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Tuesday, 17 Elul, 5779
  |  September 17, 2019

Dealing With Rebellious Teens

Marriage and family therapist Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch shares with parents skills and practical tips to communicate effectively with teens. Video

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What a joke
Guest
What a joke

You define kids who just want to be normal and mainstream as “at risk”. What a joke.

smart
Guest
smart

but boring…. he should summarize that and not speak in a monotone..

Correct the record
Guest
Correct the record

Daniel Shonbuch is a marriage and family therapist, not a psychologist. There is an important distinction between the two.

very very good -
Guest
very very good -

really really good advice.

i’m an experienced educator, so i truly appreciated his presentation.

thanks for posting

thank you
Guest
thank you

a real eye opener

Very nice
Guest
Very nice

Wonderful.

mother who knows
Guest
mother who knows

Great speach thank you I just feel bad if the school would care for our kids when they r young then we wont have to worry about all this teenager stuffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you
Guest
Thank you

Very interesting. clear and calm presentation

To #1
Guest
To #1

It is not a joke to describe a young person raised in a specific spiritual and values system, who is behaving in ways contrary to that system, as “at risk”. That youth is “at risk” of finding themselves adrift without a paddle! Most teens who ignore the ways of the community in which they were raised do so because they feel they were failed by the community, not because they sat down one day, examined all the options in the world, and made a benign, reasoned, philosophical decision that resulted in them saying, “Hmm, I think I’ll go ‘mainstream’.” The… Read more »

R. Schonbuch is great!
Guest
R. Schonbuch is great!

Our daughter was seriously at risk and we brought her to R. Schonbuch. He saved her life. He’s warm, insightful and changed our lives. All parents should listen to his advice.

To #1
Guest
To #1

How do you define normal and mainstream?

To the naysayers, you’ve got to be a parent in order to understand parental concerns. I’m just a young mother, and I already can take pointers from this talk!

can you please post the thuo shalt's
Guest
can you please post the thuo shalt's
outside pressure
Guest
outside pressure

He ignores ,peer pressure, boredom, abuse from outside the family, schools that do not answer children’s questions, etc.

attachment theory?
Guest
attachment theory?

He says that a secure child is secure in his need to explore and take risks (yes, ‘safe’ risks). How in the world does this happen in a healthy way in our community? If a kid so much as wants to explore wearing a different color shirt, he’s labeled as a rebel! Just a few short years ago, and even for some people today, a kid who liked baseball was deemed ‘at risk’!…so, puleez! don’t talk about normal ‘exploration’! we don’t allow it!!

great stuff
Guest
great stuff

nice to see someone in the this farce of a community has his head on straight.
to bad most of the ppl in the audience have a 3rd grade education and could not understand his vocabulary lol oh well

Grateful parent
Guest
Grateful parent

Phenomenal lecture – very, very insightful.

Many thanks

To #12 10 Thou Shalts
Guest
To #12 10 Thou Shalts

Compliment
Accept
Encourage
Empathize
Find the Good

To #9
Guest
To #9

You do realize, that based on your mode of reasoning, the opposite would be true as well. If a young impressionable Reform Jew suddenly decides to take the “drastic step” of becoming a Baal Teshuva– and it is drastic relative to the way in which he or she is raised, one could also argue that “something must have gone very wrong somewhere” along the way in order to bring on such a transformation. It’s highly dubious that a typical college student who attends the local Chabad House made a “benign, reasoned, philosophical decision that resulted in them saying, “Hmm, I… Read more »

wonderful lecture
Guest
wonderful lecture

to all those with negative comments
i hope your parenting improves sooner than later

Dont shoot the messenger
Guest
Dont shoot the messenger

Just because you disagree with the message.
Shonbuch is sharing facts with us, facts, which I find so important for myself, as a parent, to be reminded of.
We all lead busy lives, but we should never should lose sight of the impact small gestures have on kids.
This is valuable information – and I feel that Daniel Shonbuch is doing us a great service by bringing this to our attention.
An ounce of a prevention, is worth a pound of cure.

To #9
Guest
To #9

I think that you totally missed #1’s point. What I believe he was trying to say was that it is very egoistic to say that someone who doesn’t act exactly like you is at “risk”.

