ב"ה
Friday, 20 Elul, 5779
  |  September 20, 2019

A Report from the Singles Event

Single bochurim and girls spent a Melave Malka together in Crown Heights hoping to find a Shidduch. One participant, who prefers to remain anonymous, writes to COLlive what went on there. Full Story

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even better suggestion
Guest
even better suggestion

vegas!

Mom on president
Guest
Mom on president

How come I didn’t know about this event before it happened?

zalman
Guest
zalman

i think “thinking outside the box” is a good thing. i went through the system and went on shidduch dates that were atrocious, and finally met my wife on frumster…. whatever gets you married, i’m all for it!

joetoe
Guest
joetoe

i say- whatever works for todays singles. otherwise they leave the system… :O) good job to those who care!

LOVE IT!
Guest
LOVE IT!

Hi there,
I know you;re expecting just criticicm, but as someone who is fast approaching the 25+ age range and has been seriously and actively trying to find my bashert i commend this initiative. From the sounds of it, it seems like it’s being done in the most tznius way possible, with follow up and introductions done modestly as well.
job well done!

Bochur bochur so einecha
Guest
Bochur bochur so einecha

I guess with the definition of insanity being doing the same exact thing over and over again and expecting different results, perhaps it’s a good idea to think outside the box from time to time and if done in a serious mature manner, it may actually be ideal for someone for whom the traditional way of doing things is clearly not working. There should be nothing really wrong with this approach so long one is seriously searching for ones mate. (25 + is a very good idea) On one condition: Please do not try to convince yourselves and others that… Read more »

TIME
Guest
TIME

Older people who preach the book dont have time and patience to care for those who are younger.

All of those who preach can preach to the walls. Many only hear you when you want something from them. Dont expect them to listen when you have failed them.
For the world you do everything. For your own you would not even make a phonecall.

SHADCHAN crisis
Guest
SHADCHAN crisis

this is how many shasidishe zaides in lubavitch 50 years ago found their shiduch! YES! i went. why? bc u canot rely on the lubab shadconim. i am 25 year old guy and i realize that if i rely on them …may g-d have mercy. i have seen every CH shadchan and 1 thing i can say is that i have never met such YENTES and YENTE MANS! not 1 of them u can have a honest conversation with out their own agenda, and belive me i am a son of a Pshycologist and half of one my self- i… Read more »

I dont think this is the way! but i respect those that are doing it, for trying
Guest
I dont think this is the way! but i respect those that are doing it, for trying

I was on shiduchim for many years and went out with tens of girls; it was the hardest challenge of my life so far. The pain I felt going through the process was hard. The shadchanim thought they were doing the right thing when they lied, and it only seemed to make it more painful. i can right a whole book about the things I went through, however I will just say one thing. Now I am married and finally happy, although I only went out with my wife for a short amount of time somehow like a miracle I… Read more »

confused
Guest
confused

Why do married people need to be there, if it’s for singles to meet one another?

Huge Mitzvah
Guest
Huge Mitzvah

It sounds like this evening was well organized and well intentioned. Yasher Koach!!!! May many shidduchim come out of this venture!

over 25 is ok but
Guest
over 25 is ok but

married couples should not be there ask rabbi heller

good idea
Guest
good idea

what a fabulous idea!! just dont think couples should be there mingiling that is an issue of tznius, only serious singles!! good luck to all!! hope to hear some mazal tovs soon from the 25plus crowd!

One Question...
Guest
One Question...

While the crisis is real, and I know that because I have siblings in the 25+ range who are having their fair share of difficulty etc. and I do not profess to have all the answers…
As Anash and Chassidim of the Rebbe, we must ask one question… What would the Rebbe say about such events? Where are the endorsements of Rabbanim or Mashpiim for this?

second number 6
Guest
second number 6

the traditional way of doing things may seem harder but we are very lucky that we have it, appreciate how respectful it is to all parties involved .

I hope you go out of business
Guest
I hope you go out of business

Which will happen either if somebody comes up with a better idea or all your singles will get married.

mother in ch
Guest
mother in ch

thats great you cant wait forever to go out w somone esp if the shadchanim dont feel like your a priority for some stupid reason or another ive seen beautiful girls in crown heights not being set up with anyone there not fat theres absolutely nothing wrong with them its just that there not a priority . guys dont miss the boat ……dont pay attention to someone elses foolish ways if you see something that might be for you the do your own reasearch hashem will help.

I attended this event
Guest
I attended this event

It sure was refreshing to be in the company of other fellow Lubavitch (mainstream) older singles in a mature dignified setting. We are all in this together. Everyone there seemed sincere and respectful of the sensitivities it involves.

Thank you to the organizers for having the courage to take action to do what they believe in and what others were too afraid to do.

SO MANY SINGLES 25+
Guest
SO MANY SINGLES 25+

At the next event – we’re going to need a BIGGER place — I predict at least 100 singles from our neighborhood will be there!!!

motherly advice
Guest
motherly advice

There is a recent idea which has been implemented by 2 very sincere and hardworking individuals to help the shidduch crisis and it already has already borne fruit. The 2 individuals I am referring to are Nechama dina Tzvibel and Moshe Ratiman as shidduchim coaches. Many young and older bochurim and girls are not properly prepared to figure out if the person they are dating is for them or if they are honestly requesting to meet someone compatible for them. Although most shidduchim age kids detest talking to someone about their expectations for their future spouse, once done they breathe… Read more »

married ppl
Guest
married ppl

married ppl are there to help with the introductions. to keep it as tzinus and as least awkward as possible. w/o ppl getting hurt.

worried parent
Guest
worried parent

Honestly I would like to go through the traditional “system” for shidduchim…..but I must be truthful. It does not work easily anymore. Somehow shadchanim are busy, do not have time for more than a few people, and things are simply not moving at the pace they should be. Yes, we have to make all ruchnius kelis that we can such as tzedaka, tehillim etc. and we have to do everything we can practically speaking such as going through shadchanim and so on. But if it happens that certain people are meant to meet in a not so conventional manner, I… Read more »

???
Guest
???

as an older single not in CH, what really went on there?

Older Couple
Guest
Older Couple

I am really old but just got divorced i think its because i met my wife not through a shadchan its horrible this is horrible what would the rebbe say

not great...
Guest
not great...

Young married couples mingling is REALLY BAD! Only leads to problem. Doesnt have to be outright problems of intermarriage relationships – but can cause issues WITHIN a marriage too! Stay away if you value your marriage!

O my goodness!!!!!!!! i dont believe this!!!!!!
Guest
O my goodness!!!!!!!! i dont believe this!!!!!!
#14
Guest
#14

I agree with #14.
lets not forget who we are – chasidim of the Rebbe!

It's about time
Guest
It's about time

Boruch Hashem for events like this, done in a practical, respectful and Tzniusdikeh way this will help people get married and build more pure jewish homes.

to number 8
Guest
to number 8

I can’t imagine why you’re not married! your illiterate and sound like a four year old!

Chaim Dovber
Guest
Chaim Dovber

as chabad is becoming more secularized, college education etc etc such responses will continue.
Our young people are out there in the world, this is the new reality.

this may work...
Guest
this may work...

but ppl may get hurt more in the long run…

As one who went out with over 50  girls with Shadchan in Middle
Guest
As one who went out with over 50 girls with Shadchan in Middle

As one who went out with over 50 girls with Shadchan in Middle, I endorse this highly. Yes, I am married now. The reason being that everything has changed. It used to be the parents determined the Shidduch and the children accepted. That is no longer the case. Second, how do you expect a Shadcan to find Shidduchim for 1,000 young people who graduate the system every year. Every time I visit Crown Heights, I meet a parent who has fantastic daughter who is 23,24,25 and can not find Shidduch. Anyone who is opposed to this is going against the… Read more »

Finaly
Guest
Finaly

Congratulation keep it up

to # 14
Guest
to # 14

when the rabanim and mashpi’im get involved, we would ask them.

Criticism hurts!
Guest
Criticism hurts!

Endorsements of rabbonim and mashpiim??? You’ve got to be kidding! Not one would chas vasholom let there to be said about him t hat he endorsed such a thing! Mrs. Shaffer is a respected community mashpia and her speech was a hundred percent in accordance with chassidishe ideals. And guess what – she didn’t tell us we have to lie but better to be real. I wish the people who would criticise this could put themselves into my shoes, someone who is truly desperate to be married with my beshert and caring for a family of chassidishe children. I wasn’t… Read more »

lets not forget who we are - chasidim of the Rebbe!
Guest
lets not forget who we are - chasidim of the Rebbe!

What would the Rebbe say?

YAFAH SHTIKAH
Guest
YAFAH SHTIKAH

there is what to debate .
but why report it. keep it quiet those that want or think they need to partake in the melaveh malkah , fine.
your young readers can do without this info.
v’da”l

 great idea
Guest
great idea

why wasn’t the event publicized before? Even if the sponsor remains anonymous please post the event for everyone to know about it.

AYL
Guest
AYL

LEAH LIBA IS THE BEST!!!
SHE PUTS IN SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT TO HELP HER FELLOW YIDDEN FIND THEIR BARSHERTS.

THANKS A LOT!

To #6
Guest
To #6

There is nothing at all wrong with such programs. Watch the living Torah film where the Rebbe addreses such events. “As long as it’s done in a kosher manner,” is what the Rebbe stressed.

