The challenge around shidduchim these days is real, but TheShidduchOffice is committed to facing the challenge head on. Their goal is to bring back dignity and simplicity to the process of shidduchim.
An important objective of TheShidduchOffice – actually its vision statement – is “Shidduchim with dignity and ease” for all singles in the Lubavitch community. To that end, there are plans for all types of events and frameworks to address every single, no matter who or where they are.
TheShidduchOffice in numbers:
Just 3 months since starting
7 networking events (2 more scheduled in the near future)
170 + unshadchans presented their singles
270 + singles presented
1 successful Shidduch
Several matches in the works; IYH, we will soon hear more Mazal Tovs.
The Story Behind TheShidduchOffice
A group of women celebrating the wedding of the son of a classmate. As they chatted around the elegant dinner table, they came up with a shidduch idea for the son of another classmate with the daughter of a friend they all knew. And Mazal Tov, several weeks later that young couple is engaged. Simple networking amongst friends.
Another Shidduch was made by a gracious hostess who consistently has lots of guests at her beautiful and engaging Shabbos meals. During the meal, she got to know a particular girl who she thought would be compatible with a bochur who had been at their Shabbos table several times in the past. And Mazal Tov, several weeks later that young couple is engaged. (Actually, she has made a quite a few shidduchim this way.)
And yet another Shidduch was made by the bochur’s boss to a girl who is a friend of his wife.
These Shidduchim made by the ‘regular’ person, an un-shadchan (someone who is passionate about helping people find their shidduch). And of course, there are many more such stories, in all variations.
So the thought was: Shadchanim are working hard and furiously to try to make Shidduchim, but there is only so much they can humanly do. How might we create a framework where more people are networking and advocating for the singles they know? What type of structure would be helpful in facilitating more shidduchim with more ease and dignity? How might the ‘regular person’ be inspired to make shidduchim for singles they know? How might we help the ‘regular person’ who has a Shidduch idea actually make the Shidduch happen? For every Lubavitch single, no matter where they are.
TheShidduchOffice was formed to address just that. It is community based coop organization that includes Chavi Katzman, Devora Krasnianski, Chani Marcus, Chanchi Milecki and Sarah Yarmash. And you.
Starting with the networking events amongst advocates (mothers, sisters, friends, and anyone else who is helping a single find their shidduch), bringing shadchanim and unshadchanim together with the advocates to network and find shidduchim. And a secure collection of profiles where each contributor has full control of how (or if) it is shared with shadchanim or others. There are many other initiatives and projects in the works.
Everyone and Anyone Can Help TheShidduchOffice Help Make Shidduchim
TheShidduchOffice sees themselves as a coop organization, where everyone of the greater Lubavitch community is working together to make more shidduchim. Everyone knows someone who needs a shidduch. Everyone has ideas and talents and other resources that can help the whole community.
Everyone, especially the ‘regular person’ can be part of making more shidduchim. Everyone – fathers, mothers, mashpiim, mashpios, singles, community activists, business people, everyone. You might have experience or skills or connections or access to resources that might be helpful to growing TheShidduchOffice networking and infrastructure. Something larger, something smaller, something. In the zchus of the community members helping each other make more shidduchim, may we be abundantly and speedily blessed with many many shidduchim, and all other brachos.
As part of TheShidduchOffice vision, they are looking to expand globally. They are looking for partners to start similar networking events and their other projects in other locations to ensure that all singles are assisted – no matter where in the world they are. If you are interested in doing that, TheShidduchOffice would like to help with guidance and support so we all succeed in realizing the vision of “shidduchim with dignity and ease” for Lubavitchers worldwide.
For more information or to become involved, contact them at [email protected].
I’d just like to say thank you to Mrs. Sarah Yarmush (and I’m including the other woman in this unshadchon group, as im sure they work just as hard as she does..) I’ve gone through many shadchonim… and she was the first one who spent a lot of time with me, getting to know me, trying to understand where I’m coming from and what I’m looking for. She constantly brings up names… she is constantly trying to help. When a shidduch doesn’t work out and she needs to call the other side to let them know, she first sits down… Read more »
How about training classes for parents – especially mothers of bochurim – for being realistic and more open minded to allow their children to go out with other people. At the moment, we have a lot of ‘no’s being said for very superficial and strange reasons, so even if good ideas are being suggested there is work to be done to get them going out. There is a big red light at the mouth of the parents. Change their brains and the red will turn to green.
