COMMUNICATED CONTENT
by L. Halevi
When a young soul tragically passes away, the pain with which they lived every moment of their life touches us all for a brief moment.
After that brief moment, it behooves us to examine that pain, understand its roots and most importantly, for the sake of the pure Neshama that couldn’t bear the pain any longer, and more importantly, for our own sake, look deeply into the void that was left by the departed soul, and recognize that it was more than a troubled soul at the surface, but a beautiful person, with a beautiful life and a beautiful personality that was let down by those that were too cowardly to accept her for who she was.
Malky was one of the sweetest children you could ever meet. She always seemed so happy, she was so well-behaved, and she had an angelic personality. She also had an undiagnosed learning disability, which though didn’t diminish her as a person, and didn’t make her any less deserving of love and acceptance, did make her see herself as “not good enough, not smart enough, and not capable enough”.
Malky’s loving parents spared no effort and no expense in doing what good parents do, and endeavored to get her the extra help she needed to excel academically, to help her feel more accomplished, yet all the tutors and extra help made her feel burdened beyond what she could handle. ” Tutors ruined my life!” she would say, as the stigma of being an “underachiever” surrounded by peers who seemed like overachievers, made her feel like she had no life, and was constantly in school mode. For a young girl, this pain of feeling not understood and not accepted weighed down on her and led to inner turmoil.
Every frum girl can be a Yiddishe Mamme who uses her innate talents, skills and warmth to raise a beautiful Jewish family. Every frum girl should be accepted for her inner beauty and individual abilities, and no frum girl should be forced to overachieve beyond her abilities, and be made to feel inferior for lagging behind in academic subjects that may not be for her.
We love our children and we want the best for them always, but sometimes what we want for them may not be the best for them, and our well-intentioned “interventions” may lead to them feeling bad about themselves, feeling friendless and feeling hopeless. Malky was so talented in so many areas, Malky had so many friends he loved her, Malky had parents and mentors who only wanted her to achieve, yet Malky felt like she was stupid, and that feeling ate away at her day in, day out without stopping.
After many setbacks, many heartless rejections by schools, after the pain of rejection was simply too much, Malky made a decision to no longer try and succeed in school. On that day she dropped out of school, she dropped out of dressing frum; she dropped out of everything that she perceived as being the cause of her pain. It wasn’t a gradual decline, it was like one big explosion; she just jumped off the proverbial cliff and found a whole different lifestyle at the bottom, a lifestyle that served one purpose: to dull the pain.
Throughout her difficult journey, Malky’s parents supported her and loved her unconditionally. Once when Malky was telling her father how she felt so stupid and how she achieved nothing, her father started responded by telling her that everyone achieves different things in different ways, She cut him off and said “You’re my father, you will say anything to make me feel good about myself!”. Indeed, Malky and her father were very close, and he really believed in her and really saw her as an achiever in her own way. Sadly, so many years of non-acceptance by so many others, didn’t allow her to see herself in any positive light.
The pain she carried in her heart was so deep that she couldn’t sleep without sleeping pills, just one of the substances that dulled her pain and allowed her to carry on. Her father says: “I never understood why she needed the sleeping pills. If she was tired, she should just fall asleep! Yet, now, after Malky’s passing, the pain is so deep and unbearable, that for many weeks already I haven’t slept a decent night’s sleep. Yes, I am tired, exhausted beyond belief. Now I have a slight glimpse into how she could be tired yet not be able to sleep”.
Malky lived her life for others. She suffered, but didn’t want others to suffer like her. She felt like she had no friends, yet, ironically, she befriended so many people and cared for them, perhaps to ensure that they would not be friendless. Though she seemed happy and content, she said “I haven’t been happy for even a single day in my life, and all my smiles were just a facade”, and it was as if she had a mission to make sure others would experience happiness.
During the Shiva, countless of her friends came in and shared amazing stories about Malky. They shared how she gave them Chizuk, helped them have emunah, and helped them feel good about themselves. The messages that she never felt for herself, she desperately wanted for her friends. She may have had a learning disability on the academic level, but on the human level, on the heart level, on the caring for others level, she was an overachiever of the highest caliber. One girl even went so far as to say “Any emunah that I have is from Malky!”
She was very in tune to her spirituality, and would often tell people that Hashem has three answers to every request: 1) Yes 2) Not right now and 3) I have something better planned for you. She would text this to friends followed with an emoji smiley face – this smile, the one she gave to help others was genuine.
In one of the conversations she had with her father recently, her father said something to the effect of “I feel your pain”. Malky was quick to let him know that no, he didn’t and couldn’t feel her pain. “Don’t ever say that Tatty!” You can never feel another person’s pain. You can never understand the inner turmoil that turns another person’s mind, body and soul inside out, 24 hours a day. There are many things you can say to comfort someone, but never think you truly understand their pain. You don’t.