So please, keep the negativity to yourself.

may only good things come from this.
Guest
may only good things come from this.
despicable
Guest
despicable

against what we stand for

questions?????
Guest
questions?????

im not quite sure how this works? let s say im a guy looking for a girl, who introduces me to her? or is it every man for himself? in that case all the guys will be crowding around the better looking girls, trying to find their bashert! is there some sort of speed dating thing?

VANILLA GOWNS :)
Guest
VANILLA GOWNS :)
I was there too
Guest
I was there too

THANK YOU —- FINALLY!!!!!!

to #24
Guest
to #24

Your comment might speak for why you got divorced

HASHEM YISHMOR???
Guest
HASHEM YISHMOR???

Has everyone lost their minds??? What are we now?Aish Hatora? Modern Orthodox? What would the Rebbe say about this?Believe me NOTHING good can come of this.Yeridos Hadoros to the WORST extent

Just ask The Rebbe if this is OK
Guest
Just ask The Rebbe if this is OK

For instructions you can watch Mr. Bogolugov,s speech at the Kinus tihs year.

What Report
Guest
What Report

This article is pure propaganda, there is nothing in the article that gives any real details on how the couples interacted with each other. This sounds like a publicity article etc. no more no less.
Let them be more forthcoming with information then the community can make up their minds if it has a place in the Rebbes neighborhood to help solve the Shidduch problem.

wow, chabad clubbing!
Guest
wow, chabad clubbing!

i can just picture a bunch of yenta shadchanim brainstorming a way out of the shidduch crisis:

“how about we set up a place where multiple guys can interact with multiple girls (& vice versa) and see if any develop a chemistry together?”

lol

another idea
Guest
another idea

how about at each of these events if one can brings an “advocate (married relative but younger and hip:)’ of the other gender –this person could act as the on the spot go between for anyone itnerested thereby eliminating awkward conversations tha tyou dont know how to get out of or turn down or for that matter someone to pursue people for you.
also–why not have open mike for the guys–get up give a short bio on yourself and each girl can make the choice whther or not to approach you/send her info your way

ok....
Guest
ok....

I went and was extermely hesistant to go to begin with bc this is not our way, however after going, i can probably address most of your comments… as to why it was not publisized? the idea is not that it should become an emabrassing singles event, its awkward as it is to get the guts to go, i (and many others) would probably not go, if the whole ch knew that “singles” were getting together in this and this place, sadly there would be spectators there to judge. Without being there you are already judging, who are you to… Read more »

#47 Your nuts
Guest
#47 Your nuts

I am 25.. I didnt go… but let me put it this way.. I know tens of thousands of people all over the world.. I’m a pretty likable person.. and havent really dated in my life

What yeridas hadoros ? Why is it worse than looking online ?!?

You want to know why I dont date ? because I really dont care to go out with some random person.. I rather meet someone.. shmooze maybe.. then date with a shadchan / rabbi in middle..

btw half of chabad gets married these days via informal meetings / dating..

O my goodness!!!!!!!! i dont believe this!!!!!!
Guest
O my goodness!!!!!!!! i dont believe this!!!!!!

I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!! WHO WOULD NEVER BELIEVE THIS WUD HAPPEN IN CH!!! THE REBBE’S SHCHUNAH!!!!!!!! I JUST DO NOT BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIKE NOT POSSIBLE!!!! Do u all not have faith in the rebbe that his system that he established wud not work????? are u all not frum????? do u know what the rebbe says in one of his letters: that obviously the yetzer hara will not come to a frum girl or boy who want to remain so w/ s/t totally against halacha, he will go just past the line… (the letter was about exctly the same… Read more »

number 30?
Guest
number 30?

better to go to college and get an education that will give someone a good job and a successful career then to have no money and practically live off donations or get peanut wage….which applies to the majority of you

agree with 10
Guest
agree with 10

This thing sounds amazing !!!!!!

but why do the young couples need to go ?

former Landlord
Guest
former Landlord

#39
I agree
Thanks a lot Leah Liba.
She’s a Doll
🙂

to #51
Guest
to #51

in the clubbing dictionary its referred to as a wingman

I don't like the smell of this!
Guest
I don't like the smell of this!

This will lead to no good! quantum physics

I'll tell you why...
Guest
I'll tell you why...

As one of the “marrieds” at the event, I’ll tell you why they were there. Married people still like to socialize! And think about it, if there would be only singles there, wouldn’t the atmosphere be kind of awkward? I mean, picture it. There are all these singles just milling about, looking for someone to meet. Uncomfortable, no? But throw in some married couples, who are generally more comfortable in their own skin (at times because a spouse at your side makes it easier) and suddenly the atmosphere is more relaxed and open. There are these married people who came… Read more »

b"h mother of younger children
Guest
b"h mother of younger children

there has to be a way to do this and much more appropriately. i am also concerned with the checking, or lack there of with these singles. and yes don’t kid yourself, there needs to be checking done, just look at our divorce rate. but really i think it is so great . guys and girls get to check each other out in an informal setting and then they are interested and then what – no parents; oh yeah, when it comes time to foot the bill. sorry but this idea – it is just not leaving a good feeling.… Read more »

Time for Truth
Guest
Time for Truth

Girls need to start by sending their picture and other important details for todays bochur.
Bochurim need to start by telling us what he really does as in do you have a job? Do you get up every morning to go to shul to do chitas and make it to work? These are things girls want to know.
Forget about shdchanim AND PARENTS.
Get real…

TO NUMBER 17...
Guest
TO NUMBER 17...

What is wrong with someone who is fat??? Do you think that only people that are below a size 4 get married? I honestly cannot believe you posted that sentence. Next time you do decide to post your thoughtless and undesirable opinion, why don’t you try writing in basic English with correct punctuation. It may make your skinny daughters more appealing towards a shadchan! Did you say you were a mother?! SHOCKING…..

what will the new
Guest
what will the new

roav say about this?

can he help this?

This is TERRIBLE!!
Guest
This is TERRIBLE!!

Hello?!?! Did we just officially drop the religion?? Well, I dont know about myself but those who where there prob did. How sad….

good job
Guest
good job

As a 28 year old single lubavitch male, I support this completely. I will be at the next event. Bravo to the organizers.

ends justifies the means?
Guest
ends justifies the means?

the road to hell is pave with good intentions

Please..........
Guest
Please..........

grow up!
you can all have what you need if you go out there and get it for yourselves stop going to Rabbi’s to get your match.

shocked ot of my gord inLA
Guest
shocked ot of my gord inLA

this is deeply troubling and disturbing.i’m not cv judging these singles and i’ve got plenty to work on in myself but to try and make this into a quasi-lubavitch event which means it has some sort of seal of approval is horrible.and no i don’t have an answer.i don’t have an answer to many huge problems in my own little life but Hashem should help that i shouldn’t try to fool myself into making a chazer traif solution feel like it’s kosher.

Maybe it will help someone else..
Guest
Maybe it will help someone else..

I am some years older than the people who went to this event and the reason I am not married is lashon harah.
There is nothing sinister about my family except that they divorced at a time when it was unheard of and therefore became the subject of the worst gossip and exaggerations and misunderstandings. Please think before you talk and verify information about the girl and her family with her or the people who actually know her before you talk or believe what you hear.

Questionable
Guest
Questionable

This is definitely different. Just hope the singles there don’t get turned off further from these “meat market” events. I’ve been to many non lubavitch singles events and from my experience they are by no means a miracle cure to any crisis that may be going on. The best looking and loudest people get the most attention, it’s social darwinism at it best. Most of the people end up going home feeling rejected and deflated. Stick to the shadchanim and bad dates until it clicks. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to attend unless they have some experience with coed mingling and… Read more »

compromising?
Guest
compromising?

In light of this attitutde that people write, that lubavitch has become more open, and ‘out of the box’ (as if that is something to brag about), and according to the logic, that has long as you have a good goal in mind, the road to get to it doesn’t matter, maybe we should remove the mechitza as well, to attract more people. i also read the rebbe’s letters to those complaining they can’t find a shidduch. the rebbe gives many advices. hiddur mitzva… emuna, etc…. have any of these advices been implemented? (I think i would be correct to… Read more »

Hashem Yerachaim
Guest
Hashem Yerachaim

What about tznius, a melave malka calls for a mechitza, is there a rov involved, i got worried as soon as i saw how defensive the writer of the article was getting. i guess the guilty concience was at work. Dinim need to be followed no matter how difficult it seems.

ask your mashpia
Guest
ask your mashpia

Whether or not the Rebbe would approve of these sort of gatherings is open to interpretation. However, one directive from the Rebbe most definitely applies here: ASK YOUR MASHPIA.

If you’re masphia is a chassidshe person with real yiras shamayim, he/she will guide you to the right decision as to whether such an event is right for you.

Any couple welcome!?
Guest
Any couple welcome!?

I do think there should be some couples to help with the communication, which will need a little help. But I do think there should be some designated couples for that, not just any couple that wants to come. It is a privet event that is not done under normal circumstances, and although unfortunately it must be done at this time, it needs to stay privet (not even posted on COL!), comfortable and controlled!

To all the naysayers.,..
Guest
To all the naysayers.,..

