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Sunday, 18 Tammuz, 5779
  |  July 21, 2019

    I See This Situation Day After Day

    From the COLlive inbox: A Crown Heights teacher sees what goes on right outside of school and writes an open letter to all parents. Full Story

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    Agree!
    Guest
    Agree!

    I think many people are addicted to thier phones.
    Also men in shul during davvening are on thier phones non stop. Its unbelieveable.

    Challenge yourself to put down your phone for one hour a day at least and just spend time with your children.

    Md
    Guest
    Md

    Beautiful !
    Well written and so true ! On the mark!
    Thanks for writing and thanks col for posting

    Esther (benarroch)Michael
    Guest
    Esther (benarroch)Michael

    I totally agree with this article. You should have all ears on your child when u are picking them up from school.

    ABSOLUTELY!
    Guest
    ABSOLUTELY!

    If someone were in an important meeting, they’d turn off their phone. Every reunion with our children is an “important meeting”! There’s plenty of time during the time they are in school, to get one’s fill of all that’s accessible on a phone. How would we, as parents, feel if our teachers were on the phone during class with our precious children? How would we feel if our physicians or mashpiim were on the phone while we were trying to tell them something important about our health or lives???? (I hope everyone gets the mashal here!) PLEASE don’t become enslaved… Read more »

    Great
    Guest
    Great

    Great article!

    Thank you!
    Guest
    Thank you!

    Buetfully said 👍

    Sadly, so well said!!
    Guest
    Sadly, so well said!!

    Never mind the “ice bucket challenge”.

    Let’s take the “no phone when with children” challenge.

    Don’t they deserve at least 1-2 hours a day?

    After all, if one can get used to phones, one can also get unused to phones.

    A must read for every parent.
    Guest
    A must read for every parent.

    Also anyone with a spouse, friend or business acquaintance.

    There’s a sign outside my grandchild’s classroom. It shows a pensive child with a thought bubble that reads: I wish I was their phone. At least then they would hold me and look at me all day..

    If you honestly don’t think the person you are with deserves your undivided attention, why are you spending time with that person?
    Maybe it’s time to admit you have an addiction to your phone.
    Get help, and rebuild your essential relationships with your children, your spouse, your real, not cyber, friends, and your community.

    shliach
    Guest
    shliach

    very to the point well said

    100% spot on
    Guest
    100% spot on

    I totally agree. Put the phones away. Including at that siddur/Chumash/graduation party where instead of looking out at the crowd and seeing mommy’s smiling face, all the kids see are rows of phones pointed at them, with the parents attention on the screen rather than on them.

    marge
    Guest
    marge

    Preoccupied parents are nothing new.There was a mother who put a dummy in her childs mouth as she picked him up from nursery;no chance for him to talk about the days experiences.I saw a neighbour put the childs recent art work in the trash,the same day it was taken home!!These dear kids entrusted to us for most of the day were not listened to ,nor ,it seemed to me,was our work with them valued.

    So true
    Guest
    So true

    A heartbreaking situation

    That is a halba tzara
    Guest
    That is a halba tzara

    I see kids in shuls outside on the way to school bar mitzvah age bas mitzvah age addicted to their phone. I think pretty soon they will make a school app and kids wont come to school anymore…

    Well said
    Guest
    Well said

    Children should not be under the impression that candy crush, instagram, whatsapp, etc, is more important than them.
    At least one should put away their phone during dinnertime, homework and bedtime!

    And..
    Guest
    And..

    It’s not just the time you have lost to connect to your child. It is also the message you give them, that you don’t want to connect to them as much as they want to connect to you. A child should always feel that their parents take joy in spending time and talking with them or it can lead to some serious self-esteem issues.

    well written but......
    Guest
    well written but......

    I am more worried about why teachers are on there phones during class/teaching playing games whatsapp is that acceptable we are just finishing the school year the amount of time my daughters teacher spent on the phone during class ?……… yes i spoke to office nothing changed the kids feel like the teacher doesnt want to be there some schools teachers are not allowed to bring phones into classroom

    Mom
    Guest
    Mom

    We spend much time hearing about children who are spending too much time on electronics and discuss all the worries of that. We need to also focus on the parents who are attached to their phones, thereby not giving their children the full attention that they need, which creates its own host of problems.