Sounds like $250. Is a lot of money just for the effort. Are you aware that is costs a boy a fortune just to go out. Flying in to meet the girl, renting a car, paying for parking and the date…. I agree 100% the shadchun should get something for trying, but $250 is way overpriced!!! Another problem is that parents don’t know their kids well, if a boy goes out and specifically says he wants Shlichus and the girls mother is told that, then why on the first date when Shlichus comes up does the girl say, “no way… Read more »
to # 11 & 15… posting photos & names of people like that anywhere without their permission is unethical & will frighten many away – wasn’t the Rebbe totally against photos… ?? $250 for each date that goes out… for many where will that moiney come from? $100 maybe…The bochur usually has to hire a car, take the girl to a respectable place or spend something on her … it adds up so fast. If everyone paid the shadchan her dues they would not complain. to # 12 in BP “they are all married” ??? You obviously don’t read Mishpacha… Read more »
#12 – Please do post the name of the Shadchan that made 4 shidduchim last week!
Please post names of other shadchanim who made 4 in the past month… Or even in the past three months!
We need the names of the successful shadchanim so folks know who they are.
Thanks in advance!
I agree 100%
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS IDEA
This way noone gets turned off and cant be bothered AGAIN to make another shidduch!
EACH SHIDDUCH MADE (going out on a date)
You pay the shadchan or friend $250 whether it works or not!
just for the effort
LOVE IT
contact the collive office they will give you my (#24) contact details
I have (currently) a most exceptional experience with a shadchan that is based in Melbourne Australia (Mrs. Toby Lieder) She stays up sometimes through the nights because of the time differences, with a huge smile, as if it really didn’t matter. She is totally dedicated to her job. I never felt rushed when speaking to her. She treats each shidduch as if its the most important shidduch she is making. When one shidduch doesn’t work, we just move on to the next, as if its the first. I must have nudged her over 100x between phone calls and emails and… Read more »
A big problem as someone who really tries with shidduchim is people say no for the wrong reasons. I dont want someone over 20 or she needs to be dressed like someone from Boro park. Give people a fair chance.
What about the shadchan that approaches for you 4 -6 -8 times & gets a no each time.. Don’t you think hakoras hatov should be shown? Instead of *thank you. .any more ideas?” And once a couple gets set up both sides should give the shadchan $$. I can tell you once ii started giving the shadchanim money for approaching & for setting up -they definitely kicked in with more ideas. Totally understandable -MONEY TALKS. Noone ows you anything. You pay the doctor? You pay the plumer? You pay the handyman? You pay the housekeeper? Why are shadchanim taken advantage… Read more »
Yes $ for appreciation should be given for the time and effort spent.
But you can’t say a number!!! Not everyone is in the same financial situation! !!
And let’s not talk about $3000 total!!@
I offered several shadchanim $250 for any suggestion that will lead to a first date. I’m not picky at all. Yet I still didn’t get any suggestion! Shadchanim who don’t want to be in it as past of feeling good for helping people should find another job or else be in it 100%. I know shadchanim from Bp and Williamsburg. They work hard giving new ideas every week. Calling parents and pushing them etc. yes they deserve to be paid a lot
If we set up a system that when a person suggest a name a they go out a $250 appreciation should be paid to the Shadchan/friend/ and if the Shiduch works out $1,500 from each side total $3,000 total. MONEY TALKS. More pepole will start making shiduchim.
I want to know which shadchun made 4 shiduchim last week. I want to call them!
How do I contact you?
You’re the shadchan I need for my daughter
I do agree that kids today are very quick in ruling out a possible shidduch, they want & expect a lot more from prospective dates they go out with.
I can say that from my own experiences of my children & from some of my friends who i have spoken to about their kids.
Shadchanim are human beings & so r we regular ppl.
shadchanim have to be appreciated & they are. But shadchanim have to appreciate everyone else too & a lot of them don’t.
Yes I certainly would work for free to make a shidduch & yes i do try to do my bit in every way possible.
Shidduch system is failing. You cannot use yesterday’s solutions for today’s problems.
Sounds like a worthy venture.
How could I help ?
How often will you update data ?
Will it be a free service ?