You all have chosen to say the same thing, more or less…. Let me refresh your memory of the Tu Bshvat tradition of yore. Yes those times were different, just wanted to remind you of the kind of Takanas that were put in place based on the current situation of that time… This event is put together by G-d fearing fellow Lubavitchers due ONLY to the need of the community. This issue is too controversial for anyone to step up and give it their stamp, YET. The Rebbe always dealt on an individual,personal level, every answer is directed to a… Read more »

Loshan Huru
Guest
Loshan Huru

If ten percent of the badmouthing would stop- these events would not have to take place. Think twice before you ruin a shidduch by your meaningless and baseless assumptions.
Whomever thinks this is NOT a good idea. Is it better these singles never get married, have kids? It’s very easy for those to judge, while holding their children, what’s right and wrong. If even one shidduch comes out of such an event – it is worth it.

confusing for a divorcee
Guest
confusing for a divorcee

I don’t think it should be open to married people. I don’t know if I would ever attend such an event, but if I did choose to, as a divorced woman in a sheital I would just look married, so what would be the point?

mmmm
Guest
mmmm

i agree with number 75 – the couples should be designated couples given the role as matchmakers. Not just any couples.

Also, I kind of get it – as a single it makes sense and its alright. If it was my daughter or son, or if I was still single I understand it….I see that its ok But….

annonymous
Guest
annonymous

wow!! well done!! about time something was done about the shidduch crisis………..hatzlacha Rabba and may many beautiful marriages come to fruition from such a great idea!!

BE AWARE!
Guest
BE AWARE!

Ladies and gentleman, the line has (finally) officially been crossed. In CH there is currently a residing non-frum community that in many ways looks like orthodox judaism but is not. Why do I say that? Simple: judaism is about obeying shulchan aruch, period. Yes, not everybody all the time lives %100 according to SHU”A, we r humans, but we try. And when we fail we don’t brag about it or publicize it. When someone publicly lives a lifestyle not in consonance with SHU”A that is what we call a non-religious jew. So, be aware. The same way you know when… Read more »

to #40
Guest
to #40

what’s kosher about a coed event? One of the first things the Rebbe fought for when he came to america was mechitzas!

teenage girl
Guest
teenage girl

i know i am not in the shidduch scene and prob have no right to comment or judge but even though this party or singles night has the best intentions it may get out of hand. maybe an older couple should “approve” each single and make sure they are going for the right intentions or else it may get out of hand. we need to preserve our tznious.

Shidduch Melave Malka
Guest
Shidduch Melave Malka

It is not practical to ask what would the Rebbe say! If he were here we would not have all these problems to begin with.

New System
Guest
New System

there should be a computer system that pairs everyone up from birth and if they don’t like it TOO BAD

young bochur
Guest
young bochur

U asked for suggestions well here goes. I have wanted to go out since i was 20 my mashpia said no i think you should learn smicha while dating and not get engaged in 5 minutes you have to date for a while. Instead i have to go around everyones back to see my girl and im a shliach in a very chassidishe yeshiva and i could be farbrenging for your son why is life so hard

to 76
Guest
to 76

i think you mean Tu B’av

All my married kids used Shadchanim
Guest
All my married kids used Shadchanim

I think this is an excellent idea. The reality is, the traditional shidduch system, while it worked perfectly & immediately for all my children, it isn’t working for everyone…far from it! There has to be a different way & I applaud the Melave Malka Crew (whoever they are!) for actually getting up off the couch & doing something constructive!

But i must add to the concerns about young married couples. Unless they’re there as “monitors” & to facilitate introductions I agree, it’s not very healthy for them to be involved in this dating scene.

81 is so right
Guest
81 is so right

took the words out of my mouth!!! hashem help if this what is happening to lubavitch where are the Rabonim??? oh i forgot they are busy fighting, so guys and gals will mingle shulchan aruch is one big joke and the rest is history!!!

hashem have rachmanus on us!!

"System the Rebbe set up"
Guest
"System the Rebbe set up"

To # 9 and #54 et al, where is the “system” defined and delineated? I don’t recall any sicha or letter that created a “system”.

The Rebbe gave many horaos, but did not talk for every situation. As a person that dabbles in shidduchim I know of many good, chasidishe girls that have done all the horaos and are still not married and turning 28.

What, pray tell me, should they do???? Do you have a solution or are just willing to put down this one???

Singles Events Dont Work
Guest
Singles Events Dont Work

Just look at the Upper Westside. The most singles events, and the most singles.

This event was probably planned by a well meaning oiber chochom. The fact is, that singles events are much, much, much less successful than shidduchim, favor good looking and socially outward people.

Will those who have created this event take responsibility for the untold breach that this has created? Have they consulted with Daas Torah? Seems highly unlikely in Crown Heights where every man seems to be a king and Rav unto himself.

To ALL THOSE AGAINST..
Guest
To ALL THOSE AGAINST..

We are talking about very very frum, chassidish girls/boys who just want to get married and start a home of their own. They are finding a way to do this b/c YOU and the rest of “THE REBBE”S COMMUNITY” have done nothing for them. If the old ways still work.. we wouldnt have so many singles over 25.

Dont judge until you’ve walked in their shoes. And BTW – Since it is done in a tzniusdik way – the Rebbe would agree!!

RE: Post 81
Guest
RE: Post 81

Get a grip! With your blatant Sinas Chinam no wonder Moshiach isn’t here yet! Don’t rush to judge others! Your definition of religious vs non religious is “When someone publicly lives a lifestyle not in consonance with SHU”A that is what we call a non-religious jew” – what about people like yourself who might even follow the Shulchan Aruch to the T, but lack the most fundamental principle – V’Ahavta L’Reyacha K’Moycha, are they really religious? I think not. That attitude caused the Churban and keeps us stuck in Gulus. What Judaism is about, is Achdus. Before you condemned this,… Read more »

To # 81
Guest
To # 81

You are a complete ignoramus. There is absolutely nothing halachikly wrong with such events. Granted, they need to function in a manner of tznius, just as regular dates do. Would one say that since a date may possibly get out of hand, therefore no one should date? Certainly not (unless you perhaps). As Lubavitchers, we (clearly not you) know what our Rebbe said. “This (quest) should be carried out in accordance with the path of Torah and with fear of heaven, and with energetic input on the part of friends and relatives.” Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIV, p. 23 So, you… Read more »

What would the Rebbe say
Guest
What would the Rebbe say

The Rebbe instructed us to use all considerable effort in finding one’s soul mate. One needs to find their shiduch in any kosher way possible. Shadchanim have failed. And this evening was an attempt to find a solution. There were no halachic issues of any kind with this event. It was in public and there was no yichud. There were married individuals acting as go-betweens. Nobody spoke to each other in an overly familiar and coarse way. In fact, girls and boys mostly stayed in groups of their own gender. There was a structured program with a Dvar Torah, giving… Read more »

20 year old's!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guest
20 year old's!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t wait untill the program starts for us 20 year old bouchrim . great idea

agree with #71
Guest
agree with #71

I agree this could turn people off even more

not the way
Guest
not the way

and also, what are couples doing there if it’s a singles event???

To 81
Guest
To 81

get a life

mother of six married children b'h
Guest
mother of six married children b'h

finally, finally, something i’ve been advocating for so long. thank you bronya for being behind this, i know you wanted to do this as well..
i hope it meets with success and dozens of mazel tovs..i will be sure to tell all my single relatives about this

Bad spelling makes a bad impression
Guest
Bad spelling makes a bad impression

I love how people are trying to reprimand us with bad spelling, grammar and punctuation. It just makes everything they say laughable. 🙂

Its about time
Guest
Its about time

this is the way chasidim met 50 years ago its only recently that
we have such a segregated system
I m a big fan keep it up

Sim Shalom
Guest
Sim Shalom

Months ago I suggested something similar to this, but more structured, Everyone (in a pre-booked event) gets to meet everyone for a short period, Everyone has a comprehensive checklist (provided by organizers) with all names, and you can make a mark next to the name that you feel is worth following up. This is not a shidduch deal, it is a pre-shiduch short-cut under organized supervision. It is not a social event at all. In fact it would be strenuous – meeting say 30 of the opposite gender for a few minutes, with the discussion prepared by choice of recommended… Read more »

To the author, and to all comments supporting the author:
Guest
To the author, and to all comments supporting the author:

There is one, and ONLY one question that I would like to ask: Did you, or did you not get an approval from a Rov? Here’s the rundown: if you indeed got an approval, then i wish you and all those singles my very best, and may this program yield many, many Shidduchim. If, however, you did not get an approval from a Rov, then what you are doing is detrimental to this community. I don’t care how “out of the box” you and your accomplices think your minds are, nor do I heed your wails of “Shidduch crisis”. You… Read more »

30 and single
Guest
30 and single

Shadchans may work for some people but not for everyone. I’ve had bad experiences, they just don’t understand what you are looking for and set you up with people that just puzzle you..and leave you wondering do they really know what they are doing?Some people know what they want and are best suited to pick there own partner..for one its saves time.There is nothing wrong with these melaves.the anti’s are blowing this way out of proportion, have you forgotten the saying the fault you see in others is really a reflection within yourself..obviously you don’t know what its like to… Read more »

To 104
Guest
To 104

Hear,hear

To # 103
Guest
To # 103

I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR “SERVICE”. iF A COUPLE IS ABOUT TO BECOME ENGAGED wHY ARE THERE pROBLEMS ALREADY??

Fascinating
Guest
Fascinating

I really enjoy COL; however, I live in LA, so it isn’t too late in the evening right now.

Why in the world are so many people up at such a late hour?

It’s telling of who is writing these comments.

Yofo Shtiko
Guest
Yofo Shtiko

It is best to keep such gatherings under wraps since many older ” chassidishe people are not ready to accept such things. And perhaps they are right. The situation is dire, Shadchonim are not being proactive nor helpful. So, b’less breiroh and bisha’as hadchak, why not? Perhaps the married couples can act as chaperones to ensure that all is Kosher veyoshor and that the behaviour of the attendees is appropriate.