    So true!
    Guest
    So true!

    So sad for the kids to have to beg for their parents’ attention. Every parent should have a rule, no phones from pickup until bedtime! Hide away your phone

    By example
    Guest
    By example

    Let us also remember as parents how we are potentially promoting this behavior for our children which ends up resulting in them too not being socially involved with us or others since they too are engrossed in their phones.

    These op ed and musar pieces
    Guest
    These op ed and musar pieces

    Are stupid and boring

    Things don’t change we are a community unlike others

    Everyone has smartphones and fb and snap and insta we are not boro park who hide it and same like willytown

    It’s part of life and just get used to it

    Thank You
    Guest
    Thank You

    Well said. There used to be such a thing that at certain hours of the day parents were busy with their children and not available generally for others – just because it’s so accessible doesn’t mean it has to change – if someone can’t wait tough on them!

    simple
    Guest
    simple

    just get the kids a smart phone too

    Do not Disturb Mode
    Guest
    Do not Disturb Mode

    Realizing how addicted I was, I began setting my
    iPhone on do no disturb mode for 4pm-6pm.

    To No 20
    Guest
    To No 20

    You wont change by the sound of things…but don’t put other people down! Everyone can improve themselves especially in the area of parenthood.

    Back to the future
    Guest
    Back to the future

    I agree entirely. But the mobile phone in all its guises is ubiquitous nowadays, and today’s children see it as the norm, and will incorporate it naturally into their lifestyles. It cannot be un-invented, alongside all the other high tech paraphernalia . Life has changed forever for everyone. Rejoice!

    Mother
    Guest
    Mother

    I was at a Shir for women and they where talking about phones after the Shir. Most moms said they wish schools would inforce no phones because their daughters want phones because friends have them.

    Love the positivity
    Guest
    Love the positivity

    Love how most of the comments are positive energy and not bashing the writer. 🙂
    Good job!!

    Agree!!!
    Guest
    Agree!!!

    So sad to see so many kids being ignored. Save phone time for when they’re sleeping or at school. When u have them, take advantage of that time to enjoy them

    great article but sad
    Guest
    great article but sad

    great but sad because nothing will change

    To number 20
    Guest
    To number 20

    Please tell me you are still a teenager talking like this and will hopefully have a deeper perspective when becoming a parent . # 19 very good points

    to 20
    Guest
    to 20

    it’s not for you. If you’ve somehow managed to accept your low level as normal and aspire to nothing else, then anything musar will bore you. You stick to your whatsapp funnies and let the adults speak.

    These types of op-eds are for the engaged, for those on the edge as it were, doing these things a little bit more than they feel they should be. It’s an encouragement and a reminder. Ain mizarzim elah lamizurazim.

    So, yes, it’s time to get to together and to farbreng and to make good commitments. We have to set limits for ourselves.

    *** IT ALL COUNTS! ***
    Guest
    *** IT ALL COUNTS! ***

    Coming from the new generation, with the opinion that fighting smartphones isn’t the solution, (thought that’s a matter of opinion…), I agree 100% that after school, the kids need and deserve and even WANT those few minutes to discuss their day spent in school, which is their current occupation and “job”, somewhere where the they achieve and appreciate their growth in learning and Yiddishkeit, and wish to share their pride! The extra effort and buy of attention will really pay off!!

    Ylg
    Guest
    Ylg

    I love this artical and agree with whom wrote it its time to re wake up crown hights etc with recaculating with our beautiful familys.

    #20
    Guest
    #20

    You can and should be ashamed of yourself!
    No one said anything about having or not having a smartphone, (although that’s a different discussion…) And the writer of this letter is right on the point.

    headphones
    Guest
    headphones

    Another thing is when parents and kids are on their headphone/ earbuds in each others’ presence.. this shuts out any chance to bond and connect to one another.. It’s like saying, ‘all you around me dont exist to me’

    Can't agree more
    Guest
    Can't agree more

    My heart goes out when I walk down the street and I see mothers on their phones with their kids tugging at them to listen to them. This generation worships Photos and Videos. Stop wasting your life looking at photos, zooming into them to see what type of shoes that somebody is wearing – and videos of total nonsense. The same goes for those “educational” “lessons in life” video that make their rounds on whatsapp. If you spend your whole day learning lessons from whatsapp videos you’re not going to have any time left to actually implement these lessons that… Read more »

    Kav zscus
    Guest
    Kav zscus

    Maybe they’re reading all the COL comments

    don't make your kids automatons without a heart for others
    Guest
    don't make your kids automatons without a heart for others

    In the old days, a mother pushing the stroller would talk to the child waiting at a light. The child’s development came first.

