By Anonymous
Its that time of the year, the kids are home! You can finally spend quality time with the entire family together, under one roof.
During this special bonding period, I am offering an important topic for you to consider.
I’ll begin with my story; I was a good Chasidisher bochur. After finishing Zal I went off on bochur shlichus, which started out well.
As the year progressed, things started moving faster than I was able to keep up with. My learning started to become intense, I was making connections and coming up with svaras that my chavrusas couldn’t keep up with. During this time, I was also fundraising and arranging different mivtzas and peulos in the Yeshiva, all out of seder. I gradually stopped sleeping and later stopped eating; eventually things spiraled out of control.
I began doing things that I normally wouldn’t do. I started feeling like I was a continuation of the Rebbe and at one point I thought I was part of a secret mission of the Mossad trying to prevent a nuclear attack from Iran.
As I type this, I realize how very difficult it is to revisit this time in my life, but I believe it’s important for the sake of this article.
As things worsened for me, no one around me noticed that something might be wrong. Much later after this episode was over, one of the Maagedei Shiurim told me that he realized something was wrong but didn’t know what to do at the time. Boruch hashem one of my siblings finally realized something was off and suggested I return home until things calmed down.
I went home and was Boruch Hashem able to get the proper treatment in time. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder after having had what is called a “manic episode.” It was a difficult period in my life but I was surrounded by my amazing family and was able to recover fully. It’s been a few years now and Boruch Hashem I am married with my own children, leading a productive life and building a Chasidesher home.
Though this is a very taboo topic, which people do not talk about publicly, it is more common than you would think. According to a recent study, 1 in every 5 Americans suffers from some sort of mental crisis. According to this data, you or someone you know suffers from some form of mental disorder.
Mental health issues usually exhibit themselves in young adults during their late teens and early twenties. In most, if not all, Universities and high schools, there are mental health professionals on staff in the event that the need arises.
Unfortunately for our bochurim and girls that is not the case. Not only are there no mental health professionals on staff, most of the teachers are unaware as to how to notice the most basic symptoms of mental disorders. This is not just a problem with regards to severe mental health disorders like bipolar or schizophrenia. Many less severe and more common mental health disorders like addictions, depression, eating disorders, also go totally unnoticed as the Yeshiva staff simply don’t know what to look out for. This is a matter of life and death R”L!
Before sending your son or daughter back to Yeshiva or Seminary, talk to the school about making sure that it is a safe environment that has mental health professionals on call and whose staff are trained to notice basic symptoms of mental health disorders.
At home, notice if your child is acting differently. Listen to your inner red flags. There is nothing wrong with having mental health issues, it’s actually pretty common. However there is something wrong with doing nothing about it, especially when we live in a time where Boruch Hashem we have all the resources at our disposal to treat mental health.
Wishing you and your family a healthy, Kasher un ah freilechen Pesach!
read the book “Healthy in Body Mind & Spirit – Volume 3” for the rebbe’s view on mental health
Nervous Breakdown is a general term and not a medical term, therefore anyone having a “nervous breakdown” should immediately seek professional help.
At college there are free resources to help you out with that. They have counselors, group counseling, medication, etc, all included in tuition.
And the statistics you’re getting are biased, as most mental issues are revealed and diagnosed in the young twenties, which happens to be the age of most college students.
When people have a nervous breakdown, (which is very common when people have a traumatic situation or get overwhelmed) they many times recover and taper off the medication IF they went and got a proper diagnosis. Nervous breakdown can LOOK like like manic disorder, and so can many conditions like people going through Post Partum Depression (the most common problem in Crown Heights), difficult divorces, long drawn out family court battles, death in the family, etc. Nervous Breakdowns are not always a permanent condition, and they don’t have to be- depending how you approach it. The Expensive shorter way or… Read more »
47% of college students report feeling depressed, close to 30
% to the point of being unable to function. Stop bashing Yeshiva for our small problems and just work quietly and diligently to improve. Incessantly posting our (comparatively) small problems can give the wrong perception…
What an article. I would really love it for those that were helped by a good Dr. If you can post his name and number. if you can help save one neshoma you saved the world.
Since when did their shlichus include fundraising. Thei main r job is to help the younger boys with their learning.
I also have a story to share. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD, and BH my life is much better, since I am taking the meds prescribed. Unfortunately, this diagnosis came too late along in my life, and my marriage was ruined. Part of the problem, was that my ex wife was being influenced by Rabbis who were ameture counselors. Therefore, based on their lack of knowledge in the medical field, they mistook my symptoms of ADHD for alcoholism. Now it’s true, I did drink from time to time. I even attended AA meetings. However, I never was able to… Read more »
You sound like a feminist.
