‘Nechama’ felt helpless. Her gut was telling her that her younger sister ‘Rivky’ was in trouble. She thought she saw the signs, but Rivky never mentioned that anything was amiss. Nechama didn’t know how to bring up the topic. But it kept gnawing at her.
Then ‘Yisroel’ came to visit Rivky and her family and he noticed that she was not as cheerful and carefree as she had been when they were growing up. To him, it seemed that she had ‘checked out’ on life. He was worried. But Rivky wouldn’t talk about it.
At some point, Nechama and Yisroel shared their suspicions – something was not right in Rivky’s life. But they were at a loss as how to help her. After probing further, they realized that Rivky’s marriage was an abusive one.
After several tumultuous and arduous years, BH, with the loving support of her family, Rivky got out of that marriage.
Now that it is all over, Nechama and Yisroel and the rest of their siblings reflect on the ordeal and their roles in helping her and her children through all that confusion. It was most horrible for Rivky of course, but they too had their own anguish of watching their sister suffer so.
Every step along the way was fraught with anxiety and was perplexingly baffling. Trying to help and not knowing what they ought to do and what they really should not do; who to turn to; how to ask questions; how to be a strong front for Rivky; how to deal with their own frustrations as they watched Rivky go back to him once again; navigating the unfamiliar worlds of lawyers, therapists, rabonim, restraining orders.
Nechama and Yisroel want to help others who are experiencing similar circumstances with their loved ones. They will be joining the ‘Support & Guidance’ conference call with Lisa Twerski, LCSW, as she guides and supports them in their journey to help their sister in an abusive marriage.
The conversation will be followed by a Q&A on January 31, 2017 at 8:45 PM Eastern Time. To join, call 641-552-9123. Access code: 256965
The call is organized by the Crown Heights Jewish Community Council, Adai Ad and Shalom Taskforce. You can send in your questions anonymously before, during and after the call to adaiad.org/ask-anonymous-question
who will educate our rabonim?
will they be humble enough to listen?
what is torah without compassion (as hillel taught, that is the basis for the entire torah).
rabonim continuously sending women back to abusers, enabling horrific abuse through the get process etc etc.
how do we bring about change?
This call will be recorded and available – for those in different time zones or cannot call in due to the fear of ‘someone’ finding out. Look out for the article following up on this call.
It may help you “connect the dots” about a situation that your relative, friend, or you yourself are in. To the organizers: Is it possible to record this so that women can listen to this during daytime hours when abusive husbands are ( hopefully) at work ?
Will any of our Rabbonim be listening ? The awful experience of my dear friend was that our Rabbonim are very UNeducated about the realities of marital abuse, and that if a man has an untrimmed beard and dovens with a minyan, then they don’t understand that he could be an actual monster at home. The road to healing after any abuse is about finally recognizing what is happening to you and then finding someone in authority to validate you. When the Rabbis look away or support the abuser, then they are joining into the abuse !!
Just as our community has begun facing drug addiction and child abuse, this awful reality of marital abuse must have a spotlight shown on it – and on the soul-destroying damage it has on the entire family and future generations. Yasher Koach !
much needed, glad help is out there and out in the open for people to gain from