by a CH Yungerman
That’s right — I lost a deal worth $70,000. Not because I uncovered some scandalous activity, nor because it was replaced by a sudden windfall. No, I simply lost it. After three weeks of hard work, the deal came down to the wire, and forces beyond my control caused it to fall through.
This experience brought to mind a story about a chassid of the Rebbe Rashab, Reb Shmuel Gurary. He was a lumber dealer and was once offered a forest at a steep price, with talk of a new railroad that would boost demand for lumber. As was his custom, Reb Shmuel sought the Rebbe’s advice, who told him to go ahead and buy the forest. But when the railroad project was canceled, Reb Shmuel was left with a worthless forest and a mountain of debt. When asked what happened afterward, Reb Shmuel replied, “Nothing. I am still struggling to feed my family and repay my debts. The miracle is that my relationship with the Rebbe is not dependent on his wonder-working powers. I continue to follow his directives in every area of my life because I am his chassid.”
Unlike Reb Shmuel, Baruch Hashem, I am still able to support my family. But the true brocha in this experience is that I didn’t take the loss personally. Yes, I tried my best, and yes, I put in the effort, but Hashem had other plans. It took years to learn not to feel hurt by losing a client or a deal, but today, when I lost this deal, I finally reached a place of acceptance.
This morning, I told my wife that I planned to close a $70,000 deal — small potatoes for some, but for me, it was a big deal. I was feeling confident, especially since just a few days earlier, I had given more tzedakah than usual, even though I wasn’t particularly in the mood. I thought that surely this would bring success. After all, in Tishrei, I was asked to help support an organization and, through a misunderstanding, ended up committing way more than I intended. That mistake had opened the gates of hatzlacha in the following months. Just last week, I spoke with a friend, a shliach, about the importance of emuna and how he gives tzedakah way beyond the norm for someone in his position. It seemed that all the stars were aligned.
But at 2:40 PM, the client pulled the plug, and the deal fell through. Yet, surprisingly — no, finally — I didn’t have that pit in my stomach. I wasn’t angry or upset. I simply said, “Baruch Hashem, it wasn’t meant to be.”
I think I was able to react this way for a few reasons. In recent years, there’s been a surge in the encouragement of Emuna and Bitachon, perhaps starting with א.ב.ג. and Reb Sholom Mordechai Rubashkin. There’s been a big wave of learning Shaar Habitachon, Tanya, and Chassidus in general. Even the “Thank You Hashem” movement has had an impact.
Just the other night, after the Bonei Olam men’s event, the door prize was a Kehos English edition of Shaar Habitachon. Over my desk hang two papers: one is the Hayom Yom for Daled Menachem Av, which states: “No matter how much effort is exerted, no one can earn one cent more than Hashem has ordained that he — this particular person — shall earn. One must do what is necessary, but one must remember that all his work is but an adjunct. The main thing is Hashems Broacha, and that is earned by being observant of The Mitzvos: davening with a minyan, Shmiras Shabbos b’hidur, meticulous in kashrus, having children instructed by sincerely religious teachers.” The other is a sharply worded letter from the Frierdiker Rebbe dated Chof Gimmel Adar Aleph Tof Shin Ches, which rebukes someone for being overly anxious about his livelihood and instructs him to learn Chassidus, daven, and live a chassidic life:
א חסידישער מחונך דארף פרעגן ביי זיך אליין “עד מתי” ביז וואנען וועט ער ליגן אין בלאטע און דאגה’נען פארוואס די בלאטע איז. ניט איברען קאפ. חזור בך. ביזט ווייט פארפארן, מען בעדארף לערנען חסידות און דאווענען און לעבן א חסידישען לעבן, והשי”ת יצליחו בגשמיות וברוחניות.
