By Tamara G.
I guess I am not your typical Chabad-goer. Ok, there probably is no such thing, but if there was a typical Chabad-goer, I would definitely not be it. I grew up frum. I was raised in Flatbush, Brooklyn. I attended a strong all-girls Orthodox school all my life. I didn’t need help lighting candles; I’ve been lighting since before my Bat-Mitzvah. I didn’t need to learn how to pray; I’ve been praying at least once a day since I was a little girl. I was Shomer Shabbat and strictly kosher. Also, thankfully, I didn’t struggle with any deep emuna or betachon issues. G-d and I were always on pretty good terms. We were, as the kids say, “tight.”
And then I moved away…
I moved away to attend Cornell Law School, in upstate New York. I had just turned 21. This was my first time living out of NYC. I was starting a rigorous academic program, and absolutely everything that could possibly have changed in my life, did. What became clear to me fairly quickly was that this new locale of mine would be a climactic moment in my religious life. This would clearly be my spiritual desert, and I erroneously forgot to pack my holy water.
Luckily, Cornell has a strong OU presence. There’s a kosher dining hall, Shabbat meals, amazing JLIC (Jewish Learning Initiative on Campus) representatives, and the list can go on. I really am not in a position to complain here because almost everything that I needed, I had. For many, these were resources they never had growing up.
You also need to understand, however, the world I was coming from. Flatbush. The capital of kosher restaurants. Shuls every two blocks, or more accurately, every two feet. Regular shiurim being given by incredible scholars on a daily basis. I was completely out of my religious comfort zone and I knew it.
The first Yom Kippur away was the hardest. It felt strange not being in my family’s shul and I didn’t appreciate walking to and from services via massive hills. I do not miss those hills. Ok, that’s obviously not the point of this article. But trekking up those hills, I felt disconnected and spiritually alone.
Then, right before the first night of Sukkot, my friend suggested we go to Chabad for “Sushi in the Sukkah.” I like sushi, I needed a Sukkah, and so go we did.
It was packed. I could barely find a space next to my friend and he could barely find room for his absurdly long legs. We ate our sushi, heard the rabbi speak, benched, and quickly left. On our walk home, I tried to memorize the way we took. I didn’t exactly know why, but I knew I’d be back.
Back we were. I made my friend join me at Chabad regularly for the next few Friday nights. Then I started going alone. Then I started going Shabat mornings. It was delicious (duh), and comfortable. It reminded me of Shabat at home and so I became a regular.
Slowly, I started speaking to the people who were providing me with such yummy and warm meals: my shluchim. I know how everyone in the world thinks their shluchim are the absolute best shluchim, and I don’t mean to be one of those people, but I have to be. My shluchim are actually the best shluchim. At least for me. If you ever met Rabbi Eli Silberstein, you would know that he quite frankly, and I hope he won’t be mad at me for saying this, knows everything. I don’t mean that in a “he knows so many cool things” sort of way. I mean, literally, everything. His wife is also the smartest woman I have ever met, other than my own mother. A year and a half into my stay at Cornell, Rabbi Dovid and Miri Birk joined us. Miri is now one of my closest friends.
Over time, it started dawning on me:
These people know stuff. Stuff I don’t know. I would like to know this stuff.
Because for the first time in my religious life, I felt completely ignorant. Yes, I can read a Rashi fairly easily, and yes I have some chazals permanently engrained in my mind from my 11th and 12th grade Chumash classes. I received an excellent Jewish education and I know halacha. But there was so much that I didn’t yet know.
The Tanya. Yes, I learned about the Alter Rebbe and his work briefly in historia class but I didn’t know what was inside the text and that there was an entire class of souls, the benonim, out there. Male-Female principles of Divinity were not something I grew up reading about. I never learned Gemara. Tzemach Tzedek, who? Wait, my soul mirrors ten emanations of G-d? For 22 years, nobody ever mentioned to me the logistics of the brutal spiritual path my soul travelled through to get to my body. Needless to say, my soul and I are far better acquainted now.
Knowing there was so much I didn’t know, kept me close to my shluchim. I learned as much as I could in between my law school classes. I knew I needed to learn more and so during winter-break, I travelled to Israel to study at Mayanot. I am pretty sure I was the only non-baal-teshuva there, but so much of the learning was completely new to me. Somehow, I made it on time every morning to my 7:30 a.m. Chasidus lecture, which turned out to be my favorite class. And I also loved learning Gemara for the first time. Aside from the brief excerpts of Targum Onkelos I had studied in school, I never read Aramaic before.
