By Leah
10 years from now, If you are asked what you have done on this particular Tuesday morning or Wednesday afternoon – you will not be able to recall the photo you saw on Snapchat or the video from Instagram.
Yet, day after day, I see parents picking up their children from school, still on a phone call, texting, or checking Facebook one more time. Walking down the street, I see pleading eyes trying to talk to a preoccupied parent. Parents shouting at their children as the child begs to be heard.
Do you know what your children need as they are picked up from school, taken off the bus, walking in from music class? They need you.
They need your two arms to embrace them, your two eyes to look at them and your mind to concentrate on them as they talk to you. We cannot do any of the above with a phone in hand.
Six days a week our beautiful, precious children have to compete with a physical device. Trips to the country for vacation used to be a great time for the family to interact. Now, it’s often another opportunity for a parent to be on the phone. Or worse all, the children have gadgets of their own and are each preoccupied.
I ask you, what greater treasure do we have then our children?
Let’s pick them up with our full concentration. Let’s embrace them fully, look deeply at them as they speak and truly hear them. Most importantly, let’s show them by example healthy communications and interactions that will be sure to help them in the future. Let’s show them how we talk, play and interact with people and not screens.
The same should be said to teachers, employees, drivers. Get off the phone. That live video on Facebook isn’t worth your life if you are driving. The latest discussion on What’s App won’t make you a better teacher and certainly, won’t make your students wiser. Your phone notifications aren’t making you productive at work.
Hashem gave us one life. Let’s make the most of each day by spending our time and efforts on the things and people that are most important. Let’s be the friend who really hears another out, the present parent, the loving spouse, the conscientious employee.
I’m not saying you should disconnect your smartphone and switch back to a flip phone. What you should be doing is starting to notice how often do you turn to your phone out of boredom? How often do you think the latest text is more interesting than the person in front of you? How often do you ask the people around to repeat themselves because you’re looking at a screen?
Ask the people around you for an honest answer and if they say these instances happen “often,” it’s time for you to rethink your relationship and dependency on your phone. It’s time to start living life — the real life Hashem gave you and will one say hold you accountable for.
I recently heard a short but powerful summary of all this .It was actually in connection to bringing cell phones to shul,but it definitely applies to our inter personal relations as well ……….
DISCONNET TO RECONNECT..
I work in high school. Walked by the Shul where preschool was having a graduation.
EVERY teacher that I saw (did not see all of them ) was holding a phone. WHY?
Put the phone AWAY when you’re on the job. Retrieve it when you’re ready to go home.
IT WAS OFFENSIVE and highly UNPROFFESSIONAL
This is a sickness of contemporary culture: screen addiction/ technology addiction. As observant Jews, however, we do have an advantage. We know how to disconnect from technology 1 day a week. We have what it takes to be a role model….. ” A light onto the nations”.
My family eats together every night. We have a rule, no phones at the dinner table.
I’ve also asked passengers to stop using their phones, I’m not a chauffeur, and it’s rude. That’s another pet peeve of mine. When someone visiting me pulls out their phone, or worse, starts replying to someone else. Happened the other day. Next time I’m going to say, “well, I see I’m boring you. Was nice visiting with you, take care!”
… And once again, they got us beat. Admit it, we have to learn from them…
That’s really sad that that’s a child’s interpretation of attention today….so unreal .
Walking outside and seeing this situation all over is really heartbreaking…we’re all into the latest parenting techniques but we’re ignoring the most basic fundamental one of all…be there for ur child
But today that is attention. My grandchild asked ‘if u r really enjoying me then y aren’t u videoing me…get your phone out!’
You on so right. Thanks for sharing this letter. I think everyone will agree
I am guilty of this ….phones are so addictive ,Everyone put your phones away when you are with your kids.
B.H. There were no smart phones when the Rebbe gave Dollars but I am trying to take a lesson from the Rebbe how focused the Rebbe was on the person standing in front of him and how people appreciated that individual attention. Watching JEM videos of the Rebbe giving brochos gives me even more chizuk in making and keeping this hachloto. I am trying to stay focused on the person needing my attention or the tehillim I am in the middle of and not pick up my phone or look at my emails or check the latest news. It is… Read more »
take time to watch the body language of these little kids trying to get the parent’s attention…it breaks one’s heart.
Also, l have worked in pre-kinder for the last 9 years & notice how so many of the children are speaking later…. without eye contact they only hear a voice from “up there… ”
this article is not about kids & technology…it’s about parents & the response to their childten
only g-d can judge me
dont judge me because i sin differently.
im groovy 😛
While there are reasons that addiction to cell phones are harmful the argument presented in this particular arrival implies that books are also detrimental which I’m sure the author doesn’t believe.
In the old days, a mother pushing the stroller would talk to the child waiting at a light. The child’s development came first.
GET THAT PHONE OUT OF YR HAND, FOR HEAVEN”S SAKE AND THE SANITY OF YOUR KIDS!!!!!! Do you want them to have loving ability to interact? Then give up the phone, or limit, limit, limit!!!
Maybe they’re reading all the COL comments
My heart goes out when I walk down the street and I see mothers on their phones with their kids tugging at them to listen to them. This generation worships Photos and Videos. Stop wasting your life looking at photos, zooming into them to see what type of shoes that somebody is wearing – and videos of total nonsense. The same goes for those “educational” “lessons in life” video that make their rounds on whatsapp. If you spend your whole day learning lessons from whatsapp videos you’re not going to have any time left to actually implement these lessons that… Read more »
Another thing is when parents and kids are on their headphone/ earbuds in each others’ presence.. this shuts out any chance to bond and connect to one another.. It’s like saying, ‘all you around me dont exist to me’
You can and should be ashamed of yourself!
