By R.Y.
2002: My father got the ‘Internet’ in his office for business reasons – no need to worry, right? Wrong!
As a young adolescent with hormones raging, all it took was a little hint from an immature classmate to spark off my curiosity, and with a little help from ‘Professor Google’, another young mind was quickly filled with the worst type of shmutz – the kind that a lions share (4/5ths) of websites are dedicated to, in one form or another.
Well, back then I was inexperienced, and did not know to delete my history. My father quickly caught on, and when confronted, as most children, I just shifted the blame (“There are other people who use your computer!'”. I may have been banned from using the computer for a while, but the damage was done.
2012: Oh, dearest Internet, how I wish you could go back to where you came from.
Many years have passed since my first clash with the obscenities of the Internet, years full of struggle. While I may be considered a chassidishe bochur by many, and come from a ‘gezeh’ family, I still feel the spiritual scars caused by the Internet, scars which every-so-often reopen, as I again fall prey to the oh-so-easily-reachable lusts of my Yetzer Hara.
So, why am I telling you this?!
I am telling you this because my heart breaks every time another Yiddishe neshomo irrevocably gets trapped in the ‘Net’ – it is preventable! How, you may ask, and here is where I am stuck.
Most teens have lots to teach their parents when it comes to technology, and even the best filters can quickly be rendered useless by a knowledgeable (Facebook) friend. You don’t even have to have a computer in order for every aspect of the Internet open before you – all you need is a portable device with wi-fi/cellular capabilities (including iPods and PsPs)!
Once someone has tasted ‘internet’, it will be an uphill battle to try and deny them access – ever heard of friends houses or internet cafes (or open wi-fi spots in the street)? And believe it or not, the dangers of the Internet are not limited boys – as far as I’m aware girls were created with a Yetzer HoRa as well!
But neither can we successfully completely cut ourselves off from the Internet, as we do with TV, because this world is becoming increasingly dependent on the Internet, from banking to traveling and heaps more.
So, do the pros weigh out the cons? I don’t know. All I know it that this generation needs serious guidance if we are to bring up a next generation of Yirei Shomayim.
This is a cry to Rabbonim, Mechanchim and community leaders – help! And this is a warning to parents – watch out before it’s too late, the Internet poses real dangers.
(And to all the commentators here on COLlive, I have no connection to the Cityfield asifa – I’m actually Europe based).
From the Author. A follow up on ‘My Encounter – With the Internet’, and some practical steps forward. By R.Y. You all read ‘My Encounter – With the Internet’, and may have read the many comments to the tune of ‘I’m in the same situation!’, but what now? After seeing the response to my article, I see that my hypothesis was correct – this problem affect a huge percentage of internet users, more than we can care to admit. For too long, we have allowed our love of the Internet to cloud our vision, preferring to stick our head… Read more »
nice looking at all 87 posts on this one. anyway you can download flashblock and adblock for chrome and firefox they block all ads, to watch living torah just double click on the f (flash) that appears
for a real filter get puresight http://www.puresight.com/
bringing moshiach now “and THATS how we do it”
to # 87
Don’t worry. Be happy that you have the same issues that All normal bochrim have. That’s the way the world was created.
You are HILARIOUS !!!
I am a 20 yr old dude and this is a real issue.
I pray to hashem to help me- I know I’m not strong enough on my own!!
To all those who are not posting “solution based” comments:
Do us all a favor and go vent your irrelevant baggage somewhere else!! Your not helping anyone by plastering your unconstructive opinion !!
Hello ALL!
this is not a yetzer horah issue, when it becomes uncontroablle its an ADDICTION- this is a known fact, speak to a Therapist who specializes in this, there are 12 Step Programs to help- you must realize its nt about yiras shmayim, it about a sickness. Dont be naive- its REAL!!
what does anyone without a filter think their teen is doing when they wake up in middle of the night and everyone is asleep, GET WITH IT and get it out of the house
Guard your eyes .com is a great way to help with this issue.
