Friday, 18 Nisan, 5784
  |  April 26, 2024

‘Apologize to the Girl You Dated’

When Rabbi Shmuel and Risha Kaufman couldn't have children, the Rebbe asked him about a shidduch date he once had. Full Story

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August 1, 2016 1:28 pm

But what do you do when you ask forgivenes,s and the boy/girl says they forgive you but you can tell from the tone that they still hold resentment?

Dating and children
August 1, 2016 7:35 am

#29 The dating term was probably inYiddish, and it’s just a term. I was engaged and we broke it off, had a shtar Mechila, and we both got married, but both lost children. A rov suggested to us separately that our Mechila may not have been genuine and I was pregnant at the time. Over Rosh Hashannah I felt the urge to contact this person and via a mediator, the shtar was rewritten by the same rov and B”H, all has been uneventful. Feelings, grudges, and resentments do have an impact. I have heard directly, from others, similar experiences. One… Read more »

July 31, 2016 10:03 pm

But what do you do when you ask forgivenes,s and the boy/girl says they forgive you but you can tell from the tone that they still hold resentment?

July 31, 2016 5:47 pm

Great story ,
34 and 35 – YASHER KOACH !!

To #34
July 31, 2016 2:33 pm

You are an inspiration! May you be bentched with mazal and bracha and you should find your bashert very soon, in a clear way!

So timely!
July 31, 2016 9:15 am

Thank you so much for posting this! I actually can’t believe I am seeing this right now. I recently had a very strong feeling that if I don’t forgive a person I dated, who broke my heart in the worst possible way, I will not find my bashert. I never had such a thought or intuitive feeling until last Sunday. I contacted this person via text and email, the only way to communicate with them. I explained, in detail, my anger and pain, and that I totally forgive them. Every time their name and resentment comes to mind, I immediately… Read more »

July 31, 2016 3:13 am

thank you COL
for publishing this
how wonderful! thank you!

to no.23
July 30, 2016 8:34 pm

looking objectively I can see that it is easily forgivable coz maybe he was pushed into doing that against his will (someone tried to do push me like that) or maybe he was not taught derech eretz maybe he thought that was normal – not saying its ok, its terrible, but just helping you forgive. As for your part, it must have been so painful but the more you suffered the more gracious and commendable is your forgiveness and the blessings you will bring upon yourself – passing the test with flying colors so to speak.

July 30, 2016 5:58 pm

If only only boys would read this, and be made more of aware of how easily a girl is hurt.

To 28
July 29, 2016 4:40 pm

Welcome to Pesach Sheni,
Its never too late 🙂

Girl you dated? ???
July 29, 2016 3:51 pm

Chas vesholom! The rebbe would never use that goyishe term!!!!

July 29, 2016 3:05 pm

Oy vey, I am in trouble.
I’m now writing a few emails…

the day of his passing -hayom yom
July 29, 2016 2:04 pm

My father writes in one of his maamarim: Fatness of the body can result from the spiritual pleasure and delight derived from G‑dliness. They say of R. Nachum of Chernobil that he became corpulent from answering amein y’hei sh’mei raba.

To number 23
July 29, 2016 1:49 pm

That is very hurtful, and your reaction is so understandable! However if you try to find it in your heart to forgive him, as we see in this article, you yourself will be Bentched. May you find your bashert soon.

Also a Detroiter
July 29, 2016 12:46 pm

I am proud to call the Kaufmans my friends. Rabbi Kaufman was such a special neshama, he will surely be missed. He was a great story teller, but when I visited the shivah house all I heard were great stories about all the kiruv and mitzvahs he did. May he be a melitz yosar for kal Yisroel

Also Amazing
July 29, 2016 12:22 pm

The day Rabbi Kaufman was nifter,, the haYom Yom was about a fiery Amen Yehai Shmay Rabah. This is what Rabbi Kaufman a.h. was also known for.

and from those you almost dated
July 29, 2016 11:37 am

I had done all the back and forth with a guy, we had both agreed to go out, we were in the process of choosing a mutually good time for our first date (all though a 3rd party) and then I get simply a “sorry, he’s dating someone else instead.” I do not forgive him.

