By Esther
I am getting ready for a first date.
I’ve been doing this for years and I’m jaded.
The noise in my head sounds like this:
Why do I date losers?
I’m not going like him and then I feel bad saying ‘no’.
Why can’t I date anyone normal?
What if I end up liking him and then he doesn’t like me?
I don’t have the emotional energy for this.
Then it hits me:
I try to give myself some perspective.
Every person is a Hashem’s gift.
I am a gift and this young man is a gift.
We may or may not be the gift for each other.
We may or may not be a bashert. Let’s find out.
I am going to meet a gift.
I am going to date humbly.
I had very similar experiences as the writer so after a while I had absolutely no great expectation for the date so if my date was good and both of us had a positive time together it was good if not then I didn’t give up it was time to move on and hope for the best.
Finally “secret to success” has been revealed. It requires HUMILITY and great appreciation for all of Hashem’s children in order to find your bashert, get married and stay happily married!
You are right but couldnt it be that you dont click on the phone but do click in person? You want to give yourself a better chance to click with the person that sometimes doesnt even happen after first date bc you dont need an instant click, just a click. I think whats more important is better research, devise the questions, key questions that when answered will tell you does this person have the same outlook and vision for their life that you have for yours, and that is most effective when you have a friend speak to that person… Read more »
Sounds like a great girl, how can i contact her?
I think that’s the point, she changed her nervous negative outlook or perspective. Every Jew is special and perfect for their unique mission on this earth. She’s going to be humble, appreciative & open even though they may not be beshert. Maybe he or she might even know someone that is! Schoyach!
(Using) English so everyone understands)In addition to viewing each person with a “good eye”, a wise friend advised that when two names are mentioned for each other, down on this earth, Hashem wants each one to do a “chassidic favor” for the other, even if the two never speak! It’s amazing how this helps to move each out of the emotional hurt or dissappointment and forward to each one”s bashert. No more “Why did this happen to me?”
As a 28 year old single girl, I have to disagree. Phone dates are terrible. Not only do they lack an emotional connection, but people’s voices tend to sound differently.
Beautiful and meaningful. But why are they losers? Because you didn’t like them?
Thank you so much!
This perspective is so helpful.
Some of us “Unshadchonim” have you in our thoughts and minds. Keep up the great attitude. ..Hashem is the Only Shadchon
Besuras Tovas!
Very well said, we all need to view dating in this light. A shift in prospective can be a game- changer in your quest for the right match. Yasher Koach
B.A.F.
May you find your bashert quickly and easily!!
Positive, healthy attitude, Besuras Tovas!
Tfs!!
As a single, 25 year old boy, I’ve found that having an initial first “phone-call-date” is extremely helpful. Ultimately, the first date is really there to see if the 2 of us “click” and it doesn’t need to have any more added stress of being semi uncomfortable meeting for the first time. Over the phone, you can tell if you click, and then if you do, you can set up a proper date to meet in person. I am not expressing these thoughts to save money, which it does, rather to save on emotional well-being. I can list more than… Read more »
May you find your bashert quickly and easily!!
That was beautiful, mode of this good attitude should be shared!
All bochurim are sparkling gifts from the aibishter. If only you would look at the boy you are dating as a bracelet bedecked with rubies and emeralds your whole date with have a different hue. Just as a bracelet goes round so does the words you say especially to yourself and especially in this time period.
May all gifts find their unique wrapping paper and gift shop so that they may be in the right place at the right time to build a everlasting gift to the world at large.