No one said anything about having or not having a smartphone, (although that’s a different discussion…) And the writer of this letter is right on the point.
I love this artical and agree with whom wrote it its time to re wake up crown hights etc with recaculating with our beautiful familys.
Coming from the new generation, with the opinion that fighting smartphones isn’t the solution, (thought that’s a matter of opinion…), I agree 100% that after school, the kids need and deserve and even WANT those few minutes to discuss their day spent in school, which is their current occupation and “job”, somewhere where the they achieve and appreciate their growth in learning and Yiddishkeit, and wish to share their pride! The extra effort and buy of attention will really pay off!!
it’s not for you. If you’ve somehow managed to accept your low level as normal and aspire to nothing else, then anything musar will bore you. You stick to your whatsapp funnies and let the adults speak.
These types of op-eds are for the engaged, for those on the edge as it were, doing these things a little bit more than they feel they should be. It’s an encouragement and a reminder. Ain mizarzim elah lamizurazim.
So, yes, it’s time to get to together and to farbreng and to make good commitments. We have to set limits for ourselves.
Please tell me you are still a teenager talking like this and will hopefully have a deeper perspective when becoming a parent . # 19 very good points
great but sad because nothing will change
So sad to see so many kids being ignored. Save phone time for when they’re sleeping or at school. When u have them, take advantage of that time to enjoy them
Love how most of the comments are positive energy and not bashing the writer. 🙂
Good job!!
I was at a Shir for women and they where talking about phones after the Shir. Most moms said they wish schools would inforce no phones because their daughters want phones because friends have them.
I agree entirely. But the mobile phone in all its guises is ubiquitous nowadays, and today’s children see it as the norm, and will incorporate it naturally into their lifestyles. It cannot be un-invented, alongside all the other high tech paraphernalia . Life has changed forever for everyone. Rejoice!
You wont change by the sound of things…but don’t put other people down! Everyone can improve themselves especially in the area of parenthood.
Realizing how addicted I was, I began setting my
iPhone on do no disturb mode for 4pm-6pm.
just get the kids a smart phone too
Well said. There used to be such a thing that at certain hours of the day parents were busy with their children and not available generally for others – just because it’s so accessible doesn’t mean it has to change – if someone can’t wait tough on them!
Are stupid and boring
Things don’t change we are a community unlike others
Everyone has smartphones and fb and snap and insta we are not boro park who hide it and same like willytown
It’s part of life and just get used to it
Let us also remember as parents how we are potentially promoting this behavior for our children which ends up resulting in them too not being socially involved with us or others since they too are engrossed in their phones.
So sad for the kids to have to beg for their parents’ attention. Every parent should have a rule, no phones from pickup until bedtime! Hide away your phone
We spend much time hearing about children who are spending too much time on electronics and discuss all the worries of that. We need to also focus on the parents who are attached to their phones, thereby not giving their children the full attention that they need, which creates its own host of problems.
I am more worried about why teachers are on there phones during class/teaching playing games whatsapp is that acceptable we are just finishing the school year the amount of time my daughters teacher spent on the phone during class ?……… yes i spoke to office nothing changed the kids feel like the teacher doesnt want to be there some schools teachers are not allowed to bring phones into classroom
It’s not just the time you have lost to connect to your child. It is also the message you give them, that you don’t want to connect to them as much as they want to connect to you. A child should always feel that their parents take joy in spending time and talking with them or it can lead to some serious self-esteem issues.
Children should not be under the impression that candy crush, instagram, whatsapp, etc, is more important than them.
At least one should put away their phone during dinnertime, homework and bedtime!
I see kids in shuls outside on the way to school bar mitzvah age bas mitzvah age addicted to their phone. I think pretty soon they will make a school app and kids wont come to school anymore…
A heartbreaking situation
Preoccupied parents are nothing new.There was a mother who put a dummy in her childs mouth as she picked him up from nursery;no chance for him to talk about the days experiences.I saw a neighbour put the childs recent art work in the trash,the same day it was taken home!!These dear kids entrusted to us for most of the day were not listened to ,nor ,it seemed to me,was our work with them valued.
I totally agree. Put the phones away. Including at that siddur/Chumash/graduation party where instead of looking out at the crowd and seeing mommy’s smiling face, all the kids see are rows of phones pointed at them, with the parents attention on the screen rather than on them.
very to the point well said
Also anyone with a spouse, friend or business acquaintance.
There’s a sign outside my grandchild’s classroom. It shows a pensive child with a thought bubble that reads: I wish I was their phone. At least then they would hold me and look at me all day..
If you honestly don’t think the person you are with deserves your undivided attention, why are you spending time with that person?
Maybe it’s time to admit you have an addiction to your phone.
Get help, and rebuild your essential relationships with your children, your spouse, your real, not cyber, friends, and your community.
Never mind the “ice bucket challenge”.
Let’s take the “no phone when with children” challenge.
Don’t they deserve at least 1-2 hours a day?
After all, if one can get used to phones, one can also get unused to phones.
Buetfully said 👍
Great article!
If someone were in an important meeting, they’d turn off their phone. Every reunion with our children is an “important meeting”! There’s plenty of time during the time they are in school, to get one’s fill of all that’s accessible on a phone. How would we, as parents, feel if our teachers were on the phone during class with our precious children? How would we feel if our physicians or mashpiim were on the phone while we were trying to tell them something important about our health or lives???? (I hope everyone gets the mashal here!) PLEASE don’t become enslaved… Read more »
I totally agree with this article. You should have all ears on your child when u are picking them up from school.
Beautiful !
Well written and so true ! On the mark!
Thanks for writing and thanks col for posting
I think many people are addicted to thier phones.
Also men in shul during davvening are on thier phones non stop. Its unbelieveable.
Challenge yourself to put down your phone for one hour a day at least and just spend time with your children.