Through these revelations, I was not renouncing my upbringing. I was not “becoming Chabad.” I was just learning. I was trying to grasp onto information and concepts. Even while at Mayanot, I would spend several afternoons a week at Neve Yerushalayim. I told Rabbi Levinger, the Director of the Mayanot program for women, from the get-go that I would need my intellectual space, and he was very understanding. And my shluchim were too. They never made me feel that I had to give up anything about myself. It was fine with them if I also affiliated with my “Litvish” upbringing. It was ok that I wasn’t all Chasidus, all the time.
Admittedly, my friends back home were confused. It seemed strange that I spent so much of my time discussing and studying these new concepts. And they didn’t really understand why I spent so much of my free time at Chabad. I think the first Shabbat I spent in Crown Heights was the turning point of my religious odyssey. It made it clear to others, as well as to me, that I was fully embracing my newfound love for Chabad. And everyone else would have to be ok with that.
Because it frustrates me that we divide ourselves. As Orthodox Jews, we are already a tiny, miniscule percentage of the world population. But for some inexplicable reason, we keep dividing, splitting up, cutting, and boxing. Frum-from-birth v. Baal Teshuva. Chabad v. Litvish. Ashkenazi v. Sephardi. Modern v. Ultra. I am so grateful that my spiritual mentors, the Silbersteins and the Birks, never made me choose or group myself under any of the above.
I am not expecting us to all hold hands and sing songs. But it would just be pleasant if we learned to appreciate the beauty each one of us brings to the theistic table. After all, we are Ovdei Hashem. We are here for the same purpose. And we only lose strength in our distinctions. Of course, I am not about to turn my back on the community that raised me, but I also need to look forward to discover more. Personally, I’ve been really enjoying checking off the “Mixed/Other” classification on the fictional religious affiliation checkbox.
Overall, Chabad has taught me that no matter where I go, no matter what edge of the world I might travel to, I need not worry. Not just because there’s a Chabad house nearly everywhere, but also because I know that it’s all within me. My spiritual affiliation is not tied to any distinct community or my current physical location. I have the ability to define my own spirituality. I can stay connected. I am always plugged in.
I now live in Manhattan and on Friday nights, I go to the community synagogue, where most of my peers go. On Shabbat day, however, my friends know I will probably be running late to the meal, and if I’m not there by 1 p.m., they should make kiddush without me. And if they need to find me, they know where to go.
I’ll be at Chabad.
Tamara grew up in Brooklyn, NY. She recently graduated from law school and now lives in Manhattan.
Nice to see young people writing their stories on here. Also, you write really well.
You should spread chassidus and light in Flatbush. Share the richness with your friends and family!! You’ll be great!!
I’ve been to multiple Chabad houses with my complete Litvak self and I’ve always been welcomed with open arms. No Chassidus necessary.
…and great shluchim. BH you found some of our best and brightest! Silbersteins, Birks, and Levingers are all top notch!
You write beautifully. Great job!
The Silbersteins are incredible people, you’re so lucky to have been with them!
You are an amazing writer!! Kol Hakavod!
agree agree agree.
it’s amazing to see that many of the comments highlighted a point she made- not to label everyone.Us Frum Jews are like little siblings, we always fight, but deep down we love each other tremendously. Therefore throughout history whenever a bully ( any tzoros)started up with one of our brothers/ sisters we immediately banded together -in unity.
If only we increase in our ahavas chinam on a constant basis (not to label /mock /disrespect…each other) i’m sure Moshiach will be here in the blink of an eye.
Yea you are pretty awesome. Good luck w all the shiduch suggestions!
Its great to see these beautiful positive articles on col.specially in the nine days.keep it coming. Eventhough controversial is also bbeneficial
Hope ur article encourages others to write & share their experiences w finding chabad &how it impacted their life.its a great idea for the right person to compile these stories into a book.hope to hear from u in the near future as your further experiemces(that of a young successful w it person)impact ur life &can inspire others too.
