By Batya Schochet Lisker – Chabad.org
I often turn to writing to provide me with an emotional catharsis, and I am certainly in need of one now.
When did they age? In my mind’s eye, I see them vital, powerful, strong. It had been 10 months since I had last visited. Now, I was shocked to see my parents, particularly my mother, looking fragile and vulnerable when I walked through the door, excited to spend Shabbat with them.
My maternal instincts immediately went on high alert and homed in on her. I wanted to give to her, to preserve and swaddle her, halting the ravages of passing time and anchoring her in the present. I want… I need my parents around forever.
Instead, I was the one wrapped in a cocoon of love. My mother’s deep, fierce, selfless, loyal, abiding, constant, unfathomable love that is my bedrock of security and allows me to be strong and independent was apparent in every detail: my favorite foods painstakingly prepared, the bathroom stocked with the toiletries I preferred, the nightstand with books I enjoy. She has my back and always has since the beginning of me—celebrating my successes and lifting me when I fell. I hear her wisdom whispering in my ear. I feel her love and her friendship and know she is cheering me on even when I am not with her.
I looked at my reflection in the large well-lit mirror in the upstairs bathroom of my parents’ home. I was not the easiest daughter. I found frequent opportunity to grumble and complain, to withdraw and disagree in order to assert my independence. I succumbed to human nature, discarding what I had, seeking out something elusive, something better. Things that were familiar lost value as I looked down wider avenues, relishing the newness. Only in retrospect did I clearly see the beauty of the gifts I possessed.
My face is hers. I am hers. She is my foundation, my safe haven. I’ve always been made of her. Whatever other titles I acquire, I will forever be her daughter. It is as though we each have a piece of each other’s hearts in our own. It is in her heart that I started. And she taught me how to reciprocate her love.
Song of Songs describes the powerful love between the Jews and G‑d that thrives despite separation, distance and circumstances, and endures beyond this physical world. The female in the analogue says, “I am asleep, yet my heart is awake.”1 Nothing could illustrate this bond that comes naturally to women better than the love of a mother to her child.
Love is not easy to put into words, especially a mother’s love, I mused as I waited at the gate for my flight back to New York. Ten months ago, when my son and newly pregnant daughter-in-law told me they were moving to Australia for the year, I bought them Robert Munsch‘s classic children’s book “Love You Forever” to express my feelings to them.
It is the metaphorical story about the constancy of a mother’s unconditional love for her son as he goes through all of life’s stages, from infancy to adulthood. Every night, despite his aggravating behavior, and undeterred by how far away he eventually lives, the mother rocks her sleeping son and sings to him, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”
Eventually, the mother becomes too old and sick to carry on with this tradition, and then the son, now a man, travels the distance to reach his mother, hold her in his arms, and sing to her, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my Mommy you’ll be.” The son continues the tradition with his own newborn baby daughter, rocking her to sleep by singing the same song to her that his mother sang to him.
This story is a testament to the eternal maternal love that persists beyond time and space and transcends all trivial boundaries.
I inscribed the book with the words of the renowned poet E. E. Cummings: I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart), I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear), I carry your heart (I carry it in mine).
And I added some of my own:
Forever, near or far, every moment of every minute of every day, my dearest children, you’re on my mind and in my heart—your happiness, health, success and safety. But to be a mother is to watch your heart walk around outside of your body forever. So, my dear children, you carry my heart with you wherever you go (you carry it in your hearts). Please take care of my heart by being supremely happy always.
When I visited my children and their newborn baby daughter for Passover, I was gratified to see the love my son lavished on my granddaughter and the bond they had already established.
I heard the announcement “Three minutes to boarding” as I opened the Amazon app on my phone. I clicked and put a copy of Love You Forever into my shopping cart. I entered my mom’s address and inscribed the accompanying card:
“Dearest Mommy, I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart), I am never without it (anywhere I go you go and whatever is done by only me is your doing).”
P.S. As I wrote the last words of this article and saved the document to my computer, I impulsively emailed it to my children in Australia without so much as reading it through. They responded with a message for me: “We love you forever, we love you for always, forever and ever our Mom you will be.”
thank you for making me cry… I´m also a mother of a charming baby, and a daughter of a mom far away, in Israel. You touched me so deep! Thank you!
Best regards from Brazil
Loved you then love you still and always will. Thanks for being there for me. Awesome article by an awesome woman.
So beautiful, i really miss my mother. reminds me of the feelings i always had visiting her, despite her being so young when i lost her.
Very poignant and moving
Batya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing that exquisite piece of writing!! I loved it and you are a true talent and an amazing mother and daughter and person!!! It was such an inspirational piece and I will be sharing it with my children
I love the blend of shir hashirim with poetry and classic children’s books. Takes a lot of wisdom to do that not just talent. To see deep Yiddish concepts everywhere.
Dearest Mom,
We carry your heart (we carry it in our hearts),
we are never without it (anywhere we go you go and whatever is done by only us is your doing).
We love you for forever, we love you for always, forever and ever our Mom you will be.