Mashpia
Guest
Mashpia

It’s beyond me how anyone can criticize this thing. Don’t give this bs on how can this happen in ch…. Let’s see you be 25,30… Without a shidduch and no hope for the future. Al todin… This is not boys/girls hanging out, this is looking for a shidduch when all else is ineffective. And btw. Why dontbyou read the last 2 blat of mesechta taanis to see how it was done in the times of the tanaim

 to #'s104 , 106 ,100, 107 (103 & 95)
Guest
to #'s104 , 106 ,100, 107 (103 & 95)

There is no issue here to present to a Rav. In fact , yungerleit and others well versed in halacha and the Rebbe’s Torahs sent their children that evening. to #100: Mrs S who spoke that evening was simply asked to speak. The organizers werea group of young women who see the lack of action on the part of shadchonim and Anash on their behalf and decided to help themselves and others. To # 107 there is a great need for the services of #103 . Lots of broken engagements. They go out 3 to 5 times, are pushed/encouraged to… Read more »

married couples
Guest
married couples

To all the anti married couples above. There is a very good reason that married people should be there and that is that with married people there is a comfort level and singles will feel more comfortable being introduced by a married couple especially someone they know who can coach them. Many singles are shy and dont know how to break the ice. I for one think its a good idea.

torah may work for some people, but not everyone
Guest
torah may work for some people, but not everyone

this line is as great as any other line stated above, how shadchonim works for some and not for everyone… or you have to ‘think out of the box’.
i agree shadchonim aren’t always helpful (i’m actually against many of the methods of shadchonim and think most are terrible-i’m single and looking and talking from experience), however it doesn’t make it correct to do things that are inappropriate. just makes it harder to find your zivug and/or harder to find a good shadchan. going to unkosher way, you might be successful, but it is wrong.

Why should they stay single?
Guest
Why should they stay single?

I’m applaled that people who appose this in the name of frumkeit. Why is this less ok than a girl interacting with a guy in private on a date? Its unfathomable that u would suggest that an older single should stay single, not be able to get married and have a spouse or family? That is what u are saying. Because there is so little hope in the convetional system. Are u single?? or are you happily married and cant relate to this very real problem. You obviously haven’t dealt with this struggle, and haven’t had a hard time marrying… Read more »

Great Idea
Guest
Great Idea

Keep up the caring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is one reason I would never live in Crown Heights.
Guest
This is one reason I would never live in Crown Heights.

Everyone is a Rav unto himself.

Huge breaches are done without Daas Torah.

Every man and his standard. One person cooks up a scheme, and there is not ONE mention of DAAS TORAH. Why?

No Articles
Guest
No Articles

Keep this event quiet
Invite married couples, 20 years or more, to facilitate the introductions between boy and girl
Keep the idea of setting people up in line of our torah, and chassidishe guidelines

married people are insensitive
Guest
married people are insensitive

only parents of singles understand the horrible anguish mothers and fathers face 24/hours a day finding themself helples to find shiduchim for their children.
The pain is great and if you are unsensitive don’t fight a good idea.
Why should 29-30 year old girls still be unmarried
did you do any efforts today to help?
WAKE UP YIDEN

Torah...Halacha, the Rebbe and Mashpiim         (read this 113)
Guest
Torah...Halacha, the Rebbe and Mashpiim (read this 113)

When I see someone say….”this is against Torah” I think of the recent Parsha about how Yaakov met, and about Moshe Rabeinu…. When you mention “Shulchan Oruch” I’m thinkin, “Which Siman forbids men and women to be in the same venue without a Mechitza when it’s not davening and there are no issues of Yichud? ” When all of you say, “what would the Rebbs say?” I think “there are so many different letters, and hora’os for different situations, compile them all and see what you come up with, for me, I don’t see that this has been defined. We… Read more »

married
Guest
married

i am willing to bet that all those who are against this idea and find it easy to mention rebbe and rov are married and probably have a tv and watch movies. so why so not you just mind your own business and let us all live are own life.
Thanks

The Real Issue
Guest
The Real Issue

“There is no issue here to present to a Rav. In fact , yungerleit and others well versed in halacha and the Rebbe’s Torahs sent their children that evening. ” THIS LINE, IN ESSENCE, IS THE VERY CRUX OF THE PROBLEM. When you create a breach you must consult DAAS TORAH. It does not matter if your intentions are good. It does not matter if YOU think this will lead to a greater good. You must consult with a Rav, which apparently more and more people in Crown Heights dont know to do. And, if your Rabbonim are embroiled in… Read more »

 # 113 & 116 - Daas Torah
Guest
# 113 & 116 - Daas Torah

I would suggest before you mention “Daas Torah” that you go back to your studies and research the Gemoro Taanis (Tu b’Av etc) quoted earlier by some posters.

This was Daas Torah over the years as stated in the Talmud etc. and the acceptable way to meet one’s bashert. Especially, as is the case today, when other options have proven unsuccessful.

Our generations are midgets compared to the giants of those days; the ones whose actions you judge as not being according to your perception of what Daas Torah is.

116
Guest
116

It seems from your bright comments – that you do not have the zchus to live in Crown Heights. No problem, we manage without the bias picked up in your Litvishe yeshivos.

can anyone say a name
Guest
can anyone say a name

Which Chassidim of 50 years ago can you name that made a Shidduch by going to a singles event??
Not my parents, grandparents or great-gandparents did it this way.

Depends how you were raised
Guest
Depends how you were raised

I agree with #71 et al – only those who are experienced with mixed socializing and feel comfortable with it should attend this kind of event.

By the way, to all those who are saying that this is “against halacha” and “shulchan aruch” – please state precisely which halacha in shulchan aruch – se’if and siman – this event is breaking. In your own time.

You can say “es past nisht” – that is a matter of hergesh – but there is nothing wrong here halachically!

Board Games
Guest
Board Games

The last time I’ve played a board game was a really long time ago. How about some other forms of entertainment?

great idea!!!
Guest
great idea!!!

lots of hatzlocha!

how did it go
Guest
how did it go

perhaps i dint read the article carefully but how did it work. did all the boys stare at the girls and vice versa? then pointed to his friend hey He looks suitable or did they have name tags?

unless ur a rabbi
Guest
unless ur a rabbi

unless it is ur job to have an opinion then you shouldnt judge anyone. everyone will do what they are doing whether its wrong or right without ur brilliant comments. dont worry. but to the rabbis and rebbetzins adn individual mashpias who are probably not wasting their time on this website anyway then they should say their opinion.

To #40
Guest
To #40

Please read the comment. Like I said there is nothing wrong with this. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I only ask that those who feel it necessary to attend these events do not delude themselves and others into thinking that they are behaving in chassidisher fashion. I will not judge people but I do know what chassidishkeit is and although I myself do not live up the ideal standard, in no way does that make the standard lower. Another point that bears repeating is that there is nothing terribly wrong with not behaving in chassidisher fashion so long… Read more »

#20 HAS A GOOD POINT
Guest
#20 HAS A GOOD POINT

I am a psychotherapist and I agree that the problem is more about the individuals knowing what they are looking for and then being able to reflect about who they are dating. there is also a lot of fear involved with the possibilities. I counsel lots of young adults and i advise both parties to also speak with me while they are dating. you can also speak with a Mashpia or trusted friend. It is not easy at first and can feel awkward but it is helpful. This is different than a Shadchan who approaches dating from a different perspective.… Read more »

I like #103 idea!
Guest
I like #103 idea!

I would probably go to something like that (speed dating I think they call it)- because its more structured not just “milling’ around:) And as a girl, we would be the ones sitting, and the guys would be ‘switching’ tables- this way we don’t have to approach the guys, they come to us. If you set it up- please let us know! And I can probably get a bunch of friends to come too!

To 124
Guest
To 124

Ask your grandfather how we met your grandmother.

How brave
Guest
How brave
mendel
Guest
mendel

to 98 read nu 60

Halocho?
Guest
Halocho?

After browsing through about 50 comments (there are currently 124), I’m going to give my 2 cents. Disclaimer: I was there. For those who say that the Rebbe is against it, please publish the Sicha. Please also show how the Sicha is relevant to THIS situation (pretty hard). I’d also be interested where in Shulchan Oruch it is mentioned that this is Ossur (borders on impossible). To the naysayers out there who blame it on the Rebbe and Shulchan Oruch, I have a Question: Can you learn? I’m pretty sure that I already have the answer. Please set aside time… Read more »

shadchanim
Guest
shadchanim

way not have shadchanim to be the middle person instead of couples. its true it can ruin thir own marriages.

a lot of ahava
Guest
a lot of ahava

That’s wonderful that Bronya spoke and it sounds like a safe, productive and successful evening. I am keeping this and future events in my prayers. I will keep those of you who are scared of this in my prayers as well. I think a good idea for another event would be to be to work together, for ex: going to a hospital to cheer up patients, give out toys for Chanukah or volunteering at a Friendship circle event or some other form of service- maybe volunteering at a fundrasing event ie. a fair of some kind or working with the… Read more »

Unless you have a better idea?!
Guest
Unless you have a better idea?!

This is brilliant! Write an article about a get together that so far we haven’t heard of any Rabbinic endorsement, and we know is against the Chassidishe (if not the Veltishe) Shulchan Aruch, and at the end of it all, write a disclaimer: Don’t give your disapproval unless you can give a constructive alternative.
So here’s my alternative: Don’t do anything at all. That’s better than going against Halacha.
I agree that there are way too many singles in Lubavitch, but I don’t agree that this is the keli machzik beracha.

