Shea Hecht Debates Women

By Rabbi Shea Hecht

Last week Campus Shluchim and Shluchos gathered from all around the world to exchange ideas and give each other Chizuk. Instead of just being one of the hundreds of people who attended the conferences my daughter, a Shluchah at a University campus, was somewhat thrust into the limelight. And it was because of a comment, I, her father made at a session.

The mindset of all Lubavitchers is to be Mekarev every Jew and help change the world. I told the Shluchos -the session was for women -that even though Shluchim have the Zechus to be Oisek in this Peulah every single day, as parents – and specifically as mothers – their first responsibility is to their children.

The thought I expressed caused a major storm among the Shluchos that were sitting and listening to the presentation. I know because I got a lot of feedback – both positive and negative. And my daughter got some of the fall-out, too. When I apologized to her for putting her on the spot with my speech she said, “It’s ok, Totty. You always taught us open communication is the key. At least people are talking.”

Knowing that my daughter and son-in-law are Shluchim for over a decade on a very large campus – with over 5,000 Jews, and that my daughter was forced into the position of defending me, I discussed with her the excitement that this comment caused.

She told me, “Totty, people don’t realize that you didn’t just talk, you didn’t just say this; you live this way. They are simply unaware that you mean what you say and your children come first. It’s everything for your children.”

In fact, my daughter often says how very fortunate she is that her in-laws are in the same city as them and how her parents are extremely supportive of her job. Though we live over 600 miles away from we often go visit and support her Peulos. I’m happy that my daughter and son in law both appreciate that they grew up in a home where they learned the importance of family values.

She says, “Both my parents and in-laws have raised families where their first job was their own children. Even when my father in law was the campus shliach he came home every night to do homework with his kids and then he went back to the campus. In my home my mother’s primary goal was to take care of us to allow my father to focus more on the Shlichus. And even then my father’s first priority was and is his family.”

My daughter has told people that in order to have their children involved as Shluchim in many of their activities in the house, she and her husband recently bought a home closer to the campus and dorm. Another added benefit, is that they’re close to home so that there’s less travelling time.

When approached by a woman about this topic, after my speech, my daughter said, “My father lives what he preaches. It’s been quite clear to us throughout our lives that Shlichus, though important, is secondary. As children we came first and now we live by the creed that our children are primary and our students, campus, shul and Chabad House are secondary.”

I spoke to both men and women that day, but this particular message was given when I was speaking only to women. This wasn’t by mistake. Many of today’s women are very involved in their husband’s Shlichus but they always need to remember that their children are number one. A woman is the Akeres Habayis. She needs to be there for her kids. Her first Achrayus is to the children that Hashem gave her; her second Achrayus is to everyone else. If mothers are not there to raise their own children, who will be?