When the Rebbe tells us that we need to view everything we do in life as a shlichus, it means that we must see our job, work, and wealth as a means to an end. This is often easier said than done. Sometimes, we tell ourselves, “I’ve checked all the boxes — I learn Chitas, Rambam, give tzedakah, don’t talk about work on Shabbos, etc. — so Hashem will make everything work out for me. I’ll surely close the deal because that’s how it works.”
But that logic is flawed. We don’t learn Chitas, give tzedakah, and keep Shabbos so we can go to work and make loads of cash. Rather, we work so that we can keep Shabbos, give tzedakah, and fulfill our shlichus in the world.
My Mashpia would often explain: Chazal say that making shidduchim is as difficult for the Eibishter as krias Yam Suf, and that providing livelihood is also as difficult as the splitting of the sea. What does it mean that something is difficult for Hashem? The difficulty lies not in carrying out these tasks but in making the association between the Heavenly decree and the reality on the ground.
When the Yidden stood before the Yam Suf, the malachim were sent to split it so they could proceed. Other malachim challenged this, arguing that the Yidden didn’t seem worthy הללו עובדי עבודה זרה והללו עובדי עבודה זרה. The challenge was to bridge the gap between the Heavenly promise and the reality on the ground.
A similar challenge arises with Parnossah. On Rosh Hashanah, it is decreed how much a person will earn that year. However, the malach distributing the checks encounters a challenge. The person to whom the funds were designated on Rosh Hashanah was in shul, wrapped in a tallis, crying out to Hashem. But the person receiving the money seems like a regular person, far removed from that holy image. The malach spends time trying to reconcile the two, creating a “difficulty.”
There are times in life when we experience a descent, it can be in marriage or in work. The way to draw strength during challenges is by reconnecting with our inner selves, ensuring that our endeavors in the physical world are part of our spiritual progression.
We need to understand why we go to work and why we need to make money. When we comprehend this, we won’t feel hurt or depressed when a deal falls through because we view it as part of our shlichus, a connection with that individual for a reason known only to Hashem.
As chassidim, our job — whether it’s as an Amazon seller, doctor, lawyer, salesman, Uber driver, or anything else — is a shlichus, regardless of our profession. Yes, we may and should make money, even a lot of it, but the focus should be on what we accomplish in our shlichus. We must be honest and remember that it’s not just about making another buck.
Don’t get me wrong — I like money, and the more, the better. The Rebbe and the Frierdiker Rebbe wanted us to be fabulously wealthy, but we need to understand why we need that wealth and what our shlichus is.
This point is beautifully illustrated in the farbrengen of Shabbos Parsha Teruma 5752. the Rebbe emphasized that every Yid must strive to be wealthy — not just spiritually, but materially as well. The Rebbe explains that each of us already possesses immense wealth; if it’s not immediately apparent, it’s because we need to reveal it through our avoda.
During the farbrengen, the Rebbe explored at length the significance of “gold” being the first material listed among the requirements for the Mishkan. The Rebbe’s conclusion is clear: the Hora’ah for every Yid is to work towards being wealthy in every aspect of life. This means becoming rich in Torah and mitzvos, but also accumulating material wealth, which provides the means to fulfill mitzvos with menuchas hanefesh and menuchas haguf. Moreover, this wealth should be used to increase in tzedakah, enhance the beauty of mitzvah observance, and transform our homes into a dwelling place for the Divine.
So, in short, the “order of the day” is to be rich! But how many of us can truly say we are rich? Sure, you might be immersed in learning Torah, transforming the world around you, and managing countless programs and activities that do immense good. But the Rebbe’s directive is clear: our wealth must be both spiritual and material. And it’s not just a suggestion — it’s an essential part of our avodas Hashem.
Baruch Hashem, I lost a $70,000 deal. But through this loss, I gained a deeper understanding of my shlichus and strengthened my connection to my faith. This realization — that wealth, both spiritual and material, is already within our grasp and must be revealed through our avoda — is a true Bracha.
Sharing !
iy”h you will make it big!!
Um, I think you missed the point here.
