by a concerned mom
The first Mitzvah of the Torah and the first brocho given by Hashem to Adom and Chava, is the commandment to (marry and) have children. “And Hashem blessed them [Adom and Chava] and He said to them, reproduce and multiply,” Bereishis 1:28 says.
After 120 years, when one will appear before the Heavenly Court, among the first questions that an individual will be asked is, “Did you deal faithfully [i.e., with integrity], did you fix times for learning, did you engage in procreation, did you hope for Redemption, did you delve deeply in wisdom, did you understand one thing from another?” (Gemara Shabbos 31a).
How many of the single bochurim will be faced with an additional question:
Did you discourage/delay/cause or prevent a Bas Yisroel from fulfilling her purpose by preventing, hesitating, ignoring or refusing to consider her for a shidduch?
How is it possible that young men and their parents are so negligent of their responsibility and the fulfillment of this commandment that today there are young women in our community who must consider or have already resorted to egg freezing to preserve their fertility for the future as their hopes of building a bayis na’eman bYisroel dwindle?
Why is it the norm that our young men consider it acceptable behavior to rarely date, perhaps once a month and not every single week? Why are weeks spent on research just to realize that it’s not “shayich” after only one date, as months pass? Why is there no urgency and more serious attention to this dangerous and critical situation as one would feel when faced with a grave illness and immediately search for options to begin action…
Perhaps one of the reasons that so many older (over 26) young men remain uncommitted is because they have “lives.” They are no longer hanging around in the system. Many are employed in local Mosdos or Manhattan offices. They have companionship, they socialize, they entertain, etc.
To put it simply, es felt zay nisht.
They have no urgency to settle and establish a real immediate future with real responsibilities and to fulfill the first Mitzvah of our Torah.
Call me an old fashioned panicked mother, but I would not hire a single guy. Not because they are not reliable or hard working, but because I’m not going to help them get comfortable with an incomplete life.
Sounds crazy? Perhaps. But there’s something the matter in the sequence of our young men’s priorities today. The idea that marriage can wait is creating havoc and despair. Let’s get the order back in the lives of our children.