They even have apps for smartphones that doesn’t allow you to use internet browser, but you can still receive emails!
As humans, we naturally need to lose ourselves in something. Hashem made us this way in his image.
Shmutz addiction is just us filling that need.
If i may, I would advise anyone struggling with such an addiction to try to cultivate a hobby such as playing an instrument or painting or computer programming etc.
This way, you will be able to offset the need to lose yourself somewhat. Instead of losing yourself in shmutz all the time, some of the time you will lose yourself in creativity. You’ll feel better about yourself.
OK, First if all you dont need to rush to get married! whenever you`re ready thats when you are mature enough. You can’t force anything! Plus, when you`re married you have a huge responsibility so you might as well enjoy your childhood while it lasts, because you’re never gonna have another childhood/youth.
You are basically saying that the Gemara in Kiddushin 29b – 30a is utterly stupid. Think twice before you bash!
I knew my husband was weak, but I underestimated to what point unfortunately… I thought to myself Robonim are to strict to forbid internet, and now I understand that they knew what they were talking about… Filters are a must in every home that wants to be a normal healthy home, and women because you don’t have this yetser haro, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t have it. we can’t understand how much the Torah is right. On the one hand, I daven everyday for the Refua Shelema of my husband, on the other hand, it’s too easy to say it’s… Read more »
become a better person and try ur best. i do, and i only need the internet wen needs be. have self control
There are good reasons to get married, there are bad reasons to get married, and there are even utterly stupid reasons to get married. Assuming that marriage will make Internet sites less tempting is the perfect example of the latter.
I’m a 21 year old chasidisher bocher. If I want to look at the shmutz I won’t get a filter. If I don’t want to look at the shmutz I don’t need a filter
yiras shomayim
im a 15 year old bochur, & i attest to that,
The real problem is that there is no fear of anyone. Ever since the professionals of our generation made it illegal to instill fear in our children and our students, there arose a generation of spoiled kids that have absolutely no fear of their parents, educators etc. and are guided by their senseless,egotistic and sometimes evil desires. It’s easy to throw the entire blame on the Internet and to believe that banning the Internet is the ‘ quick fix ‘ of the problem.
it does help children are taught how to use internet at the right age, for the right things and safely!! when ur already a teen u hv ur own opinion and its harder to learn any way other than the hard way…..
The Tele-conference for women is on Monday, May 14, and the Yiddish one is on Tuesday, May 15.
To 68:
You’ll be surprised how many people did that, thinking that would solve the problem. Sounds so simple and easy. Sorry, many have still succombed, believe it or not. I think you do believe it. So, don’t be so fast to advise something so serious as a Neder.
It still seems to me that an addict should just get rid of it. When he/she needs it, go to someone else’s computer or any computer facility (e.g. library) where someone can see what you are doing. It is no longer the innocent calculating tool it used to be.
It must have been hard for you to submit this article about your own experiences. But you should know that you have a big z’chus, for you thereby will help other people with this issue.
The best invention in history and man has destroyed it i am that biggest fan of the internet but sadly it looks like no matter how hard we try there will always be a way around it and we need to fix that i dont think the answer is here i think this is a problem that every person must find a way to deal with alone its needs to be done in a personal way
With all the tumult about the upcoming asifa and who is invited etc. The Torah (What else?) gives us an easy and practical piece of advice. advice. It says that a neder is a fence around “separation.” All the so-called Gedolim – Roshei Ha-Yeshivoss, Rabbonim,Mashpiim, Roshei ha-Kollelim etc., should gather all of their congregants, talmidim etc to the Beth Medrash. The Rav should take out a Sefer Torah, put his hand on it and say: I make a neder d’oraiso, that I will never use my cell phone or computer to look at shmutz – so help me G-d. And… Read more »
Or so you think
the answer is simple:
1) put k9 web protection on the computer.
