Can a Molested Victim Ever Heal

Wednesday, Sivan 13 5773 - 23 May 2013

Nov 11, 2011

Therapist Chaim Drizin tackles the painful question: Can a victim of molestation be healed and what every victim must know.

Family therapist Rabbi Chaim Drizin delivered a six week series on TheYeshiva.net about the horrors of "Child Abuse In Our Communities: The Untold Truth."

The 13 minute lecture below confronts the questions of how a victim of molestation can be healed. "It is a long and painful journey, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel," says Drizin.

Rabbi Drizin gives victims practical advice on how to facilitate their healing. What should they do for themselves and what should they stay away from.

The six week series tackled one of the most sensitive yet relevant issues facing our communities today: Child abuse. This six part series are covered the following issues: the affects of abuse, protecting and empowering our children, addressing the problem, talking to your child, and recovering from abuse.

"It is sickening to observe how abusers get away with destroying children's lives; they get away with it because of the silence of community leaders," said Rabbi YY Jacobson, dean of TheYeshiva.net. "History will not forgive us for watching this travesty silently."

Rabbi Drizin, MA, LMFT, is a family therapist living in Florida who combines the wisdom of Torah with Modern Cognitive Psychology. In his Family Practice and as an Educational Consultant for numerous private schools, he has helped hundreds of people learn how to recover from abuse.

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Is there a e-mail address where Rabbi Drizin can be contacted on? Thanks

(11/12/2011 6:08:43 PM)

to #1

Lcidchai@gmail.com

(11/12/2011 8:23:20 PM)

i healed

(11/12/2011 10:31:02 PM)

Sara

It's great that this issue is being addressed, however this guy doesnt know what he is talking about regarding the recovery process for victims/survivors. It is crucial that if you are looking to get help and/or educated you find it with those who are especially trained and educated in child abuse. The WHITE institute is one such great resource, they continuously educate themselves about child abuse in the orthodox jewish community.

(11/13/2011 3:57:33 AM)

Chizuk Needed

Those who maintain that a victim of molestation is ruined forever are liars. They want to emphasize how egregious the act was so they say the victim's life was ruined. If they really cared about the victims, they would encourage them and say how they can move on and have a wonderful life. If the person you seek help from wants to keep you a victim forever and find all sorts of diagnoses for you (PPD, PTSD etc) , find another person to help you. The 'helper's goal should be to give you the Torah perspective which will help you move on to lead a happy, fulfilling Torah life.

(11/13/2011 2:22:34 PM)

advice for a victim

don't rely on any orthodox rabbis or institutions for anything ranging from protection to healing. they are all compromised. go to the non-jewish institutions for protection, go to the non-jewish professionals for healing. if you care about yourself or others, keep as far away from the orthodox institutions and professionals as possible. even the best and most experienced and accredited of them are in fact more compromised and complicated than you could ever begin to imagine.

(11/13/2011 2:50:45 PM)

ATTN CHIZUK NEEDED

"want to emphasize how egregious the act was so they say the victim's life was ruined"- I AM A VICTIM, THE ACT IS EGREGIOUS, AND THESE DISGUSTING ACTS RUIN PEOPLES LIVES.
AS WELL THE TORAH SAYS THESE ACTS ARE HORRIBLE!

(11/13/2011 4:26:09 PM)

suggestion

how about an article on healing for those who witnessed abuse

(11/13/2011 5:18:26 PM)

A VICTIM

i am with 6 and 7

I HOPE THEY ALL GET WHAT IS COMING TO THEM, IT HURTS SO MUCH HOW THEY KEEP ON GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. WERE ARE THE RABBIS TO STOP THIS? WHY IS THE CHJCC QUITE ON THIS?

