By Rabbi Hirshy Minkowicz – Director of Chabad of North Fulton in Alpharetta, GA
Dear Sheryl,
Your tragedy is personal yet has touched us all. The untimely and sudden loss of your husband at the age of 47, leaving yourself and the two children behind is pain that no one should ever have to endure.
Yes some of us of have, and that is why I write.
As one of the most famous Jewish women in America, serving as the COO of Facebook, your personal life is somewhat public. Thousands of people are mourning along with you as you go through these very difficult times.
The essay you published yesterday in commemoration of Dave’s Shloshim (thirty day mourning period) was extremely moving, emotional, and inspirational. I encourage everyone I know to read it.
You educated the world about the Jewish term ‘Shloshim’ while exposing us to the rawness of your grief and some important life lessons you have already learned in just the first thirty days.
Towards the end of the essay you describe an upcoming father-child activity that your children now have to attend without their dad. You discussed it with a friend and came up with a plan to fill in for dad. With tears in your eyes you cried to your friend “But I want Dave, I want option A” to which your friend responded that option A is not available so you will just have to make the best out of option B. You beautifully end the essay with a commitment to Dave that in his absence you will make sure to give your children the best possible option B.
Having myself just gone through a similar tragedy a little over a year ago, with the sudden loss of my wife at the age of 37, the essay brought back so much of what I had gone through last year. She died very suddenly from a brain aneurysm leaving me to raise eight children alone while trying to also continue leading our growing community in suburban Atlanta.
So much of what you wrote about resonated with me. The emotions, sadness, struggle, gratitude, lessons and resilience, it all felt so familiar.
There is much I would like to share with you but please allow me to offer just one for now: Option C.
Option A is what we want and deserve. Our loved ones at our side experiencing life the way it was meant to be. Sometimes, sadly that is not the case. Whether we understand who gets selected or why, some of us go through the tragedy and pain that you unfortunately experienced.
Yet there is another option besides for B.
Judaism believes in the eternality of the soul. The body is a mere casing that houses the spirit of life that G-d grants us. When a person passes away it is only the body that dies. The soul lives on forever. In a certain sense the soul is even more powerful after death when it is not limited to the confines of the body.
I had heard this, read it, even taught it for so many years. But it only became real for me last year when Rashi passed away. Option A was no longer available but in a strange way I felt like it still continued to be.
Winks, pokes, likes, and so many other signs of the ongoing existence of our loved ones, and their connection to us, became the emotional lifeline for me in my new life.
Kind Bars, Sloppy Joes, delayed emails, Costco wagons, Buttons, these were some of the odd places and ways that I felt the connection. We all have our individual stories but the theme is the same. The soul is still there and continues to be a force in our life in a very real way.
We cherish option A and that’s the way it should be. We live in a physical world and that is where our relationships should be experienced. We all want our own Dave. When a loved one is gone, there is pain, sadness and grief. We are material people and need tangible connections. We long for option A.
Yet even after they are gone we still have them at our side for it is the soul to which we Connect. Let’s call it option C.
May Hashem give strength to all the selected people .We all need Mashiach whether we are already selected or the human condition didn’t yet catch up with us.Only the final redemption will rectify everything and will wipe the tears from all faces.May it be NOW!!!!!!
Rabbi Hishey, I literally have no words. You are an amazing person.
Absolutely beautiful!!! We should hear of no more pain!!!
Very special of you to write this. Sure it will have a great impact
C looks like a vessel on its side,a cup. every individual can fill it in with its own story.
May Hashem heal everyones individual pain,
This was perfect.
This is not a drosho or a sermon.
Reading it you get the point…
Wow Hirshy.
Very moving
…Moshiach now
….so amazing and sad at the same time
I think Option C Should have been explained a little bit at length… it seems like you ended this 1000 word essay – 291 words short.
Write part 2!!
Thank you R. Minkowicz for sharing this with the world!
Gut Shabbos.,
i hope she reads this
rabbi minkowitz is amazing~