I think you have some vaild points.
I think that if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be!
I’m not diagnosing this bachur but addiction is absolutely a mental health issue.
Anything that impedes with your normal funtioning and daily life is something to consider- even if u drink once a year but get into a lot of trouble, then u might consider it addiction.Any computer “addiction”that keeps you functioning in daily life whatever it may be,is troubling and addictive.It doesnt matter if you call it a type of mental illness.Treatment is required because you are no longer able to go about your life and are trapped within this cage.Just like gambling and alcohol,computers can also entrap you and keep u away from your school,family and generally a “normal”life be it… Read more »
How can colitis be treated I got it while visiting Israel .
My wife doesn’t know what to feed me!
How do you know what the Rebbe did or didn’t tell this shliach? FYI,even if this person says the Rebbe said …. there’s no way of knowing if it’s true or not as people with serious mental illness,untreated, can often be delusional.
Since when did their shlichus include fundraising. Thei main r job is to help the younger boys with their learning.
Thank you for getting the word out there along with the rest of us posting that THEY NEED HELP and HELP IS AVAILABLE.for example #103 still cannot get it that during a manic phase they CANNOT sleep!!!!No one said nutrition and sleep are not important but have you witnessed someone during an acute episode???I’m all for the tanya and mitzvos but let’s be honest that during a manic phase I have seen patients become hyper religious to the point of being psychotic too.That’s why they need to enter the stabilized mood in order to function.I’ve said there is definitely help… Read more »
Please Do Yourself and Your Present Family and Future Family.
Get Professional Help.
Their are so many Frum Clinicians out their.
please BE CAREFUL and THOUGHTFUL about what you write . There are people out there who are struggling now and and reading this article .any negative response can send the person a wrong message which won’t help them for the better. Mental health is a very sensitive line . If you have a friend and know someone who is struggling do not DO NOT try to speak to them about this it is not NOT for you it is for there parents/ spouse and Doctor. Looking at some of the comments I suggest people stay away from arguing with each… Read more »
No it’s not a mental health sickness. See comment 65…
Generally speaking, a good psychiatrist is only seen initially for a consultation and monitoring medications. Rarely does one see him/her on a continual basis because of the high expense of continued visits..getting well is an eclectic pursuit. a psychiatrist to monitor meds, a good psychotherapist, who is on a sliding scale, group therapy is also so beneficial, eventually diet, exercise, and some alternative health modalities. there was no reason you had to pay that much $..sorry- b ut glad he is doing well
Here is a directory of many frum psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals all over the world. Many are in the new York area. Many are also leaders in their fields. https://nefesh.org/therapists
MASK is a referral organization, for ALL mental health issues.
They are doing it for the last 19 years. ALL calls are confidential. They offer support groups for parents facilitated by professionals only. All services are free of charge.
10-am-10pm 718-758-0400
My brother was diagnosed with bi-polar after a number of frighting episodes. Since then a combination of tremendous support from his family, his phenomenal strength, and an exceptional doctor he is, bli eyin harah, fully functional to the point that we laugh about his craziness. Now he is ready for a shidduch. Lucky is the girl who will merit to create a home and life with him. Love you bro!
Relief is a frum referral service for mental
Health professionals. Their number in new york
Is 718-431-9501. They have offices in other states and in Israel. You can read about them online.
There are many cases where a patient goes to a social worker on a sliding scale.Then the psychiatrist does the med check and adjustment.You can save a lot of money this way because they work hand in hand in a hospital setting.Just a suggestion.There really are ways to work within the system so financially it can work out.
Yes it’s true that things have changed from the shtetl but our bodies didn’t.for example, this that our bodies need good sleep and early sleep didn’T change.but with the invention of the lightbulb we think we can outsmart ourselves by staying up later and sleeping the same hours thinking that were fine when.really were not,so ya it might.be.true that things changed since shtetl life but OUR BODIES DID NOT!!!!!!!!!!! we still need to treat our bodies with the same care like Eating healthy,sleeping good etc.
im a frum teen which is some way addicted to the internet, is that a mental disorder?
Reliefhelp.org helps with mental health referrals, education and support -sensitive to the needs of the frum community. 718-431-9501
There is a frum referral organization for mental health
https://www.reliefhelp.org
Ironically no one here most probably read today’s tanya! You can reveal your part of the Rebbe in you and that doesn’t mean that your crazy! At the same time if you are floating chances are you won’t succeed in learning, understanding things Vcu… That’s why the rebbe wanted tests and mishnayos ball peh. If anyone does a bit of research in our system we should have these problems (of course there is always a percentage that still need mental help but we see the Rebbe didn’t send a famous shliach to doctors even thow it is known that he… Read more »
I interned at MASK, a referral agency that has helped thousands of people with mental illnesses. You can call anonymously and get assistance 718-758-0400.
