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Monday, 14 Sivan, 5779
  |  June 17, 2019

    I Think He’s an Alchoholic

    Sholom Bayis Blog with Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch. Question #6: My husband drinks every night. I know that we believe that drinking at a Farbrengen is allowed, but when does it become a problem? Full Story

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    To Rabbi Schonbuch:
    Guest
    To Rabbi Schonbuch:

    You’re not a drug export. Who are you to say that mashke by a farby is ok?-is a little weed ok? according to every study ever done alcohol is a lot more harmful then marijuana.

    thanks for the article
    Guest
    thanks for the article

    sadly girls are starting to drink too much as well! very well written! yasher koach!

    a different approach
    Guest
    a different approach

    Well written but how bout focusing on the fact that alcohol ruins the liver!

    # 1
    Guest
    # 1

    if you read properly you will see that he does not say that it is ok that people drink at farbrengens, just that people who dont suffer from alchoholism are able to limit the amount of alcohol they enjoy at a farbrengen
    please read properly before pointing your finger

    to #1
    Guest
    to #1

    tell ’em baby thats right

    To #1
    Guest
    To #1

    He’s not a drug import, either; for that matter, he’s not a drug. *Experts know that generalizations aren’t always correct…however, thanks for your opinion, it really changed my life.

    CHT
    Guest
    CHT

    In my opinion, the red line is when alcohol make you fail any of important life responsibilities, such as: career credibility, career growth, moral growth, chinuk and other important family duties (school duties for younger). As long as the ability to fulfill all the important responsibilities is intact, alcohol is fine, the moment any of these responsibilities start to suffer even a bit – that’s the red line.

    HMMMMM DELICIOUS
    Guest
    HMMMMM DELICIOUS

    I’M HAVING A DRINK WHILE READING THIS GULP!!!!!! OOPS TRIPPED LECHAIM OUT THERE BRING ME SOME MORE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE

    To #1
    Guest
    To #1

    For an Alcholic person even a little bit is very bad….. to someone is not an alchoholic lechayim in moderation by a farbrengen is not bad but even welcomed.

    If someone starts drinking every night as the person in this article is saying her husband does than most likely the person has aproblem.

    To 1 and 5
    Guest
    To 1 and 5

    number 5-Wow, you are just a chucklehead. number 1- Don’t be so smart , as pot has drawbacks as well, such as an increase incidence of cancer amongst those who smoke pot. This is because there are the same additives in tobacco as there are in pot. The key to alcohol is MODERATION. Alcohol, in MODERATION has positive effects: moderate alcohol use protects against cardiovascular diseases. This means a maximum of 2-3 glasses of wine or beer a day for men, and 1 to 2 glasses a day for women. Not a bath of mashke. Pay attention to R’ Schonbuch… Read more »

    Never Understood
    Guest
    Never Understood

    My parents are both of Persian Jewish ancestry, I grew up in a Sefaradi community in South America and had never known that it was not only okay but actually “encouragable” to drink at a Beit Tefillah, until we moved to America and we met our Chabad Rabbi.
    I have lived in America now over 20 years and to this day, I don’t see drinking on Shabbat, Yom Tov or any Simcha as a Jewish thing, but rather a bad Russian Habit.

    the problem
    Guest
    the problem

    I think the root of many shalom bayis problems is that it is always assumed that the husband is at fault. Articles like this do not only not help the problem, but enhances it. Why are all these about “my husband has an internet addiction” , “my husband doesn’t communicate with me”, “my husband is an alcoholic” ?

    How about focusing on the real issues for a change. For example that people who are simply not meant for should not be getting married in the first place.

    This is just the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a start.

    drink
    Guest
    drink

    this article made me thirsty. i think i’m going out for a cold one as soon as my wife gets home.

    The Rebbe's Standards
    Guest
    The Rebbe's Standards

    The Rebbe set strict–very strict–limits on the amounts of mashke allowed to be consumed. Why says we encourage drinking, even at a farbrengen?

    to 8
    Guest
    to 8

    mer top havingy a drinks wile reding

    To #8
    Guest
    To #8

    Noone is pointing fingers at husbands in particular. If your wife (I’m assuming you’re a married man for practical purposes) is drinking every night, you can safely assume she has a problem with alcohol. This particular question was posed by a woman about her husband, but applies to women too. Yes, there are (frum) women (mothers and girls included) who are addicted to various substances. However, you won’t hear much about them bacause A)they are fewer in number than their male counterparts B)they and their families may be covering it up better (perhaps it’s a bigger shanda?) Bottom line: we… Read more »

    To #8
    Guest
    To #8

    Woops, I meant #12

    esther
    Guest
    esther

    i think it is important to note that while in the general,goyishe culture,a few beers,scotch,or several glasses of wine in the evening after work is seen as normal,it is totally foreign to jewish culture.we did not grow up frum but my parents and their jewish friends drank very,very rarely. since this type of drinking is so foriegn to us it is of far greater concern in our circles if it does occur.

