‘I Never Thought I Would Still be Here’

By Yehudis Bluming – Shlucha, North Carolina

Last week, I received a message from a friend that tore my heart and took my sleep.

With permission, I am sharing:

“Yehudis, I must share this with you. Yesterday I was standing on Kingston Avenue and watched friends who grew up together with me. We were so close and we all looked forward to High School and Seminary. We all spoke of prospects, our hopes, and dreams of marriage. We were all together in our dreams. Then suddenly they passed me by in life, and I am left behind.

I now watch them sharing pictures of their children, their vacations with their husbands and elaborate Shabbos dinners, and here I am – still single.

I never thought I would still be here… I thought that by this Pesach I would finally be engaged, yet another Yom Tov passed me by. I feel like I am in the train station, the trains are passing me by and I remain on the platform once again. Who understands my loneliness, frustration, fear, helplessness, and hopelessness?”

My heart was breaking for my friend, and that pain was compounded when thinking of the pain of her parents. Who can fathom the pain of her parents and so many other parents going through this. There is no stone larger than the one that sits on the heart of a mother and father as they think every day, actually, every waking minute …of their child. El Hanaar Hazeh Hispallalti- I cry and pray for this child!

Hashem …When? How much longer?

My friends, these singles are OUR brothers, sisters, classmates, relatives, and neighbors!

There are way over a thousand mature singles who have been in the dating scene for over 3 years (and that is on the lower end of the spectrum) that have yet to find their partner in life.
The numbers are alarming and heart-wrenching. We are clearly facing a challenge of epic proportion.

I am not here to write another op-ed on the crisis. We have all read more than enough of the written word on this subject. I’m here with a collaborative solution!

It’s simply impossible for shadchanim to do the job alone! I was raised in the home of a dedicated Shadchan; my mother, Mrs. Rochel Heber A”H, who dedicated her life nonstop to these precious singles. She spent her nights and days on the phone and meeting these young singles, and as many hours as she spent helping them it was still never enough. The work load was hard, and emotionally draining. She wrote to the Rebbe many times that she wanted to stop being involved in this overwhelming endeavor. Yet, time and time again the Rebbe kept responding to continue with greater measure and telling her that the Brochos for such vital work is endless.

We need to mobilize .. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US. We can’t outsource this issue to our heroic shadchonim. It takes a village to make it happen!

The good news is that a quiet revolution has begun.

Modeled after a highly successful program in Israel called “Ichpat Li”, whose goal is to substantially reduce the number of mature girls and guys still searching for their bashert, we have created an American Model of “The Shidduch Influencer program.” 60 people have joined this past week alone!

The goal is very simple and not so time-consuming 😉 – Become a partner!

1. Commit to being an advocate, an influencer, to tend to ONE SINGLE friend or relative. We all have busy lives, but we must dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to think of THAT ONE – to help create a match.

2. Join a Whattsapp group of like-minded people sharing ideas, names, and profiles.
Text 919 357 5904 and ask to join.

3. When becoming a Shidduch influencer you will get complete access to Chabadmatch website as any other Shadchan, profiles and all, empowering you to have the resources to help do the search.

4. We have contacted many Shadchanim that will be mentors to the influencers.

When coming up with a name these Shadchanim will help facilitate your idea to the next level.

5. Share and Sign up a friend to join too.

Remember that you don’t need to be an expert or have a degree to make a shidduch, As the Rebbe once told a man, the ingredients to be a Shadchan is a desire to be of help!
To the singles out there. You dated someone and he wasn’t for you?
Pick up the phone, maybe he’s for your friend, call and advocate on her behalf.

Join the revolution taking place for the brides and grooms of tomorrow.
Sign up NOW and join a group of dedicated volunteers who want to change one life at a time.

As the Rebbe wrote in a letter:
I was pleased to hear that both of you are endeavoring [to help] with regard to shidduchim The magnitude of such efforts can be appreciated from our Sages’ statement that from the Six Days of Creation onward, the Holy One, blessed be He, is occupied with making matches. Whosoever endeavors [to assist] in these matters will receive great reward.

(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XI, p. 138)

Hashem should bentch every single one of you and we should merit to see the joy on the faces of our single friends and family as they stand under the Chuppah!