Torah says: You have to learn Torah, learn Chassidus, do Mitzvos and do everything in your power spiritually, and of course, materially. At the same time, not more important, or less important, but equally important. Go to a Dr. get diagnosed, and please get treated. YES! With medicine, real conventional medicine!!! You must go to a psyciatrist, oh my gosh, that’s insane, I actually said the word psyciatrist. Our community is still in denial, and still steeped very deep in the dark ages. Our preconceived ideas on Drs. and medicine is obnoxious! Entire lives are ruined, children, marriages, families broken… Read more »
Sadly I know way too many girls…..
If you are ill, you go see a doctor. If you have mental health issues, you need to seek out professional help! Don’t prattle on with 200 year-old ignorance. The world today is much different from the shtetl in Eastern Europe, you need to get your head out of the Pale of Settlement, my friend.
Thank you for the article, it’s about time to address the mental health issue. I would like to bring up two points: 1. Finding a qualified doctor who has experience dealing with mental health issues. When my son was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, we had no idea whom to approach for a referral, because no one talks of this issues. I knew there is an organization for cancer patients, but nothing about mental health. So called several Bikur Cholim’s and another organization that helps frum people to find qualified doctors, but none of these organizations had on their list a… Read more »
Refuah shelema to all who needs,refuas hanefesh,and refuas haguf!eating matzo on pesach is a segula!
First of all when someone is out of control,no one shoves meds into someones’ throat.You are so out of it and unable to articulate your thoughts that what you write is very worrisome.You don’t even know thast forced meds are via injection and for the safety of the patient and others?You are obviously lying and if you did have experience it would definitely not be as a mental health professional.You were or need to be under care.
Obviously this article and it’s subject have attracted some posters who are themselves mentally ill. Just reading them is unsettling and is small glimpse into what it’s like to live with someone with untreated mental illness.
All I can see is that you are a very ill person.You need lab evidence of mental illness?If you have any eperience it appears you were or are a patient yourself because your “logic”and “frumkeit” asre only evidence of a very ill individual.You do not need to be in a locked unit to see extremes because many people are NOT treated. And I also happen to know women who were married and then realized the mother-in-law was so out-of-control that she fled for one reason.She was NOT told of what was happening in the family and she was more angry… Read more »
I recommend two excellent frum therapists who have expertise in working with young people. Dr. Sara Grozalsky, 718-437-7315, is from a Chassidishe family (not Chabad), is respectful and understanding of our derech, has emese Yiras Shomayim, and truly cares. Dr. Nosson Solomon, in Flatbush, greatly helped a you g Lubavitcher boy I know — he is also very caring. I don’t have his phone number but it should be easy to fi d online.#73, ASK A RAV what you need to tell the shadchan or potential spouse and when. People, wake up! There are halachic guidelines for these things! The… Read more »
Collive we need you to have a professional on board to give answers to all the questions as they are being asked. People need to get answers from professionals not from fellow posters
i too was a normal bochur in yeshivah, things got tough and i had a manic episode , went home and received medical treatment and am now married and on medication living a good life with a wonderful woman who accepts me for who i am. i hope ppl will get helped in the yeshivas. and the mental illness will become less taboo!
Dr. Meir Spinner.in Crown Heights.
He is one of the few psychiatrists that does therapy as well.
From my personal experience, he is sensitive, tznius and will only prescribe meds if a person commits to therapy, if needed.
So worth seeing him for mental health issues.
Aha, so your a shrink. WeL Im some little putz Oholei Torahnik whos about to give you a peice of education: 1. “It is a chemichal issue” SOURCE. 2. Without having seen #71, et al, or their family, you do not have the required information neccessary to formulate your conclussion that he or she or it has an imbalance of chemicals, hormones, 5HTP, HTSHMEE, COH, O2, or CO. Medicine must be EVIDENCE based, not on socio-neurolinguistic programing. 2. “Because someone in the family has this disorder I think it’s only fair to tell a potential shiduch the TRUTH” Without the… Read more »
Being preached at frequently by rabbis and Jewish teachers, that every minor mishap or inconvenience a Jewish adult endures/suffers is because of an aveirah or infringement of Torah is enough to drive anyone nuts.
The tzetl read ended with “What should I learn in Torah as a tikkun for this problem. ” It came back with the word “HaTorah” circled with an arrow to the kesav yad kodesh “Doreshet she’al ha’adam la’asos kol hatolui bo librias haguf vehanefesh”. My experience afterwards has shown that the hardest part is “Kol” and that my elders and betters in the old-time Orthodox world were right: Your health comes first!