    BOTTOM LINE.
    Guest
    BOTTOM LINE.

    its not ok to drink every night. if saying lchaim to wish another yid a broch is good, saying lchaim to make good hachlotas or to moyrer ones neshoma is good. a casual lchaim or a bissel vien to relax is ok. but to drink every night is not!!
    i know becuase i make kiddush every shabbos. but i dont drink every day, just on shabbos, or a simcha or a farbrenen…

    women drinking?
    Guest
    women drinking?

    just out of curiosity: can someone point out the difference between women drinking and men drinking? why is it more okay for a man to drink than a woman? and why are men encouraged to say l’chaim, while doing that is wrong for women?! anyone care to clarify?

    Experienced
    Guest
    Experienced

    She should ask her husband to not drink for 30 days. If he can’t….there’s a problem! Case closed.

    PROP 19 IS COMING!
    Guest
    PROP 19 IS COMING!

    whats the plan when pot will become legal in california?

    growing up drinking underage i dont see our kids having a clear path of whats right and whats wrong??!!

    #13
    Guest
    #13

    Same here…I saw the heading and went for a shot!

    Clearly a problem
    Guest
    Clearly a problem

    Lady,

    As a therapist, I can clearly say, your husband has a drinking problem, get him help.

    I am also unimpressed by the authors “kid gloves” attitude. This is a clear case of alcohol abuse.

    Don't Be Fooled
    Guest
    Don't Be Fooled

    Alcohol is a drug. A drug by definition is any substance that is mind altering or mood changing.
    The Jewish community has a drug problem. This article was spot on. Time to face the realities of our problems.

    simple test
    Guest
    simple test

    if the drinker decides he wont drink again and he still drinks that’s an alcoholic!

    770
    Guest
    770

    When we made lchaim’s in 770 at the rebbi’s farbrangin it was done only on wine! NOT mashke! i seeno excuse why some shul’s in ch have many many bottles of mashke at the table? why cant we go to wine on shoboos? bais shmuel is notorious for greatbig kiddish and its not wine

    I'm a lubavitch addict
    Guest
    I'm a lubavitch addict

    Sounds like your hubby’s got a problem. If your husband is an addict (by personality) he probably has issues of control, co-dependence, fear, resentment, and entitlement. If caught in time an alcohol abuser can stop the craving from developing into full-blown addiction. Most people are addicted by the time they catch themselves. Alcoholism is a disease, not a moral failing. From my experience if you live your husband and want a normal family life you should get him help right away.

    http://www.vosizneias.com/67442/2010/11/01/new-york-alcohol-is-more-harmful-than-heroin-or-crack-study
    Guest
    http://www.vosizneias.com/67442/2010/11/01/new-york-alcohol-is-more-harmful-than-heroin-or-crack-study
    feel so bad
    Guest
    feel so bad

    for those whodont care about this subject and have the chutzpa to say that r drining rght now, just to do the opposite bedavka!

    to all the #'s
    Guest
    to all the #'s

    Ooooh shtech!!!

    is it even realistic
    Guest
    is it even realistic

    Is it even realistic for a girl to say she wants to marry a guy who does not drink…or do all lubavitch boys drink?

    counseling
    Guest
    counseling

    Rabbi Schonbuch,
    Do you take insurance for marital counseling?

    Very good
    Guest
    Very good

    Good article for CHABAD!!!!!!

    yeshivas
    Guest
    yeshivas

    the biggest problem we need to resolve is the YOUNG boys in our yeshivas drinking. Our 14 year olds who for reasons have to be sent away to Yeshivas with no parental control. They are too young to be buying it for themselves so where r they getting it from??? what is wrong with our system?? Lots of these boys become addicted at a very young age. Its alot of peer pressure too in yeshivas. PLEASE PLEASE to all the teachers and hanhala that are farbrenging with these (young) boys put a stop to it. ENOUGH!!!! there are plenty of… Read more »

    huge difference!
    Guest
    huge difference!

    BS”D There is a huge difference btw alch and marijuana – find one person who became a better person bc of marijuna. There is a reason why we use wine at every occasion and event – and why me make lechayims on alch; it helps! There is a physical and spiritual effect and that’s why we do it. of course the same effect can be just a dramatically bad.. one major built-prevention in our system is – there is no excuse to drink alone, ever! (accept for kidush). A lechayim is for a reason and only for a reason –… Read more »

    To #1
    Guest
    To #1

    That is actually incorrect. Not every study shows Alcohol is worse the Marijuana. Marijuana is harmful to the body immediately while alcohol done in moderation has zero negative implication, unless the person has a preexisting condition

    English
    Guest
    English

    After reading these comments, I have changed my mind and now believe that every lubavitch school has a duty to teach ENGLISH!!

    you have a clouded view
    Guest
    you have a clouded view

    just because your a shrink does not mean that you don’t have a bias!

    TO 32
    Guest
    TO 32

    it is realistic!
    not all boys drink!

    Alcohol is a drug
    Guest
    Alcohol is a drug

    Alcohol is a drug like Cannabis, cocaine or heroine. The only difference is the fact that Alcohol is legalised which means it is more readily available. According to most studies in the UK and USA alcohol is more of a social problem than even the hardest drugs.
    However it is a known fact that prolonged cannabis use can cause permanent mental health problems. I commend the bravery of Rabbi Schonbuch for bringing this problem to the attention of this blog and the Chassidische public.

    U KNOW WHO U R.....
    Guest
    U KNOW WHO U R.....

    …..GET HELP NOW!!! and while your at it take care of your other addictions too….pains me to see your wife/my friend suffering!!!

    X