2) if your children do have cell phones/ipods, block the internet usage on it! my daughter has an ipod touch, and it is not connected to internet, and all the bad apps have been deleted, including the app store, that way she can only play games that dont require internet, and listen to music. and if she wants to upload games, she must do so through the computer, and the parents see what she puts on.
K9 allows you to block specific content, such as all videos or all pictures. But it doesn’t filter, so you won’t have access to any pictures or any videos. I’ve been reading the comments on my article, and I see that my hypothesis was correct – this problem affect a huge percentage of internet users, more than we can care to admit. If your child has a mobile device such as a cell phone or iPod, no filter or buddy system is going to help – there are open wifis wherever you go, and a teen with an idea in… Read more »
there is always something that triggers the internee addiction. some poeple are totally fine with internet, when one wrong click, or a thoughtless word open a whole new world for those helpless people. filters wont help, because people will still want to go online and they will figure out a way. it should just be stopped before it starts.
no one can do without a car we all use them but noone allows a kid to drive one even with supervision vehanimshal muvan
I know some people who were so badly addicted that they just had to get the computer out of the house. What good is a filter if you own the computer?
Before internet, there were other ways of not being bored. So, what’s the big deal getting the computer out of your life and protecting yourself that way?
While people who are looking for it will find a way.. most ppl aren’t looking for it at first. They chance on something that gets them curious and then addicted. So by adding filters you lesson the chance of someone being exposed to these things so that they don’t become addicted.
I noticed that a lot of back-and-forth comments are being made about filters. Please note that the Asifah on May 20th begins with a huge trade show all about the many filter options available. It would pay to be there if you want to properly protect your family’s internet use.
Based in New York, called Koshenet
Does the job in our house.
http://www.koshernet.com/
but if a teenager wants to visit a site or wtevr .
thell find a way with all the filters and shmilters
its 4 sure harder but thell find a way
just a fact of life
Some of the programs that block bad websites will block ads that connect you to bad sites, but your not talking about that.
The ads you are talking about need to be blocked by a add blocking program.
I use AdBlock on the google chrome browser.
If you use a different browser you can get a program for that. Google it.
Once you have a program you will do something along the lines of right clicking on the ad and selecting to block it. PRESTO, no more ad in that spot, ever.
1)I have a program called spector pro, it records everything, does anyone know if there is a way around this? If I need to add more security? 2) If your an addict, you have to get into a 12 steps program, doesn’t matter which, they all fight addiction, and have the same 12 steps! Fing a meeting near you. 3) I believe this is the last fight before the geula, this is what made moshe rabbeinu an anav- when he saw everytime an addict held back. These are the people fighting the darkest tumah, and bringing moshiach!! I believe this… Read more »
Does anyone know of a filter that will filter out non tzniusdike pictures when you visit a airline website for example? Or do the filters only let you pick the websites that can/ can’t be visited??