In our generation, Mesiras Nefesh is Mesiras HaRotzon.
I know a man, who is a Rabbi and is so crazy that he has made many people and his staff very upset, he has caused lives to be broken because of his mental illness. He has caused so much pain and anguish by not paying people because he is crazy, and its like, who is going to stop this man, who runs around in Rabbi gear, and berates gout and causes so much destruction. Mental illness is awful but the patients should be medicated so they cannot harm others and they should not be allowed to run rampant over… Read more »
I was a regular bochur in mainstream yeshivas and suffered from anxiety and depression. I spoke to mashpiyim and they didn’t pick up basic warning signs. On the contrary, they mistakened some of the symptoms as ‘chassidishkeit’. On the outside I was a regular bochur, successful and had friends. On the inside I was suffering, until I went to therapy and took medication. Thank you for bringing up this important issue. Iyh with more open discussion the stigma will lessen. If anyone out there is suffering, go and get help!
I believe the Rebbe said to see frum mental health professionals (when possible). I don’t have a source-any body have one?
Nutritionists are perhaps helpful once a person is stabilized but to seek out quacks who do hocus pocus on very ill people is a disaster waiting to happen.Someone once told me there are so many frum people who are so ignorant but I can say ignorance is not something only one group can claim.Reading these comments I am frightened by what I see.MOOD STABILIZERS are crucial in getting a person on that stable level and perhaps an anti-psychotic when mania is at full force.To all the nutritionists and those in the know, please keep ur dangerous comments to yourself and… Read more »
Im surprized at the lameness here. Reaching 70 comments yet not a single voice to stand up to this willowing broken record soliciting scientific redemption. Its already three decades of the brand new 1980’s discovery mental awarness campainging, we are all still in rote mode knodding along like dumb stooges. Raboysay stop the woosying, this slave mentality is WAY overdue. TAKE YOUR PROFESSIONAL AGENDA AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BAAL. AD MUSSAY ATEM POYSCHIM AL SHTEY HASEIFIM. STOP KISSING UP TO PROFFESSIONAL ELOKIM ACHEIRIM AND DO TSHUVA TURN BACK TO YOUR OWN G-D WHO LIFTED YOU OUT AND MADE YOU… Read more »
i hope to be able to help one day
I know someone who was told by the Rebbe to see a psychiatrist.
Educate yourselves.Lack of sleep and poor nutrition do NOT create bipolar disorder.It is a chemical issue and when you are in a manic phase,all sorts of things happen such as sleeplessness and grandiose thinking and spending and a few other things I’m not going to discuss here.Because someone in the family has this disorder I think it is only fair to tell a potential shidduch the TRUTH.People worry about genetics and witholding information will only cause much more trouble later on when the truth comes out.I never heard of a doctor who thinks meds shouldn’t be forced because things can… Read more »
-someone who’s acharayim still feels the “professional” sweaty palm zetz revrrberating silence in the classroom, for a month nobody dared move. Now had it pass and finished Id be silent but too many cases of these kids are advised to accept their ill as stemming from hashems imbalances. Its not our fault we look up to professionals thinking the are hashems prophets, most of us havent yet been exposed to the vast sea of vacant knowlege available even to professionals. Half the the poeple I come across claiming to be “manical depressive” I can challange and prove where you were… Read more »
Honestly Im afraid to be home this peisach as my mother refuses to take her medication for mild Schitzopfrenia Type II. She doesnt get violent just very strange behavior usually late at night or early morning after everyones asleep IL find my clothes missing or things move around – look I dont mean shes crazy, in fact shes not – just disturbing. The doctor said we should not force her to take the medication. Anyway Im still unsure how Im going to bring this up to a shiduch… But Im not sure I really have to because its not me… Read more »
Please bring in:
Dr Rabbi BURSTON phD
Dr Rabbi ZEILER phD
Dr Rabbi MAHANA phD
Dr Rabbi SCHAPIRO a”h
– someone who’s acharayim still feels the “proffessional”
keep there heads in the sand IT’S A COMMANDMENT IN THE TORAH TO GUARD YOUR HEALTH, THE RAMBAM GOES INTO DETAILS, WE ALL TRUST THE RAMBAM YES? THE REBBE ASKED US TO LEARN RAMBAM the nucleus of the body is hormones and these need to be nurture in order for our bodies work for us in mind and body, there are not divorce from each other from the neck just to prove my point if one part of the body hurts, the rest of the body will feel it this fact came from my top quality nutritionist with the rebbe… Read more »
Chasidus can not alone cure serious mental health illnesses. This fallacy leads to greater addiction,depression……
Thank you for sharing this excellent article.
