It was late in November, 1974. Outside of 770 Eastern Parkway, Chabad headquarters crowds milled about, buzzing with casual conversation after the completion of the morning service, The synagogue attendant arose to make the usual announcements. The congregation at 770 waited perfunctorily, already expecting what to hear.
According to system, the attendant would look to the Rebbe while making the announcements. If the Rebbe walked away before the time for mincha, the afternoon prayer, was announced, it was understood that a farbrengen would take place, with mincha following afterward. If the Rebbe remained in his place, there would be no farbrengen that afternoon and the usual time for mincha would be announced.
Although many years earlier the Rebbe had farbrenged frequently, the gatherings eventually dwindled to either a Shabbos before the New Moon (Shabbos Mevarchim) or a special Shabbos on the Jewish or Chabad calendar. That particular year, 5735, the Rebbe had farbrenged more often than usual, which was why the Chassidim assumed a farbrengen would take place—especially since this Shabbos was 9 Kislev, both the birthday and yahrzeit of the Mitteler (Second) Lubavitcher Rebbe, and the following Sunday marked the commemoration of his release from prison.
The attendant, too, was certain. He began making his usual announcements—mitzvah tanks that would go out Sunday to Manhattan—expecting the Rebbe to walk away from his place, the signal to announce that day’s farbrengen at 1:30. But instead the Rebbe remained in his place.
The attendant, still certain of a farbrengen, continued making announcements. He urged people to participate in all the Rebbe’s mitzvah campaigns, mentioning those the Rebbe had initiated over the years. But after he had drawn out saying anything he could, he saw the Rebbe still standing there.
The hint was clear: the Rebbe was not going to farbreng. The attendant gave one final look, then announced, “Mincha at four.” The Chassidim groaned in disappointment. Quietly the Rebbe left and went up to his room, followed by his secretary Rabbi Mordechai Hodakov.
Groups of students gathered around, trying to find the reason why they didn’t merit a farbrengen on that special Shabbos. Perhaps the Rebbe wanted to announce a new mitzvah, which he would save for the farbrengen that would surely take place the next day and could be broadcast the world over.
Mazel Tov!
At the same time the Chassidim were leaving 770, the morning service ended in the Franklin shul on the edge of Crown Heights. As Kiddush was being prepared, a young and somewhat different-looking boy sat excitedly at the head of the table. It was his bar mitzvah, the day he was “now a man” and would be religiously responsible. Around him adults chatted about the farbrengen that day for 9 Kislev, urging everyone to finish before 1:00 so they could walk over to 770.
As guests hurried past the boy and wished him mazel tov, the boy nodded and smiled back, yet sighed, resigned to a short ceremony. This significant event in his life would be finished in less than an hour.
Just then a neighbor who prayed at 770 walked in. “Sorry, folks, no farbrengen today.”
The Franklin congregants were both shocked and disappointed. Nevertheless, now free of any rush, they raised their glasses in toast to the boy, and the Kiddush turned into a mini-farbrengen that lasted almost until mincha.The bar mitzvah boy was delighted.
Sunday, 10 Kislev
As usual, the Rebbe went the Ohel that morning. The Chassidim eagerly awaited his return. Naturally the Rebbe would go to his office for the afternoon prayer, then speak to Rabbi Chodakov about a farbrengen.
To their dismay, the Rebbe returned in the late afternoon and went straight to the afternoon service. He left his office afterward without a word to Rabbi Chadakov.
It was clear: no farbrengen that day, either.
Competition
Rabbi Nachman Yosef Twersky, a young student at the time, just knew there had to be a reason behind all this. He managed to contact someone “in the know,” who related the most wondrous story.
It began a few months earlier. The mother of a boy in a Chabad school in New York sent the Rebbe a letter complaining about her son who, because of his unusual appearance, was being teased mercilessly by his classmates.
The Rebbe advised the woman to speak to the principal, who would certainly intervene. A few weeks later, the woman wrote back. Apparently the principal did little and the teasing continued.
The Rebbe called for Rabbi Chadokov. He asked his secretary to contact the school and ask, on the Rebbe’s behalf, why this painful situation had not been corrected.
“What are they waiting for?” the Rebbe demanded. “That I myself visit the school and handle this?”
Rabbi Chodakov phoned the school. After hearing the Rebbe’s instructions, the principal immediately took action, and the bullying stopped.
That Shabbos, 9 Kislev, after the Rebbe finished mincha and went to his room, he again summoned Rabbi Chodakov and explained that the boy’s bar mitzvah was taking place that Shabbos afternoon.
“The boy must not feel cheated that his farbrengen ended earlier than usual because of mine,” the Rebbe insisted. It was for this reason that the Rebbe chose not to farbreng.