Please if anyone knows…
To the author: First, I must say that you are correct, and that you are not alone. As a matter of fact, sadly, you (and I) are in the 99% of internet users. The solution, however, is NOT to disown or ban the internet, because the internet is not at fault. WE are at fault. As an IT guy, I can say that the best solution to this problem (aside from working on ourselves), is to have ISP filtering. ISP filtering means that the filter is not on your computer or on your ipod, but rather the company that you… Read more »
There is so much stress on the dangers of men and boys falling into addictions from the shmutz of the internet, that I would like to point out, in the strongest of terms, that the danger exists equally for WOMEN and GIRLS. I know of someone who fell in, head over heels, and her marriage almost came to pieces (in fact, she is still picking up the pieces). Anything relating to the “inyan” of “arayos” is a DANGER ZONE for anyone. People mistakenly think that only men have an ‘inyan’ of ‘shmiras einayim’ – and while it may be true… Read more »
I would say over 70% who have access from internet suffer from addiction to shmutz
To # 24: If that was a basis for a shidduch, then any guy and girl would be perfectly compatible. This issue affects 99% of guys and I’ll guess 50% of girls. To all those saying just get a filter: My parents got some very good filters, and even at 13/14 my crafty younger self figured out ways around them. I think the most important thing is to always be involved with your kid and ensure there is always something real and productive for your child to do. If your attitude half the time is “I’m busy and can’t deal… Read more »
It’s amazing how blind people can be when it comes to the Internet. They fantasize that the problem doesn’t exist, and that the author is the sole addict. WAKE UP! He may be your brother/son/cousin. There are thousands of teens out there who have unfortunately seen obscenities on the Internet and are scarred. And of course you haven’t heard about it – you think it’s easy to tell people? The fact is, when you bring the Internet into your house, you’re playing with fire. You may enjoy the warmth, but can your family take the heat? Has one of your… Read more »
I don’t know the answer to this complex issue. What I do know is that any parent who dose not take the most simple and ez step in helping and protecting there child is both irisponsable and a bad parent. Use the same tool as the kids. “Profeser google”. There are TONS of programs to block the web. Like said above K9 web protection is very good and free. How about mobile devices? They can be blocked. The problem is they are quite ez to unblock. There are programs and apps to block the Internet on all major smart phones.… Read more »
how about making the shidduch? ;D
I installed a filter on my laptop with my own money, called k9. you need a password to get into some sites if it’s not appropriate. so you get someone else to make up the password. or if it’s a married couple, each can put in half the password so they both need to be there if it’s a website that the program doesn’t let. it’s a really good program.
oy vey u breathed, stop breathing cuz u might do something bad with your breath
thank you for completely missing the point
How about placing some blame on the parents.
I taught a class (Pre 1A) in a school in Crown Heights and one of the kids had a Blackberry. I AM NOT JOKING. Are his parents retarded? Yes they are.
it’s important to give kids the tools to deal with growing up and how to feel enough pride in themselves to avoid shmutz on the internet. BUT the best way we can prevent this type of thing is to be in charge of what they can view online through a strong filter that has a buddy system – like covenant eyes – where a report of the sites visited goes to your rav or mashpia – so there’s extra incentive not to visit inappropriate sites. This has made a huge difference for our family. We have a white list for… Read more »
Yes, Rabbonim can get involved and make a statement that no teenager should have an internet phone. Beyond that, of course it is up to the parents to provide proper Chinuch to use internet wisely. Too much peer pressure for teens to have Blackberrrys, etc…
Most adults didn’t get smarphones until they were 30+.
Teens should wait until 19-20 AT LEAST.
If older, then, better!
However, the huge problems that I see are the 14-18 yr. olds with mobile smartphones!
As a parent , i saw a son of mine who was a real tamim. While in yeshiva ( age 16) using Internet cafe with my credit card, I didn’t know how far this would go. Wrong friends , movies, hormones took over. I’m still in disbelief , still have a connection with him. My humble advice, due diligence ( filters at home is pashut)and for certain ages, just allow certain sites and block all others . Yahoo aint parve as we all know. have as much of a connection with your kids as u possibly can. Internet will be… Read more »
it all depends which websites you visit.i think it would be a good idea to have a rov develop software which limits which websites that you are allowed to visit & this software will allow you to visit websites only if the rov considers the website kosher & every person in the jewish community will be required to have this software downloaded on their computer.
this in my opinion is the only solution to prevent people from visiting websites that arent kosher.
cher.
The whole point is to make people aware of the dangers of the internet, so yeah, of course he’s posting his article online as opposed to a newspaper. He’s posting it for all those people ON THE INETRNET.
How many times does this have to be emphasized?!
You are 21, the Rabbonim signed letters to get married at 20-21, the mishna states to get married at age 18. It’s high time to show our children to be more mature at a younger age and marry them off young.