Please send more information. I’m not a Shadchan BTW your email address doesn’t work. Please check
I am a Shadchan I set up at least 100 or more shidduchim dates this past year spending sometimes 9 hrs in one day back n forth with both sides of the Shidduch ending up with only 10 shidduchim that got actually engaged!!!! In one year!!!! That is 10% So if I added up the actual hours that went in to the 90% that didn’t work out That didn’t get engaged It would amount to 100s of “unpaid” hours of toil!! Do we get paid for the 90% No 5 out of the 90 paid me a consolation fee if… Read more »
oh ya maybe we should just pay shadchanim 9-$10,000 for a shidduch because the $1000 isnt enough(each from both sides). Especially when they just throw profiles your way as if noone else can do the same. Of course a shadchan who really means well and tries from the heart definitely deserves getting something for their work and they most definitely do.
any idea and every idea that can make the shidduch process easier is a welcome addition may your organization and anyone else working on shidduchim(shadchanim and otherwise) be matzliach greater than they ever imagined
Many people have a lot of relatives but unfortunately do not do enough ,each ,one is relaying on the other one,no matter who the shliach is we are greafful
So who is in charge of preparing people for marriage according to this “parenting” process of which you speak? What is the name of the group that teaches that process and are they available online?
we are not as Wealthy as Boro Park.
Please STOP COMPAIRING US.
I don’t think their intention is to eliminate the role of shadchanim. They are opening another avenue for shiduchim – making it easier for people to network.
As a matter of fact, they have made events where they invited shadchanim so that the parents (or friends, etc.) can meet several shadchanim at once.
We all need to try from all angles.
Visit our temporary website to learn more:
https://sites.google.com/site/theshidduchofficechabad/
(If you are a web designer, we’d so appreciate your assistance.)
shadchanim dont owe you anything
what about showinf some appreciation for their timewhy should they work for free? do you? would you?
a better system should be set up-where they are at least compensated for their time.especially if you get set up.be a mentch and send in$75-$180.most times they set up tons of couples spend so much time and the dating dosent produce a shiduch.
well said. but same for the girls.
Anyone who tries to help is doing great and dont talk about the shadchen who did 4 last week as most barely do that in a year. Now you talk about 3-5,000 how much did you pay for your kids….. I have married of a few kids and by most of them I was approached by a shadchan and said they said the name first to my Mechutan my father, brother… I should make sure they get paid. Everyone should pay not what you think some one else pays and you dont have to pay what your mechutan paid maybe… Read more »
mazol tov great idea how can I help.. I want to be part of the solution will email you
happy chodesh
morah fraidee
They are doing a good job. Networks never work. I can understand if you make 5 a week but 1 this is terrible. I know a shdachan in CH who make 4 the last week. They work harder and produce more. I think also parents need to pay a minimum of 1500 a side. In BP and Willy they pay 3-5 K why is CH so backwards. Maybe thats why they are all married and we are suffering.
I think a list would be nice, but it is still too vague. Maybe a list with just 2 details (like family religious background, approximate frumkeit level, something like that).
Also, COL could do their part, by listing the NAMES of bochurim in pictures of smicha graduates, or other functions. Sometimes we see such good, chassidish, leibedik looking bochurim in pictures that accompany articles about different activities, but we cannot identify the boys. Come on COL, do YOUR part to make shidduchim in our community!
There is a way of preparing young people for the process. It is called “Parenting.”
Instead of complaining about the situation they are brainstorming how to help solve the problem! Wishing them lots of success!
The main thing that is slowing shidduchim is that the potential chassanim and kallos are taking a lot longer to make up their minds and are rejecting many excellent matches for the wrong reasons. If only there was a way of preparing young people for the process!!
My question is this:
I have heard so many people complain that they paid over $100 to these shadchonim who do so little. Its not fair, there has to be some halachas with this. It should just not be done. Throwing a few random profiles at a person, does not warrant deserving $100 and more. This sytem you talk about sounds quite ….more than fair…..id say befitting of our people.
Building on the successful International Shidduch Group Network!! Do you work together?
The main thing is for even the people who think they have no “talent” in making a shidduch to get involved — in even the smallest way.
the pool of singles is so broad there needs to be a single list so we know these people exist
For promoting achdus!
What’s the difference between this iidea and The Shidduch Network?
Will the meetings be publicized?