(11/13/2011 9:34:18 PM)

to #7

Those who want to remain victims their entire lives, are free to do so. Holocaust victims whose spouses, parents, siblings and children were murdered, had choices after the war. Some remained victims their entire lives and were bitter, deservedly so! Some built new lives for themselves and raised beautiful families with simcha and emuna. Going on to make a good life for yourself does not vindicate the perpetrators! Don't think you must remain miserable in order to prove how egregious the acts done to you were! It's a lie, and plenty "non-Jewish institutions and professionals" (whom #6 recommends) will keep you a victim forever. Don't fall for it! You deserve better.

(11/13/2011 10:25:12 PM)

to # 6

WRONG! IN FACT THE JEWISH INSTITUTIONS ARE THE ONES THAT CAN HEAL!

(11/13/2011 10:35:37 PM)

to #10

ARE YOU A VICTIM? OBVIOULSLY NOT.

(11/13/2011 11:58:36 PM)

If you did not....

If you did not experience being molested, you do not know how you would feel. You do not know what you would need to deal with the aftermath, nor do you know what is the best place to go for healing. Those who have been molested are the ones who lived through it, and wherever they find healing is where they should go. Some might find it in Torah, some with a psychiatrist, some with another type of therapist, etc. But if you have not experienced it, you have no idea how devastating it can be. I would never compare it to the experiences of the Holocaust, because it is not the Holocaust. However, it is a different kind of violence that a child experiences. If you are not a victim, then please have some rachmoness for those who are without diminishing the effect by telling victims they can move on because they at least did not go through the Holocaust. We can not minimalize either one, and molestation victims only become more anxious and shamed when you make a senseless comparison like that.

(11/14/2011 1:58:26 AM)

THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!

I healed B"H. He is right! There is a light at the end of the tunnel

(11/14/2011 7:22:05 AM)

Watch what you say

The voices of those who have been molested and have made good lives for themselves are drowned out by those who insist molestation ruins lives. What a horrible thing to do, to consign someone to a ruined life. Nobody said you can move on 'because at least you did not go through the Holocaust.' Read what was said, and don't respond to what was not said. It said that people who experienced life-altering, traumatic experiences were able to "choose life" and without forgetting the past, without downplaying the horrors, were able to move on. Anyone who insists that anyone's life is ruined, for any reason, molestation or anything else, is a cruel person who seeks to push people down and keep them there. Watch what you say. Don't be responsible for brainwashing others into a life of misery.

(11/14/2011 9:22:40 AM)

RABBI DRIZIN IS RIGHT

I’m now in my thirties and had many problems: no close friends, insomnia, intimacy issues and overeating, I went to one counsellor and three therapist over the period of three years but no one was really helpful, I just wanted to give up, until a friend of mine tolled me how her life was transformed by about Rabbi Wolowik @ youaregood.ca (and that you can sit in the comfort of your home, have the session and not worry who will see you at the office) that’s when I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, he is intuitive, warm and really gets it, besides the time I spend with him he always suggested books to read that were really helpful and Hastened my recovery, I slowly began trusting myself and others, Rabbi Drizin is right life can be good, and if I can add “only with the right therapist”.
If you are debating going to therapy because it’s frightening, I was the same, and I was let down by four professionals, I think to go to a Lubavitcher for help (and to start in the privacy of your home) is really helpful because you don’t need to explain anything to them like with a non-frum therapist.

(11/14/2011 10:53:49 AM)

What would the Rebbe say?

What would the Rebbe say if someone who was molested came to him asking for guidance? Do you think the Rebbe would say, I'm so sorry, there is nothing to be done. Your life is ruined. There is nothing to hope for, nothing positive you can accomplish in life. We can't put words in the Rebbe's mouth, but given everything that we know of the Rebbe, and everything he said in sichos, and what was written up about private audiences, and in his letters, Is that what he would say?

(11/14/2011 11:34:40 AM)

not everyone needs therapy

i never went to therapy and BH i am considered normal
you can manage yourself (some people)

(11/14/2011 10:31:14 PM)

to #13

you are spot on! you wrote what i feel.

(11/14/2011 11:36:52 PM)