May you build a beautiful lichtig home and reach out to people like yourself
I too came to chabad sixty years ago from a frum family that was virulently against chabad and its philosophy. And all I can say every day is ASHREINU MATOV CHELKAYNU that I am part of this wonderful community and have a Rebbe who is there for us no matter what or how,
you write very linguistically. I think you should write a book about this.
you are beautiful, inside and out, truly
I would love to meet you some day. Many speak from their mouth; you speak from your heart. Your article is only sincerity. Its also a bit humorous, but touching in the kind of way that only special people can do. It gave me the chills. May you find a beshert very soon and merit internal happiness.
D. L. S.
am with you totally!! Living in LA, i feel so amazed how much unity is essential in the community. Its a privilege to live there. And as for Tamara, I personally think you have a special writing skill. Maybe you should write a book someday, or become an editor. You are definately inspiring. And may you find your beshert very soon, amen!
what if your of different genders? kidding.
Very nice. very well writen.
Beautifully written and powerful <3
Yep! Me too!
nice writing…….would love you for a daughter-in-law!
This can be your career…
Now all of us who have so to speak “had Chabad” find what Tamara has written about so beautifully!!
Her depth and talent is extraordinary—but then every Jew can find and appreciate all that she has —with a bit of real effort!!!
Dear Ms. Tamara G.,
‘Nefesh Eloquit’: Thanks for finding me.
Very proud of you.
“Moshiach will come when your wellsprings (Teaching of ‘Chassidus’) flow over.”
HaShem said this to The Bal Shem Tov in one of the rabbi’s ascensions into Gan Eden.
Very well written…moving; meaningful. ‘Todah’ COLlive.com
I agree
Chasidus works!
Not all who claim to represent it, really do
One day some lucky (chabad?) guy is going to marry you and you are going to raise a special kind of family in Klal Yisroel.
You have real writing talent coupled with an openess and sincerity that is so moving- hatzlacha rabba in spreading the wellsprings even further…
You graduated from Cornell Law and you’re only 23? That’s amazing. Congrats.
I have known you since 9th grade and in never occured to me you write this well! No wonder our English teachers always loved you.
WOAH WOAH WOAH!!!!
GO TAMAR, GO.
Great read, but her final thoughts (to me) were most poignant. Growing up in a “gezsh” family (how the heck is it spelled anyway?), living in CH attending OT it was made very clear that the entire world, including the rest of the frum world, can KIT. Many of you reading this comment are thinking…..that’s correct, so what? Punkfarkert (reader still thinking), that’s why Lubavitch (I don’t like saying “Chabad.”……something to do with it’s hipster-ness) is so successful as Shluchim and (according to Col front page news) in business as well. Our braitkyt and KOV mentality. I got news, that’s… Read more »
I cried reading this. You have touched many hearts Tamara!
I was with them in Tannersville, the Catskills one summer and they are so brilliant that i cannot fathom why we in Chabad are not benefiting more from them… they could have their own website… non-stop shiurim and farbrengens. They don’t just teach.. they make you think, really think… but more than that, they are such good, caring people with such a great sense of humour – honestly, these people need to be promoted more!!! For our sakes!
Great writing, great message.
FLATBUSH FOR THE WIN!
Thank you Tamara for this beautiful article.
You expressed so well the beauty of Chabad and what you find there in words that are relatable to all. You inspired me. Thank you! May you grow in all good ways and build a beautiful Yiddishe home!
A campus Shliach
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!
I AM ON SHLICHUS BUT DONT GO TO A LUBAVITCH SCHOOL AND LOVE THE FACT THAT LA IS SO OPEN TO THAT IDEA, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE, AND THATS HOW EVERYTHING IS IN LA.
SOME OF MY (NON-LUBAVITCH) FRIENDS FATHERS GO TO LUBAVITCH SHULS AND EVERYONE MINGLES TOGETHER.
GO LA-ERS!
AND THIS WAS A GREAT ARTICLE TO READ, AND EVERYONE SHOULD REALLY TAKE IT TO HEART, AND NOT BE SO INTO CLASSIFING GROUPS OG JEWS, WHY CANT WE ALL JUST LIVE IN UNITY???
so are you looking for a chabad guy
Be careful of those (some) who, present themselves as “chabad” but don’t exactly live by its teachings and values
If someone shows selective Ahavat Yisroel, Disrespect for Torah, Disrespect to another human being, then they are NOT CHABAD, they are misrepresenting chabad.
