Mrs. Barchaim Was There For Me

Sent by a woman who asked to remain anonymous because of the sensitive details shared:

Friday afternoon, June 28 2019, with only moments to spare till candle lighting, the ER doctor finally walked in. He had the sonogram results from the radiologist. The baby had no heart beat. The baby died at 9 weeks 6 days. I was 9 weeks and 6 days pregnant that day.

My 3rd pregnancy loss in a year. I had to wait until Monday to see my OB-GYN. That weekend was a daze. Sad, angry, but mostly disbelief. Most of my thoughts centered on how to get the baby’s heart beat back. Nonsensical. Crazy. But why would HaShem not let me ever hold my baby in my arms? Torture. A Rabbi close to me once told me there are no half-Jews, just like you can’t be half-pregnant. Well that weekend I think I proved him wrong about one of those facts.

Monday morning arrived and I found myself at my doctors office. I needed another D and C to get the fetus out. It would have to be done at the hospital, Mt Sinai. My doctor wanted it done that day for various medical reasons, so I was “pink slipped” into the OR; squeezed in when the OR was available for 30 minutes. So I had to just wait until Mt Sinai’s OR was ready for me.

I decided instead of just waiting around before the D and C, I would go visit Mrs. Barchaim. I had visited her before at Mt Sinai. She was on the 7th floor and I had to be on the 2nd floor.

So that’s what we did; me and my baby. We visited Mrs. Barchaim at Mt. Sinai. We took a walk on the floor, she bemoaned in her soft voice that the pianist wasn’t playing music yet. We put her compressions socks on her. We talked about her kids, where she was from. Her parents. Her husband. I knew it was my last few moments with my baby; I didn’t know it was also my last with Mrs. Barchaim . She’s the last Jewish person I was with before my procedure besides for my doctor. HaShem sent Mrs. Barchaim to be the shliach to send me on my way; to say my final goodbye to my baby.

And then I had to go. The OR was ready. Pre-surgical testing awaited me. A very short while later after leaving her room, my 9 week 6 day old baby made its arrival in this world, but my baby was still, sleeping.

Today, less than 2 weeks later, Mrs. Barchaim passed away on Shabbas. She never knew why I was in the hospital that day aside for it being a visit from Crown Heights Bikkur Cholim. I felt okay after seeing her – as okay as someone can be when they are about to let go of their pregnancy. I did cry leaving her room. Tears streaming down my face knowing that sometimes the right thing — what HaShem does to or for us —doesn’t feel good. Knowing that Mrs. Barchaims energy was what Hashem knew I needed before the final end. It was the last thing I got to do with my baby together – bikkur cholim. It might have appeared to be me doing it for her, but it really was her for me. Me, Mrs. Barchaim, and my baby. The two of us were in her room, but there were three of us in my heart.

To support the campaign to help the Barchaim family: https://www.charidy.com/barchaim