!
when you’re deep in debt unemployed a overdrawn account etc. not so simple when you try to do everything right & all you get is a kick in the pants every time!
Yup it’s so easy for him to write, but notice that he mentions that even though this deal fell through, he’s able to support his family. Try losing deals etc while you can’t support your family…. this article reeks of privilege
haters gonna hate
Just the other day I was speaking to my spouse about this. How all of our credit cards are maxed out, one of our kids is long overdue for a root canal we can’t afford, the schools keep calling about our tuition, it’s hard to afford basic food (mostly pareve for financial reasons), our debt is over $150k and climbing, and we’re behind on our electric bill and everything else. But B”H this does not define our life! We are not living in misery. We are not suffering. This may be part of our life, but our life is so… Read more »
TYSM for your inspiration!
(And here, on COL, it’s fine to say “husband” or “wife”! No need to be politically correct or “woke” by saying “spouse” — you’re among friends here!)
Why is spouse woke?
Hi try going to debtors anonymous,
It’s a mashiachdike program and of you do it , it can help you.
I would like to cover your childs root canal
Please reach out to Collective Kindness , they are ready to assist!
But at the end of the day you have your soul and THAT no one can take away from you. the Freierdiker Rebbe said “they can take away my body but NEVER my soul”. So as long as a person doesnt sell his soul to evil, G-d forbid.
May Hashem take away all of your pain
It’s hard to strengthen emuna when in that situation. Trust me I know it well. However as I have gotten older I am able to see Hashem’s chessed a goodness even when things don’t work out. Sometimes we need to be okay with letting go and understanding that we don’t control everything. I hope things get better for you soon. And I also hope that you see the blessings that you do have. Much Hatzlacha to you
Thats true but everyone is in a different place. For him, this is where his bitachin lies, for others it may be in a tougher place. This is why judging soneone is wrong, we dont know what they are dealing with. If your in a tougher situation, you may fail much more, but Hashem knows where he put you and his expectations may look different for you. Hope things turn around!
I hear you .. i really do .. ive been there .. ive been elsewhere and ive been there again .. emunah is a life long practice .. dont try and shift your mind 180 .. just try 1 degree of change .. i wish u the most hatzlocho
do you wash netilas yadayim with a lot of water, every time you need to wash. If not, try it
Stop complaining
Make millions
So nice to read about a chassidishe real life on this site thank you!
thanks for sharing in the most eloquent manner. May the acceptance of loss in a true chassidishe manner be replaced with nachas from your family.
It’s SO nice to read this article. THANK YOU for taking the time to share this deeply personal moment of real Avoida
Thanks for writing, i needed this!
Exactly what I needed.
Beautifully said! It’s priceless wisdom!
Thank you for such an inspirating story.
May HaShem continue to be your helper.
Thanks for sharing!
Seems like you took this week’s Hayom Yom of writing, personally. Besuros Tovos.
Finally an op-ed that I’m glad to see what written anonymously. May the author have lots of tangible hatzlacha bgashmiyus uveruchnius gam yachad.
Finally an actually good op-ed. Beautiful story
I had the same experience last week. Of a deal that would have profited over $100,000 (On a $1.2 million deal). I was only working on it for four days so I wasn’t so emotionally invested into it like you. But clearly saw the Yad HaShem how it could’ve gone well and made the money, but instead HaShem had other plans. I do want to say that my reaction to losing the deal was the exact same as in this article and discussed this with my wife in the same way. ישועת השם כהרף עיין. Live with that.