Only the Rebbes, their words and teachings define chasidis, those who follow those teachings authentically are authentic Chasidim/followers
The Silbersteins, the Birks and their entire families have turned the town up sidedown, infusing ruchnius into every neshama they come in contact with. May they continue in good health in their good works. Tamara – good luck on the bar 🙂
Very well written article.
One of the many reasons I love to live in L.A. is the fact that all types of yidden live in one area. The neighbor on my right it’s sephardic, while the neighbor on my left is yeshivish. We learn to respect and appreciate each other’s ways of avodah.
Tamara, you impress me not only with your deep-seated connection to Chassidus but also with your excellent writing skills. May you be zoche to touch more souls with words that come from the heart.
Have you ever tried to submit your story to N’shei magazine or the Jewish Woman (chabad.org’s women’s sub site)?
Having visited the Silberstein’s many a time, I can relate with with what you are saying- I have been touched by Rabbi Eli’s rendering of Sichas on the parsha or yomtov and by Mrs.’s insights into just about anything.
-D.B.
such a nicely written article.
Hi Tamara you wrote this so beautifully .
I agree with everything you said
And if more people would stop labeling each other
The world would be a better place and more children would find their besherts I hope you do soon .mn
INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE! Please tell me where I can meet you. This is the first time I have ever read anything like this. Please write more.
Tamara, I was deeply inspired by your piece!
I believe you’ll really enjoy this when you got a chance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKBeuiXQf3E
Absolutely incredible!! Love love love!
So full of humor and so full of truth!
– time for the books of the Vilna Gaon and Reb Chaim Volozhiner to grace the shelves of Jewish homes –
Chabad is great with people who are interested in learning chassidus – they are not so interested or friendly to those Orthodox Jews who are not so inclined.
I applaud you Tamara, for speaking up and sharing your experiences with us; I’m inspired that you found inspiration!
Great story, I would love to hear more like this.
Toma, I am so impressed (not surprised) just impressed. Loved the piece. Might return to my local chabad soon
Care to join us? Alla G.
I was in Baltimore last year, and I tried making a Chavrusa with a Bochur in Ner Yisroel to learn Tanya. Anyways, when I followed up with him, he told me he had to go home for a few months, but as a matter of fact, his father has a Tanya at home (although he himself has never learned from it)…its time for Limud HaChassidus to take over the world at large…Nem a Misnaged Un Lern Mitt Em, trust me, he’s just waiting for you to ask him!!
Happy to see you saw the light.
When you lived in Washington you didnt seem as sure. Did the Shemtovs finally tip the scale for you?
UN – BELIEVABLE!
this is beautiful
thank you for sharing
Time for Tanya to grace more Jewish shelves.
Time for Likkutei Moharan to grace more Jewish shelves. Etc.
i came to chabad sixty three years ago ,i feel the same as “tamara” this was in israel ,now my age is seventy five,with four children ,thirty grand children ,twelve great grand children,all are chabad ,and growing .zaidy.
I’ve read this over maybe 25x now. Incredible. This should be the norm.
Beautiful!!!!! May you always be a light onto the nations
I just want to shake your hand one day.
Dearest Tamar; Words from the heart, enter the heart. Your letter oozes sincerity. It’s very rare since I have heard someone speak with such honesty and sincerity. But for this, I feel sad. Why? Because when people such as yourself, are the type that can ‘think outside of the box’, the majority of the time they get blown away and therefore, discouraged, frustrated, and hurt. Ignorance is bliss. I’m sure you’ve heard this before. So, I’m just hoping and praying that you will find your bershet, stay happy and optimistic in life, have and love your children. Be kind to… Read more »
They are truly incredible people, and so unique in the world we live in today. You’ve touched many people’s lives, as you’ve touched Tamara’s. May G-d bless you to go from strength to strength, and have only revealed good always!
I hope chabad accepts the same way she accepts chabad….
Interestingly enough, over 100 years ago, Mark Twain made similar observations regarding Jewish factions (re: “Concerning the Jews”, by Mark Twain).
Rabbi Levinger is the kindest, smartest and most patient person I ever met! Go, Mayanot GO!!!
Rabbis Silberstein and Birk are both top notch!
Inspirational. Stick around for a while, we need people like you in Chabad.
Wow–very strong writing–well done!
incredibly well written