Events in the Spirit and Letter of Jewish Law
Guest
Events in the Spirit and Letter of Jewish Law

If the laws of Nigiah and Yichud are not being violated, then this may be a better alternative to meeting online or in “clubs”. There is no Halacha against talking to members of the opposite sex.
This is certainly not ideal, but you would be surprised how many members of the community met this way back in the 50’s & 60’s. I think we have made much progress spiritually since then, and it is sad to have to “go backwards”, but we all must help these young people get married.

The rebbes view
Guest
The rebbes view

The Rebbe would not want a frum, chassidish talented girl to stay single in her late 20s.
Neither does Torah want people to still be single in their late 20s.
The way of torah and chassidus is to help people establish a family. What have YOU done today to help the older single on your block to find the happiness you experience?

i agree with 72
Guest
i agree with 72

And might I add that i have gone through hundreds of igros. And believe me there were many people struggling with shidduchim and the rebbe (as far as i remember) always said find a shidduch through shadchanim, makirim, v’yididim. In fact someone once asked the rebbe if you davka have to know someone personally for a shidduch. and the rebbe answered like the above and explained why adderaba its better if its done like above because it saves embarrassment etc. Also i have read in a lot of the comments where people say we have to live with the times… Read more »

TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT
Guest
TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT

I am a mother with married children B”H and children in shidduchim which hasn’t come or going easily. However, if one is hungry, one doesn’t eat chazir! It’s the Yetzer Horah coming to say – the end justifies the means.
Let these singles undertake hachlotos toivois and increase in Torah & Mitzvos, make a keili for Hashem’s brochos – go about the inyan in a kedusha’dike manner instead of following the umois ho’olam. How can the marriage (if it comes to that) be stable if the base wasn’t?
Hatzlocho!

Baffled
Guest
Baffled

Is it possible that any person in there right mind would sanction such an event, if such things are happening it should be done in a quite and discreet manner!!

To Comment 142...
Guest
To Comment 142...

The difference between the times of Tu B’av and now are stark, yes… the point I was making was to remind those who have this holier than thou attitude about the event that there have been times in the past that called for radical approaches, and similarly these times too require imaginative thinking… all within the boundaries of Halacha. What was allowed back then and now may be different, I’m not suggesting to reinstate the Tu B’av tradition… your example of the Amorah is almost comical and so far off from what takes place at these events. If you had… Read more »

Sim Shalom
Guest
Sim Shalom

To #107 A couple about to be engaged are by definition “clueless” about marriage. They may be very happy together, but unaware of personality differences etc that could have serious impact in future situations. The women (it’s almost always the girls who end up in abused in bad marriages) that I have helped in a crisis, are almost always mismatched from the start. (It kills my kishkess to see the absurd combination’s that have been married. It is for this reason that I do not do Siddur Kidushin without such a session. I consider it a crime to marry people… Read more »

to #86 young bochur
Guest
to #86 young bochur

i know what your going through its very hard. Read this letter from igros http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=15935&st=&pgnum=235&hilite=

to numbers 54 and 95
Guest
to numbers 54 and 95

get together have a smoke, and chill…

to the author, go get ’em tiger.

The Rebbe would want people married more than meeting in bars, this is a better way, and esp. considering there are couples there to even act as “chaperones” if you will. So I say, kol hakavod! Rock out, people! This whole town needs to get married.

נבל ברשות התורה
Guest
נבל ברשות התורה

there are things that are not stated in shulchan aruch but chasidim abstain from doing this.
ES PAST NIT.
The Ramban says you can be a NOVOL BRSHUS HATORA
נבל ברשות התורה
by finding Heterim ETC.

to all of you who think...
Guest
to all of you who think...

that you have all the answers to all of our problems.
# 1 i do not think that 10% of you are single.
# 2 i and three friends of mine have dates because of this event.
so until the 90 % or more of you go into our shoes, you should not be posting anything.

GOOD IDEA
Guest
GOOD IDEA

Whatever it takes. Pay no attention to all the spectator judges on how to pursue the most important thing in life. Hatzlocha Raba!!!!

Just an idea
Guest
Just an idea

Maybe there should be supervised “speed dating” with a shadchan present. Who knows? Maybe like 5 boys and 5 girls that the parents approve of?

does ANYBODY care??
Guest
does ANYBODY care??

im a man of few words in regard to the notions posed here i would like to offer some chizuk to those unsettled and unsatisfied. I was there! and I think it was conducive to MY future! (my as’id) the food was delicious, the music was light, the games upbeat! however one thing struck me at my very core/essence. what would the Rebbe say? i ask, and i answer bepashtus THIS is golus and THIS is yeridas hadaros! and to number 44 – check your facts! and look at likutei’ volume VI pg 22 betzad yemin parag 3 (after the… Read more »

Better Idea
Guest
Better Idea

Instead of these contrived set up artificial single “events”, why not just make NightLife co-ed? That would make much more sense!

The Besht center is another excellent venue for co-mingling, and the bochurim and girls could learn something instead of just playing board games. The more mingling, the better.

Also, it is high time that Day Camps ensured that bochurim and girls work together side by side this would really helps resolve the shidduch crisis.

Where should I start????
Guest
Where should I start????

I’ve been reading all the comments/critiscisms for the past 24 hours, of this amazing, never before heard of, evening, and I just don’t know where or how to start; As a mother of a 28 year old single, the first thing that comes to mind, before anything else is, HOW DARE ANYONE, COMMENT NEGATIVELY AND CRITISIZE AN EVENT LIKE THIS ONE, UNLESS, AND I STRESS, UNLESS, THEY TOO, OR THEIR CHILDREN , ARE IN THE SAME BOAT?????????? How can any of you out there, speak your mind, and tear this to pieces, “quoting” from Halacha, Sichos, the Rebbe, etc etc,… Read more »

I Think its a great idea. Howerver.....
Guest
I Think its a great idea. Howerver.....

1. This should have never become Official, it should have been something that you here about from your friend, or however it was being don before this article was published. 2. What about people getting hurt there, either because no one speaking to them or any other reason? 3. Is it being done in accordance with Halachah? (No Rav has to give his name in order for this event to be done in accordance with Halachah. its just that the coordinators should speak to the Rav and make sure its being done according to Halachah, and if its not possible… Read more »

I want so be invited to more chassunahs
Guest
I want so be invited to more chassunahs

Maybe those looking for a schus for the Abishter to bless them with a shidduch could help sponsor the event or host out-of-towners who want to attend. May all who attend, attend with an open mind toward those you meet. Not everyone comes from a perfect family so try to judge those you meet on their own merits rather than on their family. Try to relax and be yourself and you will attract someone. Hopefully collive will have whole web pages with nothing but engagement announcements. Good luck and mazal tov on your efforts and may this generate a community… Read more »

well said #20
Guest
well said #20

Nechama Dina is doing great work with singl girls and helps them find there mate for life and helps them trough there dating

to #143 ur in the clouds
Guest
to #143 ur in the clouds

ur in the clouds ur husband is in the clouds ur married children are in the clouds and ur unmarried children are and will be deeper in the clouds.
just bc ppl got married threw a shadchan and are still married. i say 40% of all would be divorced if they wouldn’t have had children!

153, so do agree or disagree?
Guest
153, so do agree or disagree?

And were you really there? Your comment of “the food was delicious” seems suspect to me.

To # 94
Guest
To # 94

If you are correct then just mention the name of ONE Rov or Mashpia that approves of this. Plain and simple is this OK according to the Shu”A or a violation of it.
find one Rov that ok’s this.

Sim Shalom to #152
Guest
Sim Shalom to #152

Read #103 and #146

Elder Bochur
Guest
Elder Bochur

As a elder bochur im thrilled that finally some people have thought of a way that has a chance of working after seeing what people go through and have gone through myself. It may not be the best way but if this is what there is we should at least do what we can to support it and for all those that criticize if you cannot come up with a better idea leave your comments to yourself.

I would like to...
Guest
I would like to...

go. I am over 25. However I would be mortified to be seen there. Plus the kind of guy i want to marry would not go to such an event. I want a very chssidishe boy, the kind that would not venture to such a place. I too, am very chassidish and would never go, however desperation prompts me to waver. Should I or not? Would the kind of VERY chassidishe boy I want to marry, be there?

Better than better
Guest
Better than better

Actually, if the schools were co-ed – we wouldnt have this problem in the first place. We should look into co-ed schools, at least for high school. I know alot of Modern Orthodox do, and they dont seem to have a singles problem.

This idea is a great start. Next, co-ed schools. Thats the way to go.

To 131
Guest
To 131

Do you always volunteer pro bono or is this a one time thing?

To 164
Guest
To 164

The organizers of the event specifically invite “very chassidishe” people. It is specifically for the types of people who would never go to a “singles” event. The boys all have untouched beards, the girls all adhere to the strict laws of Tznius. There are no name-tags so as not to feel like a singles event and to prevent a feeling of being “on display”. It is meant for singles over 25 (with the average age being late 20’s, early 30’s) so that everyone there is there with the right intentions and a certain maturity (a maturity that is not always… Read more »

 :)
Guest
:)

to 154
very well said.
i had a good laugh

No Criticism, just an idea!
Guest
No Criticism, just an idea!