Once someone is married, this yetzer harah will be IY”H drastically reduced.
there are many filters and other ways of stopping yourself if you want, on the computer theres a way to make it that everything you go on is sent to your specific friend you can remove your internet from your fone and dont go buying yourself an ipod with wifi capabilities
The yetzer hora sticks around after 65 also. It actually
exists in Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshivos as well. I truly believe that all – including me, really don’t want to part with the internet and we will come up with philosophical ideas about teaching the youth ‘how to use the internet tzniusdig’. Well we are all just fooling ourselves. I AM GOING TO THIS ASIFA BECAUSE I NEED TO HEAR WHAT CAN BE DONE. I WANT EHRLICHE YIDDISHE KINDER!!!!!!! The mishna says. Eizeh hu chochom – halomeid mikol odom.
Anyone know if there are filters for ipods and cell phones? I went on a parve info website and saw an ad that was totally inappropriate. Please post.
A Bubby and mother
Addiction vs Yetzer Hara! (Therapy vs Mashpia)? Before viewing this problem as an acute Moral or Self discipline problem, know this… There is a huge difference between a Temptation (aka Taava) which can be controlled, vs Compulsion (an irresistible urge aka An Addiction) one is healthy, natural & a sign that your normal development (a sign that you are emotionally-well-adjusted) the other is unhealthy unnatural & a sign that your not-normal (emotionally-not-well-adjusted – mentally-unbalanced) in need of professional intervention!! ADDICTIONS (irresistible compulsions) are by definition a sign of deeper problems needs not being met, Depression, Sleep deprivation, Relationship problems, Abusive… Read more »
there are filters (safe eyes, and others) that will at least make it harder to access inappropriate sites. if you have a computer at home with no filter, don’t kid yourself, i can guarantee you that your chassidish geshmake teen is reaching sites that he does not want to, but cannot withstand the nisayon. Please don’t bore me or fool your self that ‘my kid is different’. HE IS NOT. He is a normal teen, given inappropriate access to something that his better side does not want but being normal is still attractive and attracting. if your computer is unprotected,… Read more »
everuone is saying how Bad the internet is
guess wa
wile sitting on the INTERNET
Ppl commenting that internet can be used for good or bad, and ppl have self control, those are true points however the web is REALLY dangerous and once someone is exposed to garbage ( which can happen by accident) its almost impossible to control! It’s a test that when exposed most ppl. Fail so why test urself? Yes we need to use the internet and can use it for good but we need to find a way to make it as safe as we can.
He must’ve used the internet to post this op-ed…
yes what you write may be true but just like you said once your addicted theres no way to keep them off it the same reaction occurs if you make it “assur” lichatchila ok they may not know what theyre missing but as is says in gemarah “stolen waters are sweet” so as with some other comments i agree theres a problem but just banning it is not the solution especially since if you ban it you will be losing a lot of good that could be done with the internet instead i feel that as opposed to filters on… Read more »
Out of all the comments thus far there is one useful point, don’t give kids an Internet phone. Ok, thanks for the pointer. Any others? For those of you addicted to Internet or for those of you who got access too easily and fell into the traps of curiosity, what do you recommend can be done to save the next generation? Here is a great opportunity to help others and keep yourself anonymous.
you need to educate the generation everyone has lusts and desires we have to challenge ourselves to can stay connected to g-d every generation had something stop blaming it on anybody you know when you’re doing something wrong you need to know and ask your parents and do what’s right
Yes, there are many challenges everywhere, and obviously Chinuch is most important when it comes to the internet, in one’s homes and businesses…
However, there is NO need for any high school student to own an internet phone! They can call, text, message, and maybe even access emails from regular cell phones. It’s quite harmful for teens to have this mobile access.
Once they are 19+, they will still have the Yetzer Horah, but hopefully better tools to fight it.
to # 21,what has to do rabbonim with this? are they the police patrol of your life? the solution is to put all kinds of filters and blocks on any internet even in office and to keep them in open areas like dining room where everyone passes by and to put passcodes so when parents go to sleeps noone hopefully will be able to gain access. still we need to teach kids that there is “danger ” in the internet that goyim post and it tuma that a yid should not visit… also why do teenagers need internet on phone?… Read more »
you and the article writer are a perfect shidich
Instead of trying to prevent use of the ‘net’ why are people not educated in how to avoid the shmutz
for the time and courage
100%!!!!!!!!!!!! RABBONIM WAKE UP!!!! Where are you??????