I have struggled with anxiety disorder for all of my life along with Internet addiction. I feel that major mental disorders are not addressed in the community, and looked down upon greatly showing no support. Communities must be educated how to address mental health disorders along with schools. Schools MUST get mental health professionals!
Most young kids going out on a date will never realize that there is a problem. So it is not fair to hide these kinds of issues. Please consult a professional as to when to tell. Not fair to ruin some inisount person’s life.
Check out GuardYourEyes.Com. It’s help for frum people addicted to the internet and the shmutz on it. Talk to them about how to help your brother. Or just straight out give the website to your bro. He may be in denial, or he may be ready to deal with this, especially when he sees you care. Hatzlacha!!!!!
YG Melbourne should be commended. They have a policy outlining their procedures for such cases. Although there is no trained professional on staff, I know that they have helped students get help in the past, rather than just ignore the problem or send the student away.
To comment 41… The best thing to do is speak to your father about it and ask your father to bring it up to your brother in a none accusing (but understanding) way. The struggle with internet addictions is so prolific nowadays, (with internet access at our fingertips) and still almost everyone who struggles with it feels like he is alone in his struggle and is much worse than everyone else. IT IS NOT TRUE… Almost every teenage boy growing up nowadays faces these problems, and the key to dealing with them is to explain to those struggling that it… Read more »
While I was in one of the mainstream Zal yeshivas, many bochurim disappeared at different points of the year. We were told they went home for a break. Later we learnt that at least 5 bochurim had nervous breakdowns or similar occurrences during that year. Almost ten years later, all but one have fully recovered. One can be seen strolling the streets without shoes on and talking to himself. He Is admitted to hospital regularly and has become violent. In one room alone 3/4 bochurim suffered a mental/nervous breakdown that year. Do you think the yeshivas implemented any provisions the… Read more »
I would love to hear people sharing their personal horaos from the Rebbe regarding this topic. Wonder if there was a way people would feel comfortable sharing this info.
Someone give a shout out to this courageous young man for spreading the word!
You cannot force anyone to change or seek help, this is true in ANY RELATIONSHIP, you can suggest once, twice, and then that’s it. the only time you can force someone to seek help if they are a danger to him/herself or to others,meaning suicide or a physical threat to other people. it is a sad commentary, but how many of us can so clearly see red flags and personality disorders in others who fail to seek help. On the other hand, are we able to see unhealthy traits within ourselves.? everybody has something. Re your friend it is frustrating… Read more »
MY SON WENT AWAY TO YESHIVAH AND WAS THE BEST BICHUR THERE.
HE BARELY SLEPT AND BARELY ATE.
ALL HE DID WAS LEARN AND LEARN AND MEMORIZED LOTS OF STUFF.
THE HANHOLA LOVED HIM BUT HE CAME BACK ILL WITH COLITIOS.
BOCHURIM, ESPECIALLY TEEN AGERS MUST EAT NORMALLY, AND SLEEP NORMALLY
We don’t need articles about every disorder. Parents should keep notice of thier children, and have them all see shrinks and take pills as necessary. What we need articles about is the lack of normal structured Bochrim and lack of Seder amongst boys 20-25 years old. Why is that all Chabad girls have their heads on straight, they all attend Seminarys and Shlichus and then get degrees and careers. While the guys roam around 770 and roam the streets and when dating they all claim to still be “figuring it out” we must start a proper training path to get… Read more »
Thank you for opening up and writing about this issue . I have someone very close to me who the same thing happened to him. Because he did not sleep and did not eat properly for many days he ended up in the same situation as u where. It was terrifying to see him that way. It’s not only school and yeshivas that need to worry about this issue it’s also shluchim who sometimes don’t realize it but overboard the boys with too much work ! The mane thing is to make sure to eat and sleep. Any person who… Read more »
Most of us can’t afford long therapy. Organizations in my city help with medical expenses but not so with mental health because there is no end to it. My friend has a daughter with anxiety who can’t afford the in patient treatment she needs
Maybe someone can suggest a name or two, of frum, reliable (Chabad?) therapists/professionals who are successful working with our youth? Mental health issues usually appear around late teens, and parents want to find a therapist who understands the intricacies of our belief system. I think good mental health incorporates not only therapy and meds, but a ruchnios aspect too. A qualified professional who is frum and gets our hashkofa will be much easier for us to relate to.
I would also like to read the perspective of this persons parents siblings and spouse.
So happy you wrote this.
It would be nice if there was a way for bochurim to be in touch with you and others like you for Chizuk.
Does your family agree that it cured you? How are your relationships with close family members?