That sounds very much like the crazy people who go around on the subway screaming that if you don’t accept ________ then you’ll burn in hell for all eternity.

Maybe it’s people like you who turn kids away…

To #9 (aka Shonbach?)
Guest
To #9 (aka Shonbach?)

I think that the fact that you think that your way is right and that anyone who doesn’t follow your way is at risk and in need of therapy is abnormal and that you should seek a therapist to discuss your demons with…

Boring
Guest
Boring

Boring delivery! Next time just give us the text to read!

parent of several teens
Guest
parent of several teens

Great lecture, great presentation!

Thanks COL for this very valuable service

A Grandmother
Guest
A Grandmother

every word came from the heart, this generation even more needs people like Reb Daniel Shonbuch for advice and guidence. I wish there was someone I could have asked 25 years ago for advice on how to handle teenagers. Crown Heights you are lucky you have someone, listen to his words they make sence.

To #22, #21, and #18, from #9
Guest
To #22, #21, and #18, from #9

First of all, I am not a therapist of any kind, and I am not Rabbi Schonbuch! Where you (#21) got the idea that I think “someone who doesn’t act exactly like [me] is at ‘risk'” I do not know. Similarly, #22, I do not know where in my earlier post you got the idea that I think that “anyone who doesn’t follow [my] way is at risk and in need of therapy.” Neither of these extreme reactions is what I was trying to say, which I hope I can clear up here. If I conveyed a sense that any… Read more »

#9/ #26 from #21
Guest
#9/ #26 from #21

You asked where I got the impression from your comment that whoever doesn’t think like you is at risk. I quote: “It is not a joke to describe a young person raised in a specific spiritual and values system, who is behaving in ways contrary to that system, as “at risk”. That youth is “at risk” of finding themselves adrift without a paddle! Even if a young person raised frum has taken such a drastic step as to join what you call the “mainstream,” they can benefit from discussing things with a therapist like Rabbi Schonbuch; such an individual will… Read more »

To #26
Guest
To #26

“However, I do not think this is what draws most people who become ba’alei teshuvah to frumkeit.” What you “think” is irrelevant to this discussion. What you think is based on your own subjective interpretation and personal experiences. There is no reason to conclude that there are a greater proportion of people making the drastic transition from secularism to orthodoxy than the reverse, that are motivated by anything other than seeking “emes”. The point I was trying to make, was that your attempt to broad brush the motives of a kids who leave the community, suggesting that something “must have… Read more »

To #27 and #28 from #26 (formerly #9)
Guest
To #27 and #28 from #26 (formerly #9)

Both of you — are you really two different people? — are really making the same point, still based on your first impressions of what I wrote in #9. despite my attempts to clarify in #26. I never claimed to have any monopoly on truth, and never intended to paint all who go COMPLETELY off the derech with a broad brush. If you had really read #26, you’d know that by now already. But I cannot force you to get off of YOUR high horse(“haughty”?) and acknowledge that. You (both) seem really hung up on your original impression. Oh well,… Read more »

To 27
Guest
To 27

I dont know Daniel Shonbuch, but from his comments on the video, I dont think he is implying sole and unique cause and effect here. Rather, he is saying by being invested in your child, you are much more likely that the child will identify with you and with your value system. Clearly, there are multiple factors for that not happening, but certainly this is a very important one. As a parent of teenagers, I appreciate this reminder from Daniel Shonbuch. To be sure, a very negative experience in schools, with teachers or such, are very harmful to the child’s… Read more »

To #9/#26/#29 from #27
Guest
To #9/#26/#29 from #27

Thank you for clarifying you position. You have come a long way from post #9! Such a difference in tone. We’re almost on the same page now! I simply feel sad for those who don’t see what I do in religion. However I’m careful not to generalize and say that they should all go for counseling with a therapist.

I too truly wish you all the best. Good Shabbos.

Great Presentation R' Daniel
Guest
Great Presentation R' Daniel

Had the opportunity to go to a lecture titled “Celebrating Marriage” with R’ Daniel Schonbuch last night at Mayan Yisroel in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn, (www.mayanyisroel.net) he was very enlightening and had some great sound advice. Thanks

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