July 29, 2016 10:28 am

Among his stories was that he would sneak into the Frierdige Rebbe on Fridays to wish him a good Shabbos

Pesach Siegel
July 29, 2016 9:55 am

Thank you R’ Leizer for this story. The way I heard the story from my Uncle Shmuelly, he couldn’t remember ever baleidiken a girl. The rebbe asked him if he had a sister. The rebbe told him his sister would know. Uncle Shmuelly asked his sister Ruthy, and she told him a girl thought he was serious about her because he had once sent her flowers. Uncle Shmuelly told me he was attracted to the Lubavitcher chassidim in Detroit because they were the only ones doing anything to be mekarev lost Yidden at the time. Uncle Shmuelly used stories as… Read more »

July 29, 2016 8:44 am

Beautiful stories of the Rebbe
Ty for sharing!

July 29, 2016 7:58 am

toda raba.

thanks for sharing
July 29, 2016 7:55 am

I heard of another story where forgiveness regarding a shidduch was needed in order to get married.

Asher White
July 29, 2016 7:43 am

I am also from Oak Park Michigan and had the zechus to learn from Rabbi Kaufman. He was indeed a very special person and he will be very missed by all of the fortunate people who had the opportunity to know him and to become close to him and his family.

July 29, 2016 7:24 am

Rabbi Kaufman was a special teacher his loud voice you can hear all the way down the hall. When he made a bracha which was his big thing in school making all the kids make brachas. When I was in school other kids used to make fun of chabad and rabbi Kaufman always had Lubavitchers back he was great man teacher and Jew obm.

July 29, 2016 6:51 am

So much to learn from this story. It made me cry

July 29, 2016 6:45 am

Beautiful! My boys attend YBY in Detroit and Rabbi Kaufman was an amazing storyteller. It was a treat to go hear him and at was such powerful learning from the story. I love hearing his connection to our Rebbe

Similar story here
July 29, 2016 5:56 am

Thank you for sharing. My son had similar story. Coming home from my grandsons bris I received a call from the mother of a girl my son (father of the baby)dated. She was still not married and after a few answers from the igros to ask mechila, she is calling to ask mechila. They only went on maybe 2-3 dates…so we were surprised…and my son was already married…About a month later we were happy to hear that she was engaged!

July 29, 2016 5:54 am

Wow uncredible story

Amazing story
July 29, 2016 5:44 am

Thank you for sharing this, that was an amazing Rebbe story, what a lesson to learn.

We are an orphaned generation.
July 29, 2016 5:00 am

Who can we turn to who like the Rebbe OBM can see into our Neshamas and tell us exactly what we need to do to change our lives for the better when things are not working out?

I know some people might say to open up published works of the Rebbe and ask a question and open to a random page.
But that cannot be the same as having a yechidus, since in later years not everyone was able to have a yechidus and as far as I know, this procedure was not suggested until after the Rebbe’s petira.

I went to Beis Yehuda
July 29, 2016 3:09 am

I was in his 7th geade gemara class, we learned Hamafkid, and I loved his storytelling. He is like a legend.

July 29, 2016 2:46 am

Growing up in Detroit and becoming frum t here, I spent many wonderful Shabbosim in the Goldstein house, and together with my Bais Yaakov friends we would often visit the Kaufman house! At that time, the house was full of children and Rabbi Kaufman was full of stories for us!!

July 29, 2016 1:34 am

amazing story, keep it flowing this is the kind of things i believe should be posted here!!!

thank you!!!

July 29, 2016 1:00 am

yasher koach to r,lazer avtzon for sharing a truly amazing story.

Yasher Koach
July 29, 2016 12:35 am

Thank you for such an inspiring story.

July 29, 2016 12:04 am

Amazing story!!!! The sensitivity of the rebbe is justWow!
i do find it interesting that nowadays the accepted thing is that a male/female can ‘break-up’ after 6-7 pegishim,without having to tell the other oerson involved,all hush hush

July 28, 2016 11:52 pm

Thank you so much for sharing.,
So many valuable lessons.

July 28, 2016 11:49 pm

To me it’s so sad that an unintentional hurt could cause one not to be blessed. Maybe we should all forgive especially the unintentional hurts, it will be good for us and for them.

True story!!!
July 28, 2016 11:35 pm

I was his Talmid in the 7th grade!!! BDE.