Along with Chassidus was a mashpia instrumental in your cure?
Has your being cured been confirmed by doctors?
What exactly was your illness and how did Chassidus and daf yomi cure it?
Dorm counsellors are too young to handle this, and they are “first responders” so to speak.
My son has an addiction that is now destroying him and his family. I had been in denial for too long. His hanhala hinted, but didn’t pound the point home. Our fault.
Not everyone can stay functional and medicated forever. Don’t gloss over shidduchim with someone with a known diagnosis without a lot of research into long term prognosis.
Remember everyone gets the best shidduch, with the top person-for them!
We need more frum and competent mental health providers.
Thank you.
Tell your parents!!
You do not want to regret not telling them
Hashgacha pratis that you stumbled on this situation twice
You are the beginning key to your brothers refua
The more you push off sharing this info the deeper your brother will get into this shmutz
That’s what family is for we help each other through thick and thin
If it’s uncomfortable to verbalize it then write a note
I am married to a man diagnosed with bipolar. Psychiatric medications can affect a man’s ability to father children and/ or perform marital duties. To those who asked how/ when you tell on shidduchim, my husband told me face to face on our fourth date. If it is bashert – it will work out. We work very hard on our marriage – it hasn’t always been easy. He has been on several medications and some of them have had very undesirable side effects. My advice to anyone who suffers from a mental health problem and who is looking for a… Read more »
After reading all these comments on this article, I am quite surprised that no one mentioned a topic that I feel is extremely important! Diet and exercise daily.u can’t imagine how I portent our way of eating and exercising our bodies has a huge affect on our physical bodies. Our forum community does not stress this topic enough. I feel as a parent that if I want to feed my children the healthier food and not all the junk and nosh out there, I am looked at as different and weird.i must admit it’s gotten better in the last several… Read more »
there is a yeshiva in kfar chabad, contact [email protected] for more info
I appreciate how you honestly and in a calm tone expressed this you have contributed to building an open minded, accepting and realistic community
A most important discussion I work in a girl’s high school in crown heights, Beth Rivkah, that is bh staffed with professional mental health personnel, From BJFCS. Teachers and other staff members can discuss Any “red flags” with them Workshops discussing healthy emotional ( and the opposite) Behaviors take place. Yet, not everyone who needs help received it. One of the hindrances is parents fear that it will effect the girls future. Until the entire community can accept that having an issue is not a stigma and that millions of people with mental or emotional disorders who work with therapists… Read more »
For the first 4 paragraphs I thought someone was writing my story, just changing more obviously identifying details of a very similar pattern that happened to me. Unfortunately and bitterly, 4 years later, I still didn’t reach his happy ending, which for most people with such serious illness is just a break. Will my storm break soon, at least to have a few fully functioning years? I try.
Better to be on meds and have had the issues sorted and under control before the marriage, than to go into a dating arena disguised with a multitude of complex undiagnosed mental health issues. Like the atticle says….1 in 5 people suffer from some form of mental health disorder. Many so called “fine” bochurim and girls for that matter date with issues unbeknown to the other half “not on meds” however no sooner as the glass is smashed, cracks appear and the young couple are then really in trouble…and sadly we are all too familiar with what happens next…. So… Read more »
best comment!!!!
Maybe if the mental health issue is major you would be ticked off on a date but that is not always the case. None of my friends know that I suffered from depression and was on medication for a few years. Even if you are intuitive, you won’t know if someone has an eating disorder from talking to them. There is a huge range of mental illness and levels of functioning
Very important topic. Thank you for sharing, it takes a lot of ahavas Israel to write this article!
You scared the living daylights out of me. I have an older brother-chassidish, nice, totally normal- and I just came across the fact that he’s been doing innapropriate things on the Internet. I couldn’t beleive it, but I didn’t know what to do about it,so I pushed it off as a one time thing that boys sometimes can’t control. But it’s a month later and I’ve come across more evidence. I don’t know how to bring it up to my parents, if at all. And should I let my brother know that I know? Comment 6, you terrified me into… Read more »
Yeshivas really need to take this message on board as often these issues emerge when kids are already away from home. Parents can’t know what’s going on from a distance. They are relying on Yeshivahs. It is critical.
Mental health is very important. I personally know several people with mental health issues. Often over exertion and stress amplifies certain problems. Hanholo, mashpiim etc should learn how to recognise these issues. And whoever has issues, do yourself a favour, put your ego aside and get help. You’ll be happier in the long run. And it shouldn’t be something to be embarrassed about, so many people have mental and emotional issues. It should be treated just like a physical condition (and it is often caused by physical things going on in the brain)
That truly makes me sad. If someone needs surgery to fix an arm, that’s ok, right? And if someone needs medication for any other disease, that’s ok as well, right?