    GET THAT PHONE OUT OF YR HAND, FOR HEAVEN”S SAKE AND THE SANITY OF YOUR KIDS!!!!!! Do you want them to have loving ability to interact? Then give up the phone, or limit, limit, limit!!!

    True but
    Guest
    True but

    While there are reasons that addiction to cell phones are harmful the argument presented in this particular arrival implies that books are also detrimental which I’m sure the author doesn’t believe.

    g-d
    Guest
    g-d

    only g-d can judge me
    dont judge me because i sin differently.
    im groovy 😛

    in response
    Guest
    in response

    take time to watch the body language of these little kids trying to get the parent’s attention…it breaks one’s heart.
    Also, l have worked in pre-kinder for the last 9 years & notice how so many of the children are speaking later…. without eye contact they only hear a voice from “up there… ”
    this article is not about kids & technology…it’s about parents & the response to their childten

    Almost Gimel Tamuz
    Guest
    Almost Gimel Tamuz

    B.H. There were no smart phones when the Rebbe gave Dollars but I am trying to take a lesson from the Rebbe how focused the Rebbe was on the person standing in front of him and how people appreciated that individual attention. Watching JEM videos of the Rebbe giving brochos gives me even more chizuk in making and keeping this hachloto. I am trying to stay focused on the person needing my attention or the tehillim I am in the middle of and not pick up my phone or look at my emails or check the latest news. It is… Read more »

    Guilty
    Guest
    Guilty

    I am guilty of this ….phones are so addictive ,Everyone put your phones away when you are with your kids.

    Well written
    Guest
    Well written

    You on so right. Thanks for sharing this letter. I think everyone will agree

    to no.10
    Guest
    to no.10

    But today that is attention. My grandchild asked ‘if u r really enjoying me then y aren’t u videoing me…get your phone out!’

    To 45
    Guest
    To 45

    That’s really sad that that’s a child’s interpretation of attention today….so unreal .
    Walking outside and seeing this situation all over is really heartbreaking…we’re all into the latest parenting techniques but we’re ignoring the most basic fundamental one of all…be there for ur child

    boro park and Williamsburg
    Guest
    boro park and Williamsburg

    … And once again, they got us beat. Admit it, we have to learn from them…

    No phones during dinner
    Guest
    No phones during dinner

    My family eats together every night. We have a rule, no phones at the dinner table.
    I’ve also asked passengers to stop using their phones, I’m not a chauffeur, and it’s rude. That’s another pet peeve of mine. When someone visiting me pulls out their phone, or worse, starts replying to someone else. Happened the other day. Next time I’m going to say, “well, I see I’m boring you. Was nice visiting with you, take care!”

    Beautifully expressed
    Guest
    Beautifully expressed

    This is a sickness of contemporary culture: screen addiction/ technology addiction. As observant Jews, however, we do have an advantage. We know how to disconnect from technology 1 day a week. We have what it takes to be a role model….. ” A light onto the nations”.

    Bais Rivka preschool on Crown
    Guest
    Bais Rivka preschool on Crown

    I work in high school. Walked by the Shul where preschool was having a graduation.
    EVERY teacher that I saw (did not see all of them ) was holding a phone. WHY?
    Put the phone AWAY when you’re on the job. Retrieve it when you’re ready to go home.
    IT WAS OFFENSIVE and highly UNPROFFESSIONAL

    A powerful one -liner.
    Guest
    A powerful one -liner.

    I recently heard a short but powerful summary of all this .It was actually in connection to bringing cell phones to shul,but it definitely applies to our inter personal relations as well ……….
    DISCONNET TO RECONNECT..

    X