I’ve been reading all of the comments on the article, and the truth is, I agree with everybody: -The singles who have reached the end of their rope trying to make the system work -those that think this event is the worst thing that can happen to Lubavitch -those that think it was the best idea and should continue to go on with much hatzlacha. Now, it’s impossible to straddle the fence – where is my opinion? The idea of singles mingling is an amazing idea. It provides a support system, a social impetus – a reason to get out… Read more »

Kol Hakavod
Guest
Kol Hakavod

Major major kudus to those who are organizing this. Please don’t get tzukratzt by all the holier-than-thu naysayers. The old “system” has failed dismally, leaving many suffering neshamos in its wake. New times demand new solutions. keep up the great work! Your courageous action will give others the courage to create more venues to help our young men and women.

From the Author
Guest
From the Author

Hi all, I was hoping to follow up and clarify some of what’s been brought up in all the commentary. I’m actually glad that I just had a chance to read comment 164 since that will help me explain things. Firstly, what stands out from all the comments that opposed the idea presented here is that, despite my request for other viable options I did not see that any of those individuals were able to share any. Kudos for those few others that did share some positive ideas, great, now let’s put them into action. Having said that, I wanted… Read more »

Good intentions...
Guest
Good intentions...

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

i dig it
Guest
i dig it

have more!

Hmm
Guest
Hmm

Some points I’ve been thinking of that I’d like to put out there. 1. Support: The notion of tens or hundreds of comments/individuals supporting an endeavor of any kind is in no way an indication of its Halachic viability, appropriateness, etc. This is clear to “every person with a brain in his head”. 2. Other solutions: I have siblings and siblings in law that fit the demographics that this event is catering to. I know their pain (as much as a second person can know someone else’s pain). I do not have any brilliant solutions to deal with the problems… Read more »

If you support this idea:
Guest
If you support this idea:

You can demonstrate your support by sponsoring or co-sponsoring an upcoming event.

Aside from financial contributions, we are also looking for hosts who are willing and interested to volunteer their homes as a venue.

Email [email protected] for details.

great idea keep em coming
Guest
great idea keep em coming

THIS EVENT ONLY ATTRACTS CHASIDISH SINGLES ANYONE JUST LOOKING TO HANG OUT WITH BOYS/GIRLS CAN GO TO ONE OF OUR LOCAL BARS

Any available shadchanim out there?
Guest
Any available shadchanim out there?

We wouldn’t have such a crisis if we had another 50 plus shadchanim to handle the 1000 new young people who are ready for shiddduch each year. All those of you complaining, need to become shaddchonim NOW and to network with each other. Hatzlocha Rabah.

Some people are mean
Guest
Some people are mean

I read a few of the comments. Stop making assumptions on how religious someone is based on the fact that you read that a few people got together and (gasp!) played some board games. The whole “unmarried girls and boys shouldn’t be mingling” makes sense when you’re 20, maybe, not when you’re 30.

# 172
Guest
# 172

You are so much right!

Could not agree MORE!
Guest
Could not agree MORE!

I could not agree more with #153. yes, I too am a man of few words, but when I read the comment I was beside myself! The yeridos hadoros has caused u to alter our lives!! We must live with times and our struggles. Lichatchiler ariber- get over urself LITERALY. In the Proper manner this is the way to fight the ongoing battle of finding shiduchim for the drastically rising number of singles. A Chassid must be a messuder and a mehalech, when faced with a struggle we MUST not turn our eyes in denial!!

Good Idea
Guest
Good Idea

If you don’t like it, don’t go.

To the author
Guest
To the author

Firstly, wonderful work. I’d have loved to be there, alas, I live far away.
Secondly, you write that it is to simulate “a shabbos table or chabad house”, may I suggest that instead of simulation let’s aim for the real thing and all those that support this invite singles to their home on Shabbos where they can socialize with out pressure, employ singles to work on projects together.
May each meet their own!

To 163
Guest
To 163

Who are you to decide which comments are truthful? What has this world come to that when people compliment other peoples cooking/event co-ordinating skills it has to turn into a whole controversy! Ad Masai!

Comment 183
Guest
Comment 183

The comment was directed to 160

to the author
Guest
to the author

Please remind the singles to come with an open mind. They may meet people that they have gone out with already but they should still consider trying again. If women think that the men are nerds, they should realize that nerds make the best husbands. Please try to open minds before the singles come so that the event will be a success.

to #174
Guest
to #174

everyone is free to consult their own rav as to what role that they play in the event, whether to sponsor, encourage someone to attend, host, or attend themselves. When something is p’kuach nefesh, Shabbos can be “broken”. This situation is p’kuach nefesh. Think of the children not being born. Think of the anguish when each year passes without a shidduch. Also remember that many responsible Orthodox groups have hosted singles gatherings. This does not meant that they asked a posek for the halachic opinion but this event is far from the first singles event for frum people. Also, to… Read more »

Comment 183 Was really directed to 160
Guest
Comment 183 Was really directed to 160

Woops

some more thoughts
Guest
some more thoughts

For all those against guys and girls being in an environment together I would like recommend they petition empire kosher to get a mechitza or at least have separate hours… About the possibility of people getting hurt; Yes, it’s possible that people will get hurt, it happens in all aspects of life, some examples are, not getting into the sem you wanted to, not being able to get a job cause you don’t have a proper education (all creations of the system) or other real life situations such as a failed business venture. As they say, “no pain no gain”,… Read more »

TO 166
Guest
TO 166

To 166 YES I DO PRO BONO to frum singles all the time

Coaching for singles
Guest
Coaching for singles

Best solution would be practical help and advice for singles. We need a paid board of new, driven, caring, successful shadchanim to advise and help singles. All according to the standards of the Rebbe.of course

how is this going to help?
Guest
how is this going to help?

from the halachah perspective this thing looks a little “iffy”. and from the ruach of chassidishkeit it looks even more “iffy”. but without getting into that part, how will this even help? could somebody please address the problem to which this event is the solution and explain how this event is the solution. From the way I see it right now it seems that everybody is fed up with everybody else in regards to shidduchim so they are saying let me do it myself. So now you are going to go to this event and talk with some random guy… Read more »

to 190
Guest
to 190

Paid board…. Like anyone’s going to pay for that. And sometimes I feel like it’s all about the money. I have paid a few Shadchanim that have never set me up. I feel like I want to ask for my money back. If I pay them, that means they now work for me, and they’re not doing their job, so I should get my money back (I’m just a little bitter:) What’s great about these Melave Malkas is that it’s non-profit. No one is making a profit. The opposite is true – at the moment the organizers are paying out… Read more »

TO #63
Guest
TO #63

lets get something straight i have no problem with fat people at all i still love you beacuse your jewish not the way you look but lets be honest if your a guy thats looking for a woman to marry, the first thing your looking for is NOT PROPPER GRAMMER AND PUNCTUATIONS.

To 188
Guest
To 188

Hear Hear!

about coaching...
Guest
about coaching...

Coaching is great…..if you have a shidduch to be coached about…but how would it help people who are not well networked, meet?

to 193
Guest
to 193

Oh my gosh. The first thing I look for IS proper grammar and spelling. I would never be able to even consider someone like yourself. (If the word “you’re” is a contraction of “you are”, then it’s spelled “you’re”, NOT “your”. Besides being incorrect, it’s also very confusing). I personally want to marry someone who at least comes across as intelligent.

To 196
Guest
To 196

Like!

Its amazing
Guest
Its amazing

I can’t remember such a tremendous reaction to an article posted on COL, such as the reactions this has produced;It just goes to show us all, how close to our heart this subject is, and how many of us are personally involved, and how many of us are hurting and desperate for help, having exhausted every other avenue possible, including trying everything humanly possible to be a ‘keli’ to receive that long awaited for brochoh; What a response!!

2 more to go!!
Guest
2 more to go!!

We just need 1 more comment to reach the ”200” mark (of comments!!) Who is going to be the one???

Me :)
Guest
Me :)

I’ll be the one, if I’m not too late…

Blond hair and blue eyes!
Guest
Blond hair and blue eyes!

To #196: Will you marry me? When I read your punctilious writing and witty way of correcting others, I knew it was love at first sight. Will you be at the next singles event? I will know it is you when I notice you mumbling under your breath correcting the speaker during the speech.

shimon
Guest
shimon

i think that the main problam here is that pepole think that it will have a bad affect and that there will start being all kinds of singel events in ch well the this is diffrent becouse the groups of boys and girls that meet all the time they will meet anyway and the ones who are looking to get married their not going to join the boys and girls , and this kind of evant is just for older singels so they need to look difrent ways to getting married so this is a very smart idea and thanks… Read more »

Why does the boy go up to the girl ?
Guest
Why does the boy go up to the girl ?

When a bachur goes to the event , on what basis does he approch the girl or the resident shadchan ?

from commentor 164
Guest
from commentor 164

Thank you 167 and 171-the author. for your kind responses. I am still hesitant of going. I think I would like to speak to a girl that went to get a clearer picture of what went on. I dont understand one thing though. If most chassidish boys, (defined as white shirt black hat/jacket, no jeans, untouched beards, doesnt watch movies, working in a kodesh or similer feild, or wants to go on shlichus, minyan, chitas and a general refined manner..) good boys are married by the time they hit 25 yet there are so many good girls out there over… Read more »

also
Guest
also

one more thing. I am very uncomfortable talking to men (even married men) and I would get flustered if a bochur approached me. How does that work? Do you have to talk to bochurim or just discreetly check them out? I would feel soo weird knowing the bochurim are looking at me as well. How do you overcome the weirdness factor?

agree with196
Guest
agree with196

Bad spelling and grammar is an immediate turn-off for me.

#182 IS RIGHT. INVITE PEOPLE FOR SHABBOS.
Guest
#182 IS RIGHT. INVITE PEOPLE FOR SHABBOS.