People need to realize that psychological issues are just the same as any other.
Normal people suffer from this and lots of them don’t even realize the warning signs themselves. We need more info abt this and the mild cases so that we don’t need to wait till it gets extreme
I never knew addiction is a mental health disorder. I am addicted to internet etc. it is so common and amongst chassidishe frum normal people. Join the 12steps- it could change your life and help you feel connected to hashem finally.
I don’t know you but I have a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for you.
You are a true inspiration.
Unfortunately, the rosh yeshiva told me concerning shidduchim as a student in yeshiva: if I know a prospective shidduch takes medication, I would stay far away.
How wrong.
Depending on how close you are, confront them straight on. If you’re a good friend, they may be a bit insulted/shocked, but should get over it.
What do you do if you suspect someone is struggling with a (mild, and somewhat compensated for) mental illness. If you mention it, they will be very hurt. If you hint that ‘everyone’ sees a therapist, and we all have issues, and it is important to face challenges etc, and they say, ‘Oh not me! I am fine! I would never go to a therapist.” What do you do? you cannot force a person to get help, but sometimes you see what looks very much like untreated OCD or depression or anxiety, and how do you get them help to… Read more »
Would like to respectfully disagree. One of the problems is that we see “mental disorder” as a person visibly acting different. But People with mental disorders can and do live healthy normal productive lifestyles with proper help. Even without help, one can hide a disorder for some time. one can be kind, sweet, outgoing, frum. Everything you want in a bachor/girl and have. Mental illness. I’m not a professional, and I don’t know when or the right way to inform your date, but on the surface a person may seem ok but then someone gets married and has an “episode”… Read more »
. a child of ours went off to seminary, far from home. and suffered a debilitating depression. fortunately, one of the school administrators there who was close to the students was able to arrange for a psychiatric assessment. he was sensitive and kind and stood by her side for support. Thank Gd she was able to get the helped she needed and to be able to stay in seminary. it wasn’t an easy year, but she more than thrived. I will forever be grateful for that school administrator who realized that the seminary could not handle this predicament and directed… Read more »
I know someone who had something similar. When you hold info in for too long, because your worried about everything everyone mentioned (shame, shidduchim , taboo), it can eventually spiral out of your control! If your holding something in, let it out, get help! As the author of this article put beautifully. There is help out there! Many times the person feels they are the only one with the issues they are dealing with, YOUR NOT. Our beings are so complex! We have physical, mental, spiritual components.You don’t feel shame for getting help when there is a physical ailment, or… Read more »
BH ,chassidus cured me
It took me years
Creating hashgacha pratit mindset
Changing midos through meditation
Learning daf yomi
It is surprising that the “best of schools”, who are equipped to provide their students with every ruchniusdike tool that they would ever need, would fail to notice a most basic and vital issue such as mental health issues and provide them with the necessary tools to overcome it. I personally was very close to a girl who had a mental health issue and who, along with me, were students in a well known top chassidishe high school. The school was completely unaware of her, and a few others who were in need of help and who were leaning on… Read more »
Detecting Mental Health issues at their onset is vital to get those in need the proper help. As the author of this article BH received the proper help and is able to lead a normal life. Many people think that people with bipolar or other mental disorders are strange or weird, if these people received proper Professional help, they would be able to function properly and be like the regular/normal people we know. You may be surprised one day to find out that your good friend/neighbor suffers from a mental illness because he/she is so normal. This is probably because… Read more »
But, come on. Were you really part of the yeshiva system? The only fundamental component a traditional chabad yeshiva is missing is a licensed mental health professional!? How many teachers have been trained in any aspect of education? How many rosh yeshivas have been trained in personnel management? Which yeshiva has a curriculum? “Yeshiva” means “seder” with two “subjects” the majority of which is self-taught. Sure there are some aspects of the system that become useful, but saying a yeshiva needs a doctor is like saying that a cancer patient forgot to use organic shampoo one day. I’m not diminishing… Read more »
Kol hakovod and great thanks to the author for an enlightening article . The importance of this cannot be underestimated. Hope this generates positive improvements and positive awareness.
when you are dating if you don’t notice a mental issue in the boy/ girl , it means that you are ok with that
Female here with anger issues (yes, it’s a thing that can be helped with medication).
I ‘slipped’ in seminary, and was told by the head that either I go home immediately, or go to see a psychiatrist he knew. BH I was able to stay the rest of the year due to his willingness to work with me. Not only that, I managed to go for a second year as well!
And along with the other singles I ask the question of when and how you brought this up on dates?