To read more about Malky’s story and to get involved in the solution, please visit www.unidy.org/malky
Anyone have or no the contact number for the organisation being opened in memory of malky Klein?
We really do not know how severely learning disable Malky was. Apparently, she was, with superhuman effort able to keep up in her classroom with help. Perhaps she needed a modified program and counseling to help her with her feelings. Certainly, she also needed extra curricular activities to shine in areas where she clearly had talent. To date, we do not have appropriate schools for our children. This is a fact you clearly state. Until appropriate schools for all our children are in place, we will find fault with our current school system. Malky’s elementary school needed to help her… Read more »
Whenever a tragedy happens, people naturaly feel an instictive need to blame “someone” or “something”, regardless if its justified because even if their wrong, it makes them feel better to blame someone else, instead of taking personal responsibility, themselves. Certainly any parent, of a suicide victim, feels the need to blame “someone”, “anyone”, they can regadless if justified or not. We can’t blame, such parents, for feeling the need to blame the school or a teacher, because a person in pain, especialy a parent of a tragic loss, needs this “therapy” to blame others for the tragedy, in order for… Read more »
I most certainly don’t know you, but I would like you to know that I’ve heard you. I’ve read both of your posts on this article, and I’ve heard your pain in the words that you’ve bravely shared with us. I say bravely, because nameless or not, it takes courage to bare your soul and share your pain with the hope that your experience may better someone else’s. Do you have a family member, a friend, or a physician with whom you can share your pain and concerns? Please do not suffer alone. While you are correct when you state… Read more »
Is this really a story about someone who couldnt keep up academically?
Are all schools and school personnel perfect? No, of course not. Overall, do our schools produce fine upstanding yidden? Yes, they do. So, instead of bashing everything and everyone connected to yeshivos and camps everywhere without even knowing the facts…….
Learning for the sake of academics is over The Internet has more information that you will ever need both in Hebrew and secular knowledge Today we need to captivate our youth by introducing innovative interactive ways of learning that helps build their self identity as a yid a chosid and a healthy mentch with Yiras shamayim. The powerful forces of Klippa which is accessible to everyone of our children Needs to be out balanced zeh leuma zeh as captivating to keep our youth on the path We must not remain complacent The Internet is a silent but deadly tsunami against… Read more »
Right, I agree… because even brighter students appear to be decently successful but they still have undiagnosed learning disabilities and feel different, thinking perhaps there is something wrong with them when they can’t get organized to review for tests, and get overwhelmed, or when they feel socially awkward… ADD causes a lot of these symptoms and can lead to depression at times… it is sometimes very hard to diagnose the problem when the person is pretty smart but nevertheless is struggling with daily problems in executive functioning skills, procrastination and so on
It only works for 20% of society
Lamp lighters figured it out
Creative arts Technology need to come into mainstream schools the whole marking evaluating performance of students system has to be revamped
No one should be expected to be something they’re not meant to and cannot be. This maybe could be prevented if someone like her is in an environment where she/he is loved and expected to be only their self. This is really sad but I’m happy at least to personally know people like her who have always been loved and accepted for their own unique abilities. There are definitely certain communities and schools who are less loving and flexible than others and this approach was detrimental to her for sure!
I appreciate that they have published this. The one thing I am very curious to know is why their daughter felt such a deep pain, and where did it come from. When we open one painful topic it often leads to another. Did she suffer some event that scarred her life? Did she have depression? If we ever hope to beat the addiction crisis, we have to start talking freely about other taboo topics that cause the need to numb oneself.
It’s not how smart you are, it’s how; you are smart. Everyone has their own way of being smart. And not always is it the student who has a good memory, that’s brilliant.
We need to focus on the child’s strengths and talents and bring it out with Simcha.
Have a friend who her mom always told her shes stupid…….
Its not easy living with that thought everyday………
This is a sad read. Building up children who need the extra boost is not only up to the school, and it would be unfair to only blame schools for children struggling with negative self image. It’s up to all of us to look out for our children, neighbors, relatives, kids classmates etc, and reach out to those floundering. Most of these kids and families will not want to , or know how to ask for the help. We all know it’s not just about marks , and we all know how far our impact can be on a child-… Read more »
Both School and Parents can learn from this is not to focus on the negative but on the positive.(in this case, work out what the child is good at and bring out her potential and dont overload with more work and more tutors….)
Even throughout the school year, lets give opportunities to the weaker kids to shine. They are our kids at risk and they need opportunities to shine the most. The strong kids feel great already. Displaying their name in the school newsletter because they achieved learning .. bal peh, while their weaker friend will never see his name displayed is sad. When schools and camps ask kids to learn tanya bal peh, or gemorah, lets remember the weaker kids who simply cant do this. Lets give options.You can Learn Tanya bal peh or create a poster with pictures displaying what the… Read more »
she fore sure had a special something in her. How old was she when she passed away?
