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Thursday, 27 Adar I, 5784
  |  March 7, 2024

When Is Time for Counseling?

Sholom Bayis Blog with Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch. Question #5: When is it time for a couple to go for marriage counseling? Full Story

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Bc of the Rebbe we are never lost.
May 3, 2012 4:41 pm

Speak to your MASHPIA or kalla/chosson teacher on a regular basis…and if the husband doesnt want to speak to one then let him go, show him you trust him, meanwhile u just keep working on what you can do for yourself and for the marriage while being guided by your mashpia …Hashem gave marriage a lifetime. Moshiach NOW.
Thank G’d We have the Rebbe. We are never lost.
Mashpia and Igros Kodesh–>direct channel…take advantage of it.

THE QUESTION WAS . . .
October 26, 2011 1:03 am

When is time for counseling?
The answer is, BEFORE marriage, be counseled what marriage is. Then again when you are married and reality begins to hit. Then you might not need conflict counseling–even though you’ll have conflicts, but you’ll know what to work on by yourselves. ONLY if that fails, read and act on this article.

your smiling neighbor with the perfect family
May 11, 2011 4:17 pm

i wish it was so simple to just get therapy and all the problems will be solved. For us, it is a looooooooooooong journey……… But without therapy, i can’t even imagine where we would be. May Hashem bless us all with Shalom Bayis!

first aid
April 3, 2011 1:57 am

every single person can help themselves by learning basic communication skills. begin with reading an easy book: “HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN & LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK” and practice using that method. if that does not help then read about personality types, and then go on to life coach or therapy.

it also helps with spouses, in-laws, siblings & friends

relativity
November 25, 2010 12:46 pm

not everyone has the common sense u may have #21 – some ppl weren’t nurtured properly as children or might have a real problem that needs to be addressed, some ppl need help developing relationship skills
i guess #21 u don’t have marriage problems B”H but for others it is not a waste of time it is an important investment

waste of time.....
October 19, 2010 9:59 pm

work it out urselves….talk/listen to each other ,put each others needs before ur own,be positive,happy and embace life with humour and u wont need to waste ur money listening to the obvious.

brilliant
October 19, 2010 5:37 pm

mashpia IF NOT thana therapist.

go to a therapist
October 17, 2010 9:39 pm

Therapy is the best thing. I believe that on’es Mashpia is supposed to be a terapist. it is hard to find a good Mashpia. I choose therapists.

To #10 (a better place)
October 17, 2010 9:17 pm

So, nu — what is the name of the woman who helped you? How can I find out her name?

To #5
October 17, 2010 12:48 am

Maybe after reading this article your husband will understand that it is not the end of the world to see a fmaily therapist.
Besides, you share with him/ her only the information that you are willing to divulge.
I am very happy for you that you don’t feel the need for a therapist now, and I hope you never will, due to your circumstances…:)

divorce rate is up
October 15, 2010 3:26 pm

whats being done about the skyrocketing divorce rate ?

G-D BLESS #8
October 15, 2010 3:24 pm

glad someone has brains and experience

fyi
October 15, 2010 11:10 am

myself and other frum women i have known tried to save their marriages but at the time didn’t know about their husband’s drug abuse and how THAT was the root cause of the problems.these guys were able to manipulate,because that’s what adddicts do best, the therapists into thinking it was the wive’s problem’s killing the marriage.therapy is great but imperfect.

It's important
October 15, 2010 7:33 am

no 9 you are so funny! But listen up people (men especially) therapy is a lifesaver. Don’t let your ego get in the way of working on your marriage. It is THE most important gift you can give your children.

Kol HaKavod!
October 15, 2010 1:50 am

Fabulous! Therapy is literally a gift from G-d, to help ourselves and the ones we love.

Collive.com, please post more articles like this one!
(Perhaps consider giving Daniel a weekly column on the site.)

to 8
October 15, 2010 12:45 am

funny you telling an expert what to do
experts tell you that it is not about if you fight, but how you fight
EVERY COUPLE ARGUES
but as soon as there is name calling and blaming
that’s when it gets back
and there is a famous other (Jew, forgot his name)
who can predict which couples will end up in divorce
by watching the way they fight
moshiach now

a better place
October 14, 2010 11:24 pm

After being married for 3 years, reality hit. I had 2 babies, stressed out with housework, husband working long hours, trying to save up for a house, no longer eligible for all the NY freebies, missed going to work, missed my social life, frustrated, and…this is the important part…certainly not the same wife that my husband married 3 short years before… I had a decision to make. Either the situation is going to get better. Or it will get worse. I chose to make it get better (duh!), but honestly, I could not do it on my own. Bec. if… Read more »

estie
October 14, 2010 11:18 pm

What no one will tell you but everyone must hear before getting married:

Marriage does not reconcile the differences nor bridge the gap between man and women. It creates the facade of a family unit by riding the inbred sense of responsibility to a commitment or child/ren – a commitment made while under the influence of hormones and society.

You’ll be fine if you keep your expectations low. But who does?

A good thing about marriage is that it creates many industries – head doctors, children doctors, relationship gurus, and many others I can’t mention here.

DANIEL, YOU MISSED THE POINT!
October 14, 2010 8:42 pm

the time to go is BEFORE problems arise, there is no need to wait till they come around!

Mariage counsleing should become the norm, and every married copule should go

Daniel Schonbuch is right on
October 14, 2010 8:34 pm

It’s about time someone is finally addressing this problem. Daniel Schonbuch is right on.

is that a question?
October 14, 2010 7:58 pm

On y our first date is the right day to go.

divorce
October 14, 2010 6:58 pm

I have a husband who told me he would never go to counselling – would rather a divorce!?! And if i go…its close to a divorce too….doesnt wantme sharing our problems with anyone!!
Thank gd most of the time we are ok..but we have our issues…and granted…were still young – hope well never really need it

daniel schonbch is wonderful
October 14, 2010 6:48 pm

he really is. Don’t be scared by this professionally written article. he is very real and with-it and down to earth.

my opinion
October 14, 2010 6:37 pm

i am thank God a happily married person. We are what you’d call a typical lubavitch couple (both normal crown heights family, stable home etc. part of community etc. etc.) Thank Goodness my husband is openminded enough to have agreed to go for marriage counseling…NOT because we were chas v’sholom fighting all day, or disagreed on everything, etc. etc. We went because I needed an opinion on certain life issues that i did not feel comfortable talking to a relative about. I cannot begin to say How much I appreciated speaking to the therapist, working out some of my anxieties… Read more »

Chaim
October 14, 2010 6:12 pm

He doesn’t answer the question

Just wondering
October 14, 2010 4:40 pm

I don’t disagree with anything he wrote, just wondering how he can be impartial on telling you when it’s time to visit me. Ask a mechanic when is a good time to do work on your car and I don’t think he will ever find a time not good to put work into it.

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