So many issues that occur in the frum world are swept under the rug and so hard to deal with because no one discusses them. Thank you for spreading awareness!
in the yeshiva world, and in our community there are quite a few people that have either anxiety issues or depression issues that are undiagnosed and untreated until there is a crisis either in yiddishkeit or in behavior. The lack of treatment is mostly fear of shidduchim for all the family members. The stigma is great even after the lucky ones get treatment. and many of those that get treatment are the most balanced, nicest, chassisisher mentchen around but if you tell anyone you are on meds, then there are no matches for you. Very sad. Hopefully someone will give… Read more »
I am both empathetic to your struggles and in awe of your bravery. As a parent of a Bochur away at yeshiva, I would like to see that the hanhola has the capability of dealing with any issues that might come up. Thanks for sharing.
Painful article, but I wondered if being male was a factor in the author’s success in getting married. Certain issues seem harder for a woman, among them psychiatric. Somehow a man can be a little “off,” but women are expected to be the paradigm of mental & physical health. Is this because medication may impact on a woman’s fertility? Or ability to run the home? Possibly. The woman is expected to be the manager of home central, which demands a certain groundedness. I hear of breakdowns among women who are saddled with too much responsibility. A guy who is high… Read more »
at this yrs kinus hashluchos an amazing shlucha, struggling with a mental health disorder, enlightened all to understand that everyone has the right and the chance to cure and bring out the best in themselves…….
Perhaps merkos can require all schools to train their staff in mental health first aid. It’s a 5 hr course and could save lives.
Please implement and require it.
These issues are becoming more common than ever before.
Thank you for this important piece.
mental health PROFESSIONAL!!!!
unlike everyone else in the schools. must be a PROFESSIONAL
Thank you so much for sharing your story; mental health issues really are a matter of life or death. I too suffer from a mood disorder and this often accompanies ADHD which I was diagnosed with when I was a child. Part of the reason why this subject is so taboo in our communities is because there’s so much ignorance. People who who should know better ie maspias,rabanim,mechanchim often know very little. BH,in our girl’s school in LA,Bais Chaya Mushka,there are now mental health professionals who come in on a regular basis. Hopefully your article will help others and perhaps… Read more »
I remember in my time in Yeshivah there were Bocherim that displayed problems . People were to scared to suggest Medical help for these poor Bocherim . I hope this brave story will create more awareness to this problem.
But excellent article. Thank you for sharing
Does anyone know of a yeshiva that would take responsibility, and be a safe place for a Baal teshuvah , who has bipolar learn?
That the hanhala of moisdos aren’t equipped to identify mental health issues, or that the moised itself is structured in a way that is so prone to causing mental (and physical) illness? If any hanhala members read this, please take this to heart. No one normal can survive a whole yr (or more) of sleeping 5/6 hrs a night and intense learning/farbrenging during the day. Our bodies are limited. So many people crash until they realize this. The moisdos must be restructured so that being healthy and following ‘ushmartem meod es nafshosechem’ is not at the expense of a chassidishe… Read more »
I believe that the start of many issues is sleep deprivation. The body must recharge its batteries regularly. Lack of sleep can cause a chemical imbalance. Yeshiva staff should monitor that every student gets sufficient sleep on a regular basis
Great article! I’m wondering how you told your spouse and others you’ve dated. I would only assume someone with mental health issues would open up about it in the later stages of dating, which would cause heartbreak to possibly both sides. I’m wondering what you did and how you went about it?
The best time in my life, really a opertunety to bring out my potential
I also have mental health issues. Thank you so much for bringing up this topic.
I have been married for a few years & had been addicted to internet shmutz since I was a teenager. Internet addiction believe it or not, is a mental disorder. The same neuro pathways that light up from drug addiction, light up the same way. Do some research if you don’t believe me. Lustful viewings of Internet led my mind and heart to want more and more to the point that I began looking for others outside marriage. I may be married to the most beautiful woman in 10 miles, but that wasn’t enough for me. I ended up in… Read more »
I agree with this article. Yeshivas, seminaries, etc have an obligation to staff a mental health counselor. I also want to say that I do not agree with “farbrenging all night” people need to sleep and take care of their physical needs in order to function
i go to a chabad cheader and my friend is suffering terribly and there is no help in our school so she will need to get help from somewhere else and will not be able to learn in our school
At what point did you tell your bashert? And How did you do that?
I really loved this and was moved by it. My best friend has serious mental health issues and to see something like this is so true. If you see someone who has a mental health disorder, be kind to them. And ALL SCHOOLS need to have some sort of LISCENSCED mental health practitioner in service. Thank you so much for sharing this OP!!! Chag Sameach! 😀