The next day, continued the Rebbe, would be the boy’s bar mitzvah celebration. Had the Rebbe conducted his usual farbrengen, the hasty departure of so many guests would ruin the boy’s celebration.
So on 10 Kislev 5735, there was no farbrengen either.
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I LOVE THE REBBE WITH MY HEART AND SOUL!
I WANT HIM BACK!
Thats the education. Thank you
parents and teachers need formal training and guidance, on this topic!
I love my rebbe!!
Thx to collive for posting
Thank you!
Parents need to realize how much power they have in their control to prevent problems for their children, just by providing the children with a solid happy Torah home!
To those putting all the focus on the schools jobre Remember that the “home” is the foundation of how well a child can survive the abuses of a corrupt environment outside the home. When the home is happy, nurturing, and peaceful It matters allot less what toxicity the children encounter out there. However, if the home is unhealthy… then the child is 10000x more susceptible to all kinds of spiritual and psychological toxins on the street and in school! Bottomeline: Kids need a home with solid Shalom Bayis, Warm and nurturing parents who have their priorities straight and live in… Read more »
Parents need to put pressure on those we entrust with our kids, when enough parents put pressure and hold those principals accountable they will have no choice and start implementing policies and priorities more reflective of the Rebbe’s teachings and less nepotistic/distructive policies
The “system” is far from following the Rebbe’s teachings
Comment 17 is unfortunately true!
This heart-penetrating story affirms our holy sages teachings that there is no small or big mitzvot. only difference is whether we keep or not,but result is same which leads us to strong connection to Hashem.May we do mitvots to please Him,so He may hasten to send Mashiah!!
der olom gets it! the (system) leadership needs to follow suit
and i am very uplifted by the public’s reaction inthese comments, theres hope in the sensible silant majority that positive change will be made to restore our educational institutions to reflect the names they carry
VDa”L
p.s 17your points are very well taken and deserve to be an oped so more people can realize the critical distinction you so eloquently delivered.
no reason to remain anonymous!
the way to fulfill the Mitzvas-aseh to be Medavek BaHashem is by studying the ways of Tzadikim and striving to emulate their conduct
the Rebbeh is the epitome of how each chossid should strive to live like.
lets all do our part to keep moving up everyday a little more in the direction the Rebbeh taught and lived by example
i see there are many other ppl who resenated with coment 17, i want to add my approval and encouragement to, you have a clear perspective on things please keep posting, i for one appreciate your style and relevance!
Have a girls group over for shabbos. Invite the entire class. You should be able to figure out quite quickly who the bullies are. Why can’t you walk into class in the morning and speak to the Morah, OR become a recess volunteer? Then you will see the true behavior of the girls.
This last idea would work for boys as well.
like the others,
so touched by the depth of the Rebbes REAL concern
and reminded of how much we need our Rebbe back, beinei bosor vadam NOW
moshiach now!
while we are waiting, those in positions of responsibility and power DONT LET THESE THINGS SLIDE in your camps or schools etc. ZERO TOLLERANCE; there is a great anti bullying program you can do in your schools called ‘BE THE CHANGE’ look it up, very in line with chassidic philosophy
Theres none other like our Rebbe
in the beginning of the story!
There should be zero tolerance for bullying, period. And parents definately need to intervene in schools if there is a problem. But even though the schools are responsible for taking care of this during bus and school time, it is ultimately the parents at home who instil long lasting Middos by being role-models, and not tolerating these behaviors at home. Authentic Yiddishkiet and Chassidishkiet is instilled in the home. It goes without saying that everything should be done to make sure the staff at school and camp are trained to take care of these situations and are the best role… Read more »
Thank you!
My two cents, Parents should make a special point to invest a few minutes daily to fully tune in and really listen and connect to you son or daughter, to know whats going on in their world socially, emotionally etc etc this goes along way towards detecting and preventing problems early on
Thank you to AVNER INSTITUTE! collive! keep it coming! To my friend who authored post 17 i’m pretty sure i know you personally, from what you wrote your toichin, clarity and passion as i told you many times, you have a public duty to get out there, write up a proper op-ed, lmaan tovas haklal! “A Tzibul zol funn deer veren, ober chsidus zolstdo chazeren” Reb… (i’ll respect your anonymity) we live in a dor yosom dor acharon and H gave you a very unique choshiveh chinuch and tremendous appetite for knowledge so put aside your personal cheshbonos and use… Read more »
There is a shomer Torah u’mitzvos psychologist in Staten Island named Izzy Kalman. For a flat fee he will do a phone session with a child (or you could go to his office) and he has a unique and fun method to teach a child the social skills needed to react to bullying and within a couple of days the bullying usually stops. Learning the social skills is fun and doesn’t take long. He will follow up if necessary. It teaches a child confidence and is easy to learn. He has a website: http://www.bullies2buddies.com. I know someone who did two… Read more »
#17 You hit it spot on!! Parents are those who will make a difference in the schools. Demand it and shine a light on the problems, you will be able to fix it and help your kids. No one else will do this for you! Demand that principals and teachers get professional training and Demand that there be a system in place that enforces the schools policies.