This, unfortunately, applies to many of us.
May Hashem give us strength to control our Yetzer Hara and help prevent other people from falling into this trap…
I share the sentiments of this author due to similar experiences. And all those shmendricks who are saying how wonderful the internet is, all I can say, more lives of anash were destroyed by the internet than were built by the internet.
EVERYTHING CAN BE USED FOR GOOD OR BAD!!!!!!
YOU CAN USE ITERENET TO LISTEN TO SHIURIM AND U CAN USE INTERNET TO DO BADD THINGS SO………………..
Wow this is so true …
THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!!!!!
very well written for such a sensitive topic…one that i completely relate to… and im a girl btw.
Having read your article, I can empathise with what you are saying, and appreciate your genuine care and concern for others.
My question is, how does one deal with a child who is familiar with the internet already? is it possible to completely remove the child’s access without severe backfire? Will it encourage their curiosity more?
Would appreciate to hear from people knowledgeable in this field.
Check it out son, http://www.guardyoureyes.com, ( it’s not a naughty site )
Someone has the guts to bring this issue to light.
Agree 100%. In Israel they have ‘Rimon’, a server that only lets you on approved websites, but what’s the point if my kid has wifi on his iPod?
shalom thanks for sharing you story being a therapist in thousands of cases and myself a victim i would like to share something with you unfortunately kids parents and teachers are in denial of one self the wasnt a greater cholei nefesh as was dovid hamemlech. what is a cholei nefesh when one wants to control something they have no control over. when dovid hamelech was in touch and not embarresed by this true intentions and desires with this dovid hamelech cried out to hashem for help. we are looking to much for a crutch human help rather then g-dly… Read more »
We need Hymie brov to take ova and not the internet. Lchaim
If only we had more people like hymie brov around, then things like this wouldn’t be an issue!
and i completely agree with this… i wish i never got stuck in the trap as well. there must be some way though that we can instill the importnace of sanctity in the children before they get to that age of incontrollable curiosity. thanks for posting this and bringing it into the open… 😀
and much to everyone’s surprise the speaker said that in our times one must embrace the internet and learn how to equip the boys of the generation to use the internet in a tzniusdik fashion. and as you can imagine, the women there were very shocked by this new shitah. but if this is what they are teaching at the satmar workshops…
a point to ponder.
woke up this morning, yes on the web, reading your thoughts, interesting you mention the dates of , 2002, and later on 2012, with you age of 21 atm, well, i am not sure of your true intent here, for you are posting this blog, ON THE WEB, Criticizing the web, to all rabonim and mashpiyim, I’m clueless, this, for all practical reasons should of been printed on paper, and get the heck off the computer, in you are as sincere as you say you are, then to top it off you proclaim your innocence with your non affiliation with… Read more »
to me you sound like a typical addict the way you blame an immature friend and seem to blame the internet you need to learn to accept responsibility for your actions this has nothing to do with the internet , it is very sad that a young man of your age had to lie to his parents when confronted out of fear and that they were not able to help you emotionality and did the stupid thing of just banning you from the computer which obviously did nothing to stop you in your addiction and never does its a sad… Read more »
Rosenthal, a renowned expert on internet addiction suggests being alone with the internet is a form of Yichud.
Love how ppl keep posting about the dangers of Internet ON THE INTERNET!
Thank you for posting. I took a lot of courage to take an honest look at your deeds and to want to help others. This is such an enormous problem and you pose all the ways that a smart teen can get access, even if not from home. So what I would like to see from comments, from the intelligent, concerned members of our community, are real solutions. Give us, the parents, your best advice, your best attempts at solutions. We are listening. And clearly this is a desperate issue. Thanks again.