Number 18 hit it on the button , yeshiva and school are difficult for some children , let them enjoy their summer with less pressure in achieving high grades in the camp Tests which are abusive to these campers . Let camp be fun and relaxing for all .
super idea, someone please HEAR #18’s idea and do it!
YES – THANK YOU!!
This story unfortunately happens every summer in camps , in camps especially for boys ,prizes are always given to those boys who can Chazzer Mishneios or learn Gemorrah at a high level , why don’t they permit those who we know are not the best students to shine in their own way , camp is for enjoyment and learning , but keep the accolades for those who behave properly , and care for others , we already know who are the best students . Build up the weaker ones in the summer so they can possibly achieve much more doing… Read more »
Very nicely said
The world needs a lot more love
I’m heartbroken reading this….. Poor poor girl who suffered at the hands of others. Wake up!!!! give children some time and space to be children, to be free, to explore, to hone in on their interests and individual talents.By kindergarten they already have to do xyz……etc. etc. It’s crazy. When I was growing up, overseas, we didn’t have this push, to already be at a certain level by such a young age. It’s not normal nor is it healthy. Plus the frum lifestyle doesn’t allow kids much time to explore other interests. School days are long, especially for boys. Forget… Read more »
Its obvious that this girl was a very fine personality. Unfortunately, surrounded by ignorant “educators” she was
deprived of those who would help her build her self esteem
rather than worry about academic achievements Where
were those educators who know that success is not about
marks in school but rather discovering the talents which
Hashem gave you and making the best of it. That leads
to a healthy self esteem and B’ezras Hashem a successfull
life.
This story is not about a CH family
After reading this last night waking up from the little Sleep that I have slept I still cannot get the story out of my head and the pain that she must have endured in her lifetime ( and obviously for her parents to) what I could say is it’s a dark room and nobody will ever understand until you’re actually together in that same darkroom . But I think all I can say is that if you ever meet someone who’s going through hard times the last thing they want to hear is I know what you’re feeling or I… Read more »
What a tragic story that happens too often in CH. How many beautiful children do we have lose before we wake up. This isn’t just about loving, its about being judgemental. Our kids don’t fit into the same hold. There is an epidemic here. Wake up.
e3live does wonders for the brain,l know it does me, when l was in school l also didn’t really do so well, yup l throught l was stupid, and yet on the iq test, it came out very high, well no body really understood nutrition does something no one throught of,yes l do use a very highly quality nutritionist, of course with the rebbe bracha anyone interested can contact [email protected]
the message to take from this, and SOMEHOW communicate to ALL the beautiful, special young neshamas around us, is that MARKS DON’T MAKE THE PERSON, and school is not the entire story. We are such a driven, competitive society. As a teacher, I saw that no matter what positive message I tried to give my middle school students, it is too late! At 13 a child feels deeply that they are flawed and useless, if they can’t achieve at school. And they won’t make it in the better circles, in the ‘good’ cliques…. it is a sad reality. and it… Read more »
Shame on the school for expelling her! Jews take care of Jews. What happened to teaching tolerance and acceptance? Learning disabilities are not new. The educators should be educated on these issues in their required training. Although we may raise the funds they requested, the amount will not be enough. This is a bigger problem and affects many of our children. So sorry for their loss and pain.
Each student excels differently in different areas, don’t judge them, put them down, embarrass them in public, rather embrace them. You are turning our kids away , love them unconditionally, never judge another family, parent , or child, if you have not been in those shoes you have no idea what is going on in their life.
This is so sad…The Aibishter should give her dear family the Ko’ach and good health.
Truly sad . I know what she felt it’s a constant battle every day I say this because what I am reading is a carbon copy of what I’m going through in my life. May God comfort the family .
My deepest condolences to you.
Would you kindly post contact information for Yedidyah in Israel. I know a family who desperately needs this kind of support for 1 of their children.
I wish you much hatzlacha and I hope that you can bring not only 1 but many branches of this organization into existence.
Moshiach now! for all the obvious reasons including that you have the joy of reuniting with your daughter. She is obviously such a special neshama.
What a story! And what a beautiful way to commemorate malky life. Grades in school have very little to do with a person’s success in life, and I wish the teachers in school would do more to focus on the things that really matter; effort, responsibility, mentchlich kit and advancing ones own inner capabilities. This message must be shared with our children, especially those who ‘s talents don’t lie in scholastic achievement. I didn’t do well on tests in school and now as a grown adult and young professional I am far ahead of my friends who excelled in their… Read more »
Think before judging others, learn from this tragedy and maybe lives will be spared
May her neshame have an Aliya! Yes I feel her pain and feel her parents pain may hashem help you to ease your pain