INVITE SINGLE PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY OLDER ONES, TO YOUR HOMES FRIDAY NIGHT. THIS IS A WAY FOR THEM TO DISCREETLY OBSERVE AND IS NOT A QUESTIONABLE PRACTICE IN SUCH TIMES. SOME PEOPLE ARE SHY IN SUCH SITUATIONS AND DON’T TALK MUCH BUT IF THE HOSTS ARE TALENTED AT CREATING A WARM & COMFY ATMOSPHERE I THINK THERE IS A FAIR CHANCE FOR SUCCESS!

G-d helps those who help themselves..
Guest
G-d helps those who help themselves..

This was the first step into lech lecha for all those singles out there…Please make a huge announcement in the future that ALL can be apart of.. You had to start somewhere,and now continue with much success..

203 /  204, 205...
Guest
203 / 204, 205...

It’s similar to how it works with a shadchan, there isn’t an exact system. With a Shadchan, a date gets set up based on (in this order); Looks, age, family name, financial status, occupation, or just a random name etc. or “she’s sooo nice and chassidish and he’s sooo nice and chassidish” With meeting, someone may meet because of; A random conversation stared by another that they’re both involved in, being introduced by a friend, hearing an interesting comment or conversation that s/he said, seeing how the person comes across in action and activities etc. It’s not like people walk… Read more »

To 189 (aka Mr. I volunteer pro bono.)
Guest
To 189 (aka Mr. I volunteer pro bono.)

It’s the same thing;
Volunteer- person who offers to serve or work without expecting payment.
pro bono- done or donated without charge; free.

very sad
Guest
very sad

please stop this…. this is so sad. what has happened to us.

if the shadchonim aren’t good, doesn’t mean you act inappropriate?
just because it’s a mitzva to get bad, doesn’t mean you act inappropriate?

this will result in more harm than good. it’s impossible to be otherwise.

you take down the mechitza in shul, to get more attendees…. – not a good idea.

Old crownheightser
Guest
Old crownheightser

All the comments here that express sincere feelings have validity. Another point to add to this would be to think of shabbatons in other venues, other cities. It would be two fold. The singles could enjoy the added feature of being in a vacation setting and so would be more relaxed away from the “opinions” of Crown heights and be more receptive and less reserved. Another point I would like to say is that the comments about the chassidim is true to some extent. When my great grandfather called my grandmother over and introduced her to my future grandfather and… Read more »

once single
Guest
once single

i got married at 25, had dated 30 guys till then. am constantly trying to set up shidduchim for frum family members and also for singles i meet on shlichus. i once had my doubts but now i firmly believe the shidduch set up is the way to go. we need more pro active and sensitive shadchonim, family and friends should do more. i just can’t get the meat market image of singles functions out of my head. what if you’re not the prettiest girl in the room? what if you come home without a date? are you comparing the… Read more »

To  #131
Guest
To #131

I’ve looked up Druin in Florida and there are five names, please tell us who you are.

TO 214
Guest
TO 214
oy vey!!!!!!
Guest
oy vey!!!!!!

all i can say is that we need moshiach now cuz i just dont believe this, its as if s/o (yetzer hara) pulled a sheet over the people who are for this’s head!!!!!!

rebbe help!

"A man shall find himself a wife"
Guest
"A man shall find himself a wife"

First of all, if you are not single, shut up. You don’t know what it’s like and be grateful for that alone. I don’t care if you heard a million stories or married off every single one of your children.
Secondly, it’s quite honestly pathetic how many of you feel qualified enough to judge and criticize yet do absolutely nothing to help the situation.
And most importantly, it is solely the man’s obligation to get married and have children. It’s great that there’s finally a way for the guy to do something about it himself.

smell the coffee
Guest
smell the coffee

Seriously people wake up! If you don’t want to go to such an event or think its a disgrace then simply don’t go, no one is forcing you! Since when is everyone in ch so frum all of the sudden? In the summer everyone walks around in flip flops and tichels falling off, yet that’s ok. However when it comes to a single event everyone is all so frum. C’mon people get real, besides your negative comment won’t fix anything just hurt people’s feelings.

Save it
Guest
Save it

So a few weeks ago, someone offered me to go out with this great guy she knows. “It’s just the perfect match.” Why? Because he is single and available. That’s pretty much all she knew about him. I’m just about jumping for joy, but I keep an open mind and say I’ll look into it. I asked for a couple of references and provided mine. I haven’t heard back since. This isn’t a one-time occurrence, it happens all the time. Do us all a favor – If you are going to suggest a shidduch, follow through. Be prepared to invest… Read more »

To #206
Guest
To #206

I think you mean bad spelling and grammar ARE an immediate turn-off for you.
😉

Sigh
Guest
Sigh

I feel very fustrated with the shidduch system and in particular with shadchanim. I feel that while they may have sincerely good intentions, they are just not going about their jobs the smartest way. I don’t think shadchan really “get” singles, and as a result it causes friction between the single world and shadchan, instead of shadchanim working with singles they are in essence working against them. ( even if they don’t do it forthrightly) Any shadchan who tries to pressure a single into going out with someone they don’t want to – and then if the single does not… Read more »

LET ME SHARE A STORY WITH Y'ALL
Guest
LET ME SHARE A STORY WITH Y'ALL

so my friend recently told me something that happened to her. She was by a shadchan and the shadchan offers her some cake, which my friend politely declined. The shadchan then proceeded to ask my friend if she was on a diet. My friend replied in the affirmative just to get out of the cake subject. The shadchan replied” good you should be” . Now if this was a one time type of story then I would just leave it, BUT SADLY IT IS NOT . So to y’all who criticize this single event, (and I don’t even know if… Read more »

to 222
Guest
to 222

That’s just disgusting, by a shadchan doing that, she is saying its okay for guys to look for tall thin girls. Well all of them are in for a real surprise because I know plenty of girls who were always nice and thin till kids came along.
The one thing you can’t count on in life are looks and bank accounts because both can change in an instant!

don't blame the shadchan
Guest
don't blame the shadchan

If there is a SHIDDUCH CRISIS then yes something must be done about it. (whether these events are the solution or not is not the issue) But to blame the shadchonim for it is quite irrational and immature to say the least. Did they all become rotten overnight? Perhaps G-d has something to do with the crisis? Think about it!

without background info. is dangerous!
Guest
without background info. is dangerous!

I would like to give some information not based on the event and not based on shulchon aruch or chassidishkeit simply based on our human inclinations!!!!!!!!!! Why do we go through a shadchan to begin with? Not to deprive us of getting married to protect us for being married because of our exterior!! G-d made is that men and women are attracted to each other and that we desire to be close and enjoying a meal a game tells us zero about the person! Obviously those that go are seeking attention! Why? Do you think we are G-d and can… Read more »

living torah?
Guest
living torah?

number 40 mentioned a living torah where the Rebbe spoke about this. Does anyone know of this? Which disk?

To 204
Guest
To 204

TAKE HEART! (no pun intended) There are PLENTY of 25+ chassidishe bochurim out there. Don’t let anyone tell you the opposite. How do I know? I’m one of them (26). There are many good learners who wait until 24-25 just to start looking and others who wait for an older sibling to get married. Yes, the middle of the road boys usually but not always get married younger, and the older ones are usually on the two ends of the spectrum. And if you think there are more chassidishe girls than boys, we think many girls aren’t chassidishe enough. So… Read more »

to #227
Guest
to #227

nu – why don’t you and #204 figure something out together? perhaps both of you can contact the same shadchan – and let them know that you’d like to hear about comment #204/227.
Perhaps you have more in common than just commenting on collive….

I would
Guest
I would

Just like to point out that most comments were in support of the event.

to 225
Guest
to 225

who are you? why do you think ppl who go there are not serious? I think they are very serious but have exhausted all their option, and as for you going into this thing about going through a shadchan….well shadchan obviously arent helping them

preparation before marriage
Guest
preparation before marriage

My mother always said when pple are ready they will get married! I see that’s very true. I saw that by me when I dated, I wasn’t necessarily ready to get married and then a yra and a half later I felt really ready and that’s when my husband came up. We got to rely on G-d He created us – He’s taking care of us and to try and control the out come and do things inapropriate will not make it come any faster! G-d knows what He’s doing- He really does! I say this proudly – I believe… Read more »

to #227
Guest
to #227

going into a shidduch without background info is dangerous for a kohein but unless a person has a history of violent behavior, why would going into a shidduch without background info be dangerous for anyone else? Think of the reasons that singles turn down shidduchim: 1) age 2)height 3)weight 4)hair color or other appearance issues 5)person did not grow up frum or Jewish but is a BT or ger 6)person grew up frum but not Lubavitch 7)person grew up frum and is another type of chossid but not Lubavitch 8)person comes from dysfunctional family 9)person attended non-Lubavitch yeshivas or Bais… Read more »

background checks
Guest
background checks

I recently saw an ad in a jewish paper for a private investigator that specializes in background checks for people that meet without throughout research (which should include even shidduch dates since the shadchanim don’t necessarily do real research). So, for those that are worried about the possiblitiy of being fooled you can look up someone who offers that service…(sorry, I don’t have the info)…

from  # 204
Guest
from # 204

number 232, I don’t think you are addressing #227, rather 225.
and as for #227, I just want to say I really appreciate your response. Reading it really touched me. Its been so hard and I’ll I’ve ever heard over and over is that what I’m looking for just doesn’t exist. So Thank You for something so simple… (thanks also for the names of the shadchanim, I am listed by Avtzon but havent heard of the other 2)

to number 232
Guest
to number 232

your list doesn’t really make sense. half of those things ARE kinda important in terms of compatibility. A person who grew up in the system might not feel comfortable with a BT who will raise their children in a different style. and medical issues? Even if have nothing to do with childbearing is a very risky thing to get tangled with.

and I sent an email to the address listed, the chmelavemalka and got no response at all. Anyone know how to get in touch with the organizers.