Dalya & Shimi, Shmuel Anya Manueli
This very well perceived, felt and articulated piece is bound to raise much emotions in the readers. Thank you for giving a venue for the intricate emotions ( and situations) stirred by the obligation of observing Kibud Av vaEym.
Come on ….some voices are missing in this forum opened up by the writer ….come on balei teshuva….your parents are also getting to this stage….how is it like?
amazing and beautiful!! cried all the way through!! you grabbed the words from my heart and wrote them down!!
Dear Batya: Thank you very much for your beautiful article. I had tears rolling when I was reading it, you are a very good writer, you should בסד publish books. I want to tell you that Bh you are blessed with extraordinary parents who are the pillars of our Community! I know your parents over 40 years, I could say that they are Bh living example of goodness and kindness to all the Yidden of Toronto! Whenever the person comes to them for advice , he feels the depth of love and care, as well as depth of wisdom and… Read more »
A beautiful article to your loving parents! Your mother always was/is special and deserves such a tribute!
Re:49 – he was recently quoted as saying, “He isn’t sure it was worth it all.”
To 49
Thank you Batya for your thoughtfulness and understanding.
Your response meant much to me. I really appreciate it much.
Bless you always with much happiness & tramqulities always and forever.
Michael.
i agree with 34! you are a person with deep thoughts. G-d blessed with the gift of writing (among many more) and we benefit from your skillful translation of your feelings that we all share with you. please don’t stop writing . you have life experience and the wisdom that goes with it. may your life be filled with revealed blessings…
What makes Toronto special? Why is Toronto world-renown? Because Toronto houses a Royal Family: The Schochet Family. Go look at their dynamic contributions as leaders and scholars in the world of Chabad, the Jewish world, and countless individual’s world. This is a family blessed with many Rabbonim, Roshei Yeshiva, community leaders, brilliant people who all use their talents to help others! I once read that their yichus tree goes back multiple times to the Mahral and from Bais Dovid – I am not surprised. Toronto is blessed because we have this royal family among us.
Very nice!! beautiful writing
Batya a hearty yasher koach.
As always you have brought your beloved parents much nachas.
In the words of Shlomo Hamelech,-
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of silver in pictures of gold”
Zie g’bencht.
I read your comment but kept going back to it and finally knew I had to reach out and respond to you in some meaningful way. Please allow me to take the liberty to do so. Perhaps you can relate to this: On one of the final days of the Six Day War the Israeli troops pierced through enemy fortifications and forged their way through the ancient passageways of Jerusalem. As if Divine gravitational force was pulling them, one group of soldiers dodged the Jordanian bullets and proceeded until there was no reason to continue. They had reached the Kosel… Read more »
thanks for writing!
Batya this is a beatiful touching deep piece
as are you and your children
a credit to your illustrious parents
Much continued Nachas and Brachos to them and to all of you !
Wow! This is amazing!!!
You really put into words the beautiful connection of parent and child ❤
I LIVE IN TORONTO ALL MY LIFE AND I COULD TELL YOU FROM WHAT I HAVE LEARNT, STUDIED AND OBSERVED MOST OF MY LIFE, THAT I KNOW YOUR PARENTS ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND STILL LOVE YOU.FROM A GOOD FRIEND THAT LIVES IN TORONTO NOW!
Batya, I live in Thornhill and have the pleasure and honour of knowing your parents. I read your article and I got the chills. Whenever my children have their first child, that book is what I get them. Just recently, my youngest daughter bought me a custom picture frame with, ‘I love you forever’ written on it with a picture of the two of us at her wedding within the frame. I am so grateful that I can tell me children I love you for always and now they reciprocate. What a brocha……now is my honour to read it to… Read more »
Amazing. Very well written. What talent. Ty Batya Pulitzer Prize material. Chaim Citronenbaum
wonderful, im crying crying crying. Going to also do this. thank you
c simcha
This article is so relatable and beautiful that it touches everyone. Maybe that’s why it’s gone viral. It’s on my colony chat and,family whatsapp too!
Wow comment 32 itself is a master piece it brought me to tears
To my cuzin (as u spell it!) i had the honor to hear this article before it went to print! Yet each time I read it My eyes are filled with tears -mostly of joy! For being a cuzin to you I am honored and being a niece to my wonderful aunt and uncle is a blessing!They are very special people -but to me what stands out most is the warmth and love they always showered me with ! I’m sure at time they were busy with obligations -but I didn’t know it! They made me feel special whenever we… Read more »
WOW. Absolutely gorgeous. What a gifted writer you are, and how magnificent are your shared sentiments. Thank you for the priceless gift of sharing your thoughts and feelings ‘on paper’. I am privileged to know your dear parents. Your family is extraordinarily amazing – each member a Lamplighter in his/her own right. May you all go from strength to strength! May God grant you and your special family above and beyond brochos in all realms.
Chana P.
Toronto
Batya you made me cry! You are an amazing writer ! I can’t Waite to read your book which I know will come out shortly. Like I always said and continue to say you are a beautiful person both inside and out. May Hashem bless you with all the wonderful things that you deserve. Thanks for sharing people need to realize how lucky they are and start appreciating what they have.