Thank you so much. Beautifully written . You’re sharing experience is very inspiring
So beautiful written and such a healthy perspective. Thank you
I’m going through a rough financial period. At the beginning of it I got so upset because I was always careful about giving tzedoka and was told that’s the one place we can test Hashem on. I couldn’t reconcile, understand how the test was seemingly failed yet knowing Hashem is perfect. It got to such a not good place that it was effecting my relationship with Hashem…I didn’t like it. Went to the Ohel and asked that it shouldn’t effect me any longer. b’H that request was answered. I’m still broke for this moment but not angry at Hashem. Can’t… Read more »
Hashem always pays back, sometimes it’s just in hidden ways, like finding a huge sale of something you need, maybe not getting a toothache that would have cost alot to fix etc,
וְלֹא שֵׁבֶט לֵוִי בִּלְבַד אֶלָּא כָּל אִישׁ וְאִישׁ מִכָּל בָּאֵי הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר נָדְבָה רוּחוֹ אוֹתוֹ וֶהֱבִינוֹ מַדָּעוֹ לְהִבָּדֵל לַעֲמֹד לִפְנֵי ה’ לְשָׁרְתוֹ וּלְעָבְדוֹ לְדֵעָה אֶת ה’ וְהָלַךְ יָשָׁר כְּמוֹ שֶׁעֲשָׂהוּ הָאֱלֹהִים וּפָרַק מֵעַל צַוָּארוֹ עַל הַחֶשְׁבּוֹנוֹת הָרַבִּים אֲשֶׁר בִּקְּשׁוּ בְּנֵי הָאָדָם הֲרֵי זֶה נִתְקַדֵּשׁ קֹדֶשׁ קָדָשִׁים וְיִהְיֶה ה’ חֶלְקוֹ וְנַחֲלָתוֹ לְעוֹלָם וּלְעוֹלְמֵי עוֹלָמִים וְיִזְכֶּה לוֹ בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה דָּבָר הַמַּסְפִּיק לוֹ כְּמוֹ שֶׁזָּכָה לַכֹּהֲנִים לַלְוִיִּם.
kol hakavod, brilliant thought process. Just for your hishtadlus and machshovois you should be matzliach! Fantastic…
As a former collector of tuition, I respectfully disagree. Hashem is in charge and everything happens because he wants it to. But I know too many people who took chances and then spent money that didn’t come thru. You can’t give tzedekah with money that’s not yet yours. That cash advance business is not for every person. Be proactive not reactive. If it sounds too good to be true, it is
It is an actual hora’ah of the Rebbe.
Perhaps for the individual one should ask a mashpia before implementing it, but I don’t think that one should be complaining that a Yid gave advance tzedakah, which is a much more likely investment than any other. Unless you have the same complaint about any investment that bears a level of risk.
When faced with ones childrens health and well-being going off a cliff…folks take big chances.
Being sent away from a Yeshiva, gap year/s is hugely detrimental to a child and future adult… it’s huge stakes= require huge risks.
since we are all trying to increase our bitachon .. does this include the tuition collection dept? should they also increase their bitachon when they cant collect from someone .. so next time i get a call and i cant pay should i tell them don’t worry have bitachon .. its what hashem wanted .. just accept that you cant collect tuition from me right now … will they respond and say yeh your right or will they say sorry your kid cant come to yeshiva?? just wondering if having bitachon applies to them as well?
Betachon is for you! You need to try your best and know hashem has your back and will make it work out for your good. (There is a fantastic sicha on this I forget now where, but the rebbe shows who betachon changes the reality)
It’s not for you to tell other to have bitachon and you take no responsibility
Avodah is something we can demand from ourselves. Not from someone else. While it is true that tuition collection in our mosdos is often not be done in an appropriate manner or in accordance with the Rebbe’s horaos or general derech of Chassidus, it may not be our avodah to correct them. More likely, it is meant for us to use our criticism introspectively and see where in our lives we are making similar mistakes. I don’t think that this behavior is what the Rebbe wants. Threatening to (or worse, actually) kicking out Jewish children from schools because their parents… Read more »
Don’t try to be H’ ‘s lawyer,He can defend Himself
Ask for what you need and more!, don’t forget about it.
And also reminder of the pasuk of this week about not saying כחי ועוצם ידי עשה לי את החיל הזה