am a shadchan, it’s very serious, and you must be available. The men are available, and the women are not.… Read more »
sounds like a thing that could turn out to garuntee you personally most brachos for your life
may u have lots of nachas from the blog
Dealing with shadchanim can be a nightmare..hello …am i alone out here……. .how about one central database that has these profiles and run by responsible people. They will have rules..it wont be accessible to any shmo…a shadchan and parent will have to prove that they are authentic…this can be a seriously run as a business/txedaka opportunity…. I as a parent feel the same as mrs Junik…the first shidduchim i made were work but nothing like what i am facing today……you get a 100 no’s…do they really know what I am offering…..and then i spent weeks researching the candidate….i would like… Read more »
Excellent Framework for moving ahead. My question here (I do not know Mrs. Junik [Yunik] at all; nor her work) is as follows: If there is a shidduch problem (crisis?) that exists, why take someone who has been a major contributor to the current “system” to lead a way out? Is this yet another attempt at “change” in Lubavitch by doing “more of the same”. For those who sense that there is something missing (at least for them) in our general Lubavitcher community – will this be another “shattered dream” that further alienates? I am truly concerned at this persistent… Read more »
reference letters are readily accessible at shadchaniim.
i dont think they shud b posted for public cuz why shud the whole world b able to read them. from a shadchan its more confidential.
why is asking for the height diffrent than asking for the waist size?
Thank you. For us in Chicago, you are the wise relative many of us are lacking. May your efforts be rewarded with success for shidduchim for your family.
This is long awaited for…hopefully a central database may develop from this….that can help us all.
You are doing an excellent job with your web site!!
Continued hatzlacha! With helping out with the shidduch process IYH you will be be Zocheh to report the arrival of Moshiach..very soon.
Is it all possible to consider an idea like taking the Bochurim and girls list and developing a profile in a basic way …and parents can add their own bits… Just raw facts…
where they schooling/yeshiva….were on shlichus…summers…height, age, shlichus/ working…..just as a starter for mother searching…
information really can help…we are all spread out in our little corners, and our children dont even know prospect their own age…things arent like they used to be…BH we have multiplied…..
you guys never stop!!!
How will it work, will there be a link to it on the side of the homepage?
Kol HaKavod. Good Luck
sounds good! what a great idea!!