Write an oped!
spot on!
Whoever you are we need more voices like yours
kol hakavod!!
Such a needed message–and Authentic way of bringing Moshiach Now!
Regards,
Mosad Chok leYisroel
very well said! please right a proper oped
ty
To #17-
Excellent. Your comments are right on the money. Children/teens are rejecting the hypocrisy, the humiliation, and the superficiality that are inherent in the current system. Give them authentic opportunities to internalize and then act on their middos and you will see a drastic change. Prizes and contests are the worst possible teaching tools. Our children need to learn lishma and we need to model that attitude for them. There is so much work to be done, but the least-likely place for it to happen is in our massive educational institutions.
Good message! spell check please!
And camp counselors…
Its YOUR JOB to address the physical and emotional safety of
the children . Where are you? It is your responsibility to treat
bullies accordingly even when they are from “prominent”
families who nevertheless didn’t receive proper chinuch at home on treating others how they would like to be treated.
The main message is not brought across.”ואהבת לרעך כמוך
זה כלל גדול בתורה ” The above article should as a guiding light
for all involved.
The lack of Chasidus is toxic!!
Chabadist style “system” vs Authentic Chabad teachings Why do so many of our kids reject Yiddiahkeit?? “reject Yiddiahkeit”??! Not at all Those who openly frei out DO NOT REJECT YIDISHKEIT!! they reject is the Actually THEY REJECT the LACK OF (authentic) YIDISHKEIT!! They are turned off by the absence of AUTHENTIC CHABAD values inside our “Chabad” school system! What is actually repelling these drop-outs is a “grossesly distorted portrayal of Chabad values and ideology” if our school system where more in alignment with AUTHENTIC CHAABAD teachings (defined by the Rebbe) our children would be attracted to it!!! Not ch”v repelled… Read more »
NOT FRANKLIN…. 🙂
Funny how the educators and administrators in our Yeshivos are so selective in what they consider important to enforce all in the name of The Rebbe. If only they would apply all of the Rebbe’s teachings with the same stringency.
I Am a 30 years old man and I am crying. We need the Rebbe back, yes! B’gashmius.
wow!
More than the article, your comment brought me to tears, we – klal yisroel – feel your pain 🙁
As a mother of a child bullied for so many years, all I can do is daven that the Rebbe hears our cries and helps us through this situation.
find out who they are and call the parents
Jofaz will not let parents on bus. But it’s a great tactic nonetheless to scare the monsters. My ex-mother-in-law did something like this by showing up at the school playground and being a tough presence. May chessed overpower and we should have Moshiach revealed now!
Ride on the bus to school with your girls. Find out who the bullies are and sit right next to them. Use this as an opportunity to speak with them and “out” them. If the school does not like it, tell the school that they are not keeping your daughters physically and emotionally safe, so you are stepping in. Shine a light on this situation and it will stop, guaranteed.
I’m not one to cry but reading this story brought tears to my eyes may we see the Rebbe beguf gashmius now!!
Not Franklin
My kids get bullied on the bus by girls who refuse to share their seats. I have heard of girls being hit or kicked by a few students who bully other kids on the bus. There are kids who stand because they are too afraid to try and go sit with these kids who do not allow anyone except their choice friends to sit in these seats.
Anyone else have this issue?
thank you collive
I’m crying. The tears can’t stop dripping down my cheeks as I think of our Rebbe and how he went beyond the call of duty even to forgo his usual customary farbreingens esp. on such important Chassidishe Yomim Tovim just to bestow kindness on one, yes only one Bar Mitzvah Bochur who had absolutely no inkling the Rebbe was doing this just for his happiness. And the story with the Yeshiva and the Rebbe’s words to Rabbi Chodakov. How dear each Yiddishe Neshama is to the Rebbe and how important that not one child yes, not even one should be… Read more »
We had been on exile, for baseless hatred and bullying, ridiculing, embarrasing is HATRED. Feeling superior to others is a failure on ahavas Israel and many halachos because the arrogance make us a Merkava of Tumah, G-d forbid. But for sure if Kids bully in most cases is because their parents abused them, older brothers and is a community challenge. This needs to be stopped and may we not need sufferings because of this henious practice, May we work together how to make feel better our fellow yidden and speacially our families, that’s the real thermometer that measures how Real… Read more »