Just because a person is the most chassidish doesn't mean they belong there!
Guest
Just because a person is the most chassidish doesn't mean they belong there!

In my opinion just because the perosn is the most chassidish doesn’t mean they belong at a event like this. G-d created us with a yetzer hara and you know many men will deny this but will marry because of exterier reasons and even if their the most chassidish. Now yes the attraction is important but if your chassidish yiras shamyim and midos tovos are ikar. Now to put a chassidishe bochur in that situation is not fair to him. A. It may confuse him what his priorities are and b. he may then push off his shidduch by being… Read more »

?
Guest
?

So what do you all suggest they do( ie # 225, 231 ,236). their are plenty of 30+ girls who I know and they are ready to get married and they are going through the system and NOTHING IS DOING. It is nice to talk about bitachon however when such a big part of our population is fast approching the age of 30+ and already many yrs that could have gone to childbearing have past, we need to make some adjustments. Obviously the shidduch system has failed us, including shadchanim.

To number 164
Guest
To number 164

If you truly feel that your other half wont be there don’t go that he doesn’t belong there and same by you trust urself dont be lured by the temptingness that this this only for Chassidishe pple!

In reponse to 237
Guest
In reponse to 237

That’s a very good question. I believe nothing is too big for G-d to solve especially since He created this situation! From our part we can pray to G-d and ask him to give us the strength for HUMILITY for the strength and courage to make the changes that we can make and the rest is up to Him! We can ask G-d to take this burden away from us. We can work on ourselves and when we give it over to G-d He will surely show us the way!!!!! In other words the next step!!! Hey we can’t live… Read more »

to 237
Guest
to 237

What you write is “it’s nice to talk about bitachom however when such a big part of our population is fast appraching…” Yes I agree it’s nice to talk about bitachon and guess what that’s not bitachon! Do you think that this crisis was not created by G-D? Maybe He’s tired of us relying on ourselves sooo much!!! Talking about bitachon is not bitachon! Bitachon is to give it over to G-d 100%! And ask Him to give us the humility to know what we can do and what not and He will surely Guide us!!! That’s why I’m not… Read more »

to #235 from #232
Guest
to #235 from #232

How many older singles do you see who, while they don’t get many suggestions anymore, still hold on to their same “list” of qualifications for the person that they marry. They don’t want foreigners, red heads, short people and they don’t want to have in-laws that are divorced. For some women, BTs and gerim are their best bet because by a certain age, many regular bochrim are already married. Those that are still single can often attract younger women and will not give an older woman a chance. Some medical issues are a nuisance but should a 30 something woman… Read more »

to 237
Guest
to 237

I cannot tell you what to do I can tell you what worked for me. I had coaching classes with Nechama Dina Zwiebel which were very transformative for me. IT kept the focus on myself what I can work on not others as preparation. I literally changed my life from her one on one classes. It was the best thing I ever did in my entire life and especially making me a stronger person before marriage and yes I paid and it was worth every penny. I learnt so much about myself and really learnt also how to trust G-d… Read more »

jewish mom in L.A
Guest
jewish mom in L.A

takeh older singles are suffering.that’s undeniable.not to belitttle that in any way cv but we all suffer our own,sometimes terrible , nisyonois.we can’t always pass the nisoyon but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that because a situation is painful and sometimes seemingly unending,we can warp the halacha/chasidishe derech to suit us.

agreed with number 238
Guest
agreed with number 238

By the way to say that only parents understand you is false. Not being married is not the only painful thing that G-d throws at us there’s other tests to after marriage and sometimes G-d will give the individual time to develope his or her own’s independence before marriage in healthy ways, whether it be earning a parnassah or just having freetime to develope a healthy outlet talent. I’m not taking away from the pain of feeling different. I see that as a pity party! Not at all constructive we want to teach our kids that G-d loves us and… Read more »

to 242, 240, 237
Guest
to 242, 240, 237

Do you think singles and older singles don’t pray?? do you think we don’t give ourselves over to g-d? If he was not involved we would prob be married by now, you think we don’t know he is running all of this? We know and we pray and all I am saying is there has to be a next step. This system has failed us, and yes we will all g-d willing be married soon, to the right person, I believe that. However essentially the system has failed us big time. Why do I blame shadchanim? Not bec I need… Read more »

TO # 54
Guest
TO # 54

How dare u make a statement that “singles have no bitochon?”

U need to go learn the Rebbe’s sichos about ahavas yisroel b4 you open your mouth again!!!!

to 241
Guest
to 241

no that is not the issue at all. Why is it okay for a man to have a so called “list” but not for a women? why is it okay for a fat/ ugly man to want a skinny/pretty girl but not vise- versa? why is it okay for a 30 to marry a 22 year old but not vise-versa? we have major chovounistic issues that are swept behind the rugs and are masked by statements such as the ” girls are to pickly” ( notice how it is never the men who are to picky) I am sorry, but… Read more »

to 245
Guest
to 245

I see you are in a lot of pain and I understand this maybe an intense topic for you. If I were you I would give it over to G-d my anger, my pain and let him decide where your next step is. I see from your response how you feel you cannot rely on anyone but yourself and therefore bottom line taking it in your own hands. I’m really sorry that you feel you can pretend to be G-d! Yes it’s true something may have not work for you and I’m not minimizing your pain. I understand this is… Read more »

Against Halacha...?
Guest
Against Halacha...?

So many people are saying that this is

agains G-d, Halacha, etc…

Please, remind me which halacha or mitzvah you’re talking about.

The only Mitzvah I know that is relevant to this conversation is the one that is the first of the 613 which is to get married and start a family…

to #245
Guest
to #245

when people go to a shadchan, particularly one who charges for a consult or registration, why not be upfront about what you want for that money before handing it over? Do you want the right to speak to the shadchan on the phone once a week? Is he or she willing to redd your name to families of your choosing or go to them for info so that you can research their son or daughter? Does he or she touch base by email periodically? Have you asked the shadchan or shadchante if they feel that they can find the type… Read more »

TO # 242, 248
Guest
TO # 242, 248

242- No single girls think there is something wrong with them. It is people like you who make them feel worse then they do already. And since ppl like you make them feel desperate – they go to the single events. You say not to judge, your entire comment was judging singles who went. 248- You mention that singles should take ‘matters into their own hands by having bitochon” Do you know about the concept of a shaliach? Sometimes our brochos come through a shaliach from G-d, so we need to speak to every shadchan, every friend – maybe they… Read more »

#231
Guest
#231

The way you write, you obviously got married young.
SInce you aware that there is a problem – think about what you can do in your immediate circles. Do you have friends? cousins? neighbors? who want to get married? why not set them up? maybe, as your mother said, they are ready – just noone set them up with the correct person!

to 248 from 245
Guest
to 248 from 245

No I do not pretend to be g-d at all. You are so mistaken. And I am not even that old (24) however seeing my friends go into their 30 (and their is absolutely nothing wrong with them, they are not picky, on the contrary they are excellent quality ppl) and our community leaders doing ABSOULTLY NOTHING just has come to show me how deep in the sand our heads our buried. A person in a respected place of authority, who tells someone “have faith” and does not give any concrete advice , other then “Say Tehilim” is acting irresponsibly.

to 72
Guest
to 72

Let me quess, you aren’t single, don’t have that many single friend, don’t understand the depth of this crisis, don’t understantd the pain singles go through and definitly don’t have a right to open you mouth

To 232
Guest
To 232

Like!

While on the subject....
Guest
While on the subject....

I find that the issues that the Shidduch system was design to prevent are actually more prevalent when using a shadchan.. Real life: It’s likely someone will “fall” for someone who does not look exactly what they would have thought was perfect. Shidduch: People are extremely picky, make sure to see pictures first and may say no on looks alone. Real Life: You see and pick up the persons real personality and Midos by seeing them in a natural environment. Shidduch: You hear 3rd hand information from sources that usually have the other parties interest in mind. Real life: It’s… Read more »

246!
Guest
246!

54 was right b/c it shaar habitachon if the thing u want to happen doesnt, its b/c u didnt have enough bitachon!
this is not the thing to do! if u want a shidduch, live it out-it will happen when hashem wants and no sooner or later:)
dovid hamelech got punished for taking batsheva while all he was trying to do was make sure he had a heir, – we dont have to mess around w/ halacha- leave it to hashem!

257!
Guest
257!

it may say that in shaar habitochon, but you cross a line to tell someone (or even think) that they dont have bitochon

Do you tell s/o who is sick that they got sick b/c ‘they dont have bitochon?” do you tell a family of s/o who passed away that “they ‘didnt have bitochon” b/c if they had bitochon this wouldnt’ve happened?

Think about how your thoughts effect others. How about being ‘dan lkaf zchus?”

Hmmmm
Guest
Hmmmm

I wonder if any shidduchim were ever made through the comment forum on collive. “To number 204: you should soooo date number 227, you guys have so much in common.” “ATT number 28, are you available to date? Maybe this is total hashgacha pratis. I mean, I too hate the shidduch system. Sincerely, hopeful number 54.”

X