All the best
Your good friend
MZ
WOW!this captures the beauty of special mother daughter relationship. no distance can get in the way. How poignant and heartwarming. Thank you for this beautiful masterpiece.Rachel Jacobs Birmingham
Love you, Auntie Batya!
After reading this article at least three times… I’m still emotional… You are really the most gifted writer in the Jewish world…Max E.
Well written and full of honest, raw emotion. Thank you for sharing it with us 🙂 All the best to you and your family!
-Brachie G.
As I finish Reading this post with many of its comments . I know I’m not the only one with tears in my eyes. For each their own personal reasons. This article has touched me to its core. However, for me for a very different reason. I grew up in a loveless emotionless home. A home where we were expected to be tough to be macho to “be a man”. A home where emotions love and endearment were for sissies. I know my mom did her best. But closeness endearment emotions and motherly encouragement was not their cup of tea.… Read more »
…I am overwhelmed with unrecognized emotions… sitting in my office, (lunch break) am wondering what was it that triggered the enormous ball of tears formed in my throat, rolling on my cheeks..it says כרחם אב על בנים and we automatically think that the mom is the weaker one, the one working with her emotions… but in your article you expressed great maternal strength, power, devotion, and so much more.Your article is beautiful, may God give you all the necessary tools to continue with your life’s mission.Ruti Schvarcz Brooklyn NY
as a frum social worker, we as a community do not focus on “aging parents.” We all have parents and grandparents and as we age they age too. However, we do not speak about aging problems and medical issues which will arise. Shyness, embarrassment, guilt and many other emotions feeling have never been addressed. I advise children to speak openly with the parent and express your feeling with them. Great post.
Crying tears reading this Batya. I recognize these feelings and I think we are both blessed in the same way: the very fact that we can appreciate what we have now is a huge bracha in itself. May your dear parents live until 120 and may moshiach come before that even comes to pass. Love you, Lynda
The best way to honor parents is to guard the covenant they have shared.
Rabbi Dovid Schochet the best warmest scholar in Chabad maybe in the whole frum world
Written so beautifully . There is nothing like the love of a mother.” I am asleep but my heart is awake” .so eloquent .so true . Your parents are royalty. May they be benched with good health.
Beautiful!
Batya , wow so special and beautiful
May your parents and all of you only have Brachos and Arichus Yamim….and may they have continued Nachas from you and your wonderful children
I always believed this was not a book for children, rather, it is for adults, who can finally can truly appreciate the message inherent in it..It always made me cry…. Batya, you are lucky to be able to express yourself so poignantly.
this should be copied and given to everyone! How beautiful and in its creative form, it is the essence of a true Jewish child and Jewish Torah values. THANKYOU FOR SHARING THIS !
there’s exception to every rule … that is , my sons!!😉
I see your mom regularly and I see your dad every morning in shul. KA”H they look great and their heads are as sharp as ever. I’m sure they still have many more healthy and productive years ahead of them.
Dovid
As I sit here reading this article weeping and sobbing not only because that is my all time favourite children’s book that my children know by heart, but because every sentence, every word you wrote has been sitting on my heart and I could never express it as majestically as you did. And as I prepare to walk my youngest child down to the chuppa, my heart is flooded with emotion, and longing to have my mother by my side. But as you so eloquently wrote, our every piece of who we are is, our mother. Thank you Batya for… Read more »
Batya,
Wow I’m speechless very deep & powerfully !! I have elderly parents like you and grown children that moved away to . Beautiful written
Thanks for sharing
Whenever I see your mother and she so thoughtfully asks after my children, she always tells me the same thing; “You raise your sons for someone else, but a daughter you raise for yourself” I can always sense her deep love for you, even without knowing you, and for all her other daughters. You are obviously her pride and joy. Wishing you all many more years in good health and happiness together.
And touching!!
What a lovely gift you are for your parents, children and grandchildren. You are loved by all and your heart is an endless and glorious vessel that carries the love that you have for all and for me as well. What a beautiful and heartwarming piece. Time to grab that tissue now because these words are now completely blurred by my tears. Xx love you Batya! Always, Orna
This is beautiful deep wise and powerful. As you are.
So beautiful, i really miss my mother. reminds me of the feelings i always had visiting her, despite her being so young when i lost her.
Wow!!! Amazingly written and so powerful! I relate to everything u wrote. Thanks for sharing this with us all!! A must read!!
I’m speechless! You brought me to tears!!! It’s so hard to watch our parents age!
Your article is wonderful, but in the photo your parents do not look old, they look elegant and full of life
For every daughter mother and grandmother.
in tears
Beautiful article…made me cry as I feel the same way about my 93 year old mother..
Thanks!
Batya, so beautiful and emotional. Your words, thoughts are the same I feel every time I visit my parents. So well written.
heartwarming 🙂
I have a mother ( and father ) like this too and my children are my very being… how blessed are we!
Batya just finished reading your most beautiful, beautiful article with tears rolling down my cheeks. How you managed to put into words my own feelings for my own mom, A”H…a gift! Thank you! What a joy to read, to feel!
i relly liked it 🙂
Thank you for sharing!